Classy Christmas

Michael · Darryl · Phyllis · Stanley · Angela · Oscar · Erin:The entire office Christmas photo shoot where Michael keeps trying to get everyone to jump simultaneously and failing each time

Michael:This is a store-bought camera. This isn't one of those special military-grade cameras that would be able to capture that.

Michael · Erin:Erin jumped too early — 'she's on the ground by three.' 'I didn't want to miss it.'

Pam:I'm the office administrator now, which means I'm basically being paid to be head of the party planning committee. The first thing I did as head... I shut it down.

Pam:At its worst it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best it planned parties.

Michael:Michael in Santa suit entering the office: 'Oh, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, little children!'

Michael · Stanley:So, Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today? 'Pam got those sugar-free cookies I like. I'm doing fine.'

Kelly · Ryan · Jim:Hello Kitty laptop sleeve as the annual Sabre Christmas gift — 'Hello Kitty's for girls.' 'Nashua got mp3 players.'

Kelly:I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white. 'Wow...' 'Come on.' 'I said I wonder. I didn't say I think.'

Pam · Kelly:Kelly, I thought we agreed on fleece blankets. 'Blankets? What am I, five?'

Andy:Erin and I make great use of ours. [beat] Yes, Erin and I are still dating. Why do you ask me so often if we're still dating?

Darryl:Darryl's confessional about TiVoing iCarly for his daughter and praising 'the friend with the video camera. He's got a nice way of talking.'

Michael · Jim:Michael mocks Jim's wonder at the first snowfall: 'Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate...' 'It's not even a real snow. Look, it's a dusting. Pitiful.'

Jim · Dwight:Dwight receives an indoor snowball from Jim — 'Damn it, Jim, you cannot throw snowballs in here! Well, it's not a snowball, 'cause it's only a dusting. Right?' [holds up snowball to show it has a pebble]

Jim · Dwight:'You've got something on your nose.' [Dwight demands apology; Jim refuses]

Dwight · Jim:Dwight formally challenges Jim to a snowball fight 'on the first real snow of winter' after the indoor dusting attack

Dwight · Andy:Andy asks to join the snowball fight; Dwight says 'No, Andy, it's a snowball fight. It's not fun. Go get your own thing.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela name-drops her senator boyfriend repeatedly, each time being corrected: 'He's a very busy senator.' 'State senator.'

Angela · Oscar:'We went to a picnic thrown by the comptroller's wife.' 'Oh, that would be impressive... if anyone knew what a comptroller was.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela describes the ribbon-cutting ceremony photo shoot: '...how many photographers there are at a ribbon-cutting ceremony?' 'I do. Two.'

Michael:Michael heckles Toby's announcement: 'Because you've been on the lam?' 'Because the boring police have been after you and they finally caught up?'

Michael:'Yes, the case of the horrible red-headed sad sack. And the verdict... it was Toby. And the sentence, death. Death to Toby! Death to Toby!'

Toby · Michael:Toby: 'You know, I don't interrupt your announcements.' Michael: 'You leave these huge pauses in your sentences. What do you expect me to do?'

Jim · Kevin:Office guesses at the high-profile case: 'Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a sex slave?' 'Was it the post office guy who rubbed his penis all over the mail?'

Toby · Oscar:Toby: 'I can neither confirm nor deny this. Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.' [beat] 'That was the worst joke ever.'

Michael · Ryan:Michael describing Holly: 'How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover... and was a complicated part of my past...' Ryan: 'She's one sassy black lady.'

Michael · Andy:Michael as 'Santa Bond': 'The name is bond... Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken, not stirred.' Andy: 'Classic Brosnan.'

Michael:The solo bassist playing all day: Michael explains hiring one bassist for the entire day is better than a quartet for half an hour, while the bassist plays an awkward solo jazz line

Pam:Pam confessional about Jim's gift: 'He always gives me the best Christmas gifts. He'll take a memory or a private joke, and he'll create something totally unique. I love them. So this year I made him something. A comic book.'

Michael:Michael: 'Holly's coming from New Hampshire. Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that [fake tree] and thinks it's a burning cross.'

Ryan:Ryan: 'I will help. Although my 'brid... My hybrid... My Prius hybrid, won't fit a tree. Which is ironic, considering how many trees it saves on a daily basis.'

