For research, Johnny and Moira attend a singles event but get too involved. Alexis runs into an old friend, David agrees to help Jocelyn in planning her baby shower.
Character comedy drives 84.9-rated episode with 49 jokes across mild cringe moments.
Directed by Bruce McCulloch · Written by David West Read
WAR
94
Wins Above Replacement
“Baby Sprinkle” ranks #52 of 80 Schitt's Creek episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 86.5 — Elite. The episode packs 81 scored jokes at 3.4 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with David landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Moira · David: 'David, why does this game feel vaguely familiar?' / 'You invented it. We played it a lot growing up.' / 'Oh! / I can't remember playing.' / 'That's because we got very good at it.'
Moira David Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Roland: Grandpa's ashes are in a bolted-down urn because of 'urn thefts'
Roland Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch David: Okay, now this game is called sleepy mommy... We're each gonna take turns popping pills into mommy's mouth. Now unfortunately, these are breath mints, we couldn't afford actual benzos...
David Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch David: Can we move this vase?
Roland: No, it's bolted down.
David: Why is it bolted down?
Roland: It's my father's ashes. We've had three urn thefts in this town.
Man: My wife, before she passed, she predicted I would meet someone like you.
Moira: Oh, that's so sweet. What did she say I'd be like?
Man: She said you'd have two arms, two legs, and a vagina.
David Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 81 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ David: Have you tried lighting a patchouli candle? It centers the chakras.
David Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jocelyn: I couldn't sleep because I kept picturing the baby doing synchronized swimming in my stomach.
David Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jocelyn: My sister can't come. Her husband's having heart problems.
David: Oh, well, I'm sure he'll be fine. These things have a way of working themselves out.
Jocelyn: He's dead, David.
Jocelyn Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement David: A self-hosted baby shower. How... enterprising of you.
Jocelyn: I'm trying to decorate for the baby shower, but nothing seems quite right.
Jocelyn: What about hanging up 'The Pelican Brief' poster? It's got such lovely colors!
Jocelyn: I really need someone like David to help me organize my closet.
Jocelyn: Or you.
David Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy David: Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You said next month.
David: You specifically said next month.
David: I have... I have a thing next month.
David: Actually, no. No, I don't. But I could have had a thing.
David: You completely blindsided me into planning a baby shower.
Jocelyn Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Alexis: We could do like a 50% discount for people dining alone during Singles Week.
Twyla: But if they're dining alone, they're already single.
Jocelyn Character Comedy Misdirection Twyla: What if we offered a discount for single people?
Alexis: Oh my God, that is genius. We should offer a discount for single people.
Patrick Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Alexis: Oh my God, hi! What are you doing here?
Klaire: We came here because it was listed as one of the most random cities.
Alexis: Random? Like... for fun?
Klaire: Yeah, we thought it would be hilarious.
Alexis Character Comedy Absurdist Klaire: Wait, you live here?
Alexis: Yes, I live here.
Klaire: Oh my God, I completely forgot about you.
Ted Alexis Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Claire: You look amazing! You look exactly like a woman who woke up this morning and put on clothes!
Klaire Observational Character Comedy Moira Rose: I'll have a water, but I need it to be hot.
Café Worker: Like tea?
Moira Rose: No, just hot water. But by the time you bring it to me, it needs to be cool.
Klaire Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Moira: I'm having some very dark thoughts right now.
David: What happened?
Moira: I can't find my facial steamer.
Klaire Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Alexis: Okay, here's your hot water that cooled down.
Klaire: I didn't order that.
Alexis: You literally just ordered it. You said 'I want hot water that's cooled down to exactly room temperature.'
Klaire: I would never say that.
Klaire Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Alexis: I'm just saying, like, she literally just left. Like, she was just here and then she literally just left. I don't understand why she would just leave like that. Like, literally.
Klaire Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Johnny: What does MADLY stand for?
Ricki: Moira's Artisanal Dress... Linen... Yarn?
Johnny: That doesn't spell MADLY.
Ricki: Well, it sounds better than what it actually stands for.
Moira: We'd like to observe the dating event.
Johnny: Yes, we're just going to watch from the sidelines.
Ricki: Oh, so you're group voyeurs? That'll be an extra fifty dollars each.
Moira: We're not voyeurs, we're just—
Ricki: Seventy-five. Final offer.
Johnny: We're already matched.
Ricki: Yeah, well, you'd be surprised. I've seen married couples who aren't compatible.
Alexis Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ricki: Can I interest you in a little role play?
Moira: No.
Ricki: You didn't even hear what it was.
Moira: I don't need to. The answer is no. However, I will allow you to reorganize my closet by color and then by sleeve length.
David: Well, I felt bad for her. She looked like Adam Sandler on a red carpet—uncomfortable, resentful, and like she'd rather be literally anywhere else.
