Kent Davison

Kent · Selina:Am I supposed to ask a question now? Oh, sure. If you want. Fire away. And what would that question be? Well, that question might be what do you think is the best reposition to take? And what would the answer to that question be? And the answer would be standing right in front of you.

Selina · Kent:I don't think I was actually very clear before. / No.

Kent:Why would anyone want to eat you?

Kent · Selina:You do know that I am not running for office right now? I am, in fact, the vice president. I wouldn't dispute your title. I might question your role.

Selina · Kent:It would be great if you would stand up when the vice president enters a room. Oh, Lord, all right. Oh, Lord. There you go. Oh, at ease, Kent.

Kent:Yeah, it's the only thing I'd save if this building were on fire.

Selina · Kent:I'm gonna have more of a role in this administration. Well, I just crunched the numbers. I know. You're the numbers cruncher. And right now they taste pretty bland to me. Well, salt and pepper 'em.

Selina · Kent:Kent. Where's the president? Asleep. Well, should you be in here? People need to think he's in here leading. But he's not. He is, according to the rumor I put out.

Kent:Come on, you are the vice president. By definition, you should be at half the height of the president.

Selina · Kent:Selina throws the lipstick at Kent and hits him in the eye

Kent:Just been with the president. He's asked me to stay on. My eye hurts.

Kent · Dan · Dan:What's that shit all over the carpet? / Oh, shit. / If you have some white wine vinegar, that'll get it right out.

Kent:So, Kim Jong whatever is swinging his nuclear dick again. The Russians have planted their flag on a Norwegian pile of pelican shit.

Kent:Uzbekistan is between Turkmenistan and I-could-give-a-fuck-istan. There's a map on page 376.

Kent:POTUS wants you to do the morning shows. You will be the face of our failure.

Selina · Kent:Selina to Kent: 'Hey, I heard you were doing Pilates. I didn't know you had a core.' Kent: 'I do and it's like steel.'

Kent:Kent corrects 'SM-17' to 'SM-17d. There's a lowercase D.' Then: 'A misplaced decimal point can kill a diabetic.'

Kent:Kent's passive-aggressive 'That's if you can possibly be back in time' — implying Selina won't make it to the 4:30 meeting without confirming why.

Dan · Kent:Dan's talking-head about the regionality paper — cut to him at Kent's Pilates studio: 'Did you just join this Pilates studio, Mr. Egan?' Dan: 'Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's convenient.' 'Where do you live?' 'Nearby. Local... to here.'

Kent:Kent at Pilates: 'I hope you've done Pilates before. People think they can just get on one of these machines. No. Six months I did before I got on this.'

Kent:Kent to Jonah: 'You ever hear of the Old Testament, Mike?' — calling Jonah 'Mike.'

Kent:Well, Ben, it seems like you're ill-suited for your job and you should resign.

Jonah · Kent:No, that's cherry red. — Cerise. — I'm sorry, sir. I must have a very specific form of color blindness.

Kent · Ben:I cook these noodles every day... Oh, the noodle analogy. You guys are gonna love this.

Kent:Any less and they will be flaccid and damp like a lady's hair in the rain.

Kent · Ben:We can move on the hostages. — Cock-a-noodle-doo.

Kent:Leaning out in the tack, your big man balls dipping in the salty sea.

Kent:I have no children and I wish for none, but she's my family.

Kent:You don't talk powerboating to us sailors, Dan.

Kent · Selina:Vis-à-vis jowls. / That's how he looks. That's his face.

Selina · Kent:Why didn't you just take the good one of me, Photoshop it in? / I can't airbrush history, ma'am. I'm not Joseph Stalin.

Kent · Dan:This is imbecilic. / You're right. It's asinine. / No, keep smiling, Mr. Ryan. / I'm smiling falsely. So should you.

Kent:Kent to Selina: 'Ma'am, your song last night made my lips curl.' (pause) 'Upwards.'

Selina · Kent:Oh, you want Dan? / No, I want Mike.

Selina · Kent:Selina being offered Helsinki in exchange for Mike — her dawning horror and eventual capitulation.

Selina · Kent:Mike, on second thought, I think that this whole Dream... / Metric. / Dream Metric thing sounds kind of fantastic.

Kent:Numbers, they never end, do they? But that's what's good about them... they keep going.

Kent:Kent pointing at demographic data: 'That's the Latino vote, right? That thing?' — pointing at an object on a screen.

Kent:Now, this isn't a choice like my diet, this is a necessity like my drinking.

Kent:The national security advisor is running around like he's got eagles flying out of his dick.

Kent:Well, I'd like to divorce your head from your fucking neck.

Kent · Mike:Are you familiar with the Eye of Sauron? ... I think I caught it on a plane once.

Kent:No, no, no. Enough of that ear swill.

Kent:Yeah, not the good ones. Not 'Platoon.'

Kent:That I'd like to see.

Kent · Congressman Furlong:Uh, the vice president was groped by the Finnish prime minister's husband. / What? Why are you telling me that? / That's just weird. / Yeah, that's really unfortunate. / Was that up in the hills or down in the valley?

Mike · Kent:Sir, I was thinking the Eye of Sauron, you know? Keep the focus on Helsinki. / Sailing.

Kent:Kent walks in, having been furloughed: 'I forgot my noise-cancelling headphones. Guess what I just heard. I'm not here. Ergo, my ears aren't here either.'

Kent:Kent: 'Madam Vice President, greatest respect, but it has been the job of the VP over the ages to take it in the ass to save the president.'

Kent · Unknown woman:I'll start polling... Nice dress. / It's a skirt and top. / Even better.

Kent:I didn't realize that Chung and Maddox would attack at night. Must be the military training.

Selina · Kent:Let me see this. What is this spike right here? / The 'I Don't Knows.' / Okay, so I am looking at a page and I am seeing most of America standing up proudly and saying, 'I don't know.' / We were shocked ourselves.

Selina · Kent:I wonder who should be my campaign strategist in the next election. / 'I don't know.' / I will redouble my efforts to win your support.

Selina · Kent:Selina: 'Children are of no value. Forget child care.' / Staff member: 'Children are vital, Kenny Rogers.' / Selina: 'We're not all planning to die alone like you.'

Kent · Selina · Mike:Kent greets Alicia Bryce with a flat 'Sure.' — then Selina's aside: 'Whatever it is I'm selling, he is not buying.' / Mike: 'Don't worry, he's like that with all the humans.'

Kent:Kent: 'If you don't like the reality, go live in Oregon and make quilts with my mother. She could use the help.'

Kent:Ma'am, you have plenty of principles. Just gotta pick another one.

Kent · Dan:Hey, fucking pencil neck. / He just swallowed his phone in fear.

Ben · Kent:I'd ask Mike, but he's too happy now that he's married. / Too happy.

Kent:Craig Juergensen, as I live and breathe in the genius.

Gary · Selina · Kent · Amy:I've got to confess, ma'am, I've been in a lot of pain lately. It's my shoulder. The masseuse at the hotel this morning told me to take it easy... / It was a masseuse. / That makes total sense now. / Who did you think it was? / Kent, it was a masseuse. / Ah... masseuse. I buy that.

Gary · Selina · Kent · Amy:Why else would I invite a man into my hotel room? / Well... / Nothing. / Why are you looking at me like that? / Like what? / Nothing. It's a free country. / I know it's a free country. / I had a cousin like that. / Not to split hairs or anything, but it was a man. So, technically, it's a masseur, not a masseuse. / Right. / Whatever makes you happy. / It doesn't matter. / I don't understand what's... / Whatever makes me happy? / It's complicated, isn't it?

Kent:Right now, the public is interested in tax relief for tech firms. / Yeah, but... they're still deciding. / There is a lot of interest in the Chung torture story. The public may decide to put it on the Clovis front page after all.

Dan · Kent:Dan's motivational speech to new staffers: 'Selina Meyer will never forget you.' Immediately followed by Kent: 'You are going to change America in a way that usually only war and fluoride can.'

Kent · Amy:Kent to Amy, while identifying a wine by smell: 'And she has got a real nose for wine. You remember that soiree at the French embassy, where you were identifying the year by the smell?' Amy: 'I also do that with my men.'

Kent:Kent: 'The only thing about you that doesn't surprise me is your capacity to surprise me.'

Kent · Amy:Kent looks at the bowl of potatoes: 'That is an ark of potato.' Amy: '"S.S. Starch."'

Kent · Amy · Ben:Kent: 'So, Amy, when are you going to ask us to support you as campaign manager?' Amy: 'I guess I don't have to now.' She proposes a 'work' drinking game. Ben immediately says 'Work.' and drinks.

Amy · Kent:Amy's toast: 'Thank you for your skills and for your friendship.' Kent: 'Hear, hear.' All: 'To skills.' / 'And friendship.'

Kent · Amy · Ben:The Jonah/Jeff Kane revelation at Amy's dinner party. Group discovers Jonah's uncle is Jeff Kane (controls New Hampshire senior vote). The political dinner immediately becomes a campaign war room.

Kent · Amy · Ben:Amy kicks everyone out of her dinner party. Kent: 'Please do support Amy as Selina's campaign manager.' Amy: 'Please do. Yay me. Yay me.' Then: 'Anybody wanna get a burger?' Ben: 'Yeah.'

Kent · Amy · Ben:Kent arrives at the bar: 'Hey, kids. Everybody well oiled?' Then announces there 'may be some changes.' Amy: 'She got a campaign manager, didn't she?' Kent: 'Please tell me it's not Dan.' It is Dan. Amy: 'Fuck you, Dan, you minor-league gigolo!'

Kent · Amy · Ben · Gary · Mike:Kent's plan: 'We should throw your expired cum at Jonah's door.' Group chants: 'Let's throw cum! Let's throw cum!' Mike: 'Amy, no, no... that's my DNA!'

Kent · Protester:Kent's speech: 'After this job announcement, your approval rating will soar like a balloon slipped from a child's hand.' — Interrupted by protester: 'I'll buy you for a dollar!'

Kent · Sue · Selina:Kent is passed through a chain of phone handlers — Sue to Davison — like an absurd telephone switchboard.

Kent · Selina:Nobody's gonna ask a question. — Exactly right.

Ray · Kent:Despite being told he is fired, Ray says 'I get you' and then 'I'm so pleased we had this talk. Let's see where we all are in a month or so.'

Kent · Ray:People think, 'He's a fitness guy, how can he know about politics?' I get you, Kent. / Again, I don't think you do. [Ray continues demonstrating he doesn't get it]

Kent · Ray:You really don't get it, so I'm going to keep this very simple. You're fired. / I get you. Very simple. / Great. I'm so pleased we had this talk. Let's see where we all are in a month or so.

Kent:Kent: 'I've only ever used this voice, even as a young child.'

Amy · Dan · Kent:'George Looney.' / Hey, Kent.

Pierce · Amy · Kent:If our government is going to take everything from us, bar the kitchen sink, they might want to take... the plug as well. / Why a plug? / To... plug up the plug hole. / It was a joke. / He's making a joke. / Guess I'm the only one with a sense of humor.

Gary · Kent:Holy crapcakes! They're loving her. / I know. It seems every time she says 'repel,' she attracts more voters.

Amy · Kent:Just stop saying 'hole.' / It's not that bad. / No, as a 'hole,' it's not that bad.

Kent:I was pretty disappointed in Governor Chung's performance, but I did learn that he used to be a soldier. Learned that several times.

Kent · Selina · Amy:POTUS is having a difficult time with FLOTUS and her... / Suicide attempt, yeah. / Yes. / I don't blame her. Imagine being married to that guy. I wouldn't put up with that shit for a second.

Kent:Kind of, in a way, and also not. And in a third way both.

Selina · Kent:What are you talking about? What is it? Are we at war? / Ma'am, we're America. We're always at war.

Selina · Kent · Amy:Where's POTUS gonna live, though? / Where is he... / Yeah, 'cause doesn't he have to move? / That'll be taken care of. / No, but does he have a house? / Somebody will handle that. / You don't have to worry about that.

Kent:Um, it's happening in 48 hours.

Ben · Kent:Ben: 'Do you want me to tell you which of those two to fire?' / 'Kent. Just kidding, Kent.'

Kent · Dan:Kent: I don't want you on top of me. / Dan: Well, I'm going to be. So, work with it.

Kent · Gary:Kent and Gary fighting over office space in the West Wing, with Gary arguing 'That's my calculator' and Kent: 'You don't need an office. You have a bag.'

Selina · Kent · Mike:The Leslie Kerr/Leslie Carr/Leanne Carr name confusion chain — Selina fires the wrong person entirely.

Kent · Selina:Kent lists men named Leslie — Leslie Nielsen, Leslie Moonves, Leslie Frazier the Vikings coach. / Selina: Doesn't matter. You're... good speech.

Kent:Kent: 'They only got one vote left in 'em, we need it.' / 'Warm, upright bodies that can still punch a hole in a card.'

Selina · Kent · Ben:Yeah, but here I am. I'm thinking it. The only unthinkable thing is that anything is unthinkable. / Kent majored in fortune cookies.

Kent:But her likability index is... [Beat] ...shallow.

Ben · Selina · Kent:It's Ben's birthday. / Happy birthday, Ben. / Wow, that was quick. / We have a cake? / No.

Catherine · Kent:Even though we have our differences, I think my mom brokering major peace talks is super awesome. / It is. Super awesome.

Kent:[Long pause] That is good to know.

Kent:Catherine, America doesn't like you. / That sounded way too harsh when boiled down to a headline thought.

Catherine · Kent:They hate me. / I wouldn't say hate. You just... polarize opinion with the bulk of it gravitating to this pole here.

Kent · Catherine:You have sharp shoulders. / This is like high school all over again. / Yeah, sure, kind of, but much bigger.

Kent · Catherine:Customary shortcuts to public affirmation are military service or childbirth. / Okay, God, no, and, oh, my God, no, in that order.

Kent · Catherine:Well, then we go back to the idea of turning that frown into the inverse of a frown. / Upside down? / If you will.

Selina · Gary · Kent:No, fuck it, cheese. Oh. Uh, ma'am... Look, Kent, I'm sorry, but Chloe's got to go. It's not Chloe, it's Lee. And anyway, it's not Lee, it's Catherine.

Kent:I cannot endorse that message, but I do acknowledge it.

Aide · Kent · Amy:Ironically, the straight guy is very stiff around the gay guy. — Our polling said that he was widely perceived as quite wooden. — Why were you polling him?

Kent:I grew a small beard here.

Kent:Bill, of my various walking paces, I selected moderate to fast.

Kent · Jonah:Jonah, I know something's happening at the VP's office. Oh. Okay, you do. — I need you to tell me what's going on. And, uh, do I have to tell you that right now? — Yes, you do. — I was thinking we could stop for a coffee.

Jonah · Kent:Uh, Teddy's been touching me. — Or tea. — Uh, just processing that.

Catherine · Kent · Catherine · Jonah · Kent:Guess what. I just got engaged. — Are you fucking kidding me? Catherine's there, too? — Hi, Jonah. Jason proposed and I said yes. — Well, shit, congratulations. — Marriage is good. — It's a fine institution.

Catherine · Kent · Jonah · Sue · Jonah:Don't tell my mom. I want to surprise her. — Jonah, is there anything else you want to tell us? — I don't know. Is there anybody else in the room? — Just myself and Bill again. — And I'm here taking notes. — Sue's there?! Fuck! — Okay, well, no. There's nothing else that I have to say.

Kent:Okay, we got nothing out of that but a funny story.

Selina · Kent:I specifically promised Doyle that I would not do that, Kent. — I apologize. But it did throw up some very interesting results. — But I will run those by you at a less angry time.

