On election night, Selina and her staff find their nerves growing frayed as each state result is called.
Season finale delivers 73 jokes in 33 minutes but falls shy of elite status at 79.
Directed by Chris Addison · Written by Simon Blackwell, Tony Roche
WAR
150.4
Wins Above Replacement
“Election Night” ranks #24 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 94.0 — Elite. The episode packs 102 scored jokes at 3.0 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.4 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dan: Time to turn that noose back into a necktie, buddy.
Dan Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Selina: Okay? The rule book's been torn up now and America is wiping its nasty ass with it.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Selina: I'm taking the White House. Please leave the hot tub on.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Selina: Amy Brookheimer who so successfully ran my campaign until she became unwell.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina: Amy Brookheimer who so successfully ran my campaign until she became unwell.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback All Jokes — 102 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Aide/Staffer: History is calling, and it won't go to voicemail.
Gary · Staffer: America doesn't just love you, ma'am, she is in love with you. / We've lost Kentucky!
Dan: Amy, if he wins, our lobbying stock is gonna droop like a chimp's tits.
Dan Character Comedy Observational TV Commentator/Dan: Well, on air I'm gonna keep in with her. Off air I'm telling the Nazis that she's hiding in the attic.
Network Anchor: So, suck it, Fox.
Anchor · Jonah: Hey, wait, it's the testicle man. Guilty as charged. Check 'em, don't neglect 'em.
Staffer/Anchor: This whole scrotum situation is really working out for you, sir.
Jonah: That hearing was terrible, but it really got my face out there, you know?
Jonah Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Staffer/Anchor: You're the face of workplace bullying and genital health.
Ben: Oh, man, election nights are my cocaine. It used to be election nights and cocaine were my cocaine, but...
Ben Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Ben: If Fox says it's close, then it must be. Then again, they said the Rapture was close.
Ben Observational Irony/Sarcasm Ben: Okay, settle down. A bowl of hair could win those states.
Ben Deadpan/Understatement Observational Staffer: Well, most people get just two.
Bill: I'm saving that for when I go to prison.
Bill Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Ben: Even money they give you the chair.
Ben Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Bill: I had to ditch my fiancé. I'll be thinking about that while I'm with whichever guy makes me his prison fiancé.
Bill Dark/Subversive Escalation Gary: Gary's 'Fuck!' reaction to Karen being Selina's invited friend.
Gary Reaction Beat Character Comedy Amy: That was transcendent bullshitting.
Amy Meta/Self-Referential Deadpan/Understatement Kent: You're gonna win in a slide. You know, marginally.
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Karen · Staffer: Ah! These damn hotel carpets. I keep getting that static electric shock. You need one of those ionic bracelets that grounds you.
Bill: It's the prison toilet situation which preys on one's mind. Defecating in full view of another man is unthinkable.
Bill Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Ben · Bill: Yeah, Bill, put a cork in it, will you? / You know, that actually may help.
Ben Bill Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Ben: He's like a Native American tracker. He can hear it in the wind.
Ben Observational Character Comedy Bill · Selina: I could pardon you? / That wouldn't look good. You'd be the first person to say that. / I'm not entirely sure I would in this circumstance.
Selina · Bill: Hey, Bill, I got a lot on the line with my presidency right now, so I don't really have time to be thinking about your whatever the fuck it is. / Probable imprisonment.
Amy: Set up an office with Selina at the Betty Ford Clinic? No, I've applied for a job outside. Politics bores me. It bores the living hell out of me. God, it's boring.
Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dan: Amy looks off her game, distracted. I only really know Amy as the woman who rushed everywhere clutching her phone like it contained her frozen embryos.
Dan Character Comedy Observational Dan: Works frantically to avoid dealing with her weird mix of lack of self-worth and narcissism. I really like her.
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Staffer/Kent: Uh, ma'am, I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but... [pause] Called Wisconsin. Projected as an O'Brien win. That was the bad news, which in the end I didn't bear.
Amy: No. Um, a lot of the polls have not closed yet. So, no. No, you know, it's no.
Amy Cringe/Discomfort Reaction Beat Jonah: O'Brien can't be president. He's still contracted to be the KFC logo.
Jonah Absurdist Character Comedy Karen · Selina: Karen being asked a hypothetical question and taking a full 30 seconds to say essentially nothing.
Amy · Dan: I'm going. I have to go. / What? No, you can't do that. / Yeah, no, I have to see this play out with Selina.
Amy Dan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Greg (Anchor): Some of our viewers were complaining that you're shrill anyway.
Amy · Greg · Dan: Amy's on-air meltdown: 'And you're acting as though I'm sounding shrill right now? / Yeah, yeah, keep making that face implying that I'm shrill. / Hey, could someone check the parking lot? I think all the alarms are going off.'
Amy Greg Dan Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Jonah: Sorry for your loss, ma'am. I mean about Wisconsin, not a person.
Jonah Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jonah: Ow! Fuck! I forgot. I have incompatible shoes with the rug.
Jonah Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: Screw this whole sloppy, backseat blowjob of a night anyway. I don't give a shit.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Staffer · Ben: The Wisconsin call has been rescinded. / Rescinded is actually not a word that's immediately clear. / This is a 360-degree turn. / It's 180.
Selina: Rescinded is my new favorite word!
Selina Character Comedy Reaction Beat Ben: We are back in the game. Back from the dead. Zombies, bottom of the ninth.
Ben Character Comedy Observational TV Anchor Greg: It appears that Matty's domino is standing up straight again.
