Partridge

I DON'T LIKE YOU. BUT I RESPECT THE EFFORT.

$13,000 FOR ORTHODONTIC SURGERY, $6,000 FOR ENAMEL REPAIR, AND $46 MILLION FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGES.

YEAH, THAT SEEMS ABOUT ACCURATE.

WE SHOULD SUE JAMM'S PARENTS FOR SPAWNING A HUMAN TURDBURGER.

I'LL REPRESENT MYSELF, AS I DO IN ALL LEGAL MATTERS AND LIVESTOCK AUCTIONS.

I WISH WE HAD $46 MILLION. WE COULD BUY MY PARENTS' HOUSE AND EVICT THEM.

AGHH! [crash] - APRIL, COULD YOU CALL MAINTENANCE PLEASE?

I GUARANTEE THAT NONE OF THEM HAD AS CUTE A BUTT AS YOU DO.

YOU'RE SO SEXY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT PERCENTAGES.

THIS LAWSUIT IS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK-ULOUS.

THE NURSE STILL WON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME, AND SHE'S NOT EVEN QUEER.

EVERYONE CALLS IT THAT. / YEAH, BECAUSE I INVENTED IT.

I'M NOT NOT GOING TO WIN NOTHING.

THEY ONCE GOT HIM $60,000 'CAUSE HE GOT TOO SCARED AT A HAUNTED HOUSE.

WHO WERE YOU COMPETING AGAINST? / MY OWN TASTE BUDS.

IF THIS WERE THE '80s, ALL WE'D HAVE TO DO IS, LIKE, NOT DROP AN EGG FOR A WHOLE DAY. STUPID INTERNET.

OH, SNAP! I JUST FILLED IT OUT FOR FUN. CHRIS AND I ARE 81% COMPATIBLE.

ANN AND I GOT 84%.

WHO WERE BEN'S HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIENDS, AND WHAT BASE DO YOU THINK HE GOT TO?

DON'T KNOW. WELL, I POOCHED THE BRAIN EXAM. JUST TO BE SAFE, I WOULDN'T TAKE ANYTHING I SAY TOO SERIOUSLY.

THE GUY'S, LIKE, A VEGETARIAN. LOOK AT HIM, HE'S LIKE A BIG, OLD, SOFT TEDDY BEAR. HIS NICKNAME AROUND THE OFFICE IS 'SOFTY-PANTS MCHUGGABLE.'

ALSO, MAY I SAY FOR THE RECORD, THAT IS A DOPE POCKET SQUARE. CAN I SEE THAT BAD BOY?

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING I HATE MORE THAN LYING. SKIM MILK. WHICH IS WATER THAT'S LYING ABOUT BEING MILK.

I THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU'VE BEEN AND WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND OUR FUTURE CHILDREN AND AMERICA AND JUST OUR HISTORY AS A NATION.

I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH. IS THAT POSSIBLE? NO, RIGHT?

IT'S TWINS!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE? I'M SERIOUS. YOU'RE LIKE A FLOWER. OR, NO, LIKE A SNUG-BUG OR LIKE A SNUGGER-DOODLE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SORRY, ICE TOWN, YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE FOR AT LEAST A DAY.

I BOUGHT 12 BABIES, AND THEN I IMMEDIATELY ABANDONED THEM AT A KROGER'S.

I WAS LIKE MARK Z IN THE SOCIAL 'N.'

I ONLY TELL THE TRUTH WHEN IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE I'M LYING.

LYING IS ALL I KNOW. IT'S HOW I WAS ABLE TO SCRAPE BY ON THE STREETS OF BOMBAY AND MAKE IT ON THE INDIAN VERSION OF WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE AND GET REUNITED WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, LATIKA.

SOMETIMES WHEN I BLOW MY NOSE, I GET A BONER. I DON'T KNOW WHY. IT JUST HAPPENS. TRUTH BOMB.

I FEEL LIKE I NEVER GAVE MILES DAVIS PROPER SHRIFT. LIKE, I JUST DIDN'T GET INTO IT.

FRED THE SLED? THEY ONLY BRING HIM OUT FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

WE DID A TRADE. I GAVE HIS WIFE NEW ENAMELS, HE GAVE MY WIFE NEW YABBOS.

HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD USE A SWIFT PUNCH IN THE FACE THOUGH.

The banner reading 'ICE CLOWN' instead of 'ICE TOWN'

I'M JUST REALIZING NOW THAT'S NOT A TYPO.

The ice key melting in Leslie's hands

UH-OH, THE KEY WAS MADE OF ICE. AND MUCH LIKE THE HOPES AND DREAMS OF THE PEOPLE OF PARTRIDGE, IT MELTED AWAY.

HE HAS A CALCIFIED ROCK LODGED IN HIS PENIS!

SCREW YOU, PARTRIDGE.

WELL, BEN WYATT'S BETTER THAN LEE JANZEN, AND HE'S BETTER THAN JUDY GARLAND.

TRUTHFULLY, I BARELY REGISTERED HIS ATTACK. HE'S INCREDIBLY FRAIL, AND HIS ARMS ARE WEAK.

YOU GOT JAMMED BY YOUR OWN TEAM. SELF-JAMM!

GIRL. / BOY. ... BUDDHIST. / WHATEVER HE WANTS. / WHATEVER HE WANTS.

SIX-TIME TOUR DE FRANCE CHAMPION.

ARE YOU GUYS COMPLETE STRANGERS? IS THIS ONE OF THOSE CRAIGSLIST FATHER SITUATIONS?

I'M ACTUALLY NOT SURE HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE. BUT I DO KNOW HOW MANY POUNDS OF MONEY I HAVE.

I'M FEEDING YOUR EAGLE. HE'S STARVING.

WILL YOU LOVE OUR CHILD AND WORK HARD TO SEE THAT HE OR SHE HAS A GOOD LIFE?

WE FOUND 11 LIES.

ONE TIME, OUR BOAT ALMOST TIPPED OVER, BUT THEN IT DIDN'T.

THAT'S NOT A GREAT STORY.

HEY, LAKE'S NOT A GARBAGE CAN, PAL.

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, ICE TOWN!