Patrick Brewer

Patrick:Patrick's self-deprecating humor about his wardrobe: 'When a guy can pack his whole wardrobe into an overnight bag, you just don't really think that he'd be much of an interior designer.'

Patrick · David:Patrick's literal laundry method: 'It's just I do beat my laundry against rocks.' David: 'You're a freak.'

Patrick:Patrick's admission that he never looked at paperwork in his galleries

Patrick · David:Patrick's non-answer when David asks if it ever came together

Patrick:Patrick's escalating time periods for 'stepping away' (15 minutes to 2 hours)

Patrick:Patrick saying he needs a valid driver's license to run errands

Patrick:Leased.

Patrick:Give you more time to... oscillate.

Patrick:Battin' a thousand here, David.

Patrick:I love the buzzwords, David, but I do need to put something down here.

Patrick:Hi David, it's Patrick. I um-was just calling to run my business plan by you in a little more detail.

Patrick:Ciao! I said ciao to that person.

Patrick:Which that's not - that's not your name.

Patrick:Oh God! Yeah, the text cut us off.

Patrick:Just kidding, I didn't play them for anybody.

Patrick:I may have played them here on speaker phone.

Patrick:'Rose Apothecary,' you know, it's just pretentious enough.

Patrick:it's just pretentious enough.

Patrick:I um... I actually picked out that frame.

Patrick:Oh well, anyone with a fiber of common sense would know that.

David · Patrick:I can't tell if this room is just very, very small, or if the portrait is very, very big. Well, I think it's quite possible that both are true.

David · Patrick:It's just that I don't normally share beverages with people. / Really. That is shocking news.

Patrick:Some people have nice, clean mouths, and some people have sloppy mouths.

Patrick:No. You've got a sloppy mouth.

Patrick:I've been meaning to have my family portrait airlifted in...

Patrick:I don't think that's gonna happen.

Patrick:You'd think there'd be more of a market for oversized paintings of other people's families.

Patrick:Twyla's whole family. So, like, 75?

Patrick · David:Looks like this soft launch is firming up a bit, huh. But it's not supposed to be firm. Well, with this many people it's definitely at least semi-firm. Okay. Well, as long as it doesn't get hard.

Patrick:we'd be 25 percent richer if we just done a hard launch.

Patrick · David:That would be a no. No, we've always had some kind of party. Oh. - In fact, sometimes two parties.

Patrick:I've heard people raving about how 'moderately edible' the food is there.

Patrick · David:Those are wet now. - That's a lot of spritzing. - I'm gonna dry those off.

Patrick:I almost didn't see you there through the mad rush of the Friday night dinner crowd.

Patrick · Stevie:So you put it on the table? - Yeah.

Patrick:A bold claim.

Patrick:Huh.

Patrick:Ding-a-ding.

Moira · Patrick:How serendipitous. Thank you, Peter. It's Patrick. Anything else? Nothing else for me, thank you, just the scone. You mean the tea? Why not. Thank you.

Patrick:that, that felt like my first time.

David · Patrick:I just need you to say nice person. You're a good person. That's not nice.

Patrick · David · Stevie:David and I were just in the back doing some inventory. / Yeah. / Hmm, yeah

Patrick · David:David, did you give me a hickey?! / Okay no, I didn't, I gave you a-a half hickey, because we haven't had the time or the privacy for me to give you a full hickey!

David · Patrick:I noticed the line is a couple inches above where the whiskey starts. / I am stunned by your generosity

Patrick:Given that we only have the apartment for one night. Maybe it's best if we... lock that box back up for now?

David · Patrick:You know what, we didn't even get into your history... / Lock it up, David. Lock it up

Patrick:What just happened to you? Like, breathe it out.

Patrick:Four teens, one pack of gum, which you gift wrapped.

Patrick:Four teens, one pack of gum, which you gift wrapped.

Patrick:It's the exact same move that I used with my klepto friends in the Hamptons.

Patrick:if they're not selling it on the black market, then they'll need to come back and get the moisturizer, or their t-zones are going to be like, super effed!

Patrick:someone with your combination of skin should really be using product with tea tree oil in it

Patrick:Don't do it again, and I won't call the Po Po.

Patrick:I cursed those bears with the little strength that I could muster up.

Patrick · Stevie:Well, it's not exactly before work the store opened about 25 minutes ago, so. But yes, there is a chain, and no, you're not on it.

Patrick:Well, it's not exactly before work the store opened about 25 minutes ago, so.

Stevie · Patrick:What? Nothing, I just um, just remembering all those times that you compromised. I was just thinking about the same things, because there, there's so many to flip through.

Patrick:You made me pick between two Sandra Bullock vehicles.

Patrick:Just so that you know, making someone choose between two things that you like, is not exactly a compromise.

Stevie · Patrick:Yeah, pretty much.

Patrick:you insist on keeping them hidden away in the back room because you find them offensive.

Patrick · David:I think it was something about your boyfriend's shoes? Um... I don't remember saying that.

Patrick:My boyfriend doesn't like the shoes, so I'm gonna take the shoes off.

Patrick:This is called an acoustic guitar.

Patrick:Or more importantly, do I wear anything under it?

David · Patrick:He was never found. / Probably dead.

Patrick:In fact, by saying nothing at all, you... you spoke volumes.

David · Patrick:I just, I guess, didn't know, how many olive branches you were planning on extending. - Ideally, one!

David · Patrick:Okay, so... so you just said that to me for the first time, knowing that it would make my day more stressful. That's correct

Patrick:That went well

Patrick:No, I am making this perfect moment, perfect.

Patrick:Wow. So, what time is the Ghost of Christmas Past coming to visit you tonight?

David · Patrick · Stevie:Do you have time to mood-board a color scheme? - Does anyone? - No.

David · Patrick:David's seduction attempt: 'how sexy it is to walk in here and see you doing um... inventory? And wearing those little rubber thimbles'

Patrick · David:Patrick's earnest explanation: 'They help me flip the pages easier' followed by David's 'Hot. Hot sex.'

Patrick:Patrick's business response: 'it's kinda hard to build customer loyalty when your store is just like, spontaneously open or closed'

Alexis · Patrick:Alexis and Patrick's rope course puns: 'I really hope we didn't rope you into something here'

Patrick:Once again, Ray, saying 'knock knock' is not the same thing as actually knocking.

Patrick:Well, you might want to invest in a 'lock lock' then.

Patrick:David, you're constantly talking about how much you eat. But I've seen you walk from the bedroom to the shower, and you look fine.

Patrick:I think it's time we look for an apartment.

Patrick · David:Wait, does this mean that you were ready to move in with me? No. No? No, it's a closet space, and a timing thing.

Patrick:Fine, once. Twice. Fine, I had a tray in Cancun.

Patrick:Models and teen actors are just gonna lounge around in their bras and thongs, and take Polaroids of themselves all night?

Patrick · David:Eating out of the garbage? / Okay, I did that in front of you last night.

Patrick:It was really good for me.

David · Patrick:So, you think he's handsome then? / What? He's like-he goes to the gym.

Patrick:Both?

Patrick:Hasn't stopped me before.

Patrick · David:something about his shoes just made me feel really weird, 'cause they were like, long and pointy, but then... Squared off at the toe. Yes!

Patrick:Yeah, I talked to my parents a little while ago. They're on like, a weekend getaway, so they couldn't chat long

Patrick:Um... [long pause] Okay listen, David...

David · Patrick:What time did you need me to show up to watch you play the baseball?

David · Patrick:Can you play both parts? / Positions. And, no.

Patrick · David:We just need a body! / Then go to the morgue.

Patrick · David:I will cover you if any flies come your way. / I have a spray for that.

Patrick · David:How many of the questions are about the barbecue? / Most of them.

Patrick:I'd argue most baseball players are somebody's son.

Patrick:It's like when we used to play the Catholic kids from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow. The worst school cheer I ever heard.

Patrick:It's like when we used to play the Catholic kids from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow. The worst school cheer I ever heard.

Patrick:The MVP, and uh, no, we're not doing that.

Patrick:Um...

Patrick:there is a small chance that this could change everything. That they might see me differently, or treat me differently.

Patrick:David, I know my parents. They're not good actors. They knew about us, right?

Patrick:And the gift basket that you gave them that I'm hoping you paid for, that had nothing to do with you trying to smooth things over with them?

Patrick · Stevie · David:Did he just say 'merriment?' / I think he did. / Yes, I said 'merriment.' Because that's what happens when I spend too much time with my mother

Patrick:last week she told me to dance like an Indonesian scarf caught in the wind

Patrick:I don't even know what that looks like

Patrick:David, you have to stop watching 'Notting Hill'. It's not helpful for our relationship.

Patrick:It was either the first aid kit, or the ice packs.

David · Patrick:Oh my gosh, is this what marriage is? / Nope, this is just left over from the picnic yesterday

Patrick:Great to know you've barely given this any thought

Patrick · David:Good luck, honey! / It's 'break a leg'

Patrick:Oh, does your Dad not know?

Patrick:I thought that was a choice.

Alexis · Patrick:I left Stevie double-fisting drinks in a hot tub at the cabaret wrap party last night. I think I saw you triple-fisting at one point.

Patrick:You look great.

David · Patrick · Alexis:I might have overreacted and for that, I am apologetic. So, you're sorry. I knew there was a reason I came on this trip. My God. I am remorseful over an action I participated in.

Alexis · Patrick:Oh, I'm not wearing them on the plane, they hand out slippers with the mimosas. When was the last time you flew economy?

David · Patrick:Something spilled in the bed... there's wet in the bed

Patrick:Oh my God, David, did you wet the bed?

Patrick:We are not getting divorced... Yet. I need to see if I can get the stain out of my sheets first.

Patrick · David:I love you. / I'm glad one of us does!

Patrick:So how was your seventh shower?

Patrick:I found this blanket that I thought I had lost in the laundry room, so you've actually done me a favour.

Patrick:Purely coincidental.

Patrick:Come on, David, it's an expensive mattress!

David · Patrick:More expensive than my dignity? / I mean, comparable, at least.

Patrick:I don't think you have to say hashtag when you're just talking, Mrs. Rose.

Patrick:Why am I oddly flattered?

Patrick · David:It's my mouthguard... Also, you look very beautiful.

David · Patrick:I have never been more attracted to you. Mm, same.

Patrick:Okay, put it away, David. It's bedtime.

Alexis · David · Patrick:If you say Ronnie... - Oh, I don't think she would have said yes. - Does not like him.

Patrick:Also, if this is what it takes to get you out of that dank little apartment...

Patrick · Stevie:Look at me. Two years ago, I thought I'd have a wife and kid at this point. / Yeah, well, one out of two isn't bad. / I've been told I'm... very young at heart.

Patrick:♪ I'm a hungry, hungry hippo

Patrick · David:Why are you so handsome? / How come your skin is like... perfect. / It's a nine-step regimen I do twice a day. It's not a big deal.

Patrick · David:You know what I really wanna do with you? / Uh-huh. Ethically speaking, I don't think we can do that with you in this state. / Have a baby.

Patrick · David:Like I wanna have like a little baby with you. And we could just love it and hold it and bounce it. / Yeah, that's a... that's a big one-eighty.

Patrick · David:You would be such a good dad. / Have we met? / I wish you were my dad.

Patrick:I was watching 'Bridget Jones's Baby' right before I went under.

David · Patrick:our feet up on the... (Knock at the door) - You happy now?

Patrick · David:Just do me a favour and watch these, and don't eat them. - Mm. No guarantees

Patrick:I am also wearing a sweater

Patrick · David:your face is all red. It's beet red. - It is not! - Mm-hmm. It's flush

Patrick:this coffee table really brings out your lips

Patrick:A lot of people are here for drinks, David

Patrick:ours is um... kosher

Patrick:When David told me he wanted to install a Japanese toilet at my place, he neglected to mention that it would involve taking out a wall.

David · Patrick:David's obviously rehearsed excuse sequence with Patrick

Patrick · David · Patrick:You guys might wanna rehearse a little more next time. The extraction did feel a bit strained. - [Quietly] That was you. - Wha?

Johnny · Patrick · Johnny:Oh, that's okay, cold pizza can be good. - Mm. - Hot pizza's good. Too-hot pizza - not so good. I got that happening.

Patrick:Patrick's list of things that set David off: 'And there are many, many things that can set him off'

Patrick:I'm sorry, did you say sun?

Patrick:You look like a cheese puff.

Patrick:David, those are just ones where you look good.

Patrick:No, I was being very, very sarcastic.

David · Patrick:Like you calling the florist, and getting a quote? - That might be one of them.

Jocelyn · David · Patrick:Have a 'Rose-y' day! - We won't be doing 'Rose-y day.' - No?

Patrick:Okay, I'm beginning to think that that is the high point of your entire life.

Patrick · David:I don't know, are you? - No. But you can share my muffin. - Seriously. What took you so long?

David · Patrick:I thought you'd be excited. Would half a muffin help? - I'm not sure. - I'm not sure. - Okay. Y-you took it so that's a good sign.

Patrick · David:'Cause I know how flustered you can get When there's more than one thing on your plate. Hm. Unless it's food.

Patrick · David:David, I promise I will make you so happy here. You fuckin' better.

David · Patrick · Alexis:Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! - Yep. - Mhmm. Where are you going?! Somewhere safe.

Patrick · David:Wow, let's not get crazy. No, we should have gotten married indoors. You said indoor weddings are tacky. No. I said most weddings are tacky. And they often take place indoors.

Patrick:Oh no, all this was planned weeks ago. Just had a hunch you wouldn't handle stress well today.

David · Patrick:How did you book a massage so last-minute? Oh no, all this was planned weeks ago. Just had a hunch you wouldn't handle stress well today.

Patrick · David:You had like three bagels in half an hour. - They were a mistake.

David · Patrick:Uh, yeah. That was the first time I've ever received a happy ending. Sorry, what did you just say? The happy ending that the masseur gave me.

Patrick:He gave you a happy ending?! On our wedding day?!

Patrick · David · Ray:He gave you a happy ending?! On our wedding day?! I thought you wanted that?! See, this is what Ray should be filming.

Patrick:All I did, was leave an envelope full of cash and a note that said to take very good care of you.

Patrick:This is gonna make for a very strange story one day.

David · Patrick:I was both shocked and impressed! Okay, Marcia Clark? Court's adjourned for the day.

Patrick:All I did, was leave an envelope full of cash and a note that said to take very good care of you. And now that I've said those words out loud, I can see how a certain kind of person would interpret that the wrong way.