Selina takes Catherine to a family pre-Christmas celebration at Camp David, where her team also plans to conduct secret negotiations. After a disastrous debate in New Hampshire, Amy and Dan try to make Jonah seem more human.
Political dysfunction peaks at Camp David with 71 jokes in relentless cringe-comedy mode.
Directed by Becky Martin · Written by Rachel Axler
WAR
70.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Camp David” ranks #34 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 80.4 — Elite. The episode packs 71 scored jokes at 2.1 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
No, not for him, for me.
Selina Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Bono's gonna shit his sunglasses.
Ben Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch You're taking my daddy's house and turning it into some Club Med for goats?
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist It looks just like my daughter Catherine.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort All Jokes — 71 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Which one of you Johnny Appledick shit for brains came up with that bit?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Hi, ma'am, I just arrived here in Winter Blunderland.
He looked like Ike Turner handing Tina a snack.
Selina Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch I think we've identified the key problem, which is that Jonah does not interact well with humans.
No, I don't interact well with hag-ass old bitches.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Do you realize that you just handed O'Brien New Hampshire chained to a radiator with its twat shaved?
Selina Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I'm sorry, Mom.
Jonah Reaction Beat Character Comedy Well, then why is Gary here?
Andrew Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Oh, I'm excited to get to know fun Marjorie, too. When is she arriving?
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy I'm just kidding. I'm just teasing.
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy So you're gonna have to keep Charles Ponzi and pussyride away from me.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Someone's been reading my blog. I just trademarked the word last week.
Monica Absurdist Character Comedy It sounds delicious and it's adorable. So I'm gonna call it delorable.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy See? We can all do it.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Oh, so that's two things she's turned you into.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Yeah, we just thought maybe we could have, like, a sham ham for Christmas.
No, ma'am, tofurkey is cooked. This is a raw log made of mushrooms and soaked walnuts.
But it tastes like a ham? - Yeah, it's close. - Not at all.
I thought you were Selina. - That's okay, sir. People make that mistake constantly.
How about you touch neither of us?
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Okay, well, that's terrifying, but I actually do think we need to get some wood from outside.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Presumably driving slowly and not using their signals.
Gary Observational Character Comedy What do you got going there, Depravey Crockett?
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy You can't go in with a plan. The knife tells you.
Mike Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch How is it that that Asperger salad inserted herself into this situation?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun No, I'll tell you what he likes. Nordic beav.
And you changed your eyelids. You had oculoplasty.
Minna Cringe/Discomfort Observational You look more alert.
Minna Deadpan/Understatement Cringe/Discomfort Yeah, surround you with some trees. Make you look human-sized.
Amy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Yeah, back to the natural habitat your nitwit mother found you in, you fucking shaved Sasquatch.
Amy Character Comedy Escalation You're menopausal as well. - No, I'm not. - Well... - What? No, you are.
No, I am actually two years younger.
Minna Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Amex gave me this crazy new card that's made out of black metal.
Stuck in security. I don't know how that happened. - I got the tracking number.
That's the kitchen crew and the chef. They wear really nice suits.
Gary Character Comedy Escalation I noticed two golf carts filled with Asian people. - Yeah, we should go. - That's the kitchen crew and the chef.
Thank you. I didn't get any of that except strawberries.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy It looks just like my daughter Catherine.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Your daughter is a beautiful woman and this is a piglet. - It's upset.
Believe me, if you say SeaWorld to Catherine you will understand what I'm talking about.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch which is local to us and it's also close to Asia, which makes it local to you as we are all local friends.
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist They say you look like a prisoner or a pirate.
Minna Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Jonah shot himself in the eye with a rubber band in second grade.
Dan Character Comedy Callback No, not for him, for me.
Selina Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Or rolls, I should say.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Except without any food.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy My family is here as a cover story.
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Feels like it was woven out of Catherine's silken hair. Feel this.
Marjorie Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy It's the outfit I picture when I'm trying not to come.
It's the NRA. It's a Christmas miracle.
Then why is my wonton soup so cold every time they deliver it?
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist Sort of an intermezzo emergency.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun This happens occasionally in Iceland, but there it's just an accident.
Minna Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist It's nicotine gum.
Minna Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Oh, no.
Selina Reaction Beat Character Comedy I mean, Daddy loves you, sweetie, but he's a crook.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement You have a very narrow vagina? - Well, tight. In the States we say tight.
Like a Chinese Mr. Darcy. But stupid also, like a Chinese Mr. Bingley.
Minna Character Comedy Observational I love 'Mary Poppins.'
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist Bono's gonna shit his sunglasses.
Ben Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Worry about your own unemployment in Finland. - We don't have unemployment in Finland.
Pow, pow. Who should I vote for? You can't teach that.
Jonah Character Comedy Absurdist Freedom log.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Your adoption paper has been approved. You and your wife soon will have a Chinese baby.
Oh, H.R. Fucknstuf, Jonah won the election?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun I can elect a Muslim AIDS virus. A terrorist fucking AIDS virus in the tiniest suicide vest ever made, I could make it governor of New Hampshire.
Jonah Character Comedy Escalation Like Jessica Thompson. Hey, Jessica. Jessica, I see you there. Yeah, it's been a long time since high school. I like what you did with your hair. Do you like what I did with my life?
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort You're taking my daddy's house and turning it into some Club Med for goats?
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist 