After reading an article about China growing as a global power, Michael decides China must be stopped before they take over the US. Everyone in the office complains about Dwight's building standards and Pam threatens to move Dunder Mifflin to a new building.
Corporate chaos peaks as Dunder Mifflin's China trip spirals into 44 jokes across 44 minutes.
Directed by Charles McDougall · Written by Warren Lieberstein, Halsted Sullivan
WAR
38.3
Wins Above Replacement
“China” ranks #85 of 186 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.1 — Elite. The episode packs 44 scored jokes at 1.9 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Michael: I need big ideas, people. How do we save America?
Creed: Well, you start with the liquidation of assets. You know, sell everything. Then you take that money, and you hire someone to... handle certain problems. People problems. You know what I'm saying?
Michael: Creed, what are you talking about?
Creed: Murder for profit. It's a very clean business model. Low overhead. High yield returns.
Creed Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight: He has strong opinions about anus coddling throughout history
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jim: No, no. When I die, I want my friends to strip down to their underwear and dance on my grave.
Dwight: That's beautiful.
Jim Escalation Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: As a landlord, I see myself as a strategic vampire. I feed on my tenants, but I do it in a way that keeps them alive and coming back for more. It's called sustainable bloodsucking. Most landlords are sloppy—they bleed their tenants dry all at once. Not me. I raise the rent in small, manageable increments. They barely notice. By the time they realize what's happened, they're too weak to move. It's brilliant.
Dwight Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jim: Well, I'd give that performance an A... but Dwight's giving himself an 'a'.
Jim Wordplay/Pun Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 44 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Dwight: It's called pededexterity. The ability to use your feet with the same dexterity as your hands. I've been training since I was a boy.
Dwight: I can write, type, and perform surgery with my feet. A chimpanzee can do four things with his feet. I can do five.
Dwight: Jim is an idiot.
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: I'll write an apology letter with my feet. How hard could it be?
Dwight: A-P-O... L-O-G... why is this so difficult?
Dwight: The 'E' key is all the way over there. My toes can't reach.
Dwight: I'm typing 'sorry' and it says 'sory.' I'm missing letters!
Dwight: This is humbling. And my foot smells like I've been wearing a shoe all day.
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Dwight: My feet are clearly not meant for this.
Dwight: Thank you, hands. Thank you for being so reliable, so steady, so impossibly perfect. I don't deserve you.
Dwight Reaction Beat Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: Well, I'd give that performance an A... but Dwight's giving himself an 'a'.
Jim Wordplay/Pun Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Andy: Could I get a burrito, du por favor?
Andy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Andy: I'll have a muffin, please.
Barista: That'll be $8.50.
Andy: I'm sorry, what? For a muffin?
Andy Reaction Beat Observational Dwight: As a landlord, I run a tight ship. I believe in rules, discipline, and absolute authority. When a tenant breaks the lease, it's war.
Dwight: I was genuinely disappointed to learn it's not a literal war.
Dwight: I'm starting a green initiative here at Dunder Mifflin.
Jim: Oh, that's great, Dwight. What kind of environmental changes are you planning?
Dwight: Green. As in money. I'm going to be rich.
Dwight Irony/Sarcasm Wordplay/Pun Michael: China. China. China. China.
Michael: Everything is made in China!
Pam: Yeah, Michael. Most things are.
Pam Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Michael: I'm scared of China. I think they're going to take over the world. And they're going to do it any day now. It's like... it's like a freight train. And we're all tied to the tracks. And we're watching it come. And we can't do anything about it.
Michael: I have a ranking system. It goes: one, the United States. Two, Britain. Three, Germany. Four, France. Five, Japan. Six, Italy. Seven, Canada. Eight, China.
Michael: Because they're always taking our jobs.
Darryl: Man, you text me about everything. It's ridiculous.
Andy: That's not true. I only text you about important stuff.
Darryl: Oh yeah? Like what?
Andy: Like when I'm about to eat a sandwich. Or when I just finished eating a sandwich. Or when I'm thinking about eating a sandwich later.
Darryl: Back in my day, only desirable people texted. Now everybody texts. It's like a disease. I got a text from my mother-in-law last week. My mother-in-law! I didn't even know she had a phone. So I texted her back: F.T.F.A.
Jim: What's F.T.F.A.?
Darryl: Forget The F***ing Acronyms.
Stanley: This toilet paper is too thin. I can feel everything.
Dwight: That's what she said.
Dwight Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Dwight: He has strong opinions about anus coddling throughout history
Dwight Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Stanley: Which is you?
Dwight: It's 'which one is me,' Stanley. The correct phrasing uses 'one,' not 'is.'
Dwight: Nate, make up an excuse for why you're busy.
Nate: I can't. I'm... I'm involved in a situation.
Dwight: What kind of situation?
Nate: The kind where I'm transporting illegal firearms across state lines in a van that's registered to a woman named Brenda who I've never met.
Dwight: That's very specific.
Nate: And the firearms are hidden in a hollowed-out harpsichord.
Michael: Wait, the tallest man in the world is Chinese? Oh my God. That explains so much.
Michael: No wonder we couldn't find out about their military secrets. We were looking at eye level!
Michael Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: If America's not number one, what's the point? I mean, we're the best. We have the best everything. The best cars, the best food, the best... forks.
Michael: What if one day forks just... became obsolete? What if everyone switched to chopsticks or something?
