The Motel Guest

Oh, there's a woman in here Who couldn't afford a Persian rug, so she painted one on her tiled floor. The magazine is celebrating her ingenuity! Well, it sounds like a creative solution. A creative solution would be a lobotomy to make one forget they like nice things.

As if you think that's what I listen to!

The entire Rose family chaos with banging, yelling, and confusion over loud music

Moira's excessive sighing sequence

No, they look like they usually look, Moira. So now my eyes are usually puffy!

These bags are like gypsy caravans, packed to the brim!

Roland! What are you doing here? Well, we're, uh, doing some renos on the uh, house, so we're gonna shack up here until they're all done.

Now, whatever you and the missus do after hours, that's your business, not mine. On the walls Roland, with our fists! And if you're into that kind of stuff, that doesn't bother me at all.

You said 'renovations.' Yes... renovations, because our basement flooded!

I mean living in a space this limited, is trying enough on a marriage without having Roland wallowing next door. This is going to bring us to a breaking point!

All right, John. I... I drink a little too much tea sometimes. And that's it for you? You uh... You drink tea?

That would only be after you've taken that condescending father tone with me. Father tone? There it is.

But only when you act like a big child! I act like a child? Yes John, and now is not the time for you to throw one of your tantrums!

That's another thing Mr. Rose, you never finish your fights. Oh, this one's finished!

Stevie, you look like you would know about affordable housing.

I wouldn't really describe any apartment as cute in this town.

There's a collection of undershirts hang drying outside of my room. Is there any way they could be removed, or is there like, a Texas Chainsaw movie being filmed out there that I'm not aware of?

I am thinking about getting a place. I have some money coming in, and it's just... It's not really a cute look to be this age, and live at home. No offense, David.

M'kay well, you're a full grown man, who's much older than me, living at home. So it's just a little bit embarrassing.

Because David, as an attractive, single female, I don't feel comfortable going to look at an apartment by myself!

Mmmm... that person doesn't exist in this town.

Sad sack-y today. Sad sack-y?

That's where we had our honeymoon. Had a lot of great times in that room.

It was actually the first song that we ever made... Okay, I really don't need the details on that.

Well, it's kinda obvious that you and Moira are a little bit rocky right now.

This is so cute for me. This is cute, right? I think this is super cute. Wait, is it cute? 'Cause I know that it's light, and spacious, and... airy in here, but I just wasn't sure if it was cute. Oh, it's cute.

Yes, but we can rip those out.

Yes, we found an incinerated squirrel carcass there last week.

Wait, $275 a month for this? That's cheaper than my P.O. Box in New York.

it actually kind of reminds me of your old um... office space that you had in the West Village.

No. I was gonna say sensitive. Oh, sensitive. Especially when I wanna do something on my own. Ohhh! Do you really think he's obnoxious and irritating?

You are so right! You know, I thought that I might be ready to forgive him, but I think he needs a couple more nights at that motel.

But, on the other hand... maybe it's through your forgiveness that you teach him a lesson. Right, and... and the sooner you forgive him, then... then the better it's gonna be for... for you.

Close the door honey, will you? You're lettin' my flies out.

I'm sorry, are you complaining about the quality of the free lodging that I arranged for you this past year?

(Imitating Moira) Hello, everyone! I'm Moira Rose, and I know famous people, so I really can't talk to the common folk. Excuse me all, coming through!

The apartment was soundproofed by the previous owner. But the irony is the people next door are completely deaf, so you could literally scream for hours, and no one would hear you. Did you hear that? You could scream for hours, and no one would hear you.

Yes, someone did take their own life in this space, but the good news is, we've replaced the ceiling fan, it's now a break-away model.

You are an emotionally stunted, self absorbed man-child. You lord this counterfeit power of yours over others like a schoolyard bully!

You're just a stuck up pencil skirt with clown makeup, and a janitor's mop on your head!

Your marriage is as blighted as this town, and you have no one to blame but yourself! Whoa... Well, hold on. I went too far.

You know, sometimes at night, I see things. Oh my God, David! Like... dark things. Like sometimes there's this old woman that paces back and forth by your bed, waving her hands over your face. I don't think her bony fingers ever touch your mouth, though.

Do you ever wake up with chapped lips? Dad! Dad's dead. Ohh, you're such a dick, David!