Catherine Meyer

Catherine:you know, except for the whole secret service detail, i think i'm actually starting to blend in.

Catherine · Staff:it's really nice that my mom's getting a new dog. i always wanted a dog. / hey, catherine, you want some more coffee? / no, i'm still drinking this one.

Catherine · Staff:you know, you don't have to entertain me. i'm cool with my own thoughts. / oh, thank god.

Selina · Dan · Catherine:so why don't you tell dan about the-- you know, the... experimental theater course? / uh, sure. yeah. you can talk to him about that. you can talk about anything. / anything. / talk, talk, talk. / now that we have the permission to talk about anything... / have you ever read faulkner before?

Catherine · Selina:wait, mom, what's wrong with your face? / nothing, darling. i'm pretending to talk to you. / but we are talking.

Catherine:no, please. don't stop because of me. this is really interesting.

Catherine · Dan:look at gary go. he's like a human teleprompter for small talk. / he calls this gary-oke. / it's so weird. it's like he's the horse whisperer or something. not that i think your mother's a horse.

Catherine:mom's smile is starting to crack. it's like her divorce face.

Jonah · Catherine:i'm jonah, by the way. i work at the west wing of the white house. / as opposed to what, the west wing of graceland?

Dan · Catherine:it's kind of an open secret in washington that mike has an imaginary dog. / why? / gets him out of staying late for work. / we call it his bullshit-tzu.

Catherine · Selina:mom, i really hate pictures. / no, honey, you're pretty. / just smile now. smile. / catherine, i'm really serious. smile, okay?

Catherine · Selina:dilka. / dilk-- / what? / dilka. / dilka? / i think her dad's iranian. / iranian?

Catherine · Selina · Staff:you're changing the name of a hurricane? / yeah. and that would have been a disaster for us. / yeah, naturally. it's amazing. / you're trying to control the weather. you are not fucking thor, mom.

Catherine · Staff · Selina:don't you yes-men ever say no to her? / of course they do. / yeah, we do. yeah. / exactly. / all right, you know what? you're a little bit out of control.

Selina · Catherine:i've been trying, catherine. i've been trying to talk to you this whole day. / about what? / about everything. i didn't even know that you had a new roommate. what's-his-ass had to tell me. / i know. gary told you.

Selina · Catherine:i've been trying, catherine. i've been trying to talk to you this whole day. / about what? / about everything. / i didn't even know that you had a new roommate. what's-his-ass had to tell me.

Catherine · Dan:seriously, mike has a fake dog. / you're like the only one here who doesn't know that.

Catherine · Selina · Dan · Mike:seriously, mike has a fake dog. you're like the only one here who doesn't know that. / what? / yeah, he uses it to get out of stuff like if he's late. it's called a shitbull terrier. / it's a bullshit-tzu.

Selina · Catherine:Catherine: 'His name is Rahim. He's Dilka's brother.' Selina: 'Dilka's brother?' Catherine: 'What? Do you have a problem with him being Iranian?' Selina: 'Okay, Catherine, you know that I am not a racist, okay? My boyfriend in college was a quarter Cherokee.'

Catherine:Catherine: 'This is gonna be like Super Size Me all over again.' about Selina planning to watch '5 Broken Cameras' — followed by 'Why don't you guys just go see Mamma Mia! again for the 10th fucking time?'

Selina · Catherine:Selina negotiating: 'Thursday you're with me and Grandma. Friday you can be with the new boyfriend, okay? And Saturday. If you come home on Saturday night.' Catherine: 'Yeah, I'll check that over with Rahim.'

Selina · Catherine:Selina to Catherine: 'Don't you think that you and your friends would call this whole thing an epic succeed?'

Selina · Catherine:Catherine: 'Mom, you've invited the House Majority Leader to my birthday party?' / Selina: 'Yeah, sweetheart, it's the 100 billion cutoff. You've heard about that?' / 'Of course I've heard about that.' / 'Okay, so we are fixing the biggest problem facing the world right here, right now at your party. So that's kind of cool, don't you think?'

Catherine · Selina · Andrew:Catherine: 'Mom, you're doing your fake laugh again.' / Selina: 'What?' / 'Come on, this is nice.' / 'I can't tell if it's fake.' / 'You could never tell if it was fake.' / Andrew: 'Yes, I could.' / 'Mm-hmm. What are you, some sort of expert?' / 'In certain areas.'

