For research, Johnny and Moira attend a singles event but get too involved. Alexis runs into an old friend, David agrees to help Jocelyn in planning her baby shower.
Character comedy drives 84.9-rated episode with 49 jokes across mild cringe moments.
Directed by Bruce McCulloch · Written by David West Read
WAR
55.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Baby Sprinkle” ranks #6 of 80 Schitt's Creek episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 84.9 — Elite. The episode packs 49 scored jokes at 2.1 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.1 on impact, with David landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Johnny: Oh, I know this game. This is the game where you take pills and see who dies first.
David: Yes, well, statistically speaking, it's usually the parent.
David: Well, I felt bad for her. She looked like Adam Sandler on a red carpet—uncomfortable, resentful, and like she'd rather be literally anywhere else.
David Observational Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch David: We would have used real drugs if we could afford them.
David Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch David: I've devised a baby shower game where guests must guess which item the expectant mother couldn't possibly need.
David: The winner receives a gift basket. The loser must contemplate their own mortality and inadequacy as a parent.
David: It's called 'Whose Baby Survives the Night?'
David Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch David: Wait, you were good at it?
Alexis: I was very good at it.
David: You were drugging Dad.
Alexis: I was a child!
David Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 49 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ David: Have you tried lighting a patchouli candle? It centers the chakras.
David Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jocelyn: I couldn't sleep because I kept picturing the baby doing synchronized swimming in my stomach.
Jocelyn: My sister can't come. Her husband's having heart problems.
David: Oh, well, I'm sure he'll be fine. These things have a way of working themselves out.
Jocelyn: He's dead, David.
David: A self-hosted baby shower. How... enterprising of you.
David Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Jocelyn: I'm trying to decorate for the baby shower, but nothing seems quite right.
Jocelyn: What about hanging up 'The Pelican Brief' poster? It's got such lovely colors!
Jocelyn Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jocelyn: I really need someone like David to help me organize my closet.
Jocelyn: Or you.
David: Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You said next month.
David: You specifically said next month.
David: I have... I have a thing next month.
David: Actually, no. No, I don't. But I could have had a thing.
David: You completely blindsided me into planning a baby shower.
David Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Alexis: We could do like a 50% discount for people dining alone during Singles Week.
Twyla: But if they're dining alone, they're already single.
Twyla Observational Irony/Sarcasm Twyla: What if we offered a discount for single people?
Alexis: Oh my God, that is genius. We should offer a discount for single people.
Alexis Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Alexis: Oh my God, hi! What are you doing here?
Klaire: We came here because it was listed as one of the most random cities.
Alexis: Random? Like... for fun?
Klaire: Yeah, we thought it would be hilarious.
Klaire: Wait, you live here?
Alexis: Yes, I live here.
Klaire: Oh my God, I completely forgot about you.
Klaire Cringe/Discomfort Dark/Subversive Claire: You look amazing! You look exactly like a woman who woke up this morning and put on clothes!
Klaire Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Moira Rose: I'll have a water, but I need it to be hot.
Café Worker: Like tea?
Moira Rose: No, just hot water. But by the time you bring it to me, it needs to be cool.
Klaire Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Moira: I'm having some very dark thoughts right now.
David: What happened?
Moira: I can't find my facial steamer.
Klaire Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Alexis: Okay, here's your hot water that cooled down.
Klaire: I didn't order that.
Alexis: You literally just ordered it. You said 'I want hot water that's cooled down to exactly room temperature.'
Klaire: I would never say that.
Klaire Cringe/Discomfort Callback Callback Alexis: I'm just saying, like, she literally just left. Like, she was just here and then she literally just left. I don't understand why she would just leave like that. Like, literally.
Alexis Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Johnny: What does MADLY stand for?
Ricki: Moira's Artisanal Dress... Linen... Yarn?
Johnny: That doesn't spell MADLY.
Ricki: Well, it sounds better than what it actually stands for.
Ricki Absurdist Wordplay/Pun Moira: We'd like to observe the dating event.
Johnny: Yes, we're just going to watch from the sidelines.
Ricki: Oh, so you're group voyeurs? That'll be an extra fifty dollars each.
Moira: We're not voyeurs, we're just—
Ricki: Seventy-five. Final offer.
Ricki Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Johnny: We're already matched.
Ricki: Yeah, well, you'd be surprised. I've seen married couples who aren't compatible.
Ricki: Can I interest you in a little role play?
Moira: No.
Ricki: You didn't even hear what it was.
Moira: I don't need to. The answer is no. However, I will allow you to reorganize my closet by color and then by sleeve length.
Ricki Moira Cringe/Discomfort Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch David: Well, I felt bad for her. She looked like Adam Sandler on a red carpet—uncomfortable, resentful, and like she'd rather be literally anywhere else.
David Observational Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch David: Well, I... I didn't realize at the time that...
Stevie: Ah!
David: A sprinkle? What is a sprinkle?
Stevie: It's like a baby shower, but smaller.
David: So it's a baby drizzle? That's not a thing!
Stevie: It's actually pretty common for second babies.
David: Well, it shouldn't be! If you're having a baby, you have a shower. Those are the rules.
David: A baby sprinkle? What is that? Some sort of... celebratory precipitation?
David: Because if anyone in this family is going to be subjected to sprinkles, it's going to be on my terms, in a controlled environment, with proper dessert napkins.
David Reaction Beat Character Comedy David: I mean, we've already gone to great lengths to accommodate her pregnancy. She's been given a comfortable chair, there's a foot stool, we've adjusted the temperature in the room twice. And now she wants us to actually center the party around her?
Stevie: David, it's her baby shower.
David: Yes, I'm aware. Which is precisely why I've been so thoughtful about her comfort.
David: I don't understand why we have to accommodate every single person at this event. We have a budget, we have a timeline, and we have very specific aesthetic requirements.
David: And now I'm being told that we need to have a quiet room for nursing mothers and their infants? A *quiet room*? Do you know what babies do? They cry. Incessantly.
David: So essentially, I'm being sabotaged by people who can't even speak or control their own bodily functions. This is what we've come to.
David Escalation Character Comedy Claire: So my stepmom is actually younger than me.
Claire: And yes, we live together. It's completely normal.
Klaire Absurdist Dark/Subversive Moira: Albany, you're fired.
Klaire Callback Character Comedy Callback Man: My wife, before she passed, she predicted I would meet someone like you.
Moira: Oh, that's so sweet. What did she say I'd be like?
Man: She said you'd have two arms, two legs, and a vagina.
Charlene: You know, Moira, I've always thought you were... special.
Moira: Oh! Well, that's very kind of you to say.
Charlene: I mean, really special. I think about you all the time.
Moira: Oh my God.
Jocelyn: I tried to jumpstart the holiday spirit with some decorations.
Jocelyn: I hung some garland, put up a few lights...
David: I think you should move them somewhere else. Preferably far away. Ideally, a different town.
David Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy David: Is that a piñata?
Roland: Sure is! Got it at the dollar store. Only cost me a buck.
David: It's a baby.
Roland: That's right. Realistic, too. See how it's all wrinkled and angry-looking? That's what babies look like.
David: I don't think we should hit the baby with a stick.
David Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch David: No, no, no. Absolutely not. We are not doing a diaper chocolate game.
David Reaction Beat Character Comedy Jocelyn: It's a really fun game! You take a diaper, and you melt a chocolate bar inside it, and then everyone has to guess what kind of chocolate it is by smell and taste!
Jocelyn: Wait... oh my God. Oh my God, no. I just realized what that sounds like.
Jocelyn Cringe/Discomfort Setup/Punchline David: Jocelyn, don't you think you should change for the party?
Jocelyn: I'm not going to change. This is what I'm wearing.
Jocelyn Visual Gag Deadpan/Understatement David: Can we move this vase?
Roland: No, it's bolted down.
David: Why is it bolted down?
Roland: It's my father's ashes. We've had three urn thefts in this town.
Roland Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch David: Why would anyone give a baby a piñata? What am I supposed to do with this? Hit it until candy falls out? That seems deeply inappropriate for an infant.
David Reaction Beat Visual Gag Callback Rene: Hi, I'm Rene Arcand. I'm a real estate agent, a notary public, and I have my Class 5 driver's license.
Moira: Well, that's... quite the trifecta.
Rene: The ladies seem to think so.
Rene Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch David Rose: I can drive at night.
Moira Rose: Well, that's quite the accomplishment.
David Rose: I know. Most people can't do it. It's a very specific skill that I happen to possess.
Rene Character Comedy Absurdist Moira: Well, I think the issue is that this lock is clearly not calibrated for someone of your... stature.
Moira Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Therapist: Moira, I think this lock game is bringing up some deeper issues for you.
Moira: Well, of course it is. I'm a woman of considerable depth and nuance.
Therapist: Perhaps we should explore why you're so resistant to failure.
Moira: I'm not resistant to failure. I'm resistant to the implication that I could fail at something as pedestrian as a children's puzzle.
Ricki Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy David: I've devised a baby shower game where guests must guess which item the expectant mother couldn't possibly need.
David: The winner receives a gift basket. The loser must contemplate their own mortality and inadequacy as a parent.
David: It's called 'Whose Baby Survives the Night?'
David Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch David: We would have used real drugs if we could afford them.
David Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Johnny: Oh, I know this game. This is the game where you take pills and see who dies first.
David: Yes, well, statistically speaking, it's usually the parent.
David: Wait, you were good at it?
Alexis: I was very good at it.
David: You were drugging Dad.
Alexis: I was a child!
David Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Alexis: I appreciate the offer, but I'm going to have to pass on the job.
Klaire: What job?
Alexis: The one you just offered me.
Klaire: I offered you a job? When?
Alexis: Like, five minutes ago.
Klaire: I have no recollection of that whatsoever.
Klaire Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Callback News Anchor: We interrupt this program to bring you a special report. Sources close to the Rose family confirm that their hatred of Albany has not subsided. In fact, it appears to be growing stronger by the day.
News Anchor: When asked for comment, David Rose simply said, 'It's a dump.' Moira Rose was unavailable, as she was busy designing a hat that says 'Albany Stinks.'
Klaire Running Gag Character Comedy Callback Top Episodes — Schitt's Creek
