Selina and her staff head to Helsinki to finalize a trade agreement, but are worried whether Selina will be received warmly in Europe. Dan call Mike for advice on charming the press and Mike leans on Jonah for help. Ken and Ben argue over how to deal with new intel.
International incompetence yields 74 jokes in 38 minutes—Veep's densest episode yet.
Directed by Becky Martin · Written by Ian Martin
WAR
75.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Helsinki” ranks #33 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 80.4 — Elite. The episode packs 74 scored jokes at 2.1 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Don't give me that Quaker in a titty bar look.
The national security advisor is running around like he's got eagles flying out of his dick.
I apologized less after I banged my brother's fiancée.
Amy Dark/Subversive Escalation I mean, would it be so hard for people not to be assholes? I wouldn't know.
So that song, unlike your career as communications director, will not die.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive All Jokes — 74 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Yeah, she's going to apologize to Europe 'cause it's right up there with the bubonic plague and the carpet bombing at Dresden.
Dan Dark/Subversive Escalation Ignore Dan. He's hormonal.
Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Even Mike doesn't want to be like Mike.
Unknown Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch So while she's in Helsinki, just keep her out of Helsinki.
She gave me a Leviathan with fewer pockets.
Europhobic? Seriously? What is that supposed to mean? I'm scared of subtitles?
Selina Observational Misdirection I do have a summary of the summary that's great.
Mike Character Comedy Absurdist It's fucking insane here. It's like a math prison. They rape you with numbers.
Dan Dark/Subversive Escalation Imminent...al.
Mike Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun You have to pretend that you're charming. It doesn't matter if the jokes are weak, keep it loose. Deliberately bad jokes. It's kind of genius.
Mike Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Deliberately bad jokes. It's kind of genius.
Mike Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch J-Rock to come down there and spit some wicked wisdom in your ear
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Don't worry, buddy. I can cover for you. Remember, I lie for a living. Yeah, but you don't do it well and nobody believes you.
Mate? Yeah, you're a long way from home, mate, too.
Dan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement At which point I'll perform a little street magic for you, okay?
Sure we didn't overshoot and land in Russia in the 1950s?
They will sell nude pics of their grandmothers for a glass of hot beer.
Amy Dark/Subversive Escalation If Mike were here, we would have spent the entire flight watching him do scratcher lotto tickets going, 'Oh, so close,' every time he lost.
Amy Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Selina, you looking for 50 ways to leave Helsinki?
Gary Wordplay/Pun Observational Holy shit, grandpa, you probably still get your porn from magazines.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort The national security advisor is running around like he's got eagles flying out of his dick.
All this melodrama really explains your three divorces.
Ben Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Well, I'd like to divorce your head from your fucking neck.
Because with your face, when you attempt to be charming, it really does come off as evil.
Amy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort It's a small bag. Your hands are large. My dad always said I had lady's hands.
Don't give me that Quaker in a titty bar look.
I might be the first woman ever to have parallel periods.
Amy Observational Absurdist Despite your standard-issue hysterical washerwoman reaction, it's really not.
Ben Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Like what you had before they made you king of the undead.
Unknown Character Comedy Dark/Subversive We're fucked! Bury me!
Ben Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Because no one will feed me?
Selina Misdirection Deadpan/Understatement And why is it so angry? Because it wants to destroy all of the pigs.
Finland, you are hefty. That is the wrong word.
Oh, God, you weren't molested by your math teacher, were you?
Jonah Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort I think I caught it on a plane once.
Mike Misdirection Character Comedy Are you working as a hatcheck girl now?
Ben Character Comedy Observational Christ, I hate knowledge.
Mike Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm That hasn't happened in Washington since 1835.
So that song, unlike your career as communications director, will not die.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Oh, here he comes. Virgin Atlantic.
Oh, the tennis player? No. No. I'm joking. I'm joking now.
Selina Misdirection Cringe/Discomfort Danteeksi... 'The Never Ending Sorry.' As opposed to 'story.'
Are you on antipsychotics or in Helsinki?
Sue Setup/Punchline Escalation I mean, I'm a fucking laughingstock. If you burst into tears, stay away from this dress.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation Shall I put her in an iron mask?
Amy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive I believe in Finland bag man is kassi.
Okay, you need to calm the fuck down, Judge Judy.
Selina Character Comedy Observational Cool it, kassi.
Selina Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Less power than the Mayor of Cleveland.
Your Secret Service look about as tough as mine. Shall we get them to fight?
Shall we get them to fight?
He just squeezed my tit like a balloon.
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Observational He looks like a Disney villain.
Gary Observational Character Comedy You two have been caught with your balls in grandma's mouth.
Screw you and your Confucius grasshopper bullshit, all right?
Oh, do they know? Laurel and Retardy?
Right, Team Fuckup. Yeah, I got my membership card here somewhere. I can't find it.
This is at least 10 years of Oliver Stone movies. Yeah, not the good ones. Not 'Platoon.'
Seriously, when you pulled the pin out, you're supposed to throw the grenade away. You don't stick it up your own freakin' ass.
I apologized less after I banged my brother's fiancée.
Amy Dark/Subversive Escalation That's like a sexual 9/11 in my opinion. Or a sexual Cuban Missile Crisis at the least.
Because of the axis of dick.
Amy Wordplay/Pun Escalation In America we actually call fish chicken of the sea.
Selina Observational Misdirection In America we actually call fish chicken of the sea.
It is a testicle container. Oh, no. Don't feel ashamed, Gary. Because, of course, you're not a ball sack.
Finnish PM Callback Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback You're career poison. Do you know that? Jesus, that's why you like sailing, because you're a fucking anchor dragging promising careers down to the bottom of the fucking ocean.
Dan Escalation Character Comedy Was that up in the hills or down in the valley?
Kent Cringe/Discomfort Wordplay/Pun Was that up in the hills or down in the valley?
Ben Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort And you raped my tit. So I'm coming for you 'cause I'm an Angry Bird right now... and you're a pig.
Selina Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Well, who knew that being sexually assaulted wouldn't be the worst thing to happen in my day, huh?
Selina Dark/Subversive Escalation I mean, would it be so hard for people not to be assholes? I wouldn't know.
57 Twitter followers. That's shit for a journalist.
Amy Observational Character Comedy 57 Twitter followers. That's shit for a journalist. Yeah.
Unknown Observational Character Comedy Europe used to be my favorite continent. Now it's not even in my top five.