Andrew · Catherine · Selina:Andrew: 'Followed by long, hard... making up, right?' / Catherine: 'Okay, I feel like you're actually going to have sex on this table and that would truly ruin my birthday.' / Selina: 'Catherine, please. Nobody's having sex on the table.'

Selina · Andrew · Catherine:Selina: 'I mean, we are sexual beings, of course.' / 'Oh, my God.' / 'We had sex. We, you know-- I mean, great sex.' / 'Great sex.' / Catherine: 'Well, I'm going to have to text my therapist.'

Andrew · Selina · Catherine:Andrew: 'Great sex.' (echoing Selina's 'great sex') / Catherine: 'Well, I'm going to have to text my therapist.'

Andrew · Selina · Catherine:Andrew tries to help Selina control the situation by saying 'I think that if you guys continue to smile, you're actually gonna get permanent lockjaw.' / Selina: 'She's so funny.' / Catherine: 'Sarcastic.'

Selina · Andrew · Catherine:The birthday cake blowout — Selina: 'Make a wish.' / Andrew blows out candles. / 'You can make your wish in the car.' — as everyone flees the venue

Selina · Andrew · Catherine:Andrew jumps out of the car mid-argument: 'What? You're getting out here?' / 'Yep.' / 'What are you talking about?' / 'I've got to go.' / 'Wait. Andrew, wait. Wait. We need to talk.' / Andrew: 'Bye, honey. Happy birthday.' / 'God damn it.'

Gary · Catherine:Final scene: Gary finds Catherine alone with her birthday cake. Extended awkward silence as he tries to figure out what to say. 'Pretty nice cake you got there.' / '...' / 'You gonna eat all of it?' / Catherine offers him some. Gary: 'Jesus fucking Christ. Here. Take that. Carrot cake's good.' / 'You want to try it?' / 'Nope. It's all yours. I can use my phone to cut it.'

Gary · Catherine:Final scene: Gary sits alone with Catherine and the uncut birthday cake. Small talk. 'You gonna eat all of it?' / 'Do you want a piece?' / 'I do.' / 'Here. Carrot cake's good.' / 'You want to try it?' / 'Nope.' / 'I can use my phone to cut it.'

Catherine:Catherine introduces herself to Janet and mentions studying 'film studies and postmodern dance'

Catherine:'I'm taking this really cool class where we sort of debate current issues through movement.'

Catherine · Janet:Catherine: 'I really love the roasted brussels sprouts that my mom and dad make.' [17:19] — long pause — 'Yep.'

Selina · Catherine:Selina to Catherine: 'You never told me that you were a vegetarian.' / Catherine: 'I told you three months ago.'

Selina · Catherine:Selina: 'You swallowed chicken your entire life. You're gonna do it again today.' / Catherine: 'I swallowed your bullshit my entire life.'

Amy · Catherine · Dan:It's gonna look really bad for your mom if she doesn't know that you're a vegetarian on TV. / I'm not gonna sacrifice my morals for her career anymore. / I've done that. It's not that bad.

Janet · Catherine:Janet to Catherine: 'And has it been a happy divorce for you, Catherine?' Catherine: 'Yeah. I think knowing that my mom had to be available 24 hours a day really taught me not to be too demanding as a child.'

Catherine:Catherine: 'I'm a big music fan, so I usually try to explain my parents in terms of music. They're like the Beatles — better as a band, or Michael Jackson — better solo. Although not a great parent, admittedly.'

Selina · Andrew · Catherine · Janet:Favorite family vacation question reveals: Selina says 'White water rafting,' Andrew says 'Italy,' Catherine says 'Disneyland' then reveals Rosa the housekeeper took her

Selina · Catherine · Janet · Andrew · Selina:No, honey, we didn't ever go to Disneyland. / Oh, no, you didn't take me. Rosa took me with her family. / Who's Rosa? / She was a... / She was... / housekeeper. / Housekeeper, that's right.

Catherine · Janet:Catherine: 'I'm in a very different phase of my life. You know, my boyfriend and I are very young and not really talking about marriage. And this would be Rahim?' — outing of the Iranian boyfriend on live TV

Janet · Catherine:Catherine, would you vote for your parents to get back together again? / No, no, no. This way, I get a Christmas and a birthday present off of each of them.

