At an economic summit in Detroit, Selina’s staff and her family are peeved by the presence of her new personal trainer. Meanwhile, Jonah and Mike negotiate a photo-op with Selina and Maddox. Later, Catherine protects her mom from a protestor, and Selina attends a women’s gun show.
Detroit's cringe machinery delivers 78 jokes across relentless character fumbles and absurdist chaos.
Directed by Tim Kirkby · Written by David Quantick, Andy Riley, Kevin Cecil
WAR
169
Wins Above Replacement
“Detroit” ranks #34 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 93.5 — Elite. The episode packs 119 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Selina · Amy: I think he's kind of cute. Do you? — Yeah, he's very cute. — We're fucking.
Selina Amy Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina: Do we have to talk guns? I wish we were still on abortion. That was easy.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Selina: In your country, people fuck snow. And I hope you understand that I say that with the utmost respect.
Selina Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Mike: I wrote a soundbite once and had the entire crowd in tears. Even the police horses.
Mike Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Gary · Selina: Okay, remember her husband fondled your left breast? What do you think, I'm gonna forget that? I've got a thumbprint there.
Gary Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 119 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Dan: Time to lose your fiscal cherry.
Dan Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Selina: They're just regular people, like you, Gary. Or Amy.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Dan: You're gonna be like the 'fairy job-mother.'
Dan Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Selina · Mike: Thanks for sending me the speech, Mike. It's perfect... -ly shit.
Selina · Mike: Your first drafts are always terrible. — That's my fourth.
Amy · Dan: You know what? Next time I'll get a clown and cheer you up. — Oh, good, a two-clown entourage.
Amy Dan Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Selina · Clifford Powell: How do you do? So you're the guy who keeps burning my tongue.
Clifford Powell: Of course, you could just wait until it's a drinkable temperature.
Gary · Selina · Amy: Whoa, don't look now, but nine o'clock, ex-hubby. — You see that tie? It's hideous. — Horrendous. — Suits him. — Yeah, it does.
Selina: Andrew Meyer, dick on fire.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Andrew: Andrew's umbrella metaphor speech — the metal skeleton is useless, but with the fabric it's a winning team — delivered as profound business wisdom.
Andrew Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Selina · Gary: She was a vicious bitch and a fuckin' drunk. — Yep. — But that's sad news.
Selina: You don't have to do the whispering. It's just me.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Staff member · Selina: Ma'am, there's been a shooting. — Yeah? A shooting. Yeah. Where do you get your news, from a guy on a horse?
Selina: Is this gonna completely overshadow my Turville jobs announcement, or what?
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Mike: How about I have the veep put her arms like in 'Platoon' and scream, 'Why?' Too wordy?
Mike Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Dan: But you, you know, you're hip. You're 'deck,' you know? Deck's a thing, right?
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Gary · Selina: Okay, remember her husband fondled your left breast? What do you think, I'm gonna forget that? I've got a thumbprint there.
Gary Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Minna · Selina: I am giving the keynote address, I am giving a talk on economics. 'The Finnish Wilf.' — Er, what...? — It's 'wolf.' — 'The Finnish Wolf.' — Yes. — And there is my book. — And what is that called? — 'The Finnish Wilf.' — It's 'wolf.' — Yeah, I got it.
Jonah: I understand that you only have them on lanyards. I want a lanyard with a retractable one. Do you have any idea who I am?!
Jonah Character Comedy Escalation Selina: You know, sometimes I feel like there's a nine-year-old boy inside of you just operating the levers.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Ben · Selina · Mike: Minimum four-second handshake. — Minimum six-second handshake, and I want a toothy smile. — Perfect. Because we've got to prove they both don't hate each other.
Selina: And if there was, by the way, it would be a 'Meyer-Maddox' feud.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Amy: Amy's confessional: 'I look tense because... yes, well, one, I have broad shoulders, and, two, because that's the job.'
Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Minna · Selina: I'm sorry to say, in your country you have too many guns... — To give guns to babies? — Well, only in Arizona.
