Alexis and Johnny hatch a plan to impress a motel reviewer, while David and Patrick search for a new apartment.
David's plant obsession drives 62 jokes in tight 26-minute frame—a character-comedy masterclass.
Directed by Jordan Canning · Written by Rupinder Gill
WAR
63.9
Wins Above Replacement
“The Plant” ranks #24 of 80 Schitt's Creek episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.2 — Elite. The episode packs 62 scored jokes at 2.4 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Stevie landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Stevie: Well, I did a lot of things in prison that I'm not proud of.
Stevie Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jocelyn: You know what? I am so tired of all of you! You're all a bunch of... of... b-b-bitches! No, wait. You're all a bunch of... of... witches! No, that's not right either. You're all a bunch of... of... DIFFICULT PEOPLE!
Jocelyn Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Moira: Well, that particular vessel has not only left port, it has been swallowed whole by a kraken of my own making.
Moira Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Roland: Instead of a chocolate on the pillow, we leave a pot roast.
Roland Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Moira: With teeth like stars and eyes like fire, I will devour your broken desire.
Moira: I am the night, I am the pain, washing your weakness down the drain.
Moira Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 62 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Alexis: Look, I know the motel isn't exactly the Four Seasons, but no offense, it's really more of a... a two-star situation.
Johnny: All guests are very important.
Alexis: That's cute.
Alexis Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Roland: I'll invite the blogger over for dinner. We'll do it at my place.
Roland: I'm thinking we start with some nice appetizers, maybe some shrimp.
Roland: Then a proper main course. Something with a bit of class.
Roland: And we'll need good wine. Not the cheap stuff.
Roland: Actually, nothing cheap. Nothing cheap at all.
Roland Character Comedy Escalation Alexis: Well, I actually have experience with this. I once hired a man to pretend to be my boyfriend at my parents' anniversary party, and he turned out to be a method actor who wouldn't break character for three weeks.
Alexis Character Comedy Observational Alexis: You could be the plant.
Stevie: What?
Alexis: You know, you're very still, and you don't really talk much, and you have a really nice, like, cool, calm energy. You're basically a plant.
Alexis Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Stevie Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Johnny Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ray: Knock knock.
Patrick: You have to actually knock on the door.
Patrick Observational Character Comedy Ray: Which door would you prefer I use to exit?
Ray Running Gag Absurdist ★ Rewatch David: Ray, that knock knock joke was terrible.
Patrick: Well, I've got a lock lock joke for you.
David: A lock lock joke? What is that?
Patrick: Lock lock. Who's there? Lock. Lock who? Lock the door, I'm coming in.
David Reaction Beat Physical/Slapstick Patrick: You ordered four pancakes? David, you weigh like 140 pounds.
David: Well, I'm very metabolically efficient.
Patrick: You're not efficient. You're just small.
Patrick Observational Character Comedy Patrick: That's it. I'm moving out.
David: What? Why?
Patrick: Because Ray keeps interrupting us. Every single time we try to have a private moment, there he is.
David: Patrick, you can't move out over Ray.
Patrick: Watch me.
Patrick Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort Ray: Oh, we have eggs. They might be from last year, but we have them.
Ray Absurdist Observational Moira: I was in Bosnia and I had the most transcendent experience. I expired pleased.
Moira Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ronnie: I don't know what you want from me. I've told you everything about Bosnia. I was there for three weeks in '94. I got shot at twice, I stepped on a land mine, lost my pinky toe, and I still don't talk about it.
Ronnie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jocelyn: I'm only seven minutes late!
Moira: Well, we couldn't wait. We were famished.
Jocelyn: Seven minutes! That's practically on time!
Jocelyn Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jocelyn: I have to be at rehearsal. We're doing a Nine Inch Nails tribute show at the yarn store.
Jocelyn Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Moira: I have an extensive background in the arts, Jocelyn. I've trained under some of the most exacting directors in the world. I think I'm more than qualified to take over your little... duties.
Moira Character Comedy Callback Twyla: I was singing along the whole time.
Jocelyn: Really?
Twyla: Well, no one could hear me, but I was doing it.
Twyla Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Jocelyn: I prefer to think of it as a duet.
Jocelyn Deadpan/Understatement Setup/Punchline Jocelyn: The baby's been up since 4 AM. I haven't slept in three days. I love her so much, but honestly? I'm losing my mind. I looked in the mirror this morning and didn't recognize myself. I think I'm having a breakdown.
Jocelyn Observational Dark/Subversive Roland: It's pronounced 'Guest Services Liaison,' not 'Guest Services Liaison.' The emphasis is on the first syllable.
Johnny: Coffee and pastries?
Emir: I've eaten worse. Last week I had mold for breakfast.
Emir Dark/Subversive Observational Roland: Voulez-vous come this way?
Roland Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Stevie: Well, I did a lot of things in prison that I'm not proud of.
Stevie Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Emir: Maybe you know my wife. I don't-I'm kidding. I don't have a wife...anymore.
Emir Dark/Subversive Misdirection Stevie: Oh my God, what happened? Did she disappear?
Emir: No, we got divorced.
Stevie: Oh, okay. That's less interesting.
Stevie Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Alexis: Oh, so you're telling me that looking at apartments is harder than the time I met Beyoncé at a Juicy Couture launch?
Alexis Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Alexis: Well, I mean, based on your dating history, I'm not sure anyone else did either.
Alexis Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Alexis: I know what you're thinking.
David: Oh, do you?
Alexis: Yes. You think I told someone about your skincare routine, and now they're going to steal your clients, and you're going to end up alone and friendless, living in a box by the river.