Johnny Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm David: Well, I... I didn't realize at the time that...
Stevie: Ah!
Ricki Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch David: A sprinkle? What is a sprinkle?
Stevie: It's like a baby shower, but smaller.
David: So it's a baby drizzle? That's not a thing!
Stevie: It's actually pretty common for second babies.
David: Well, it shouldn't be! If you're having a baby, you have a shower. Those are the rules.
David: A baby sprinkle? What is that? Some sort of... celebratory precipitation?
David: Because if anyone in this family is going to be subjected to sprinkles, it's going to be on my terms, in a controlled environment, with proper dessert napkins.
Ricki Cringe/Discomfort Deadpan/Understatement David: I mean, we've already gone to great lengths to accommodate her pregnancy. She's been given a comfortable chair, there's a foot stool, we've adjusted the temperature in the room twice. And now she wants us to actually center the party around her?
Stevie: David, it's her baby shower.
David: Yes, I'm aware. Which is precisely why I've been so thoughtful about her comfort.
Ricki Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement David: I don't understand why we have to accommodate every single person at this event. We have a budget, we have a timeline, and we have very specific aesthetic requirements.
David: And now I'm being told that we need to have a quiet room for nursing mothers and their infants? A *quiet room*? Do you know what babies do? They cry. Incessantly.
David: So essentially, I'm being sabotaged by people who can't even speak or control their own bodily functions. This is what we've come to.
Claire: So my stepmom is actually younger than me.
Claire: And yes, we live together. It's completely normal.
Moira: Albany, you're fired.
Ricki Johnny Cringe/Discomfort Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Man: My wife, before she passed, she predicted I would meet someone like you.
Moira: Oh, that's so sweet. What did she say I'd be like?
Man: She said you'd have two arms, two legs, and a vagina.
David Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Charlene: You know, Moira, I've always thought you were... special.
Moira: Oh! Well, that's very kind of you to say.
Charlene: I mean, really special. I think about you all the time.
Moira: Oh my God.
David Character Comedy Absurdist Jocelyn: I tried to jumpstart the holiday spirit with some decorations.
Jocelyn: I hung some garland, put up a few lights...
David Character Comedy Observational David: I think you should move them somewhere else. Preferably far away. Ideally, a different town.
David: Is that a piñata?
Roland: Sure is! Got it at the dollar store. Only cost me a buck.
David: It's a baby.
Roland: That's right. Realistic, too. See how it's all wrinkled and angry-looking? That's what babies look like.
David: I don't think we should hit the baby with a stick.
Patrick Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm David: No, no, no. Absolutely not. We are not doing a diaper chocolate game.
Jocelyn: It's a really fun game! You take a diaper, and you melt a chocolate bar inside it, and then everyone has to guess what kind of chocolate it is by smell and taste!
Jocelyn: Wait... oh my God. Oh my God, no. I just realized what that sounds like.
David Character Comedy Reaction Beat David: Jocelyn, don't you think you should change for the party?
Jocelyn: I'm not going to change. This is what I'm wearing.
David: Can we move this vase?
Roland: No, it's bolted down.
David: Why is it bolted down?
Roland: It's my father's ashes. We've had three urn thefts in this town.
David: Why would anyone give a baby a piñata? What am I supposed to do with this? Hit it until candy falls out? That seems deeply inappropriate for an infant.
Alexis Character Comedy Reaction Beat Rene: Hi, I'm Rene Arcand. I'm a real estate agent, a notary public, and I have my Class 5 driver's license.
Moira: Well, that's... quite the trifecta.
Rene: The ladies seem to think so.
Klaire Dark/Subversive Character Comedy David Rose: I can drive at night.
Moira Rose: Well, that's quite the accomplishment.
David Rose: I know. Most people can't do it. It's a very specific skill that I happen to possess.
Moira: Well, I think the issue is that this lock is clearly not calibrated for someone of your... stature.
Moira Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Therapist: Moira, I think this lock game is bringing up some deeper issues for you.
Moira: Well, of course it is. I'm a woman of considerable depth and nuance.
Therapist: Perhaps we should explore why you're so resistant to failure.
Moira: I'm not resistant to failure. I'm resistant to the implication that I could fail at something as pedestrian as a children's puzzle.
David: I've devised a baby shower game where guests must guess which item the expectant mother couldn't possibly need.
David: The winner receives a gift basket. The loser must contemplate their own mortality and inadequacy as a parent.
David: It's called 'Whose Baby Survives the Night?'
Johnny Setup/Punchline Character Comedy David: We would have used real drugs if we could afford them.
Moira Character Comedy Misdirection Johnny: Oh, I know this game. This is the game where you take pills and see who dies first.
David: Yes, well, statistically speaking, it's usually the parent.
Roland Absurdist Character Comedy David: Wait, you were good at it?
