The Incident

Something spilled in the bed... there's wet in the bed

Oh my God, David, did you wet the bed?

Do we have to file for divorce if we were never married?

We are not getting divorced... Yet. I need to see if I can get the stain out of my sheets first.

Because I'm about to jump out of it!

I will take a shower, but we must never see each other again.

I love you. / I'm glad one of us does!

So how was your seventh shower?

because I peed in it!

I found this blanket that I thought I had lost in the laundry room, so you've actually done me a favour.

Maybe, but if the tables were turned, I can't say I'd be as generous.

You put down a plastic sheet?

Purely coincidental.

Come on, David, it's an expensive mattress!

More expensive than my dignity? / I mean, comparable, at least.

Takeover? That sounds hostile.

I've dated enough mid-level latte art influencers to know what the people want.

I take a slightly more cerebral approach.

an amusement park for clinical narcissists

Big news coming soon, caw caw!

let's put a beak on that winking cartoon

Ashley Tisdale and I played suffragettes... 'You Go, Girl.'

I believe we've just gone viral.

I think you and I might need to purchase... antibiotics.

I'm-I'm not sure about that. / No surprise there, Johnny, I told you she's not the visionary you and I are.

Betty is Benny's wife... Huh, Betty and Benny? What are they, puppets? It's the Benny and Betty Show! I'm Betty. I'm Benny. I'm Betty!

Maybe it's because of the coffin. This is a funeral, Roland!

She may have said viewing.

Johnny, language, please! A man is dead.

I'm just not that thirsty. / I'm doing inventory.

It's a little word I assembled to consecrate my fans, who are also my friends.

Okay, 'frands' doesn't sound nice.

I would rather not, thanks.

I don't think you have to say hashtag when you're just talking, Mrs. Rose.

You look like the downfall of society.

especially you, 'Wine and Cat Gal 74,' I do hope you stop crying soon.

I would suspect a little trouble in paradise.

I thought that was remedied when you got your new nose.

You're not eating pepperettes in bed again!

David, don't tell me you've had a nighttime oopsie-daisy.

David's nocturnal enuresis used to only happen when he went to bed all juiced up with excited anticipation about something.

Christmas, birthdays, the Ides of March.

And now it seems your impending nuptials has opened the floodgates.

Why am I oddly flattered?

you can tell the quality of a motel by the food they serve at the owner's funeral.

had another bonspiel to go to, and unfortunately that bonspiel was way more important than Benny's bonspiel, so we had to go to that bonspiel.

Since I wasn't in the curling league, can I go home?

A wonderful teen named CherryBus, she lives in Singapore. Why? Who wants to know?

So people basically got like, a whole podcast about how David's wetting the bed again.

you just posted your entire conversation with David and Patrick!

If I wasn't your publicist, I would be enjoying the situation a lot more than I am. Which is still like, quite a lot.

Her face has 'fed' written all over it.

Johnny and I used to play bingo with Maureen, right after curling.

Too bad it's not an open casket. I would've loved to say goodbye to old Benny's face.

Miss CherryBus

Precisely why we're involving you in this covert stratagem.

That, and the fact that working conditions weren't exactly safe for a ten-year-old

I'm gonna miss that enthusiasm.

there's literally no liquid left in my body, so.

what's the thread count on this plastic?

It's my mouthguard... Also, you look very beautiful.

I have never been more attracted to you. Mm, same.

I have never been more attracted to you.

Okay, put it away, David. It's bedtime.