Minna Häkkinen

Minna · Selina:I am giving the keynote address, I am giving a talk on economics. 'The Finnish Wilf.' — Er, what...? — It's 'wolf.' — 'The Finnish Wolf.' — Yes. — And there is my book. — And what is that called? — 'The Finnish Wilf.' — It's 'wolf.' — Yeah, I got it.

Minna · Selina:I'm sorry to say, in your country you have too many guns... — To give guns to babies? — Well, only in Arizona.

Minna:And me also, I made a joke... for giving the guns to the babies. Because I know you don't give the guns to the babies.

Selina · Minna:No, of course not. It would be dangerous. — Yeah. Bang! No, it would be awful. — Awful.

Reporter/aide · Gary · Minna:Minna Hakkinen. The Finnish Fox! — Wolf. — What? — It's 'wolf.' — Oh. Thank you, Gary.

Minna · Selina · Gary:There is on your team a leaking gentleman. I don't know his name, but he is like in central Europe there is a bad companion for Santa Claus. Here he comes on Christmas and, if the children are naughty, he takes away the presents. — Rudolph. — No, no.

Minna · Gary · Selina:Good night, my room is just next door. I want for your comfort to make you aware that today I purchased ear pligs. — Ear plugs. — Oh, ear plugs. Okay. — Not every country likes to eavesdrop. — Yes. It's a joke. — Yeah, it's a good one. — No, we got it.

Minna:That timetable was not a timetable. That was a poem.

Minna:So I have been asked... oh, no, told is more accurate... that I must mention that you have a very exciting announcement to make.

Selina · Minna:We formed a partnership with Turville Industries, and I'd like to announce that there are gonna be some new jobs in the Detroit area. — Yeah, but it's just one component in the overall picture. It's not a big deal in and of itself. — Oh, no. No. It is 7,000 new jobs. — Please, stand. Don't be so modest.

Minna:Hello. I have not seen you since you failed to vote for me to be head of the IMF. And, oh, you changed your hair.

Minna · Selina:Thank you, yes. I have more highlights. / And you changed your eyelids. You had oculoplasty. / Um... / You look more alert.

Minna · Selina:It's been a very hard year. The menopause has really taken a hold of me. / Is that so? Yeah. / Yes. You know... you're menopausal.

Selina · Minna:No, I'm not. / Well... / No? / What? / No, you are. / No, you're older than me, so I... / No, I am actually two years younger. / Oh, I still have regular periods, but my joints, they're very swollen.

Selina · Minna:Kuwait emergency fabrication: 'It's in Kuwait' / 'Because Amir Al-Khabat and myself, we follow each other on Instagram. Only five minutes ago, he posted a picture of his dinner salad.' / 'Ah, well, it happened right after he had that salad, in fact. Sort of an intermezzo emergency.'

Minna · Selina:The Diaoyu Islands demand — 'How do I put this delicately? The Chinese were very disturbed by a recent incident. With your daughter.'

Selina · Minna:That was a complete honest mistake. Catherine was just confused. / But you are her mother. You did not stop her. / How could I have stopped her? I had to let her finish. / You're a mother. You've got a son. I'm sure you've done it before. / No, I have not. / This happens occasionally in Iceland, but there it's just an accident.

Minna · Selina:But what you're gonna need to do is let him get a word in. / Okay, well, you know what? This reminds me of negotiations between India and Bhutan. / Okay, this is what I'm talking about.

Minna · Selina · Catherine:Catherine's pen outrage scene — 'Your mother has given an amazing pen to the Chinese leaders.' / 'She knows... she knows about that pen.' / 'You are so terrible.'

Selina · Minna:Even labor and delivery with her was a nightmare. / Oh, yes? Why is that? / You have a very narrow vagina? / Well, tight. In the States we say tight.

Minna · Selina:The Chinese economy is in a worse state than anyone realized. / These sanctions, they are really crippling them. / And Chi-Jang, he is a proud, stubborn man. Like a Chinese Mr. Darcy. / But stupid also, like a Chinese Mr. Bingley. / I love 'Mary Poppins.'

Gary · Minna:My God, Selina Meyer, the woman who freed Tibet. / Not... no, really, not free.

Selina · Kent · Minna:What about the factories in Ohio? / Jonah's ahead in all the latest polls. / Fuck those factories, man. I'm freeing Tibet. / Really, not freeing.

Selina · Minna:Well, they should have tried going to college. / Worry about your own unemployment in Finland. / We don't have unemployment in Finland.

Selina · Minna:You look absolutely radiant. / Oh, thank you. / Yes, your stay in the insane asylum, it's really agreed with you. / It was a spa. / No, no, a spa is where you go to get a massage and the like. You were in an insane asylum.

Minna · Selina:I have such a big day tomorrow because I have an election to supervise. / I know, because I am supervising your supervising.

Minna · Selina:Just a spoonful of this caviar will pay for a wind turbine for a whole village. / Yeah, but do we really want these people to have electricity?

Murman · Minna · Selina:I was sorry to see that your forceful condemnation did not do more to stop the recent genocide in the Congo. / Maybe next genocide. / Or the one after that.

Selina · Minna:I was thinking, Minna, would it be that bad if Murman actually did win? / Well, that depends how you define bad.

Minna · Selina:He has the soul of a poet. / Yeah, that and a car with a sunroof could've bought you my virginity in '83.

Minna · Selina:You were 22? / No, I was 15 in 1983. / Right. / Well, I was, Minna. / Right. / That's great.

Minna · Selina:Did I tell you that my son Otto tried to commit suicide and that he is now not speaking to me? / Did he throw himself from a moving town car?

Minna · Selina:No. No, he weighted his boots and he jumped into an ice hole. / I'm so sorry, into what? / Into an ice hole. Like a hole they cut in the ice... / Ah. / ...for fishing. / Right. / That makes sense.

Selina · Minna · Unknown:I wonder how much longer it is to get to the hotel. / I'm not really sure... / I think it's another 45, 50 minutes. / Oh, my God.

Minna · Selina:Selina, you see right through me. / What? / It's because we are close as sisters. / No, we're not.

Minna · Selina · Ben:Nikolai and I are not only bound by mutual respect and shared beliefs. We are also bound by powerful physical attraction. / Oof. / You gotta be kidding. / We are, in fact, lovers. / Lovers. / Lovers. / With Scab Calloway?

Minna · Selina:His very touch makes me quiver. / Okay, and now we get to eat food.

Minna · Selina:The poison? It did not engorge only his face, if you know what I mean. / I think I do. / It also engorged his penis and made it very unusual texture of sea cucumber, so it's great for vaginal orgasms.

Minna · Selina:Minna to Selina: 'Can I be uncharacteristically blunt with you?' / Selina: 'I can't imagine what that...' — then Minna reveals Nikolai's poisoned genitals.

Minna · Selina:Which do you prefer, vaginal or clitoral orgasms? / You know, I just come and get it over with. / You can come just from your mind?

Selina · Minna:What can I do to get you to stop talking? / Now? / Well, you have to walk 25 miles for breast cancer and attend a WNBA game, but I think we're gonna be okay.

Selina · Minna:Well, that is very strong language, Minna. / Yes. / Yes, and I wonder if we might phrase it a different way. / For instance, perhaps we would say there have been certain irregularities in this election. / Yes! / And that is not uncommon for a young democracy. / Yes. / And, therefore, we believe that Murman is the uncontested winner. / Now, are you aware that that is the exact opposite of what you said just a moment ago? / Yes. / But I've had time to reflect since that moment.

Minna · Selina · Ben:Oh, my God. Well... I will recuse myself. Immediately, I will resign. / No, no, no, let's not overreact. Just take a deep breath, Minna. You're just in the middle of what we in America call... / A difficult situation. / ...a fuck fog.

Minna · Selina:Yeah, in Finland, we call this the fever of the sausage. / Okay, so, then you get it.

Minna · Selina:You won't tell anyone, Selina? / Thank you so much. You are such a good friend. / Oh, well... / Sometimes I don't feel worthy of this friendship. / Mm, well, sometimes I feel that way, too.

Minna · Selina:So, my last three lovers, they are complaining that my naughty talk is both incessant and soporific. / Maybe you should let 'em choke you. / You think they would rather choke me than listen to me talk? / I can only speak for myself.

Minna · Unknown staffer:He seems quite excited. / Yeah, we could see that from here.

Selina · Minna:So I droned a couple wedding civilians on the wrong side of the Af-Pak border. / I thought you were talking about your daughter's wedding to your homosexual doppelganger.

Selina · Minna:'Droned a wedding' is, uh, American slang for... 'I got it, I nailed it.' / No, no, no. Really. Like, 'I droned that wedding, man!' / I do not think that it is slang of any kind. / Oh, I guarantee you it is. Ask anyone... here--

Minna · Selina:All the time. Aung San Suu Kyi, Henry Kissinger, and also, the prize that you're getting, it is not the Peace Prize. / Oh, don't start with that! / It is a second-tier Peace Prize. / No. / It is made of very hard plastic.

Selina · Minna:Ha! / That was your phone.

Minna:I called Interpol before we got in the car.

Minna:Just the prison of unmet potential.

Minna:Number one, you write your name on your food in the refrigerator. / You see here, I've written 'Minna,' and I have written it with a permanent marker. / Number two, if you use a bowl or a spoon or a plate or a cup or a jug, afterwards, you would wash in the sink.

Minna · Gary:Selina, if you go to prison, you will not have your Gary to clean up after you. / OK, look-- / No, I'll be there.