Destination Wedding

Ilana · Abbi · Morgan:Ilana shows up to a wedding in her old catering uniform, insisting everyone was supposed to wear theirs

Ilana · Abbi:Ilana asking Abbi about Darcy being 'the first of the trifecta to get married' — Abbi: 'I can... she's been engaged for like seven years.'

Morgan:'I worked with you guys, too. I thought we were the quad.'

Ilana · Abbi:'Honestly, Morgan's boner for you is so big you can see it from space. You should just let her suck it already.' / 'So, now I have the boner?'

Abbi:Darcy is 'marrying the heir to Jennifer friggin' Convertibles'

Ilana:'I brought all the essentials — gum, Adderall, and poppers.'

Ilana:'I'm the first woman in my family to be 25 and still single. This year I had to bring myself up to minorities, and still nothing.'

Will · Abbi:Will tells Abbi he 'crushes at weddings' and can't wait for her to see him on the dance floor, on what she notes is only their second date

Ilana · Abbi:Ilana's email is 'mindmyvagina.com' — her previous email was 'ilanawaxler@vagina.com'

Abbi · Ilana:Beat: Abbi asks why there's no 2:10 train to Bridgeport anywhere on the board at Grand Central

Ilana:'I don't know... I'm not a conductor.'

Ilana · Abbi:The reveal that Ilana bought Amtrak tickets and took everyone to Grand Central, which doesn't run Amtrak

Ilana:'Oh, gross.' (Ilana's response to learning they have to go to Penn Station)

Ilana:Cut to Penn Station interior — Ilana: 'Holy (bleep)! This place really is majestic.'

Will:Will's monologue about breaking up with Abbi because Penn Station is a 'deal-breaker' for him

Abbi:Abbi watches Will's cab pull away: 'Oh, it's just not meant to be.' — delivered directly to camera (implied confessional tone)

Unknown cab companion:Cab gossip: 'He became a DJ in Provincetown, then he OD'd. Dead!'

Unknown cab companion:'You know, I'm not over Amy Winehouse. It's like we knew it would happen, but we didn't do anything about it. I didn't 'know her' know her, but I still miss her.'

Unknown cab companion:'Steff... worked that retirement party, married some old dude and then OD'd a week later at Bryant Park on the carousel. Dead!'

Kevin:Kevin's nosebleed is not from the taxi crash — 'Oh no, this isn't from the crash. It happens all the time. But I need to get outta here before the cops come.'

Unknown:'You might need two, sweetheart.' (re: blotting sheets)

Abbi · Ilana · Morgan:The group watches their train leave without them after the taxi crash detour

Car Rental Agent · Abbi · Ilana:The rental car insurance list escalates from 'potholes' to 'weather' to 'trees' to 'God'

Car Rental Agent · Abbi · Ilana · Lincoln:The under-25 surcharge revelation, followed by Lincoln's credit card reveal as 'not a sugar daddy thing, just an old established guy paying for his younger friend he has sex with'

Ilana:Ilana's huddle reveal: her license is expired, she created the huddle without a plan, and intends to 'keep going' with the huddle until she has one

Car Rental Agent · Abbi · Ilana:The rental vehicle reveal — implied to be something comically wrong: 'It doesn't have AC, but it's really spacious.' The group's deflated 'We'll take it.' followed by an establishing shot of a large, ancient moving truck or van

Lincoln:'Oh... okay. Gotta love that transitions insurance.'

Morgan:'But these aren't braces. They're mouth scaffolding, just to hold my teeth in. I went to Nicaragua for 'em. They were so reasonable.'

Unnamed dentist · Morgan:A dentist is in the car and has never heard of 'mouth scaffolding'

Ilana:'Okay, you're dancing against the truck right now. You gotta dance with it, girl.'

Abbi or unnamed · Morgan:'God, this is terrible.' / 'I don't know. It kinda feels good on my back.'

Lincoln · Kevin:'I'm not gettin' married until everyone can get married.' [pause] 'Why did you look at me when you said everyone?'

Lincoln · Kevin:Kevin's dawning coming-out: 'You gay, man.' / 'Oh yeah, I am. I'm totally gay. I got it now. I got what you mean.'

Ilana · Abbi:'This bitch is unraveling.' / 'I am well aware.'

Abbi · Ilana:'He had a really big penis.' / 'How big, how big, how big?' / 'Like, think earth, like think earth. Coke can, plantain big.'

Unnamed person · Ilana:'What do they do?' / 'They loosen your butthole.' / 'Why are you taking it right now?' / 'Because we're going to a wedding. Hello?'