Michael: And I'd be sitting there with my fork, looking like an idiot.
Michael: Now, open your eyes.
Stanley: We never closed our eyes.
Stanley Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Michael: I need big ideas, people. How do we beat China?
Kevin: We should all take a lot of pharmaceuticals so we can work longer hours without getting tired.
Michael: Kevin, that's... that's not how any of this works.
Kevin Absurdist Character Comedy Creed: You know, swallowing one pill a year... that's a hard pill to swallow.
Creed Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Michael: I need big ideas, people. How do we save America?
Creed: Well, you start with the liquidation of assets. You know, sell everything. Then you take that money, and you hire someone to... handle certain problems. People problems. You know what I'm saying?
Michael: Creed, what are you talking about?
Creed: Murder for profit. It's a very clean business model. Low overhead. High yield returns.
Creed Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael: I'm right! I'm right! Who's the dummy now, Oscar? Who's the dummy?
Michael: That's right, I WIN! Suck it!
Michael: In your face! In your face!
Angela: Oh my God! What is this? What are these roaches doing up there?
Dwight: It's an advertisement. For my extermination business.
Angela: Dwight, I cannot work under giant roaches. I just can't. It's unsanitary.
Angela Visual Gag Character Comedy Ryan: What? No, I haven't been playing a game. I've just been... working on my laptop.
Ryan: Wait, what time is it? Oh my God. I've been playing Candy Crush for like six hours.
Ryan: How is this even a game? I'm just matching colored candies. Why am I level 847?
Ryan Character Comedy Absurdist Is the nail place Koreans or whites? Koreans. Good. And the dry cleaners? White? Good.
Creed Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael: Oscar's a know-it-all. He thinks he's smarter than everyone else. So I'm gonna start a rumor that he's actually from the future, and that's why he knows everything. And he came back in time to ruin my life.
Darryl: I'm gonna block your texts.
Andy: Wait, wait, wait. If you block my texts, then I won't get any messages from you.
Andy: That means no interruptions. That's like a high five for my phone.
Pam: What would make this building awesome?
Kevin: A genie.
Pam: A genie?
Kevin: Yeah, like from Aladdin.
Pam: That's a djinn.
Kevin: No, it's not.
Kevin Pam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: If you move to Florida, your daughter will become addicted to spray tans, sleep with a motivational speaker named Chad, and eventually become a backup dancer for a washed-up boy band.
Dwight Dark/Subversive Escalation Jim: No, no. When I die, I want my friends to strip down to their underwear and dance on my grave.
Dwight: That's beautiful.
Jim Escalation Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: You know what? I'm gonna say something that's gonna make Oscar really uncomfortable.
Michael: Boobs.
Jim: Yo, Adrian!
Michael: What?
Jim: Sorry, I thought we were just yelling things out.
Michael: Wait, your name is Pam? Pam from the office?
Realtor: No, I'm a realtor. My name is just Pam.
Michael: Sure it is. A realtor named Pam. That's convenient. You know what? I don't trust you.
Michael: Wait, there are two Pams? There's Pam Pam and... regular Pam?
Pam: No, Michael, this is just Pam the realtor.
Michael: Right, right. So... not my Pam.
Pam the realtor: I'm going to go.
Pam: I may have exaggerated some things about the office.
Jim: Wait, what? Like what?
Pam: Well, the water cooler isn't actually a cooler. It's just a table with a pitcher of room temperature water.
Jim: Okay...
Pam: And the vending machine is just a cardboard box with pictures of snacks taped to it.
Jim: Pam...
Pam: And my desk isn't actually a desk. It's four boxes stacked together.
Jim: Is there anything in this office that's real?
Pam: The sadness is real.
Pam Jim Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Michael: I'm not here. You can't see me. I'm not here.
Oscar: Michael, that's not an argument.
Michael: It's not an argument if I'm not here to have it.
Michael: You know what? I think I've figured it out. China is the future, right? But you know what else is the future? Us. And you know what connects us to China? Trade. And you know what connects trade to power? Money. And you know what connects money to... to... that's what she said.
Michael: You know, if you dig straight down, you'll reach China. It's the same with conversations - you just keep digging and digging, and eventually you hit friendship.
Dwight: As a landlord, I see myself as a strategic vampire. I feed on my tenants, but I do it in a way that keeps them alive and coming back for more. It's called sustainable bloodsucking. Most landlords are sloppy—they bleed their tenants dry all at once. Not me. I raise the rent in small, manageable increments. They barely notice. By the time they realize what's happened, they're too weak to move. It's brilliant.
Dwight Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Dwight: I need you to understand something. What you saw earlier? That was weakness. A moment of vulnerability that will never happen again.
Dwight: I am a ruthless businessman. Ruthless. I have no compassion, no mercy, no—
Dwight: Did you get that? That was good, right? You got that on camera?
Dwight: I am completely devoid of human emotion. Cold. Calculated. A machine.
Darryl: Alright, I got it. From now on, I'm only texting you about important stuff. No more random messages.
Darryl: So check this out—there's a pigeon outside my window. Just sitting there. Now it's preening its feathers. This is gold.
Darryl Character Comedy Callback Callback Andy: Whoa, look at all those pigeons.
Darryl: Yeah, that's a lot of pigeons.
Andy: This is definitely text-worthy.
Darryl: Oh, absolutely. Sending this to the group chat.
⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 18:00-19:00 as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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