Rock On!

Roland:So what are you watching?

Johnny:Oh, just a silent film.

Roland:Oh nice, nice. So you're watching something from your childhood?

Johnny:We need to make a workplace etiquette video for the business.

Roland:Oh, great idea! I'm in.

Johnny:Actually, Roland, you're exactly why we need this video.

Roland:This is very professional. Very well done. Although, I gotta say, some of the techniques they're using here, my wife and I, we've been experimenting with those same angles and positions at home.

Moira:That behavior is wholly in-app-ro-po

Roland:Wait, wait, wait. Can we watch that part again?

Roland:Oh, that was good. Let's watch it again.

Customer:Do you have that soap opera compilation? You know, the one with all the close-ups of people's faces when they find out their twin brother's evil?

Stevie:We have several compilations like that.

Customer:No, no. This one specifically has the scenes where they find out right before commercial breaks, and there's always that one actor who overacts the gasp.

Stevie:I'm going to be honest with you. That describes literally every soap opera ever made.

Stevie:This is incredible. This is like, peak television.

Moira:In this scenario, I am demonstrating what NOT to do in the workplace.

Moira:Hello, Gerald. I couldn't help but notice you have very nice hands.

Moira:Would you like to come back to my office and discuss... the Johnson account?

Johnny:No, no, no, no, no. We're not watching this.

Roland:Why not? I think Moira's doing great!

Johnny:She is not doing great, Roland. She is doing the opposite of great.

Johnny:If I could skip ahead, I would skip ahead.

Jocelyn:I'm so excited about the Poison concert!

Jocelyn:I just hope I don't need to call Poison Control... I mean, the actual Poison Control hotline, not the band!

Jocelyn:Because when Rikki Rockett makes direct eye contact with you during 'Talk Dirty to Me', you are gonna want to talk dirty back!

Twyla:Well, apparently Poison wanted to do a joint tour with The Wiggles, and nobody could agree on setlist.

Jocelyn:I was really looking forward to that concert, but it got cancelled.

Jocelyn:I even prepared by pumping before the trip so I wouldn't have to worry about it while I was away.

Jocelyn:Does the cafe have a smoke machine like at a rock concert?

Twyla:No, but if you wait long enough, something will catch fire in the kitchen and we'll get that smoky atmosphere naturally.

Moira:I've gambled with some very high-profile people. I once played blackjack with Mariah Carey in Monaco. I lost seventeen thousand dollars to Celine Dion at baccarat in Macau. And I taught David Copperfield how to play poker. Well, I say 'taught' — he made all my chips disappear.

Moira:My secret? Tôi không bao giờ thua. That's Vietnamese for 'I never lose.'

Alexis:I just realized I can't go to the casino.

David:Why not?

Alexis:Because I have a gambling problem.

David:Since when?

Alexis:Since I was like, seven.

David:I'm sorry, what? I wasn't listening.

Patrick:You weren't listening? We're in the middle of discussing our biggest client.

David:Yes, well, my apologies. I was thinking about something.

Patrick:About what?

David:About us. About whether you still find me attractive.

Alexis:I know what it's like to be married to someone completely self-absorbed and difficult.

Patrick:Really?

Alexis:Yeah, David is literally the worst.

Customer:Do you have a pen and paper?

David:Oh, are you writing a suicide note? Because that's the only reason anyone asks for those two things together.

David:Ken? Just... Ken? Not Kenneth, not Kendrick, not even a hyphenated situation? Just Ken?

Alexis:Ken, you must have been doing this for like, what, forty years?

David:Alexis, that is an absolutely inappropriate thing to say to someone. I mean, really, the audacity. Ken is a consummate professional and I won't have you sitting here, making these kinds of ageist remarks in front of him. It's offensive, it's rude, and frankly, it's beneath you.

Alexis:You know, if I had just been a little bit nicer to that customer, they probably would have bought everything in the store. Actually, no. If I had been there, they would have bought everything in the store AND asked for my autograph.

Patrick:She gave me her number!

David:Patrick, she was giving you her number so you could call her about the condo listing.

David:She was married with kids.

Patrick:I know.

Johnny:Stevie! What are you doing?

Stevie:Oh my God! Jesus! You can't just walk in here!

Johnny:I'm sorry, I didn't know you were— what is all this?

Stevie:It's not what it looks like.

Johnny:It looks like you're taking pictures of yourself.

Stevie:Okay, it's exactly what it looks like, but you cannot tell anyone about this. I'm serious, Johnny.

Stevie:I was taking photos for medical reasons.

Stevie:My doctor said I need to document things for my... condition.

Johnny:Oh, I see. So you're saying that you were... busy with work?

Johnny:Well, that's—that's perfectly understandable. I mean, we all have our... our priorities. And yours just happen to involve a computer.