Ilana:'Abbi, this keeps happening to you. You're like a magnet for elephant dongs.'

Morgan · Ilana:'You know who had a really big dick? My brother, Mitchell.' [beat] 'Hold on, Morgan, did you say something about your brother's dick?'

Morgan:'I didn't mean to say that. Just forget it. Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete.'

Morgan:'Why would Jesus give us a flat tire?' — Morgan's theological protest after the flat

Ilana · Abbi:'The Sei Wah bus runs every half hour.' / 'Ew, disgusting, Ilana. You're disgusting.'

Ilana:Abbi makes a decision; Ilana summarizes: 'So to recap — Abbi and I have decided that we're going to bike down to the Sei Wah bus.'

Abbi:'You can't not go to a wedding you RSVP'd to. You have to respect the sanctity of the RSVP.'

Lincoln:Lincoln's admission that he was uncomfortable being Abbi's wedding date, but now that she's not coming, he's bummed — and that makes him uncomfortable in a different way

Lincoln · Abbi:Lincoln initiates a full wedding-style dance routine alone on the highway after Abbi asks about 'the rest of the dance'

Lincoln:'What's painfully ironic about this is that I love weddings the most.'

Lincoln:Lincoln doing a full dance routine alone by the broken-down truck

Ilana · Abbi · Morgan:Cycling pep talk: 'What are your passions? Who lights your fire?' / 'Gossip!' / 'Rihanna's Instagram.'

Morgan:'My brother!' [beat] 'Never mind! Delete, delete that!'

Kevin · Ilana:'I thought we were all stealing bikes.' / 'I-I-I can't go back to prison, Ilana! I can't go...'

Morgan:'High on life! Look at me now, solstice! Whoo! Look at me now, New York City!'

Ilana · Abbi · Morgan:Ilana reveals on the bus that Darcy and Abbi made out, to Ilana's romantic jealousy

Ilana · Abbi:'You said that if you were ever gonna do same-sex experimentation, it was gonna be with me.' / 'I have never said that to you.' / 'It has been implied.' / 'By you.'

Ilana:'Well, implications get responses, and it takes two to tango.'

Ilana:Ilana refuses to sit with Abbi: 'I'm gonna sit with somebody whose yet to shatter my world.'

Morgan · Lincoln (voice):Morgan's relaxation tape is made by her brother and keeps saying 'You are beautiful, you are strong, you are supple, Morgan'

Abbi:'Fine. You know what else Darcy and I did? We touched boobs.' [escalating repetition] 'We touched boobs, We touched boobs! We touched boobs!'

Abbi · Ilana:Fish on the bus: 'Oh, my God, what is this?' / 'It's a fish!' / 'It's going down my underwear.'

Morgan:'Ilana, F-you! You did this to bring down the trifecta.'

Abbi:'We don't even hang out anymore. There's no trifecta. It's more of like a duo now. So...'

Morgan:'Have fun doing all your drugs together, you druggie lesbian dudes!'

Ilana:'Go (bleep) your brother, dude.'

Ilana · Abbi:'You smell.' / 'All right, give me Lincoln's clothes. I'll change.' / 'Okay, I'll block you, and I'm gonna peek.' / 'No, dude, you're not peeking.' / 'Come on.' / 'Fine, today you can peek. This one time.'

Mary · Lincoln:Flat tire insurance confrontation: 'If you wanted flat tires covered, you should have asked for flat tires. I'm not a mind-reader.'

Lincoln · Mary:Lincoln's Idris Elba standoff with the car rental agent Mary

Lincoln:'Wait, are we talking Luther or the Wire?'

Ilana · Mitchell:Mitchell needs Ilana's social security number but didn't write it down — 'Mitchell, what's the point of telling me now? I'm just gonna forget it.'

Ilana · Mitchell:'I think I'd be Penn.' / 'I get to be Teller?' — Ilana and Mitchell choosing Penn & Teller personas

Darcy:Darcy's wedding: 'Do you, Darcy...' / 'Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do, he does, whatever.'

Ilana · Abbi:'You smell good now.' / 'Oh, you smell like Lincoln.' / 'Yeah, I smell exactly like Lincoln.'

Abbi · Ilana:Abbi and Ilana in tuxedos, deciding to hold doors for people: 'We are perfect gentlemen, dude. We're in tuxes.'

Abbi · Ilana:Final scene: 'They've completely remodeled. This used to be carpet. Love hardwood floors.' — reverent appreciation for the subway station