David: ...I was thinking about lunch.
Alexis: Well, now you will be.
Alexis Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Moira: With teeth like stars and eyes like fire, I will devour your broken desire.
Moira: I am the night, I am the pain, washing your weakness down the drain.
Moira Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Moira: Well, that particular vessel has not only left port, it has been swallowed whole by a kraken of my own making.
Moira Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Jocelyn: Oh my God, I just realized I left my baby with a complete stranger.
Jocelyn: I don't even know her last name!
Jocelyn: You know what? I am so tired of all of you! You're all a bunch of... of... b-b-bitches! No, wait. You're all a bunch of... of... witches! No, that's not right either. You're all a bunch of... of... DIFFICULT PEOPLE!
Jocelyn Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Moira: Well, that was unpleasant.
Moira Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Johnny: So you're the manager?
Roland: Well, I like to think of myself as more of a liaison between the town and the business community.
Johnny: A liaison?
Roland: Yeah, well, technically I'm the manager, but liaison sounds better.
Roland Character Comedy Absurdist Stevie: I need forty dollars.
Johnny: Forty dollars? What could possibly cost forty dollars?
Stevie: A lot of things cost forty dollars.
Johnny: Not in my experience.
Johnny Observational Setup/Punchline Stevie: Well, I'm also going to need shampoo.
Stevie Escalation Character Comedy Emir: You know, I've been reading about body lice. Fascinating creatures, really. Very adaptable.
Stevie: Why are you telling me this while we're eating?
Emir: They can survive for up to 30 days without a host. Remarkable resilience.
Emir Dark/Subversive Observational Stevie: Yeah, nothing says 'romantic dinner' like a conversation about body lice.
Stevie Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Stevie: I'm modest.
David: Are you though?
Emir Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Stevie: I'm, um... I'm actually here visiting a friend. In the... neighboring town. For... business reasons.
Stevie Character Comedy Awkward Silence Stevie: Yeah, well, I don't know what's genuine either, so...
Stevie Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Stevie: Okay, I have to tell you something. I feel terrible about this.
Emir: What is it?
Stevie: I'm a plant. I was sent here to spy on you.
Emir: You're a... plant?
Stevie: Yes. I know how it sounds.
Emir: Wow, you really are a plant. You just admitted it immediately.
Emir Observational Setup/Punchline Stevie: I should go.
Emir: You're a con artist! Stay.
Emir Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jocelyn: And then she just digs her thumbs right into my shoulders like she's trying to find loose change in a couch! And I'm paying her for this! I'm paying good money to be hurt!
Jocelyn: And don't even get me started on her 'healing energy' — there's nothing healing about someone pressing on your spine like they're trying to start a lawnmower!
Jocelyn: RONNIE THINKS SHE'S SOME KIND OF MYSTICAL HEALER BUT SHE'S JUST A WOMAN WITH STRONG HANDS AND NO CONCEPT OF THE WORD 'GENTLE'!
Jocelyn: And Moira, your stories... they never have a point. They just go on and on, and we're all just sitting there waiting for the punchline that never comes. It's exhausting.
Jocelyn Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Ray: I should mention, the commission on this place is going to be quite substantial.
David: How substantial?
Ray: Well, let's just say I'm going to be able to finally afford that back molar I've been eyeing.
Ray Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm David: Is this really a one-bedroom?
Ray: Well, it has one bedroom. It also has a living room, a kitchen, and a bathroom, so technically it's a four-bedroom.
Ray Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Ray: Well, we do have a walk-in closet.
David: Great.
Ray: It's more of a walk-through.
Ray Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch Roland: Instead of a chocolate on the pillow, we leave a pot roast.
Roland Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch David: This is the kitchen. We have a four-burner stove, a microwave, and a half-sized refrigerator that I'm pretty sure is actively working against us. And this is the living room slash bedroom slash... I don't know what this is. It's a room. With a window that doesn't open and a radiator that sounds like it's dying. Which, honestly, I relate to.
David Reaction Beat Character Comedy David: This is the master bedroom, which, as you can see, is very... small. And this is the ensuite bathroom, which is even smaller. And this is the closet, which is essentially a wall. So, you know, really, it's more of a suggestion than an actual room.
David Reaction Beat Escalation Ray Butabi: You won't have to worry about doors anymore.
David Rose: What does that mean?
Ray Butabi: Well, the bathroom door broke, so now it's just a curtain.
Ray Visual Gag Absurdist Callback Ray: Do you prefer your door open or closed?
David: Closed.
Ray: Well, that's not going to work for me.
Ray Running Gag Callback ★ Rewatch Callback David: If we can't agree on closet space, how are we going to agree on anything else? This is how relationships end. Not with a bang, but with a lack of adequate storage.
David Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Patrick: So you're saying you don't want to move in together?
David: No, I want to move in with you. I just need to know about the closet situation.
Patrick: The closet situation?
David: Yes. I have a lot of clothes, Patrick. A lot. And I need to know that there will be adequate space for my wardrobe.
Ray: I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, and I just want you to know that I'm available if you need someone to talk to. Also, if privacy is a concern, I can remove the door.
Ray Running Gag Cringe/Discomfort Callback Stevie: Charming? It's a motel. That's like calling a gas station convenient. Yeah, it's convenient, but that doesn't mean you want to spend your Saturday night there.
Stevie Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Alexis: Wait, so he was like, fluffing your pillow with pot roast?
Alexis: I need to experience that. That sounds amazing.
Alexis Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Top Episodes — Schitt's Creek