Ryan · Pam · Jim:'I do, however, have a hookup with a dude who has a pickup.' [Pam suggests Darryl] 'You know Darryl?' 'Yeah, he works here. We all know him.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's answering machine plays; then he launches a massive snowball blitz on Jim in the parking lot — Jim left a voicemail to lure him out

Dwight:'I have no feeling in my fingers or penis. But I think it was worth it.'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and he just kept throwing 'em until he exhausted himself.' Then: 'How 'bout icing it? Lol. Dwight.'

Erin · Holly:Erin refuses to help a woman carry boxes because she's waiting for 'my boss' pretty friend to arrive.' The woman IS Holly.

Michael · Holly:Michael and Holly greet each other with an extended Three Stooges / Simpsons / Looney Tunes bit: 'Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Scott, you old bastard!' 'Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!' 'D'oh!' 'Oh, Homey.'

Michael · Holly:'Oh, huggy monster!' 'Oh, not the huggy monster! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!'

Holly · Michael:Holly brought maple candy from New Hampshire but ate some on the drive. 'That's adorable.' The remaining candy is maybe six pieces.

Holly:Holly: 'It looks beautiful in here. Super-classy. It's like a party for limousine drivers.'

Holly:Holly on the 'classy' party decor: 'It's like a party for limousine drivers.'

Michael · Holly:Michael shows off his 'guns' (biceps). Holly: 'What kind of guns do you have? Six-shooter?'

Holly · Michael:Holly: 'Oh, and you have a Woody.' [Michael and Holly share a loaded look] Michael: 'Bah!'

Holly · Michael:Holly: 'You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy's mom.' Michael: 'Why?' 'Because without Andy's mom, there is no plot.'

Holly · Michael:Holly describes AJ finding Woody in her bed with a note: 'You've got a friend in me.' Michael: 'Really? That's creepy.' Holly: 'We live together.' Michael: 'Oh.'

Holly · Michael:Holly reveals Aj now sleeps in her bed with a note pinned to him reading 'You've got a friend in me.'

Darryl:Darryl argues on the phone with his ex in front of the Christmas tree lot: 'This is my daughter too, Justine!'

Andy:Andy: 'Pick a damn tree already.'

Pam · Jim:Pam on Charlie Brown tree idea: 'What if we got a really beat-up one, like on Charlie Brown, and just loved it for what it is?'

Jim:Jim tells Darryl: 'You know, I'd be really upset if I couldn't have CeCe for Christmas... I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself.'

Michael · Darryl · Jada:Michael as Santa greets Jada. Jada: 'He doesn't look like Santa Claus.' Darryl: 'No, he doesn't.' Michael: 'I told her Santa would be here.' 'Yeah, well, I was told that Holly would be here, single and ready to date.'

Michael:'Nora Ephron, in every romantic comedy ever made.' [Michael's source for assuming Holly would be single]

Dwight · Jim:Dwight launches a second snowball attack on Jim through the office window, from an elevated position, with wigs as disguises

Dwight:'Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you're gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.'

Oscar · Pam:Oscar reads Pam's Bear Man comic and critiques the origin story: 'We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise it's the bear's quest.'

Oscar · Pam:'It's also a little derivative of a serial called Bear Man.' 'Did you look that up?' 'No.'

Jim · Toby:Jim cuts off Toby mid-sentence while Toby is excitedly telling him about a stenographer who looks like Jim. Jim: 'I can't reconnect with you right now. Hold on one second.'

Holly:Holly's confessional: 'I guess there are just some people who you stay together with when you transfer, and some people you don't.' Beat. 'And I can be mature about that.'

Oscar · Angela:Angela complains about the cold. Oscar: 'Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car for screwing Americans.'

Holly:Holly: 'Yet another opportunity where a blanket would have come in handy.' [callback to the Hello Kitty gift]

Dwight · Holly · Jim:Dwight argues that Jim's snowballs were dangerous and he intends to sue for 'acute psychological distress' — despite being the aggressor

Toby:Toby's confessional: 'I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But they talk to me for a while, and maybe people realize I have something to say. And then one day, we're just talking.'

Holly:Holly: 'Last time I was here, you were both best friends.' (About Jim and Dwight fighting)

Toby:Toby shows off a snow globe and claims he has a girlfriend named Tara who lives in New York: 'I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting.'

Toby:Toby's 'girlfriend' story: they drove to JFK but he was flying out of LaGuardia, 'so we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around slomo drinking latte.'

Michael:Michael in confessional: 'It seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex that still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara.'