Minna: And me also, I made a joke... for giving the guns to the babies. Because I know you don't give the guns to the babies.
Minna Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Selina · Minna: No, of course not. It would be dangerous. — Yeah. Bang! No, it would be awful. — Awful.
Selina: He's not just a personal trainer, he's like a personal Jesus.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: Maybe you should work on North Korea first... get them to relax, and work your way up to Amy.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Reporter/aide · Gary · Minna: Minna Hakkinen. The Finnish Fox! — Wolf. — What? — It's 'wolf.' — Oh. Thank you, Gary.
Gary: Just so sad. I hate murder.
Gary Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jonah: Shit the fuck... she said that?
Jonah Reaction Beat Character Comedy Selina: I haven't bent this far since I was five centimeters dilated.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Selina · Ray: Am I glowing? I feel like I'm glowing. — How about we turn out the lights and see? — Can I trust you? — I don't know. Can you?
Mike · Selina · Ray: Mike interrupts the workout/liaison with paperwork for Selina to sign, she's clearly mid-exercise or compromised, he reads the statement as she writhes on the floor.
Mike: I wrote a soundbite once and had the entire crowd in tears. Even the police horses.
Mike Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Selina · Ray · Amy: Touch this. Touch me right here. — Oh, Ray. Nice work. — Seriously, isn't that incredible? — Here, Amy, touch this. Feel.
Selina: Well, so can I. I can just take off my shoes.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Ray · Gary: Gotta get my oil. — Oh! I love the oil. — Sandalwood or chamomile? — Wood, please. I'll do the wood.
Ray Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Selina: I spend more time with you than any of my other friends. That technically makes you my best friend.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina · Amy: I think he's kind of cute. Do you? — Yeah, he's very cute. — We're fucking.
Selina Amy Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Amy · Selina: Don't worry. I can get rid of that in a matter of an hour. — No, no, no. — The chicken's off the menu. — What? No, I don't want to get rid of him.
Amy · Selina: Because you want to be president? — Well, I mean, I can get rid of him then... I guess.
Selina: No, 'cause he'll be, 'Oh, a crisis. I need a third iPad.'
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan · Ben: We need to get her on stage faster. — I don't know. Use a jet pack. / Yes, she's got to get off the stage fast too. — Well, stick her in a cannon.
Dan Ben Absurdist Character Comedy Dan · Gary: Gary's confessional: 'So, Gary, you know how when a trainer and a vice president love each other very much?' — They're having sex. — Oh, you know. — Yeah, I figured it out. — I mean, look at him, you know? Look at her. My God.'
Dan Gary Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Selina · Ben · Dan: Ben, can we slap another restraining order on this creepy bellboy? — No problem. — See that? — Or how about a drone strike?
Dan · Amy: Come on, we all know Andrew's terrible for her. So I sourced Ray. He's her new chew toy. — You're a sex trafficker now. How low can you go? — Well, however it is, Amy, I'm still higher than you.
Dan Amy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Dan: We know. You're Ray-curious.
Dan Wordplay/Pun Irony/Sarcasm Dan: I get it... 'Muscle Mary don't not understand smart-guy world,' huh?
Dan Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Dan · Ray: Sorry, I didn't mean to strike a nerve there. — You didn't strike a nerve. I'm just saying... because you're in shape doesn't mean you don't know that 'IMF' means 'International Money Fund.' — 'Monetary.' Close.
Dan Ray Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kent · Protester: Kent's speech: 'After this job announcement, your approval rating will soar like a balloon slipped from a child's hand.' — Interrupted by protester: 'I'll buy you for a dollar!'
Security · Selina: Stay small, Selina! — Oh, my God! My hair! My hair! My hair!
Gary: Give me your fuckin' gun! I'll shoot his balls off!
Gary Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Selina: Wait a minute. We've got to stop the car. I've got 7,000 jobs to announce.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina/Gary · Catherine: Catherine just did what any good daughter would do. — What...? — You punched that motherfucker. You punched that guy square in the face.
Catherine · Selina: No, I hate violence. — Honey, that means you're really good at it and you didn't even know it.
Gary: I should have done more. I'm so sorry. I should have just flung myself in front of you.
Gary Character Comedy Escalation Selina: Now I feel like you're attacking me. It's kind of irritating. Okay, just back off.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Kent · Sue · Selina: Kent is passed through a chain of phone handlers — Sue to Davison — like an absurd telephone switchboard.
Selina: Okay... I think Kent is high.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Ben: Oh, God! Oh, God! Do you realize what you've done? You just picked a fight with the jumpiest hundred million people I can possibly think of.
Ben Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: Do we have to talk guns? I wish we were still on abortion. That was easy.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Ben: We've got to blow away this gun issue before we can do anything about a jobs speech.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Selina: That Finnish fart!
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: Maybe I did say that to her, but there was no reason for her to be talking about it.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: I need R&R. I need rest. I need 'Ray-creation.' Just had it.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dan · Unknown Aide · Selina: Kids... can we all just agree here that Selina's fucking Ray? I mean, only a moron couldn't see that. — Selina and Ray are fucking? — Uh, I'm still on speaker here. And so is Mr. Davison.
Selina: Oh, my God, my hair's caught in the desk. Wait, what is this on my forehead? — The imprint of the bath mat. — It is? Really? God, this is so humiliating. In years to come, a therapist will have me acting this out with dolls.
Selina Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Catherine: I always hated that.
Catherine Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina · Catherine: I'm in the middle of working on... What's with your hair? It's all messed... — oh, my God. — What? — That is not your shoe.
Ray · Andrew · Catherine: Hey. You must be Andrew. — And you must be kidding. — No, I'm Ray. I'm Selina's wellness advisor. — What, the Pilates made your shirt fly off?
Catherine: Mom, not the help. Jesus, that's tacky.
Ray: I've got two gyms and a shake business.
Ray Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Gary · Selina · Andrew: Okay, everybody is very tired, it was a long day. Nobody likes sex, let's disperse. There is a jazz trio downstairs that's fantastic. — Who likes jazz? — I love jazz. — Kenny G can blow the storm up. — Great. I was talking about the others.
Selina: Oh, my God, it's the Finnish Funnelmouth.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Minna · Selina · Gary: There is on your team a leaking gentleman. I don't know his name, but he is like in central Europe there is a bad companion for Santa Claus. Here he comes on Christmas and, if the children are naughty, he takes away the presents. — Rudolph. — No, no.
Selina: In your country, people fuck snow. And I hope you understand that I say that with the utmost respect.
Selina Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Selina: I'm under enormous pressure having been attacked by the Statue of Liberty earlier this day.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Minna · Gary · Selina: Good night, my room is just next door. I want for your comfort to make you aware that today I purchased ear pligs. — Ear plugs. — Oh, ear plugs. Okay. — Not every country likes to eavesdrop. — Yes. It's a joke. — Yeah, it's a good one. — No, we got it.
Selina: Music to my ears, Andrew.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Selina: Dan, I am not gonna talk to radio stations that have eagles in the logo or call themselves the 'voice of reason.'
Selina Character Comedy Observational Ray · Team: The vice president goes to a gun show. — Huh...? What?
Ray Team Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback Amy · Selina: Women with guns are less threatening, ma'am. — Yeah, exactly, because they're not nut jobs. Case in point, by the way.
Ben: Yes, you are going to a 'fucking gun show,' even if I have to put a gun to your fucking head.
Ben Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive Dan · Amy: You know what? Today is the day that Selina Meyer's campaign begins. — You say that once a week.
Dan Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan: Tell my mother to push the weekly call to Wednesday.
Dan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Selina · Gary: Yeah, but he's on my good side. — I need to be on that side. — No, that's your good side. — Why can't you ever remember what my good side is?
Selina · Dan · Mike: 'Veep's campaign needs a helping hand.' — Jesus. — How the fuck do you screw up a handshake, Mike? It's four fingers and a thumb.
