Selina and the staff prep for her debate with George Maddox, Danny Chung, congressman Owen Pierce and Joe Thornhill, a major-league baseball manager who recently entered the race. Dan returns with a rosier outlook. Wendy, Mike's wife, arrives to do a style piece on Selina, but eyes a bigger story involving Ray.
Debate episode underperforms Season 3 average despite 75 jokes in 37 minutes.
Directed by Armando Iannucci · Written by David Quantick, Tony Roche
WAR
161.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Debate” ranks #55 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 90.4 — Elite. The episode packs 130 scored jokes at 3.5 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Amy landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Furlong: Of course I don't fucking like it, Gary. It's the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy.
Furlong Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Ben: If there's any dirty trick that I cannot stand, it is honesty.
Ben Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Ben: Hey, I got three Fs for ya — you're fucked, you fuckin' fucker.
Ben Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Selina · Amy · Furlong: We need to repel unwanted immigration. We need to repel criminals, we need to repel obesity, we need to repel torturers. / I think I've endorsed a Nazi. / That would explain the Hitler haircut.
Kent: Kent: 'I've only ever used this voice, even as a young child.'
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 130 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Amy: Pierce may be a sitting fuck, but...
Amy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Selina: Yeah, I want their heads on my wall. Actual heads.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Furlong: Gets me aroused. Sorry, I meant roused. / No, did I— I meant aroused. Aroused.
Furlong Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Catherine: Americano, dash of cow.
Catherine Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Amy: Whoa, who the fuck is smiley-faced coffee boy?
Amy Character Comedy Reaction Beat Jackson: Just me and my iPad, which I like to call the 'Zinger Sewing Machine.'
Amy: Oh. So you threw away Dan and you kept the voodoo doll, huh?
Amy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Ben: No, it's terrible that the First Lady tried to kill herself, but our carrying on is what she would have wanted — does want.
Ben Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Furlong: Furlong impersonates Thornhill: 'I don't know anything about NAFTA, but I do know about baseball. Baseball, baseball, baseball. Look at my muscly chest. Vote for me.'
Furlong Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ben: Ben as Pierce: 'Well, I'm a baby-faced, know-nothing congressman from 'Shit Stain,' Nevada, who's got the newly dropped balls enough to think that I can run for president.'
Ben Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Kent: Kent: 'I've only ever used this voice, even as a young child.'
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jackson: They've got more flip-flops than the cast of 'Baywatch.'
Furlong: You know what, son? You should only talk if someone pulls your string, okay? And even then, you just say, 'Tickle me.'
Furlong Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: I like his jokes. They're jokes, right?
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Amy · Staffer: I think Gary's about to come. / Don't do it. / It's too much buildup.
Gary: I never knew you had so much neck. I mean that in a good way. I think necks are neat.
Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Catherine: Just imagine, that's what you'll look like when you become a boy.
Gary: Ma'am, this is the haircut that your head has always wanted, but was too afraid to ask for.
Gary Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Gary · Selina: Gary and Selina complete each other's sentence: 'Everything about it says... / Tomorrow.' / '...tomorrow.'
Catherine: People are gonna start to think we're sisters now or— or siblings.
Jackson · Selina: 'Short hair for the long haul.' / That's good, I like that.
Amy: What is it with you two? It's like— it's like flirting, but sexless.
Amy Observational Character Comedy Amy · Dan · Kent: 'George Looney.' / Hey, Kent.
Mike: So, did they cure you or whatever?
Mike Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Dan: I diagnosed myself with an acute case of 'everything's fine.'
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Dan · Amy: Can I get anybody a coffee? / Milk and two heaping spoonfuls of whatever the fuck you're on.
Dan Amy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Selina: But don't ever go schizo-titzo on me again. And get rid of this. [gestures at Dan's beard]
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Furlong: Can't we give Pierce a dollar, send him off to the movies or something?
Furlong Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Amy: Yeah, is there a smoking condom?
Amy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Amy · Ben: It could have been anyone. Could have been Ben. / Yeah, I poked everything that moved back then.
Amy Ben Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Selina: We can make it an affair to remember. Bam! God, I feel so powerful! I got a whole new rush of blood to my new head.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Amy: Maybe a crack whore, if we're lucky.
Amy Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Jackson · Amy: Call me naive, but isn't that unethical? / You're naive. Welcome to politics.
Selina · Gary: The president will not stop calling. I just can't seem to get him out of my hair. / Ma'am? / Did you notice? / You have a new haircut.
Gary · Selina: And a twitch. / What? / I thought I was just feeling it. You actually saw it? / It's really, really, really tiny.
Gary Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Gary: Not at all. [re: seeing the twitch]
Gary Deadpan/Understatement Cringe/Discomfort Callback Furlong: Of course I don't fucking like it, Gary. It's the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy.
Furlong Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Gary · Furlong · Mike: The elfin look is in right now. I was reading about it. / People don't elect elves, okay? They put them to work in grottos or they get them drunk at frat parties so they can toss them. / Okay, that's dwarfs.
Gary · Furlong · Mike: Do you really think it's too short? / Yeah. She looks like k.d. lang. / Think of all the lesbian jokes we're gonna have to suffer. 'Strap-on Selina,' 'Selina Navratilova,' 'fingering the dyke.'
Mike: 'Strap-on Selina,' 'Selina Navratilova,' 'fingering the dyke.'
Mike Dark/Subversive Escalation Mike: Because you have created a fuckload of work for me. I have to go out and find a friendly style reporter, get 'em on our side — preferably a blind one.
Mike Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Amy · Mike: You're married to one. / A blind woman?
Amy Mike Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Callback Jackson · Furlong: HA-HA. What, are you laughing at us, 'Pee-wee Sperman'?
Selina · Gary: I don't think I like the three Rs, you guys. / I like them. / You do? / Okay, yeah. I like them, then. I like 'em.
Selina Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Selina · Sue: Is there any way you can make that sound more appealing? / Well, I could add the word 'cookie' on the end for no reason.
Selina Sue Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Amy · Gary · Selina: She can't practice not having the twitch. / She can practice that. It's called 'muscle memory.' / This is gonna be on television. / What about Botox?
Amy: It's like being dropped into enemy territory unarmed.
Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Pierce: Hope you're not feeling too— well, I guess you are feeling a little nervous.
Pierce Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Thornhill · Selina: I like the new hair getup. / Oh, thank you. / You'd fit right in in the military.
Gary · Maddox: Sir, might I say, you look very presidential. / Get me some fruit, some mango.
Selina: Well, here it is, game one of the series. Joe Thornhill. What are you gonna do? You gonna hit one out of the park, 'Shoeless Joe'?
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Maddox · Selina: My parents did not allow me to play sports growing up, so... / That's a shame.
Thornhill: I have a much better camera. / All right, say who's gonna be president!
Maddox: Mr. Egan, I see you've shaved. Wise. You don't have the facial gravitas for a beard.
Maddox Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan · Maddox: It's so smooth, it's amazing. It's like touching a child's face. Here, try it. / I don't enjoy touching children's faces. / And neither should you.
Jonah: Hey, 'Dan Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.' How's it going, buddy? You gonna self-harm? Can I live stream it?
Jonah Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Dan: You know, a lot of that aggression comes from insecurity, buddy.
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina · Thornhill: How are you gonna manage all this craziness? / Well, I don't just manage, ma'am, I coach. And I'm gonna coach America.
Thornhill: I'm gonna redecorate. [re: the White House]
Thornhill Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Selina · Chung's aide · Chung: Oh— oh, yes. Yes, I do. Yes. / Because you need them all. Otherwise you'd be screwed. / Yeah. / Completely.
Selina: That's cute, little mind games.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Amy · Selina · Gary: The twitch is back. / The twitch is back, yeah. I cannot believe it. / No, that's in the past and you have to go forward. / Oh, my God. Twitchy is back. / Shit!
Amy · Gary · Selina: You don't want to go Nixon on us. / You can turn sideways. Twitch, smile, turn. / And the three Rs. / I have the three Rs. / 'Reform, reaffirm, renew.' / No, 'renew.' / That's what I just said, renew.
Furlong: Here's my favorite part, where they all pretend like they like each other.
Furlong: Fuck Broadway. This is real acting.
Furlong: Nice air kiss. I think he actually missed the air.
Furlong Observational Deadpan/Understatement Furlong: Now he spills his water! / I swear, this kid is literally gonna shit himself.
Furlong Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Amy: Very good. Now compare yourself to Lincoln and Buddha.
Amy Irony/Sarcasm Observational Furlong · Amy: Thornhill's dial tests are off the dial. / The public will vote for anybody they recognize. We could lose to the whale from 'Free Willy.'
Furlong: Here comes the burning tank story where he saves the one guy and the rest of us get fuckin' tortured.
Furlong Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Furlong: Look at him throwing his water everywhere. He should have been there when the tank was on fire. God, how does this kid feed himself?
Furlong Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Callback Amy · Mike: Mike, you said Wendy would be here. Where is she? / She's not my dog, Amy. — who actually isn't very well at the moment. / I don't care, Mike. Just get Wendy here. / She's got a problem with an anal gland. / I'm talking about the dog.
Amy Mike Cringe/Discomfort Misdirection Gary · Wendy: We are so excited about the Veep's new look, Wendy. We think it's young — makes her look younger, but it's age-appropriate, I feel. / Nice to see you, too, Gary.
Gary: People are being so critical, Wendy. I mean, they think she looks like a lesbian. Shit! I didn't just say that. I'm sorry.
Gary Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Wendy: Gary, stop being so nervous. Watch me. 'Oh, I love your tie.' See? Basilly brain-dead. Don't worry.
Wendy Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Maddox · Furlong: I'm talking about words like... the economy... jobs... [long pause] World's worst boy-band member ever right there.
Furlong: He looks like he just came out of the bathroom and then decided that he hadn't finished yet.
Furlong Character Comedy Observational Dan · Selina · Amy: I feel your pain. You okay? / I'll be better when you walk away. / If only we could all just walk away.
Chung aide: She does not say nay to Ray. You know what I'm sayin'?
Selina · Gary · Wendy: She just said the opposite of what you said. / No... / Yes. / You can't use that. Please don't use that. / You just gave me a good scoop on Ray.
Gary · Mike: Hello, Mike. / I just told Wendy that Ray picked the hat, but then Selina said that he didn't, so now Wendy knows that Selina's lying. / I'm sorry, Gary. You lost me at 'Hello.'
Amy: Dan, get on the phone. Find me Thornhill's snatch, now. Call every whore and mistress in America until you find the right one.
Amy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Ben: We need to find the 'smoking hon'.' As in 'honey.' That doesn't work. That's not clear.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback Pierce · Amy · Kent: If our government is going to take everything from us, bar the kitchen sink, they might want to take... the plug as well. / Why a plug? / To... plug up the plug hole. / It was a joke. / He's making a joke. / Guess I'm the only one with a sense of humor.
Furlong: We should put this guy in Vegas. I mean, anywhere but here.
Furlong Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Furlong: If newspapers still had cartoonists, they could do something really clever with that plug.
Amy: Hey, Jackson, are you working for him and not telling us?
Amy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Jackson: Everybody here doesn't hate me, right?
Jackson Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Mike · Wendy: Baby, we have a little situation here. / Okay, just what exactly did Gary say, okay? You didn't say anything about FLOTUS, did you? / No, but you just did. / FLOTUS? What about FLOTUS? / I didn't say anything about FLOTUS. / She's a reporter. / Shut up.
Mike Wendy Cringe/Discomfort Escalation ★ Rewatch Mike · Wendy · Amy: Okay, babe, look. I'm gonna give you the Joe Thornhill affair. / Thornhill had an affair? / What the hell is wrong with you? / That's okay. That's good with me. I'll take that. / Good boy. Good boy, good boy, good boy.
Mike · Wendy: Mike gives Wendy the Thornhill affair in exchange for killing FLOTUS. 'Good boy. Good boy, good boy, good boy.'
Mike Wendy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Furlong · Chung: Ten bucks he says, 'Bring back the draft.' / You know, I'm not trying to say that you should join up and serve your country, but there are other options for the young adults—
Furlong: He's blocking Selina. That guy's smarter than he looks. Mind you, he'd have to be.
Furlong Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Amy: Okay, we really, really need that woman who fucked him to fuck him. We need Joe's ho.
Amy Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Dan · Amy: He fucked her. / Oh-hh! This feels better than actually having sex yourself.
Dan Amy Character Comedy Observational Ben: If there's any dirty trick that I cannot stand, it is honesty.
Ben Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Furlong: I hate confessions, unless they've been beaten out of someone.
Furlong Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Wendy · Mike: Thornhill just ran the Thornhill story, which makes my Thornhill story useless. So now you have to tell me about FLOTUS. / I can't tell you about FLOTUS. FLOTUS is a no-go-tus.
Wendy Mike Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback Mike · Wendy: But I love you. Does that make everything better? / This is what our marriage is gonna be? This? / It doesn't have to be. Wait, what are we talking about?
Mike: There's always gonna be a conflict of interest. But that's what marriage is — a conflict of interests.
Mike Observational Character Comedy Gary · Mike: Are you guys fighting? Please don't fight. / Gary, get the hell out of my marriage. / Okay, got it.
Gary Mike Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Selina · Amy: I call it my 'three Rs.' / It's time for the 'three Rs.' / They're solid as a rock, rock, rock.
Selina Amy Running Gag Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Selina · Amy: Renew, renew. The third R is 'renew.' / She forgot the third R. / The third R is— actually, in fact, let me go back to 'reaffirm,' which was number two.
Selina Amy Cringe/Discomfort Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Amy · Furlong: Do we have any snipers? Can we take her out? / You got a gun? I'll do it.
Furlong · Amy: Jesus, that is a wicked twitch. / I can't watch this. / Neither can she, 'cause her fuckin' eyes don't work.
Selina · Furlong: It is... 'repel.' / 'Repel'? Why did she say 'repel'? What is it, 'Talk Like A Pirate Day'?
Selina · Amy · Furlong: We need to repel unwanted immigration. We need to repel criminals, we need to repel obesity, we need to repel torturers. / I think I've endorsed a Nazi. / That would explain the Hitler haircut.
Selina: Maybe I should have gone with two Rs.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Ben: Hey, I got three Fs for ya — you're fucked, you fuckin' fucker.
Ben Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Gary · Kent: Holy crapcakes! They're loving her. / I know. It seems every time she says 'repel,' she attracts more voters.
Gary Kent Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Callback Moderator · Maddox: Secretary Maddox? / Hmm? / Oh, uh... yeah. I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to your mom, and... I don't think we should be penalizing any hardworking Americans.
Maddox · Ben: What we need to do is to find those loopholes and find out... whether-- are they loopholes or are they legitimate holes? What the hell is a legitimate hole? Well, don't get me started.
Maddox: What we need to do is to find those loopholes and find out... whether — are they loopholes or are they legitimate holes?
Maddox Character Comedy Absurdist Furlong · Ben: What the hell is a legitimate hole? / Well, don't get me started.
Amy · Kent: Just stop saying 'hole.' / It's not that bad. / No, as a 'hole,' it's not that bad.
Amy Kent Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Callback Pierce · Furlong: But we wanna stay above the hole. We don't wanna go down the hole. He's gonna disappear up his own 'hole' hole. / If I get your vote, you won't go down that hole. I wanna bring everybody above the hole. We all want to live above the hole.
Furlong: Maddox dialed 'M' for 'Murdered Himself.'
Furlong Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Furlong: God, look at Pierce. He looks like he just got out of sex prison. He's not gonna cry, is it?
Furlong Character Comedy Observational Furlong: Now Maddox's daughter is gonna give him the bad news. 'Daddy, you fuckin' blew it!' 'Daddy, I've never been less proud of you.'
Furlong Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Gary · Amy: Well, thank God for Twitchy. He really saved us. / I love that little guy. / Now he's got to convince everyone the three Rs don't stand for 'racist,' 'right wing,' and 'racist.'
Gary Amy Dark/Subversive Callback Callback Jonah · Dan: I just want to say I'm sorry if I wasn't very sympathetic to your, you know, mental head issues. / Go fuck yourself, 'Jack and the Giant Freakstalk.' Your team lost, and you should be fitted with a leper bell, you sinking shit.
Jonah Dan Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jonah · Amy · Dan: Yeah, okay. / Boy, I do not know what I saw in you. / I do. He's a less talented ugly version of me. He's basically a human comfort blanket.
Jackson · Amy: Remember when I came up with 'short hair for the long haul'? / When? What? No.
Amy · Furlong: Cheer up. Coming in second is good. It's especially true with opening debates. / Also with fucking.
Selina: And if you can't stand the heat, buy asbestos panties.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Selina · Furlong: And if you can't stand the heat, buy asbestos panties. / See, now that's the kind of talk that gets me turned on.
Gary: I wouldn't say 'repel' is a strong word. It can mean also 'to push away gently with respect.'
Gary Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Kent: I was pretty disappointed in Governor Chung's performance, but I did learn that he used to be a soldier. Learned that several times.
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Pierce: Well, the... the hole is the hole. And the hole is the hole that people fall into. And if they fall below the line, they will fall into the hole. And we want to keep them from falling below the line and then into the hole... or off the map. Because if they're in the hole, how are you gonna get out?
Pierce Escalation Character Comedy Callback Unnamed staffer · Mike: Mike, I haven't gotten any questions about her hair. / Thank fuckin' God.