Roadkill

Who voluntarily goes to a tax seminar? / Maybe the kinds of people who want to keep their businesses?

This is about those stupid Tamagotchi? / Actually it is.

Taking care of that many is like a full-time job! / I left you with six adult Tamagotchis in perfect health!

You have to like actively murder them in order for that to happen!

Last night she texted me at 3 A.M. and all it said was 'leggings.'

Unlikely... murderer.

ballet intensive, perhaps some mittens to curb the nail biting

I promise to enjoy the 60 minutes I'll spend having my deepest tissues palpated

Factor in five minutes for you to use the facilities and we'll be back home by noon

Similar texture but falls apart in emotional complexity

It's the circle of life, John. You've just provided a nice Passover Seder for a family of hawks.

what kind of ailurophobe sends their kitty out to play on such a busy stretch of highway?

Okay, like a serial killer?

If this isn't a full circle moment, then I'm not twice divorced.

Well, you know what they say about love, it's like target practice, if you just keep shooting at it...

so we're reopening the Blouse Barn?

Well, isn't that a compliment. For him.

Karen's a new one.

she was looking for a Jon Gosselin type

But I didn't pay for that. / I know, I got it at the flea market.

Thank you for the delivery. Do you need my signature? Oops.

seems that the strap has fallen off of your shoulder. I'd offer to put it back for you, but as a delivery guy, I don't know if it's my place.

my... grandmother passed this morning. / Ew! Oh my God, Ted! / Sorry, I wasn't prepared for an improv.

So, you and I just innocently witnessed an 18-wheeler barreling down...

My husband struck down your feline with our car.

No, my husband has what's called a feather foot.

The Hammam Spas are notoriously fickle about refunds.

Hm, John, shall I pick you up on the way back? I know how desperate you were for me to have my day of detox.

What the actual fuck?! / They've ripped off our entire store.

Tulips instead of roses? Woof!

That's not me! And he's still standing there!

You were a lot nicer when I was talking to you over there.

How far do you think we'd get if we just started running?

She's either up, or takin' a leak. / Either way, great progress for Bebe.

Yes, it seems he had taken ill, and stumbled out on the road poor thing, presumably to end it all.

It smells like pennies and burps!

Gel Time Moist Liquid. Contains 100% moist liquid.

Uh-oh, Davey got busted!

pharmacies hand those out for free on Halloween.

You pulled some new tricks out. / New to you.

the door was unlocked the entire time! / They would've gotten quite the show!

How are we still trapped in this gothic horror show?

The funeral... for your cat?

Perhaps it's the lack of air, but I believe I saw three or four cats running around since this interrogation began.

No! She likes the Kinky Shoes. / I believe it's Kinky Boots.

I'm her mother! / Yes, well that... / Yes, you are!

Who's Brad? / My fiance. / I thought you and Antonio were... / Oh David... We're business partners.

Who's Brad? My fiance. I thought you and Antonio were... Oh David... We're business partners.

they had to put the mirror on the ceiling.

what would I do without you? / I literally don't know, Wendy.

A few years ago. And it just been real tough to get over.

And if we're pointing fingers, David, I've done it on a lot of sinks and I've never had an issue.

When you say you've done it on a lot of sinks...