Ben · Dan: Jonah had a good idea. We've never planned for that. — Great hand job, pal.
Ben Dan Irony/Sarcasm Wordplay/Pun Dan Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Amy: We're about to go to a roomful of guns. I don't think we're exactly in the right headspace.
Amy Observational Deadpan/Understatement Ben: All right, shut your mouth and then shut the road. And if you don't like my tone, you're really not going to like Guantanamo Bay.
Ben Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Amy · Dan · Selina: So, look at guns, but don't touch guns. — Oh, God. — Don't even say the word 'gun.' Use words like 'protection' or 'assurance.' — But in context. Don't say, 'Freeze, or I'll protect your fucking head off.'
Selina: Oh, wow. Look at this well-defended picnic table. Covered in all these... things that defend.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: I'm going to tell you something so uncanny. This color is exactly Catherine's favorite color when she was a little girl... although this would not have been a good present for her, 'cause she was a toddler with a temper.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Catherine · Selina: These are, like, tommy guns. — Yeah, from an old-timey movie. — Don't you love the old-timey movies? — Oh, don't shoot!
Gary · Gun show attendee · Selina · Catherine: Someone's face is on a T-shirt. Are you kidding me? — I wish my daughter could bust heads like you, young lady. — Is that my face? — Yeah, it is.
Gary · Selina · Amy: She is not gonna like that. — She's an adult. — Are you talking about Catherine or Selina?
Selina · Gun show attendee: 'Make my day.' — Thank you very much, everyone. — Catherine! Catherine! — Just one freaky dyke after another. — Yeah.
Ben · Selina: Go left on Jefferson. We fixed the traffic lights. We diverted a parade for Polish Americans. We put more cops on the route. — I've seen that part of town. There's nothing down there worth stealing.
Andrew: I would have told you last night, but you had Ray's cock in your ear.
Andrew Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm Andrew · Selina: Talk about the GDP. Nobody knows what that means. — Do you know what that means? — Yes, I...
Selina: I've got Kent on the phone. I think I put it on speaker, but I might have taken a photo instead.
Selina Character Comedy Observational Kent · Selina: Nobody's gonna ask a question. — Exactly right.
Selina: Oh, my God, it's the big bad 'wilf.'
Selina Callback Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Minna: That timetable was not a timetable. That was a poem.
Minna Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Minna: So I have been asked... oh, no, told is more accurate... that I must mention that you have a very exciting announcement to make.
Minna Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: The men and women who are behind the umbrella skeleton. If you think about the engineering of it, it's a beautiful thing to behold.
Selina Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Selina · Minna: We formed a partnership with Turville Industries, and I'd like to announce that there are gonna be some new jobs in the Detroit area. — Yeah, but it's just one component in the overall picture. It's not a big deal in and of itself. — Oh, no. No. It is 7,000 new jobs. — Please, stand. Don't be so modest.
Selina Minna Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Selina · Amy · Catherine: Well, if we kill everybody in the room, then we might be okay. — Yeah. Can I kill Minna first? — I stole a pistol from the gun show.
Amy · Selina: You won't have lied for six months. — Oh, that's true. I appreciate that point.
Dan: Guess 'Operation Ray' failed, huh? Don't worry, I can write you a statement. 'I resign.' Or is that too wordy?
Dan Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: This is really nice, working together as a family. I actually enjoyed that gun show, you know? Once I got used to all the regular people and how fat they were, I really enjoyed it.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Amy · Dan: Obesity is a huge issue. — Yeah. It absolutely is. It is.
Amy Dan Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Selina: Once I got used to all the regular people and how fat they were, I really enjoyed it.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Selina · Andrew: That tie I like. That's better than yesterday's tie. You like music. — I can't do this again, Amy. I'm all lied out.
Amy: Why are we on the couch? Did she fall?
Amy Reaction Beat Character Comedy Andrew · Ray · Selina: Andrew and Ray competing massage scene — 'Just relax. Okay. Oh, how about there? Yeah, still nothing... oh-hh... oh, my God! That's very good.'