When Darlene quits while on vacation, Hank hires the temp who was filling in for her. Larry's reluctant to tell Dana Carvey he doesn't like Carvey's Larry Sanders impersonation.
WAR
29.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Hank's New Assistant” ranks #71 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 71.8 — Solid. The episode packs 48 scored jokes at 1.7 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Hank landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Larry: I mean, look at my ass. I'm touching my ass.
Larry Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Dana: People say I flip-flop, and I don't. But then again, I do.
Hank: Are you gay?
Brian: Yeah, but that was two years ago, and I got over it.
Paula: I've earned the right to leave the room.
Paula Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Artie: Artie wearing the Dana Carvey tape as a hat
Artie Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 48 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Your lips look a little cracked.
Larry: Of course. They misplaced the lip balm.
Larry Character Comedy Observational Hank: Excuse me. I hate to be a bother, but is there some religious reason you're not answering my phone?
Hank Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Hank: What darlene does is not a job, you see? It's a calling, and I will wait for her return.
Hank Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Artie: Hey, look out, me boy, I found me lucky poker hat.
Artie Character Comedy Observational Artie: Wayne's world money!
Artie Observational Character Comedy Artie: Artie wearing the Dana Carvey tape as a hat
Artie Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Larry: I think he's on crack.
Larry Observational Character Comedy Larry: You're getting very wide.
Artie: I'm shoving it up.
Artie: Chinless little cocksuckers.
Artie Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Artie: Well, you... you lilt.
Artie Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Hank Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Hank: I'm tracing this call right now! Pound sand up your ass.
Hank Character Comedy Escalation Callback Hank: From the cirque du soleil. The sad clown, right?
Hank Character Comedy Observational Brian: Remember? Everybody put on their protective goggles, and let's all play double danger. Double danger.
Brian Observational Character Comedy Brian: Well, actually, I was the personal assistant to her personal assistant.
Brian Observational Character Comedy Paula: She made him clean the hair out of her tub.
Paula Cringe/Discomfort Observational Brian: Oh, our nation's capital.
Hank: Canada.
Hank: I know!
Hank: Canada.
Artie: Don't speak to Larry unless he speaks to you.
Artie Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Larry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Paula: I've earned the right to leave the room.
Paula Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Hank: Hard-on cream? No, I forgot it.
Hank: I could never talk this way around darlene. She'd just get all insulted.
Hank Character Comedy Observational Hank: I'll be in my office whacking off.
Brian: Okay. Uh, I'll hold all your calls.
Hank Brian Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Brian: The Chinese call it a feng shui, the placement of objects in a room to maximize your harmony and power.
Brian Character Comedy Observational Has she lost any weight?
Paula: No!
Brian: You know, the toughest people are the ones who can cry.
Hank: I'm tough.
Brian: Hey, life, take your best shot, 'cause to Mr. Hank Kingsley, life is a carousel, and the sun is a scoop of ice cream.
Brian Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Hank: Are you gay?
Brian: Yeah, but that was two years ago, and I got over it.
Larry: It's Steve. Steve. God damn it!
Larry: Well, that's 'cause it's 50 cents now. It just went up a couple years ago. You wouldn't have known that.
Larry Character Comedy Observational Larry: He's gay? Well, don't tell Dana carvey, 'cause you know what? He'll do an impression of him.
Larry Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: A gay? What are you? Italian?
Larry Observational Character Comedy Artie: Maybe this will be your first chance to fuck your assistant.
Artie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Hank: There was not one indication on that resume that he was gay. Not... not... not one.
Hank Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Artie: Barbara streisand. Aw. Aw, shit.
Artie Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Hank: Yes, I asked for lanolin. I asked for lanolin. Darlene was with me for six years. She never did this.
Brian: Hank, you asked for aloe vera.
Hank Brian Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Brian: So this has nothing to do with me being gay, does it?
Brian Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Hank: I wore a red ribbon to the emmys. I have been to several elton John concerts.
Hank Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Larry: I mean, look at my ass. I'm touching my ass.
Larry Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Dana: You said versace, and you touched yourself.
Larry: I touched myself on the leg.
Dana: Why does yourself have to mean penis?
Dana: People say I flip-flop, and I don't. But then again, I do.
Dana: Why should I be mad? I have many arrows in my comedic arsenal, Larry. Let's put the Larry Sanders arrow back in the sheath and pull out the Jimmy Stewart arrow. Bing. Bull's-eye!
Artie: I'd take that little Dana carvey and I'd dry-shave him with a flicker.
Artie Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Hank: I am, but where else am I going to find a personal assistant who'll tell me when Larry is hurt?
Hank Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Hank: Doug llewelyn's a faggot. Sorry.
Hank Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Brian: I worked on a Cruise ship for eight years. I did nothing but play poker. I am going to kick their asses.
Brian Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry: Well, I got a boner.
Artie: Whoa, we're all in trouble.
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