Johnny:You know what? That's actually very forward-thinking of you. Very... modern. I respect that. I respect technology.

Johnny:I wish workplace training covered this.

Johnny:Well, you know, Stevie, there are certain moments in life that are meant to be private. And I think it's important to respect that privacy, even if it means being a little... unconventional about it.

Johnny:What I'm trying to say is, don't be embarrassed. We all have our... needs. The key is to handle them with dignity and discretion.

Johnny:Just make sure you lock the door. And perhaps invest in a white noise machine.

Jocelyn:I wore this dress because I thought it would be appropriate for the casino, but now I'm wondering if I look like our old babysitter who used to wear things that were way too revealing.

Jocelyn:If the bus is a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'! Wooo! Yeah!

Moira:I have my casino essentials: a change of clothes, a sensible shoe, caffeine pills, and a cover story that I got these from Condoleezza Rice.

Twyla:I could bring some brownies I made. They're very popular at the community center.

Twyla:Well, they have a very special ingredient that really brings people together.

Twyla:I made some brownies for the casino trip. They're regular brownies, but I also made some special brownies if anyone wants them.

Jocelyn:I made these brownies, but I assume you won't want any since they have marijuana in them.

Moira:Oh no, I'll have one. Actually, make it two. Three? How many did you make?

David:Patrick, you should date Ken.

Patrick:Why would I date Ken?

David:Because if you date him and it works out, great. And if you date him and it doesn't work out, you'll realize what you're missing and come crawling back to me. Either way, I win.

David:What happened earlier?

Stevie:I slept with Roland.

David:What?!

Roland:I thought of something to say about this situation.

Roland:I'm gonna write some really inappropriate poetry about it.

Roland:Oh my God!

Johnny:Well, it appears that Roland has discovered texting.

Johnny:How delightful for him.

Alexis:Wait, Patrick's having dinner with Ken? Ew, why would he do that?

David:Because Ken is his boss.

Alexis:Right, but like, Ken is so... I don't know, he's like a thumb in a blazer.

Alexis:I realized that if I date someone famous, they're too busy to cheat on me. Like, Brad Pitt doesn't have time to see someone else — he's got a charity to run, or whatever.

David:That's... that's not how celebrity relationships work, Alexis.

Alexis:Well, it should be. It's a very solid strategy.

David:Ken? Please. He's not a threat.

Alexis:David, he's literally gorgeous. He has those perfect teeth, and that hair, and those arms...

David:Okay, well, he works at a plant nursery.

Alexis:So?

Alexis:So wait, you're saying that in an open relationship, you can just see other people?

David:Yes, Alexis, that's the entire point of an open relationship.

Alexis:Oh my god, that's like... that's like having Josh Groban's relationship manual.

Jocelyn:If you'd've told me 20 years ago I'd be standing here with an empty chip bucket, stoned out of my mind at a Doodlebops concert, I would've lit a menthol, and had a laugh.

Jocelyn:Well, I went to see the Doodlebops because they were performing their hit song 'The Wiggle Dance (But Make It Fashion).'

Moira:I rocked with the Rolling Stones.

David:You did not rock with the Rolling Stones.

Moira:I was there, David. I was at their after-party in the '70s.

David:Mother, you were not at a Rolling Stones after-party.

Moira:Well, I would have been, if Charlie Watts hadn't been such a party pooper.

Moira:Well, Jocelyn, I've made peace with aging. You see, wrinkles are just a map of all the places your face has been.

Moira:And at my age, I've been to many, many places. Usually in search of a good skincare regimen, but places nonetheless.

Moira:Jocelyn, darling, you are 19 on the inside. And you know what that means? You should be gambling.

Johnny:You know, Emir seems like a very capable, intelligent young man. Solid business acumen. I respect that.

Moira:No! Who knew everything would contain chicken? 'Black forest tenders.'

Alexis:So David came home, and he was like, really upset. And I was like, 'David, what's wrong?' And he was like, 'I can't talk about it right now.' So I said, 'Okay, well, we're having dinner at 6:30.' And he said, 'Alexis, that's in twenty minutes.' And I was like, 'I know.'

Patrick:I couldn't do it. I looked at his shoes and they were square-toed. Square-toed! I can't be with someone who wears square-toed shoes.

David:That's fair.

Jocelyn:I did something really brave today. I cut my hair.

Jocelyn:Do you think it makes me look like a lesbian?

Jocelyn:Not that there's anything wrong with that. My therapist says I need to work on my internalized homophobia.

Jocelyn:But also, do I look like one?

Jocelyn:Do you think my haircut looks okay?

Twyla:No, not really. You look like you got your hair caught in a screen door.

Twyla:Every Rose Has Its Thorn... and so does your head.