Michael:Michael argues he couldn't have decapitated Woody: 'The fact that you would think that points to the possibility that it is probably not me. And that I have been framed.'

Jim:Jim: 'Okay, I'm sorry, why are we discounting this whole 'Woody came to life' thing so quickly?'

Michael:Michael pivoting to suggest Woody defaced himself: 'Toy Story is all about toys that come to life when people aren't looking. You don't think... It's not possible... That Woody did this to himself? It is Christmas.'

Michael · Holly:Michael reveals decapitating Woody was 'part of the party' to make Holly jealous. Holly: 'You think this is funny?' Michael: 'I don't. But someday I think we will laugh about this... when we tell our kids...'

Michael · Holly:Michael reveals the Woody defacement was part of the party — a surprise. Holly: 'You think this is funny?' Michael: 'I don't. But someday I think we will laugh about this... when we tell our kids...'

Pam:Just as Michael storms out upset, Pam calls after him: 'Nothing is ever your fault. Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight sends Jim a 'Merry Christmas' card addressed to 'Pickles' from 'Swiss Cheese': 'Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately. Love, Swiss cheese.'

Dwight:'Damn it, Dwight! Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all.'

Stanley:Stanley to Toby about jury duty: 'I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for. That is the life.'

Stanley:Stanley confessional about jury duty: 'I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old... To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for... That is the life.'

Michael · Jada · Darryl:Michael's Grinch subplot: he dresses as the Grinch and hides the star, then poses a political trivia question as Jada's 'challenge': 'How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed?'

Michael:'The star has been hidden. Is the little girl hot or cold?' 'Well, it turns out she's burning up because the star is right behind her ear!'

Michael:AJ shows up as a surprise: Michael opens the door and says 'I know who you are, and I think you should go.'

Michael:'I bet you didn't even bring us anything, did you?' [to AJ, who arrived as a surprise]

Michael:'I am dead inside.' [Michael's confessional after Holly's reunion with AJ]

Angela · Meredith:Angela explains the senator is fighting to eradicate park geese: 'You know those annoying geese at the park? Well, he's helping eradicate them as well.' Meredith: 'I mean, I think they've really become a pest.' 'Annoying.' 'Yes.'

Robert (Senator) · Michael:Senator to Michael: 'An "F" train to Brooklyn. Extra bitters.' Michael: 'I don't know how to make that.' Senator: 'Okay, well, I'll just stick with my Mojito.'

Michael · Holly:Holly and Michael's confessionals intercut: Michael talking to the ceiling looking for Dwight; Holly's oblivious 'I don't think he's in the ceiling, babe.' 'I don't think any of us really know.'

Jim · Pam:Jim's gift to Pam: a jar of pebbles from the beach in Jamaica — Pam is moved to tears

Jim · Pam:Jim opens Pam's Bear Man comic: 'Oh... My... God.' [flipping through it] 'That's my bike. That's my desk. And that is my daughter.'

Michael · Holly:Michael tells Holly a story about a woman who slipped on black ice, went into a coma forever, and 'every day her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died.' Holly: 'That's a sad story.' Michael: 'Yeah, well, at least he was married.'

Jim · Michael:Jim tells Michael about Holly's ultimatum situation: 'And I don't know about you, but I don't know of a lot of happy marriages that start off with an ultimatum... Do you?' Michael: 'No.' Jim: 'So just be patient.'

Dwight · Jim:Michael accepts Dwight's surrender demand: 'I do not accept your surrender. There's only one way that I would ever relent.' — demands Jim hit Pam in the face with a snowball.

Michael · Holly:Michael re-gifts Holly the Hello Kitty laptop sleeve as his Christmas present to her, claims he got it at the mall, then is exposed by a fast food receipt from April

Holly · AJ:Holly covers for Woody's condition to AJ: 'I was making salad, and he fell right into the dressing. There was salad dressing all over him.' AJ: 'He smells awful.' 'It was blue cheese dressing. Great.'

Darryl · Jada:Darryl takes Jada to the vending machine room as a wonderland: 'You have a whole room of vending machines.' Jada: 'I know. Isn't it something?' She can't decide what she wants.

Dwight · Jim · Pam:Final snowball sequence: Dwight launches a last massive ambush on Jim in the parking lot — Jim keeps getting hit repeatedly, ending with Pam being warned 'Honey? Jim?' as snowballs fly

Dwight:Dwight's closing monologue to camera: 'In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear.'