Alexis: I was very good at it.
David: You were drugging Dad.
Alexis: I was a child!
Alexis: I appreciate the offer, but I'm going to have to pass on the job.
Klaire: What job?
Alexis: The one you just offered me.
Klaire: I offered you a job? When?
Alexis: Like, five minutes ago.
Klaire: I have no recollection of that whatsoever.
David Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement News Anchor: We interrupt this program to bring you a special report. Sources close to the Rose family confirm that their hatred of Albany has not subsided. In fact, it appears to be growing stronger by the day.
News Anchor: When asked for comment, David Rose simply said, 'It's a dump.' Moira Rose was unavailable, as she was busy designing a hat that says 'Albany Stinks.'
David: 'I will literally do anything for us to not play that game.' — David's response to the diaper game
David Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jocelyn · David: 'You don't just sniff it.' — Jocelyn's correction of David's reductive description of the diaper game
David: I will literally do anything for us to not play that game.
David Character Comedy Escalation Patrick · Jocelyn: Hey, Jocelyn, why don't you get ready, get changed, and we'll take good care of the place. — I am ready.
Jocelyn: Jocelyn saying 'I am ready' when asked if she wants to get changed — she's still in her pajamas
Roland: Grandpa's ashes are in a bolted-down urn because of 'urn thefts'
Roland Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch David · Patrick: 'Was this a mistake?' / 'Oh, probably, but you know, we're here now, you know.'
David: David clearly struggling with where to put the baby piñata — visual beat of holding it awkwardly
David Visual Gag Reaction Beat Rene: Rene at the speed dating: 'I work in ad sales and can drive at night. I know that sounds like an odd thing to mention, but it does separate me from the crowd.'
Rene Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Johnny: Pardonnez-moi, senor Rene. Okay, Moira, let's go.
Johnny Character Comedy Reaction Beat Moira · Ricki: Moira's 'neck burn' from trying too hard to connect the key to a lock — and Ricki's passive-aggressive suggestion that she 'go within and reflect'
Moira Ricki Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Ricki · Moira · Johnny: You're um... getting a bit of neck burn. / Oh. / Well, I didn't have any problem with mine.
Moira · Ricki: 'Connecting is my livelihood.' / 'No, it's these discount locks.'
Moira Ricki Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Johnny: Johnny offering Rene to drive Shirley home — testing him on his key attribute ('can drive at night')
Johnny Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Johnny · Rene: Rene, Shirley needs a ride home. Can you still drive at night? / Sure.
Johnny Rene Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback David: The 'Sleepy Mommy' game — David's alternative to the diaper game
David Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch David: Okay, now this game is called sleepy mommy... We're each gonna take turns popping pills into mommy's mouth. Now unfortunately, these are breath mints, we couldn't afford actual benzos...
David Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Johnny: Boy, these have a bit more weight to them than the usual pills.
Johnny Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Roland: Well, you know, Johnny, that weight might actually work in your favour if you take into consideration the humidity in here.
Roland Character Comedy Absurdist Moira · David: 'David, why does this game feel vaguely familiar?' / 'You invented it. We played it a lot growing up.' / 'Oh! / I can't remember playing.' / 'That's because we got very good at it.'
Moira David Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback David: 'I remember Alexis got one in from across the room once.'
David Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Johnny · David: Yeah, we need some clarity on the point system, David, because I've landed three in Jocelyn's bangs, and that's gotta count for something. / Or nothing.
Roland · Johnny: Roland asking if he gets an extra point for bouncing one off Jocelyn's forehead — and the scoring debate
Klaire: Klaire's Cabo/Mexico/Tulum dismissal — 'what does she wanna do, smoke a blunt with Pitbull?'
Klaire Character Comedy Observational Klaire · Alexis: So like, she's telling me that she's going to Mexico, and I'm like, if you're not going to Tulum, then like where the hell are you even going? / So where is she going? / Ugh, god. Cabo. / Oh my god, poor thing.
Klaire · Alexis: Klaire doesn't remember offering Alexis the job — 'I'm sorry, reset. What are we talking about?'
Klaire Alexis Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Klaire: Oh, yeah, sure, you do your bit. I'm always here for you.
Klaire Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Klaire: 'Oh, yeah, sure, you do your bit. I'm always here for you.'
Klaire Cringe/Discomfort Deadpan/Understatement Klaire: Breaking news, we still (bleep) hate her.
Klaire Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Alexis: Alexis's final quiet 'It won't' — committing to Schitt's Creek after Klaire's hollow 'we can't let this happen again'
Alexis Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Albany: 'Why do you guys have drinks, and I don't? Hmm?' — Albany asserting herself at the end
Albany Character Comedy Reaction Beat Albany: Why do you guys have drinks, and I don't? Hmm?
Albany Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — Schitt's Creek