Catherine:No, no, no. This way, I get a Christmas and a birthday present off of each of them.

Catherine:Oh, Jesus Christ. [on learning her parents are 'having a talk' upstairs]

Selina · Catherine:Catherine: 'Why don't you change?' / Selina: 'Huh? Is that a joke?' / Catherine: 'Yes.' — followed by Selina's withering mock laugh.

Catherine:Catherine's monologue snapping Selina out of it: 'It's like my 21st birthday. Or my 18th birthday. Or every other birthday, okay?... your entire life has been leading up to this moment. As a result of that, my entire life has been awful.'

Catherine · implied:Your entire life has been leading up to this moment. / As a result of that, my entire life has been awful.

Catherine:Catherine: 'Posing for Christmas cards, watching C-SPAN instead of "Sesame Street", going to memorials of old Israeli men that I've never even heard of. I have had a hard, lonely, miserable life.'

Catherine:Catherine's pep talk ends: 'The only thing that is going to make it worthwhile is if I become the daughter of the next President of the United States. So you need to go out there. And you need to stop behaving like a little bitch.'

Catherine:It's okay. I fixed her.

Selina/Gary · Catherine:Catherine just did what any good daughter would do. — What...? — You punched that motherfucker. You punched that guy square in the face.

Catherine · Selina:No, I hate violence. — Honey, that means you're really good at it and you didn't even know it.

Catherine:I always hated that.

Selina · Catherine:I'm in the middle of working on... What's with your hair? It's all messed... — oh, my God. — What? — That is not your shoe.

Ray · Andrew · Catherine:Hey. You must be Andrew. — And you must be kidding. — No, I'm Ray. I'm Selina's wellness advisor. — What, the Pilates made your shirt fly off?

Catherine:Mom, not the help. Jesus, that's tacky.

Catherine · Selina:These are, like, tommy guns. — Yeah, from an old-timey movie. — Don't you love the old-timey movies? — Oh, don't shoot!

Gary · Gun show attendee · Selina · Catherine:Someone's face is on a T-shirt. Are you kidding me? — I wish my daughter could bust heads like you, young lady. — Is that my face? — Yeah, it is.

Selina · Amy · Catherine:Well, if we kill everybody in the room, then we might be okay. — Yeah. Can I kill Minna first? — I stole a pistol from the gun show.

Catherine:Americano, dash of cow.

Catherine:Just imagine, that's what you'll look like when you become a boy.

Catherine:People are gonna start to think we're sisters now or— or siblings.

Selina · Catherine:Selina to her daughter Catherine: 'Couldn't have done it without ya.' Catherine: 'What have I done to help?' Selina: stammering non-answer.

Catherine · Aide · Staffer:Catherine: I mean, I like this one better than the first one. / Aide: This looks ordinary, it looks relatable. / Staffer: It looks horrible. She looks like she's in 'Flashdance.'

Catherine · Mike:Catherine: 'I think there were fundamental issues with the New Hampshire campaign and I just wish I'd have been here earlier to advise you.' Mike: 'Campaigns are a lot more difficult than experimental dance troupes, Catherine.'

staffer · Catherine:She turned around the college film society. / I transformed it, Mom.

Catherine · Kent:Even though we have our differences, I think my mom brokering major peace talks is super awesome. / It is. Super awesome.

Catherine:I didn't take drugs with those guys. I was just in their bus for half an hour.

Catherine · Kent:They hate me. / I wouldn't say hate. You just... polarize opinion with the bulk of it gravitating to this pole here.

Kent · Catherine:You have sharp shoulders. / This is like high school all over again. / Yeah, sure, kind of, but much bigger.

Kent · Catherine:Customary shortcuts to public affirmation are military service or childbirth. / Okay, God, no, and, oh, my God, no, in that order.

Kent · Catherine:Well, then we go back to the idea of turning that frown into the inverse of a frown. / Upside down? / If you will.

Selina · Gary · Catherine:[Catherine attempts to smile for the camera; Selina recoils] / That's not good. / You're flaring your nostrils.

Catherine:My, you are small. I suppose you're young, but you're still very small.

Catherine:Honey, don't look so worried. I'm not gonna bite you. But that man over there does have a gun.

Catherine:Honey, don't look so worried. I'm not gonna bite you. / But that man over there does have a gun.

