The Job Interview

we discovered a new breed of fly that mates with itself. Yummm! Mm.

I've actually been bench pressing 100-pound tortoises because there's no gym here

Ted! Stop making me jealous of turtles. Tortoises, but I do have tur-tell you

Oh my God, David! Knock much?! / Hi, David! / Hi. Is he dressed?

You and Alexis were about to engage in cyber-sex. / Hi, Ted. / Hi, Mr. Rose.

Alexis, what have I told you about putting your body on the internet? Never! Never without proper lighting.

Everybody out so I can finish off with Ted! Sick! Ugh! Goodbye, please!

Okay, 'Larrierre' sounds like a dollar-store perfume. It's an airline. Larry is the name of the CEO.

He used to own a chain of delis, but then he sold them to buy a bunch of planes.

You know that I was once told that I would make an excellent flight attendant. By who? Sandy, the hostess on our private plane.

She once let me debone a branzino during turbulence.

if it's between the two of us, we all know who's getting the job. / if this is what we're working with, I think we can hand me the contract today.

So, you're Stevie Budd? No. Believe it or not, that's actually a woman's name.

Yeah, and look at the way this guy bounced back from total financial ruin.

We don't offer faith-based loans. / I am the mayor. You already mentioned that. / did I mention I went steady with your mom? Unfortunately, you did.

Okay, then I'm out. I got nothing.

Please tell me it's not a testudine. No, it's a turtle.

Turtles do not pets make. The poor things are riddled with a myriad of diseases. You may as well tie a leash around a raw chicken cutlet.

Relax, they said he's already been washed.

I've named the turtle Ted. All the blogs about successful long-term relationships say that the key is creating shared experiences.

if you desire a love with longevity, the key is to have as little in common as possible. After an award-worthy trilogy of decades together, your father and I still astonish each other.

So you wanna be a youth pastor? / While that joke was surprisingly sharp, these are Patrick's clothes.

While, that joke was surprisingly sharp, these are Patrick's clothes.

Larry Air, recent improvements: all chairs will have tray tables, not just first class. I feel like I'm flying on the Concorde.

if anyone here is involved in the class-action lawsuit against Larry Air, you are disqualified from applying.

I'd say my biggest weakness is... that I'm disorganized. Ooh, that's true. And, um, I'm indecisive. Yes. Uh... I also... Okay. We just needed one.

Would we consider loyalty a weakness? If not, I'm also really honest. I'm just gonna put down chatty.

Roland, you're not adding anything to the sentence, you're just repeating what I said.

the other day, I got a look at Bob's financial statement on his desk in the office, and that garage is doing great! Plus, he got plugs last year, but... you didn't hear that from me.

Oh, look at you, Robert, with the hides of a herd of Holstein on your back.

I just had two cups of coffee, I don't wanna push my luck. I mean, these pants, they take like a year to unlace, so...

Rose's, I hope you like fish, 'cause I think we just reeled in a big one.

it's been weeks. But between the patchy Wi-Fi and like the ten-day nature trips, and me being alone here, kind of feels like he left the day that he flew to the Galapagos.

The turtle flew to the Galapagos? No, Ted the turtle is missing, I am now talking about my boyfriend Ted, Twy. It'd be great if you could keep up.

The slowest animal on earth escaped from me. That can't not be a bad sign.

My mom had a turtle dove that was eaten by her ex-fiancé's snake. That was a bad sign. And it happened on Valentine's Day. And her fiancé was a Satanist.

Oh, and if you do see Ted like waddling around in the kitchen, just feed him a carrot and shoot me a text. I hope you're joking. Me too, girl. Love you!

This baby behind me has been crying for over an hour now and I just can't take it anymore. / I have shushed them thrice at this point.

I could either move those two to the back of the plane, or I could offer you some complimentary alcohol to make your flight a little more bearable.

no seat changes, and 'complimentary' is not in our corporate vocabulary. But finger snaps for David! We don't... Sure.

Fuck yes! I regret to inform you, you will not be asked to continue the process. This is so embarrassing. I thought you said David Rose. I did.

Too bad they didn't have a branzino to de-bone because you would've got this.

some of us drove some of the other applicants here, so it might just be easier if we all just moved forward into the next round.

I'm taking the peanuts, Carol!

How often do good friends get a chance to sit around and, uh, and talk? Right! And, you know, I didn't get a chance to tell you before, but that is one snazzy outfit.

This is so exciting! I feel like I'm a Wolf of Wall Street. Good... then let's go get our lamb.

John, were you able to return Bill and Melinda's call today about the hmm hmm-hmm? / Well, you know, Moira, we're not supposed to be discussing investment opportunities at the table, no matter how lucrative they might be. But you know what the Gateses are like - Bill and Melinda.

Gwen's not coming. Let's eat. / she left me. / I'm sorry, it's just all this, all this money talk, and all I can think about is how much I spent on this suit.

she said, 'I like bad boys,' and now she's holed up with our minister. She was bragging about a religious experience.

Perhaps there's an upside to all this, fiscally speaking. Hmm! Oh no, no.

You are such a sore loser. I am not! I'm not. It's just, do you really wanna work for a place that clearly doesn't know what they're doing?

Oh, well, they really want me to work for them, so I have to trust that they do know what they're doing. Admit it. I'm more qualified than you. Fine. Admit it. You're more qualified than me. Thank you!

let's see what exciting new job opportunities await you in your new career as an airline hostess. / I am so embarrassed for you! Now, I would love to use one of Larry Air's 'completely private' new paid toilets.

How do I know this isn't like an abduction or something? It's not an abduction. You didn't blink. I believe you.

And you're wearing the little tie with your short-sleeved shirt. My little Galapo-guy. / Yeah, it's actually really hot here, so the bottom half is just my bathing suit and flip-flops.

Ted! More about your bottom half, please! / Twyla's not standing right behind you, is she? / Hi, Ted.

In fact, they actually named the new fly 'Alexis.' / The fly that mates with itself?

We... are buying into the business. Say hello to your new business partners. / So, we have the motel? We sure do. Now, first order of business, we need name tags.

if it's good enough for Bill Gates to invest in, it's, uh, good enough for us to invest in.

Why is there a turtle on the floor? Alexis!