Tom James · Selina · Kent:Tom James reveals he wants to sit down with Amy Brookheimer — Selina covers: 'Kent. Roger that.' — Kent's immediate, robotic 'Roger that' to his new role

Kent:Kent firing Karen: 'Your champagne's been laced with polonium. I mean, not really. It's just to lighten up the moment a little bit. But she definitely wants you to go.'

Karen · Kent:Karen's response to being fired: 'I don't know what to think.' / Kent: 'Precisely. You can just use that... the door right there.'

Kent:He may have been talking about Kent.

Kent · Gary:The competing memos about whether Kent or Gary has authority over Selina's schedule — 'When was yours sent?' / 'When was yours sent?' / 'I asked you first.'

Kent · Ben:'It was a sur-list, which means over-list.' / 'Oh, fuck you.'

Kent:You're gonna win in a slide. You know, marginally.

Kent · Selina:Feeling kind of zen-ish, you know? I realize that there's nothing more I can do. Things are out of my control and I just have to let the tension go. / Get the fuck out of here, Kent.

Staffer · Kent:Ohio? / No, for O'Brien. I should have said.

Kent · Selina · Ben:Tie, like it's a tie? You mean, we tie? / You do. / What happens when there's a tie? / Everybody goes online to try to find out what happens if we get a tie. Way ahead of you. Shit, I'm just getting how to tie a tie.

Kent:Fortune cookie say you fuck up big-time, round eye.

Kent · Mike:Kent: I am just over 12,000 steps today. / Mike: I'm at 3,000. Did you run to work today? / Kent: No, the job keeps me active.

Selina · Kent · team:Nevada recount revelation — Selina's team explodes in joy, then Selina mispronounces 'Nevada' as 'Nev-AY-da' and is immediately corrected to 'Nev-ADD-a' twice.

Kent · Mike:So how many flights, Mike? / What do you mean flights? / As in flights of stairs. Burns way more calories. I am at 22 flights today.

Selina · Kent:How much did we lose Idaho by? / Shellacked. Uh, well over 212,000 votes. / Then I declare a state of go fuck yourself. I'm not spending money to scrape mud off a bunch of dirt roads.

Selina · doctor · Kent:Don't you think that mudslides are the funniest kind of natural disasters? / I've always been partial to sinkholes. You know, ah! / (LAUGHS) Those are hilarious. / Nature's trapdoor.

Kent:Little known fact about the Nazis... their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof. Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic. The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good.

Kent · Ben:He hasn't worked in the White House since the late '80s. [beat] How old is Sue?

Kent:I'm feeling light-headed. That bottle's my only source of blood sugar.

Selina · Kent:Kent presents statistical evidence of missing ballots: 'Where?' 'I do not know.' 'How many?' 'I do not know.' 'Are you sure?' 'Absolutely.'

Kent:'Phones are hacked all the time to steal pictures of celebrities' penises and whatnot.'

Kent · Selina:...that has driven up your favorables. / I'm talking about pulling the plug on my mother here. / How is half a percentage point in the polls supposed to sweeten that shit biscuit? / More like double digits. / Really?

Kent:There is a possibility of a shorter-lived, but numerically greater outpouring... if you will, a 'death bump.'

Selina · Kent:Well, that is some wild and heavy stuff. / Indeed. / Yeah. I got some real soul-searching to do.

Ben · Selina · Ben · Selina · Aide · Kent:Those we have loved cannot be lost because they are always a part of us. / Thank you, Ben, and whoever wrote those words. / Look what I found. / Too late. / Of course. / I recognize those words. They were in the card your wife sent me when my cat Fibonacci passed.

Kent · Mike:Did you explain to her that there is no scientific evidence of a higher power? / How long has this yogurt been in here?

Kent · Selina:We lost the popular vote. / Oh, God.

Kent:I grieve with thee.

Kent:Missouri's the largest turkey-producing state in the union. Second only to Minnesota followed by North Carolina. Ma'am. And Arkansas.

Kent:Michigan is actually the largest producer of battery acid.

Kent:The number of people taken ill is orders of magnitude below statistical significance. Do people not understand basic nonparametric statistics? Or how to cook a fucking turkey.

Dan · Amy · Kent:I think Tom is up to something with Sidney Purcell... And he said that I was crazy. / You know what it could be? That you are fucking crazy. / Tom James. / It was a fucking panic attack. / Tom James. / Goddamn panic attack.

Amy · Kent · Unknown:Because that's gonna look like you care more about your boyfriend than you do the economy, normal people, and everything else you're supposed to care about. / AIDS for example. / Thanks, Kent's autism.

Kent:Hanukah polls higher in Mecca.

Ben · Kent · Sue:Sue, we need to see the president. / Gentlemen, you'll have to towel off and wait. / She's in with someone. / Who? / Whom.

Kent:Also, their methodology is unsound.

Kent:Ma'am, I don't even use the colloquial phrase 'I guess.'

Selina · Kent · Minna:What about the factories in Ohio? / Jonah's ahead in all the latest polls. / Fuck those factories, man. I'm freeing Tibet. / Really, not freeing.

Kent:But still counts as a sign of the apocalypse.

Kent:Stalemate his endgame. Shades of Karpov versus Kasparov.

Kent · Selina:Kent reveals Selina was rated 43rd most effective president. 'Out of how many?' '44.' Right ahead of James Buchanan, 'who many feel caused the Civil War.'

Selina · Kent:'Kent, can you give a girl some warning next time before you jam it in the back door?' / 'Data gives no warning, ma'am.'

Kent:Kent: 'Alternate timelines are a crutch for lazy sci-fi premises, e.g., "Star Trek" with the exception of "Deep Space Nine."'

Kent · Ellen · Mike:Mike introducing his surrogate, twins, and three-year-old: 'Mike, she has the head circumference of a six-year-old.' / 'I'm six.'

Will · Kent:I, uh... I'm so sorry, but, you know, a job's a job. / That's a false equivalence, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Kent:Congressman, being a bachelor in this town means you're gayer than a TV evangelist.

Kent:Statistically speaking, married politicians have more sex with more single women than single politicians.

Kent:In order to find an ideal match, the restaurant, table, food, and time will be the same for every date to establish a control. The girl will be different.

Kent:Every potential mate has been preselected from the online dating pool of DC women ages 25 to 30 with a strong interest in marriage to you in particular.

Jonah Ryan · Kent:Son of a bitch. I'm gonna go broke paying for all those dates. / Unlikely. There's only four.

Kent · Unknown:Night and fog. Nacht und Nebel. / Yeah, I haven't missed that.

Kent:Mike, that is the kind of voting irregularity that we are here to prevent.

Mike · Kent:That sounds bad. Look, please, can you help me get it off? / Unless you want the entire thumb removed with a utility blade, I suggest you find another person.

Kent:when people think about what's wrong in Washington, they think of him and you

Jonah · Kent:I set my watch back for Daylight Savings Time. You set your watch the wrong way. No, it's spring. I 'springed' backwards.

Ben · Kent:Plus-sized homunculus. A human-shaped creature of medieval legend that Paracelsus claimed was created from putrefied sperm.

Kent:So you don't scrape your head, you giant barbecue fork.

Kent:Well, ironically, I have bigger tits.

Jonah · colleague · Kent:I got it... the Beltway Boys. — Jesus Christ, are you tag-teaming this? Those are awful.

Kent · Jonah · colleague:Hamilton wasn't a president. — Then why the fuck did they write a musical about him?! — No, he was our first Puerto Rican president.

Jonah · Kent:'Nobody's gonna keep us down because we are moving on up.' / '♪ The Capitol Hills ♪'

Furlong · Kent:Will one of you please bathe and dress him? — I call dress. Sorry, Kent.

Kent · colleague · Kent:Second goddamn floor, I can't even commit suicide. — I got a key to the roof. We could do a Butch-Sundance. — Nah, I'll just wait for cancer.

Kent:Charlie, also played by Fred Gwynne. Season one, episode nine.

Jonah · Kent:Kent, can I have your plus-one? — No, I'm bringing my jai alai instructor. — Female. — Ish.

Jonah · Kent:Oh, God damn it, this office sucks my nard! — A punishment from Congressman Furlong and the speaker and the president. — An astonishing bipartisan agreement.

Jonah · Kent:Let's see if I'm in here. — Jordan, jobs... — Try Ryan. — I know, Kent. I was looking up jobs because they're important to the American people. — R-Y-A... — I know how to spell my last name, Kent.

Kent:12 mentions. Adequate.

Kent:The shutdown really hurt you in Massachusetts' anus. AKA New Hampshire.

Jonah · Kent:Whoa, I'm only up five on Skeevy Deevy? — I went to summer camp with that dude and he was too afraid to get changed in front of the other boys. — I thought that was you. — No, I'm pretty sure it was him. — It was you. — How do you know, Kent? Were you at that summer camp?

Kent · Ben:I might get my teeth re-whitened. — Maybe we could start a new business, take our shit show on the road. — Yeah, easier than explaining yards after the catch to Steve Largent.

Ben · Kent:If we do this, though, one rule... no McLintock. — No shit.

Dan · Kent:Maybe we could start a new business, take our shit show on the road. / Yeah, easier than explaining yards after the catch to Steve Largent.

Selina · Kent:Selina: 'That makes me moister than an oyster.' / Kent: 'Plus or minus four points.' / Selina: 'OK, still pretty moist.'

Selina · Kent:How is this possibly even working for her? / Socio-politically, protest chants have proved an effective method-- / OK, off.

Ben · Kent:'Kemi Fever.' Three exclamation points. / It's a pandemic.

Kent · Selina:They don't know what that word is. / Good point.

Kent:The term 'Fonzie scheme' is referenced. And the article as a whole is not cool.

Kent:Men hate women, women hate themselves. The Geraldine Ferraro principle.

Kent · Selina:Well, my polling shows their main wants are jobs, education, and an adequate safety net— / Okay, not gonna speak to that. / I'm not finished, ma'am. / '...to be denied to African Americans.'

Selina Meyer · Kent · Ben · Gary:I have always been open and transparent about how old I am. / Yeah, 55. / I believe it's 53. / Late 40s. / You're all correct.

Kent:Lu's looking for the tickee in someone's shirtee.

Selina · Ben · Kent:Are people actually laughing at that impression? / - No. - Yes.

Kent · Ben:Kent: The Hague gives a shit. / Ben: We are not in America. We just crawled out of a drain!

Kent:There are two things Americans don't like to see get hurt: animals, and white girls on spring break.

Kent · Selina:Peggy Noonan has a column about Babar and American exceptionalism. / She's a dumb cunt.

Selina · Kent:Is this gonna affect my numbers, ya think? / Yes.

Montez · Kent:Did President Meyer find a way to steal the nomination from me like she stole South Carolina? / If you can't figure out how to steal South Carolina, you have no business being president.

Selina · Kent:That's not funny, Kent. / I haven't been funny since 1987.

Kent · DeVito · Kent:The president, she loved your speech. Especially the line 'There are really three Americas.' / I'm so glad you responded to that. / She's gonna use that in her speech.

Kent · Selina · Kent:The most compelling number to me is not a number at all, it's a concept. / I said pretend, okay? / I was pretending. My favorite number is Euler's number.

Kent · DeVito · Kent:She's also gonna take the line 'No matter what, I will always stand for America.' / That's a reference to my leg. / She'll tweak it.

Selina · Kent · Selina · Kent:This, Kent, is why I was right not to offer her Veep. / She's the worst. / Yeah. / Ma'am, all due respect, maybe you should consider being her Veep.

Selina · Kent:That's not fucking funny, Kent. / I haven't been funny since 1987.

Selina · Kent · Selina:I honestly think I might be in hell. / No such place, ma'am. The concept of hell is a cultural memory of pre-Mosaic child sacrifice among proto-Judean peoples. / You're making a strong case for hell.

Kent:He is not just gay, he is Sam Rayburn gay.

Unknown · Unknown · Kent · Unknown:Kent, do you still keep in touch with Ben's widow? / I forget her name. / No. / Betcha Ben did, too.