Selina · Catherine:Catherine, you are smoking? I'm vaping. That's not the point.

Selina · Catherine:Oh, my God, I look like Grandpa. What did they do to my nose? Mom, what about me? Huh? Yeah, I know. This is so disrespectful.

Selina · Catherine:Honeymoon's over, isn't it? It was kind of a shitty honeymoon, too. Just like my actual honeymoon with Daddy. I know, Mom.

Catherine · Selina:'The Onion' did a parody of that photo in the 'Post.' Oh, really? I like 'The Onion.' What you'll look like when you're leaving office, except you look exactly like you do now. Okay. They think you'll only be president for a few months. That's the joke. No, no, I get it, yeah. That's funny. That's funny stuff.

Selina · Catherine:You cannot be associated with bullying because people are going to think that you were bullied by me. I wasn't bullied by you, I was bullied because of you.

Selina · Catherine:Do you want to go to Hawaii at Thanksgiving? Are you interested in Memaw's sapphire earrings? Are you bullying me into dropping an anti-bullying charity?

Catherine · Kent · Catherine · Jonah · Kent:Guess what. I just got engaged. — Are you fucking kidding me? Catherine's there, too? — Hi, Jonah. Jason proposed and I said yes. — Well, shit, congratulations. — Marriage is good. — It's a fine institution.

Catherine · Kent · Jonah · Sue · Jonah:Don't tell my mom. I want to surprise her. — Jonah, is there anything else you want to tell us? — I don't know. Is there anybody else in the room? — Just myself and Bill again. — And I'm here taking notes. — Sue's there?! Fuck! — Okay, well, no. There's nothing else that I have to say.

Jonah · Catherine · Jonah:Hey, Catherine, about earlier. — The molesting. — What? — Hmm? — Wait, what? — Hey, look, there's your mom.

Catherine · Selina · Jason · Catherine · Selina:We're engaged. — No, you're not. — Yes, we are. — But we are. — I'm 48. — Put your hand down.

Selina · Catherine:Selina coaching Catherine on how to say 'I love you, Mom' like she means it, then immediately saying it in an even more forced way

Selina · Amy · Catherine · Jason:Kiss rehearsal: 'Which part?' / 'All of it.' — Catherine and Jason's on-stage kiss is terrible and the whole team watches in horror

Catherine:Mom, some days you get an award from a country I've never even heard of, then other days people try to kill you.

Selina · Catherine:Yeah, and he was, like, 60. / He was 35.

Selina · Catherine:Oh, look at that photo of you and me. You look like me in that picture. / No. No, uh-uh. Not at all.

Selina · Catherine · Ben:Catherine filming with her camera — 'My thesis film about the tie. She majored in film at Vassar College.'

Catherine · Selina:I never came up with a thesis my advisor liked because I had that thing last semester where I was tired all the time... Okay, we don't have time to hear the story of your syndrome.

Selina · Catherine:'Catherine, do not use any of the vulgar parts.' / 'Yeah, but that's like all of it, Mom.' / 'Well, then don't use it.' / 'But it's a doc.' / 'A what?' / 'A documentary.' / 'Then say that.'

Selina · Catherine:I mean, the campaign's over. I don't have to pretend to like country music anymore. / This is Tim McGraw. It's Mee-Maw's favorite song.

Catherine · Selina · Catherine · Selina · Catherine · Selina · Catherine · Selina:Is Mee-Maw better? / Catherine. / I thought you were here. / No, I went to get coffee. / I asked if you wanted anything. / No, I didn't hear you say that. / She's gone? / You pulled the plug without me? / It wasn't a plug. It was a ventilator tube that they just...

Aide · Catherine · Aide:We got good news about Nevada. / Wait, what? / We got good news from Nevada.

Gary · Catherine · Selina:Oh, you know what? That would be a good story for the eulogy. / Mom, why would you want to paint Mee-Maw in such a negative light? / Oh, Catherine, Thomas fucking Kinkade couldn't paint Mee-Maw in a positive light.

Selina · Catherine · Gary:Mee-Maw blamed me for his death. / What? / I think that's probably your interpretation of it.

Catherine · Selina:Please let me play the Tim McGraw song. / Seriously, Catherine, this is a funeral, not a NASCAR race.

Catherine:Unbelievable. Mee-Maw was so right about you.

Selina · Catherine:Are you even getting any of this? / Getting what? / I was looking thoughtfully out the window. / Some straight up JFK level shit. / I was just getting some B-roll of the fax machine.

Jonah · Amy · Richard · Catherine:Whoa, I'm sorry. What are you doing here? / Hello, Jonah. Richard. / Hi, Catherine. / When you talk to me, you ruin the film. / Always a pleasure.

Catherine · Selina:Hey, Mom, I'm back. / You were gone? Oh, right, you were in New Hampshire.

Catherine · Selina:Catherine's relationship backstory monologue: '...why things didn't work out between me and Jason. Or the guy in college who wanted to watch me pee. Or the guy with the weirdly high voice. No, there were two guys with weirdly high voices. / Yeah, there were two.'

Selina · Catherine:Oh, Catherine. Honey, you wanted to talk to me privately before. Now is a perfect time. / Really? / Mm-hmm. Now, what happened to the boyfriend with the high voice? / He couldn't go to the bathroom?

Catherine · Selina · Marjorie:Mom, there's something that I really need to find a way to say to you. / Catherine, I'm in the middle of a shitstorm like... / Please, I've been trying to talk to you for three days and I need to tell you something. / What is it, Catherine? What is it that is so pressing? / I've met someone and I know that this is awkward because you work with them, but we're in love. / Who? / Me and Marjorie. / Who? / Me, ma'am. / What?

Catherine · Selina:Now you know why I've been acting all silly and giggly. / Didn't guess. Didn't guess. / Amazing. / It's... amazing.

Catherine · Marjorie:I can't stop smiling. / Neither can I.

Catherine:Well, then why is Gary here? I mean, no offense.

Selina · Catherine · Marjorie:But it tastes like a ham? / Yeah, it's close. / Not at all.

Catherine:Well, it's just that there's so much of it that it's really tough to know what to do with it.

Andrew · Catherine:Actually, Lee, right now is a fantastic time to sell. And, Catherine, do you remember that Brazil hotel chain? I told them about your veganism and they decided to convert the whole thing to an eco resort. / No, they didn't. / I have a prospectus in my briefcase.

Catherine · Selina:The pen gift reveal — Catherine gives Selina a historic pen from the Second Hague Convention, meant for signing peace treaties when officially elected.

Lee (Andrew) · Catherine:It's a first edition Gertrude Stein. That's Marjorie's favorite poet. / How did you know that, Dad? / I listen.

Catherine · Selina:Catherine appearing mid-walk: 'Hi Mom! Oh, I'm so happy to see you. / [immediately: raw vegan lecture to Lu's entourage]'

Andrew · Catherine:Andrew's Brazil eco-resort pitch continues: 'But aren't you cutting down the rain forest in order to build the resort? / So we can conserve the rest. It's a virtuous cycle. / Well, I guess that makes sense.'

Selina · Catherine:I mean, Daddy loves you, sweetheart, but he's a crook. / I know.

Minna · Selina · Catherine:Catherine's pen outrage scene — 'Your mother has given an amazing pen to the Chinese leaders.' / 'She knows... she knows about that pen.' / 'You are so terrible.'

Selina · Catherine:I want to tell you something, but it's very confidential, okay? Mommy is going to free Tibet. / I don't care.

Catherine · Selina · Gary:And I'm turning it into a sanctuary for rescued farm animals. / What? / Rescued farm animals. / Yeah, I heard her. / I think it's inspiring, ma'am.

Catherine · Marjorie · Gary · Selina:Well, it won't be just goats. I mean, there's so much property that we were talking about all different kinds of animals. I mean, you could have ducks or... / Lame horses. / Pigs. / Potbellied pigs. / Emus. / Oh. / And we could have horses as well. / Okay. / We could have peacocks, too. / Can you do llamas? / Oh, yeah, we could have llamas. / Llamas. / Maybe a three-legged goat.

Catherine:While the public will always remember me as the little girl who fell off the stage twice in one evening...

Catherine · Gary:Um, my question was what's your take on the financial crisis. Oh. I just think they ran out of money. They should probably just print more. I don't know why it's been such a big issue.

Catherine · Selina:Wait, is that when you had your nervous breakdown? / No, no, I did not... no, I went to a spa, sweetie.

Catherine · Selina:No, when Rosa had to take care of me because you went to a mental hospital. / No, darling, I didn't go to a mental hospital. I went to a spa.