Selina · Ben: Your website is shit. / Honest to God. Shit. / Go back to the Shire, you fucking moonfaced hobbit.
Selina: 'Oh, Tom James. Ooh, it's Tom James. He's so dreamy. Sign my tits, Tom James.'
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Tom James · Selina: Madam President, I don't want to be impotent. / I... I don't really... / In your administration.
Tom James · Selina: No, I want to be treasury secretary. / What? / As well as veep. / You want to run my economy? / Bank of Tom James.
Selina: Anything else you want to ask for? Want your face on money or something?
Selina: Want that TV? Take it.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Ben: I've known sailors less likely to go either way than this.
Ben Observational Deadpan/Understatement Selina: Fuck Iowa. I'd say nuke it, but I think someone already did.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Ben: You might gather the general trend is that it's too close to call.
Ben Deadpan/Understatement Observational Selina: God, I am so tense. I could crack a walnut in my ass.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jonah: Everybody give it up for Band of the Horses. / Wait, what? / Oh, Band... Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Give it up for Band of Horses.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jonah: I just want to say thank you for supporting the men's health campaign and letting me tell guys that they should feel themselves up. Easiest job I ever had.
Jonah Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Jonah: You guys remember the A-Team, right? 'I'm the A-Team.' Mr. T... they were supposed to be on the run, but they were in a really distinctive van. Yeah, what was up with that?
Jonah Character Comedy Observational Kent · Selina: Feeling kind of zen-ish, you know? I realize that there's nothing more I can do. Things are out of my control and I just have to let the tension go. / Get the fuck out of here, Kent.
Selina · Catherine: Yeah, and he was, like, 60. / He was 35.
Selina: You know, Catherine, men are horrible. Okay? I mean, I have to just tell it to you like it is, honey. But all men are awful.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: And the key is to just find a man who's the least horrible.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Selina · Catherine: Oh, look at that photo of you and me. You look like me in that picture. / No. No, uh-uh. Not at all.
Selina: Oh, there's Daddy. / Horrible.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Selina: God, it always seems longer with Catherine.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Amy: Just something with real sugar. No sweeteners or I'll shit my pants.
Amy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Selina: TV's Amy Brookheimer.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Selina: Amy Brookheimer who so successfully ran my campaign until she became unwell.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina: These are projections. These are not real results. They're ghosts.
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist Selina: This fucking job sucks anyway.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Selina: Please don't electrocute me.
Selina Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Ben: Ben, yeah, Mike, Selina's conceding, so forget about the soda and just grab a crate of whiskey.
Ben Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dan: Time to turn that noose back into a necktie, buddy.
Dan Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Selina · Bill O'Brien: Selina desperately trying not to complete the concession call she's mid-way through with O'Brien.
Selina: I don't know why you would even imagine that I would be doing that, Bill.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Selina: I'm taking the White House. Please leave the hot tub on.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Selina: What? Uh, well, let's see. First of all, no. And then the other thing I really wanted to say was no.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jonah Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Jonah: Holy mother of moly.
Jonah Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Staffer · Kent: Ohio? / No, for O'Brien. I should have said.
Kent · Selina · Ben: Tie, like it's a tie? You mean, we tie? / You do. / What happens when there's a tie? / Everybody goes online to try to find out what happens if we get a tie. Way ahead of you. Shit, I'm just getting how to tie a tie.
Selina: Is there a book? Like an old-fashioned... like a paper book?
Selina Character Comedy Observational Selina: You do your best. You try to serve the people and then they just fuck you over. And you know why? Because they're ignorant and they're dumb as shit. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is democracy.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina: Why are there so many amendments? Get it right the first time, people.
Selina Character Comedy Observational Staffer · Unknown: What happens if it's a tie in the House? / Is it a dance-off?
Tom James: Well, I... I had literally no idea.
Tom James Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Tom James: It's good to be prepared.
Tom James Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Gary: At least it'd be somebody from our team, ma'am. I mean, that's good, right?
Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Gary: I didn't mean to make her cry.
Gary Reaction Beat Character Comedy Multiple Staffers: She's going down. / She's going down. / Don't touch her.
Aide · Selina: Oh, he's gone to talk to the crowd at the rally. / What? / The fuck he has.
Selina: No, I'll tell you what's unprecedented, Kent. A tie is unprecedented. So is becoming the first lady president. So is that jackoff becoming president through the back door.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation Selina: Okay? The rule book's been torn up now and America is wiping its nasty ass with it.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Selina: That fucking guy with his fucking charm and his fucking son and his fucking wheelchair with his spine all fucked up.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Tom James (interrupted) · Jonah: My grandmother survived the Dust Bowl. And before she died at the age of 89, she told me a secret that she kept for almost 50 years. The story concerns... Ladies and gentlemen, Tom James.
Tom James: Do I know how to pick 'em? Yep.
Selina: Folks, you don't know her, but this is Karen Collins. And she has been a friend of mine for a while.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Selina: Amy Brookheimer who so successfully ran my campaign until she became unwell.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Bill: Welcome to my world.
Bill Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive Callback Bill Ericsson: No, because I'm going to prison. Have I mentioned that?
Ben · Staffer · Bill: Can you stop thinking about yourself for one second? / Honestly. / No, because I'm going to prison. Have I mentioned that?
Selina: Yeah, I'll say. You might want to watch that if you become president.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Tom James: If that does happen, want to be my veep?
Tom James Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Tom James Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: Why don't you go help them with the balloons?
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy