Selina settles on a location for her presidential library. Dan lands in a gossip column. Mike and Selina work on her book. Jonah tries to cement a big donation. Gary manages a mini-crisis at Madame Tussauds.
81-point episode rides 59 jokes in 38 minutes, banking on character chaos over setup precision.
Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller · Written by Gabrielle Allan, Jennifer Crittenden
WAR
64.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Chicklet” ranks #64 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.8 — Elite. The episode packs 59 scored jokes at 1.6 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Selina: God Almighty, I wish I'd been assassinated in office.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Shawnee: Honestly, it was one less thing to worry about.
Shawnee Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Mike: Huh, that's actually right when I started working with you.
Mike Reaction Beat Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Richard: Well, my father and I both hate eating butterscotch, but love to say it. Butterscotch.
Richard Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina: Is this the Hall of Half-Term Wonders?
Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy All Jokes — 59 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Selina: American University sounds like a made-up college in Egypt.
Selina Observational Character Comedy Selina: You understand that, Amy, that even Richard has trouble understanding you?
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Selina: Even that sanctimonious fraud Carter had a library.
Selina Character Comedy Observational Selina: American University, it's like American Univer-shit.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Unknown volunteer: I also do wallpaper.
Selina: I look like I'm trying out for 'The Price is Right.'
Selina Observational Character Comedy Selina: God Almighty, I wish I'd been assassinated in office.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Selina: Although, with my luck, I'd be then crippled for life, sitting in a wheelchair in my reading room with my name on the thing.
Selina Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Amy: They haven't agreed to putting your name on anything, ma'am.
Amy Reaction Beat Irony/Sarcasm Selina: Oh, God, I hate every food ever, from everywhere.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation Gary · Selina: Have you tried ice cream? Ugh.
Selina: Is this the Hall of Half-Term Wonders?
Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Gary: I thought that was Craig T. Nelson.
Gary Observational Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Selina: The real one was made of wood.
Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Selina: Just do it before I melt down that whole collection and use it to wax Madame Tussauds' big, fat, nasty snatch!
Selina Escalation Character Comedy Selina: Trust me, Amy, it was not the heart attack that depressed your dad.
Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Selina: I just feel like I'm a thick, dark fog and everyone disappoints me and nothing works out, and what's the point of anything anyway?
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: 'Cause I'm getting 14 hours of sleep a night.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation Mike: Both of them went to town on me. It was brutal. I cried so hard, I threw up, but it was the best thing I've ever done.
Mike Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Catherine · Selina · Catherine: You're in therapy? Since when? Since I was 13.
Selina: Well, what you really needed was a dermatologist.
Selina Character Comedy Reaction Beat Richard: Well, my father and I both hate eating butterscotch, but love to say it. Butterscotch.
Richard Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Unknown character: Oh, no, it's a graveyard that sells gum.
Catherine: I show assholes the door.
Andrew: Here's a statement... your investment is doing quite well.
Andrew Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Selina: And then we just hired the least fuckable press secretary we could find.
Selina Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort Mike: Huh, that's actually right when I started working with you.
Mike Reaction Beat Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Ben: which is a line of prison inmates standing on each other's shoulders trying to sodomize you.
Shawnee: I'm the daughter. Gross.
Shawnee Setup/Punchline Reaction Beat Sherman Tanz: More crime means more for-profit prisons. We're gonna lock 'em up and we're gonna fry 'em.
Shawnee: If you kill them, they can't get arrested again. That's how we make our money.
Shawnee Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jonah: Failure to thrive at birth... fuck that. Puberty at 19. When it hit, it hit like a fucking thunderbolt. Third grade reading level in the tenth grade.
Jonah Character Comedy Escalation Selina: Mother up and sold her. She hated all animals that she couldn't eat or wear.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Mike: In 10 years, we'll be taking vacations together.
Mike Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: What is this, Yonkers?
Selina Observational Character Comedy Selina: Oh, that Chinese one?
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Richard: Grandma Splett always said that self-pleasure was a sin like microwaves or laughter.
Richard Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Richard: No. Worse comes to worst, I'll burn in hell like Grandma Splett.
Richard Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Callback Shawnee: Honestly, it was one less thing to worry about.
Shawnee Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Amy: They're fucking her in the ass?
Amy Setup/Punchline Visual Gag Amy: You're as useless as a dick at a roller derby.
Amy Character Comedy Observational Dan: Zero anal access. How's that for a new deal?
Dan Wordplay/Pun Visual Gag Amy: for a president who is currently more famous for being a jizz sock for Times Square tourists
Amy Character Comedy Escalation Uncle George: Your dad sold it to get the IRS off of his back.
Uncle George: Died right on top of her. What a way to go. She was built, my God.
Uncle George: you know, because your dad was always taking her to the doctor.
Mike: Pay me! Pay me, bitch!
Mike Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Mike: Why do shoes cost so much money?! I wish I had peed first. Why do I always wait so long to pee? I'm a grown man! I shouldn't eat when I'm full!
Mike Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Mike: I shouldn't eat when I'm full!
Selina: Don't you see? I had no choice but to go into politics and be extraordinary and a sex symbol.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jane McCabe: Yes, Danny, I know that we're not actually fucking because you're not a billionaire and I don't wanna catch anything.
Jane McCabe: by two tits with a degree from American University over there.
Kent: So you don't scrape your head, you giant barbecue fork.
Kent Character Comedy Observational Jonah: No, I'm gonna look like that old popcorn homo.
Jonah Character Comedy Observational Kent: Well, ironically, I have bigger tits.
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Selina: What does Rumpleforeskin want?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Catherine: It's just, like, a woman's face with sunglasses on.
Catherine Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Selina: So, people were trying to have sex with my statue. Domestic terrorism.
Selina Escalation Character Comedy Gary Reaction Beat Absurdist ★ Rewatch