Catherine:Have you ever lost a grandparent? All my grandparents are dead. Wait. Um, no. One or two might still be alive.

Amy · Catherine:Actually, I'm the one that's supposed to say cut. No, no, no, I'm saying it because we're starting that over. Ready? Action.

Catherine · Secret Service agent:Have you ever killed a man? / Can't say.

Catherine · Secret Service agent:Everybody else that I've interviewed just talks about themselves all the time... Um, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?

Secret Service agent · Catherine:I should say that... you know that I'm not gay? / Really? Yeah. Well, I... I didn't mean that to come across... / No, it didn't. You know, it's just I assumed just because, you know, the way you dress and stare at me.

Catherine · unnamed aide/secretary of state candidate:What about Congressman Graves? I thought that he was doing it. / No. Um... did I tell you I have a photograph of my father?

Selina · Catherine:I trust the American people to make the right decision... What if you think they're gonna make a certain decision and they make a different decision and then it completely derails what you thought was gonna happen? And then your plans are different. Oh, honey, don't cry. Mommy's gonna get elected, honey.

Catherine · Selina:Marjorie and I broke up. / Oh. Oh. That's terrible. / Do you need a tissue? / No, I'm fine. / Yeah, no, you do.

Jonah · Catherine · Marjorie:New Hampshire... proudly casts its vote for President Selina Meyer. I love you. I love you, too.

Jonah · Marjorie · Catherine:Marjorie and Jonah's vote happen simultaneously — Marjorie reconciles with Catherine at the exact moment Jonah votes for Meyer, and the vote is declared for Meyer before being immediately reversed.

Catherine:Some say a tie is like kissing your sister. But it took an electoral college tie for me to get to kiss the sister I never knew I had.

Catherine · various:How would you describe Gary Walsh? / A kind person. / Truck stop glory hole. / Can do a handstand still.

Catherine · Selina (implied):Do you think you had a crowning achievement as vice president? / Well, I became president. / Can we call that an achievement?

Catherine · unknown interviewee:Did you vote for Mom? If I would have voted, it would have certainly been for your mother.

Catherine · Selina:Catherine: 'Are you sure you don't know where the hard drive of my film is?' while her mother stands on an airfield having just been removed from a malfunctioning presidential aircraft.

Selina Meyer · Catherine · Selina Meyer:Remember in seventh grade when you ran away? You were crying and crying 'cause you wanted Daddy and I to get back together. / Then you sent me to etiquette camp. / Yes, where you learned to interrupt, evidently.

Catherine · Selina Meyer · Gary · Selina Meyer:Marjorie and I are having a baby. / What? / This is wonderful, wonderful news. / Wait a minute, what? One of you is pregnant?

Catherine · Selina Meyer · Catherine · Selina Meyer · Selina Meyer:I just didn't wanna tell you 'I told you so,' but... / Because you didn't. / Okay. / Right? You just rolled your eyes like the world's bitchiest mime. Like you just did right there. / And there it is again, see?

Selina Meyer · Catherine · Selina Meyer · Gary:God, I'm really starting to understand this whole lesbian thing now. / Glad you're coming around. / I'm just getting drunk here on Gary's great bourbon from his inbred backwoods family. / What? There is zero inbreeding in my family. And only case of schizophrenia, but my uncle-grandpa had her sterilized, and we are all good...

Catherine · Unknown:Your mother just added democracy to the foundation. So, now it's the Selina Meyer Foundation for Adult Literacy, Aids... / And the Advancement of Global Democracy.

Catherine · Dan:Marjorie and I have decided that we wanna have a baby, and we'd like to do it... / I will give you my sperm. / Oh, great!

Catherine · Dan:Is there anything else that you wanna talk about? / I'm good. / Well, we'll send you the details. And if you could not ejaculate for the next 72 hours, that would be ideal.

Dan · Catherine · Marjorie:You know what I like about you two? It's not clear who's the top. I am.

Catherine:They're actually from a very expensive boutique

Catherine:I'm sorry, Mama. Bunny's late for middle school.

Catherine · Selina · Catherine:You're in therapy? Since when? Since I was 13.

Catherine:I show assholes the door.

Catherine:It's just, like, a woman's face with sunglasses on.

Catherine · Selina:that we're pregnant! — Oh, fuck! — Mom? — Oh, how could this happen?!

Selina · Catherine · Marjorie:So, is it a boy, is it a girl? — Oh, right. — It's a baby.

Catherine · Selina · Amy:Yes, Leslie or Dana if it's a boy and... And for a girl we like Linus. — Seriously? — That feels like child abuse.

Catherine · Richard:Richard has doula class and we're bringing the snacks. — What? — It'll be my first human birth, so.

Catherine:We just hit the 12-week mark. It's a boy. [REACTION BEAT — the room processes the gender reveal after all the gender politics discussion]

Catherine · Selina Meyer · Gary:Before you even ask, we have taken a break from sex, specifically penetrative sex. — She has a penis? — I don't know.

Andrew · Catherine · Selina:As soon as I heard what a vulnerable state you were in, I got on the first flight. Hi, Andrew. Okay, I'm gonna get the orderly with the big needles. Let's not do that.

Catherine · Selina:Slaves, Mother? ... Okay, Cat... what room is this, Catherine? ... I mean, when did we build an Indian casino gift shop? It's the nursery. Seriously? My God. Well, where are the toys? Or is the baby gonna play chess against death?

Catherine · Selina:Mom, you are going to be the grandmother of a child that is half black. And 1/16 French Huguenot.

Catherine · Selina · Marjorie:Mom, I'm so glad my doctor cleared me to come today. But you gotta be careful with that McLintock cervix of yours. Oh, it's incompetent cervix, ma'am. That's what I said, Marjorie. Zing! You got me, ma'am.

Doctor/Nurse · Catherine:Have you decided on a name? No. What's your name? Sandra. Yeah, not that.

Catherine · Nurse Sandra:Can you write down your number in case we have any questions about it? Okay. You can give it to my husband, Andrew. Hi.

Catherine's partner/Marjorie · Selina · Catherine:I think I wanna run for Congress. Huh. Oh, some black shit is coming out of it. Good... yeah. Loud. It's so loud. I've never heard anything quite like... ooh. Ugh, it's loud.

Selina · Catherine:Selina arrives late: 'You went ahead without me.' / 'The baby has my elbows.'

Catherine · Monica (TV chef) · Selina:Oh, my God, I can't believe it! You're Monica from 'Monica.' It is a dream of mine to cook with you someday. It's my dream, too. Aw, well, we should make that happen. I'll get your number. Absolutely, we should make that happen. Go, just go.

Selina · Catherine:Both my daughter and my mother have struggled greatly with very serious mental health problems. What? Don't worry, it runs in my family, too.

Catherine · Selina:Catherine: 'What?' / Selina: 'Don't worry, it runs in my family, too.'

Selina · Catherine:How are we going to RU486 Kemi's campaign? / No offense, Amy.

Catherine · Richard:Is that a mayor as well? / That's just a cat. / Could you imagine? / This isn't Nebraska.

Catherine · Marjorie:Little Richard will be very happy for his daddy-- the new mayor of Lurlene. / Catherine, he won't be making memories for another 22 months.

Catherine · Gary · Selina:Shouldn't you be pre-chewing my mother's food for her? / I told her her eyes looked puffy. / Thank you, chipmunk. / You're welcome, Catherine.

Selina Meyer · Catherine:This is the face of clinical depression, ma'am. / With the hair of a mental patient. / Oh, my kingdom for a beret.

Catherine · Selina:What do you think? Beige or Tuscan beige? / Tough call. / They are... the same.

Catherine · Selina:Do you remember my 13th birthday? / No, I certainly don't. / Do you remember my 16th birthday, then? Do you remember that? / No, darling. Are we gonna go through all the birthdays? I don't remember any of them.

Marjorie · Catherine · Unknown:Where's your mother? / She went to the bathroom. / That's not the bathroom.

Marjorie · Catherine:What has your mother done now? / She used our wedding as a diversion to escape from the Norwegian National Police! / Smart.

Selina · Catherine:Guys, who gives a shit where people shit? / That is literally the point, Mother.

Marjorie · Selina · Catherine:Oh, no, ma'am. I'm a cis woman. / Right. That's not a crazy question to ask. / Not at all.

Selina · Catherine · Selina:Catherine, it is just the party platform. It's like a to-do list of things we're not gonna do. / 'Restore faith in democracy?' / I mean, we couldn't do that even if we wanted to.