Sue Wilson

Gary · Sue:Hey, Sue. That is a lovely dress. / Thank you, Gary.

Sue:The diary's been violated.

Sue:I told him you were too busy to see him, but, as you see, he ignored me and, by implication, you.

Sue:Selina is currently the most powerful woman in the world. And obviously you cannot tell anyone this or she will have you destroyed.

Sue:that's okay, gary. i got all that.

Jonah · Sue:hey, sue. / jonah. / you got a convenient opening i can slide into? / open up a slot for jonah? / there's not enough alcohol in the world, jonah.

Jonah · Sue:Hey, Sue. / Jonah. / You got a convenient opening I can slide into?

Jonah · Sue:didn't say no. / no!

Sue · Selina:'To vice president Salina Meyer'... with an 'a'... 'from an admiring wannabe.' / What an e-hole.

Mike · Sue:Whoa, whoa. Your desk is in the back. / This is neutral territory. / Yep. So I'm claiming it.

Sue · Mike:Sue, would you like to tell him about the encroachment rules? / Do I look like a kindergarten teacher to you, Mike? / [beat] Actually, yes.

Sue:As what, a pantry?

Sue:I heard about it, Dan, so it sort of is out there out there. / That's why I'm in here in here, Dan.

Dan · Sue:It is me who tells Selina the good news. / Where is the vice president? / She has gone home for the evening. / Why? / Something about 'getting fucked every which way.' Direct quote.

Mike · Sue:Ugh, can't wait to get home and burn my clothes. / Don't fuck up that suit, Mike.

Sue:Dan, you have about 10 seconds to stop distracting me, or the next thing that they'll find at the back of that couch are your remains.

Dan · Sue:If you like, I can go sit in the vice president's office. / Excuse me?

Selina · Sue:How about if you scroll up? / That's the past, ma'am.

Selina · Amy · Gary · Sue:We can't go to Paris. / Shit. / No, whoa, whoa. We got all those tours lined up. / They're anticipating another tied vote in the Senate. / You need to head back to preside again. / It's gavel time. / What bill is it? / That was a play on 'it's hammer time.' / I know. What bill is it?

Selina · Sue:Sue and the fake engagement backstory: 'Children of Courage Awards — Would he have proposed then? / No, no, uh-uh. That's kids with alopecia, their mothers are on crack... that's a complete freak show.'

Selina · Sue:Ted proposed to me about six to eight weeks ago, okay? / Oh, congratulations, ma'am. / No, no, no, he didn't really. We're just gonna pretend that he did.

Sue:Sue: 'How should I know? / You think that as a woman I might sense some disturbance in the fuckin' "lady matrix"?'

Jonah · Selina · Sue:I come bearing a message of support from the president. / Oh. / As you know, he called. / Sue, did the president call? / No. / Huh. / Well, it wasn't an actual call. / I am here in lieu of that call.

Furlong · Jonah · Sue:Holy Christ. Look at the size of this one. Buddy, I think you're as big as my gay dwarf. / I need to see the vice president now. / Sorry, I don't work here. I do work in the West... / Well, then get the hell out of my way, you leaning tower of... / Pisa. / No. / Shit? / Good. / Move it.

Furlong · Sue:Hey, sweet cakes. I need to get in to see the veep. / Congressman, if you call me that again, you'll need to see a paramedic.

Sue:No, she's busy. And tomorrow. / Well, that's tomorrow in the plural. / All of them.

Sue:Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana.

Sue:although the vice president appreciates your offer of stale pastries and pleasant conversation, she will not be doing the morning shows tomorrow.

Mike · Reporter · Sue:Is that a crack about my boat? Really funny. Put your boat on eBay. Can you put a sinking ship on eBay? You can put anything on there.

Sue:Marion, listen very closely. You have as much chance of getting the vice president on your show as you have of getting your husband to leave that cheerleader.

Gary · Sue:Gary's accidental sarcasm followed by instant panic: 'Oh ... I'm sorry, Sue. Your job is really difficult.' Sue: 'Excuse me?' Gary: 'You do it very efficiently.'

Sue · Furlong:Sue's confrontation with Furlong: Furlong storms in demanding a meeting, is rebuffed. 'My wife ... I'm not looking for sympathy for this ... but she was very ill with kidney disease.' Sue: 'Your wife is perfectly fine. She ran the Seattle Marathon.'

Sue:Keep it dull, which incidentally, is also dull.

Sue:My pulse is racing, sir.

Sue · Hessler:Sir, we have a system that I believe to be robust. — Robust? — Robust. — Our management team is robust.

Sue:Well, I'm guessing that you think you have a sense of humor, Mr. Hessler. Which you are wrong about, as you are about the calendar. That is my definition of robust.

Selina · Sue:You are incredibly valued here and I was wondering if there's anything we could do to make you want to stay with us. / More money, ma'am. / I'm on it. Welcome back. / Honored to serve.

Sue:Are you on antipsychotics or in Helsinki?

Sue · Selina · Gary · Amy:Sue is furloughed; she immediately bursts into dignified crying while the staff awkwardly console her

Sue:Sue, immediately after being furloughed and crying, is on her phone: 'Full day spa package... Sue Wilson. Valued and, if need be, aggressive client.'

Amy · Sue:Sue's impression: 'Okay, look, if the VP did have a window, it'd be a high one and she'd push you out of it.'

Jonah · Sue · Gary:The garbage transport scene: 'We're gonna be the shitty Sopranos.' Sue: 'Just don't get any mess on my dress.' Jonah: 'My mess on your dress. I like this... sorry.'

Jonah · Selina · Sue:Jonah: 'Ma'am, I helped with the garbage.' Selina: 'Oh, you helped with the... with the garbage?' (pause) 'Sue. Could you get in touch with what's-his-fuck at the State Department.'

Sue:Sue says 'I'm sorry' reflexively then immediately corrects herself: 'Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm not sure why I just said that.'

Sue · Selina:Elvis Costello suggestion rejected: 'What? No, no, and no.' / 'Are you getting these all from your iPod?' / 'No. I think it's in a cloud.'

Sue:'Yeah, that woman has become a living metaphor of her own career.'

Jonah · Sue · Ben:Jonah: 'Hello there, Susan.' Sue: 'Name's not Susan, it's Sue, Jonad.' Jonah: 'Okay, and my name isn't Jonad!' Sue: 'It's Jonah.' Ben: 'No one here is disrespecting you, Jonad.'

Sue · Ben:Sue's careful double-negative dance: 'The Vice President was not at a brunch with campaign donors.' / Ben: 'I would hope that she was not. Otherwise, I'm not sure if I wouldn't be within my rights not to launch a drone strike right now.' / Sue: 'I got lost in the double negative, sir.'

Roger/Furlong · Sue:We'd like to see the vice president as a matter of some urgency. / No.

Furlong · Sue · Sue:Fuck this, I'm going in the side door. / You do and Secret Service might break your neck. / That would be a tragedy.

Sue · Ed:Sue: Ed, you really need to can it right now. / Do not comment on this office, okay? / Hey, Sue, don't talk to me that way, okay? You're the secretary to the vice president. That's like being Garfunkel's roadie, okay?

Sue:She is not, sir. She's on a coast guard boat meeting and greeting fish.

Unnamed visitor · Sue:Sue, forgive me, but have you altered your hair, perhaps? / I got it chemically relaxed. It was enormously painful. / Well, it seems to be working for you.

Ben · Sue:Damn it. The president's gone rogue. / Sue, apologies. We will continue our pleasant chat at a later date. / Abortion calls.

Selina · Sue:Sue, help Kent finish polling now. / Okay, but if he touches my hair, I'm calling the police.

Alicia · Sue:Alicia: 'What does a red sticker mean? I'm like a target for snipers?' / Sue: 'It means you're wearing a red sticker. Follow me, please.'

Jonah · Sue:Sue-ster. Sue of steel. Sue-Sue-Sue-dio. / Jonah, get off the line. And then the planet.

Selina · Sue:Selina to Sue: 'What time is the "unofficial" lunch that I am not having today?' Sue: 'Yeah, it is not officially at 12:45.'

Kent · Sue · Selina:Kent is passed through a chain of phone handlers — Sue to Davison — like an absurd telephone switchboard.

Sue:Dan, if you want to get into the palace at short notice, you're going to have to storm it yourself.

Sue · Dan/Selina:Do you realize how difficult and demeaning it was for me to set up that meeting? / And it was a triumph, Sue. / You have put me in a hideous situation. Remotely, I might add. So from now on, remotely is how we will interact.

Selina · Sue:Is there any way you can make that sound more appealing? / Well, I could add the word 'cookie' on the end for no reason.

Selina · Sue:No duck? / No. / Sue: It's a dead duck.

Sue:Can mice levitate, Mike? Can they levitate and fire lasers out of their mouse eyes? No. Well, then we've just asked each other equally ridiculous questions.

Sue:Oh, I have a sixth sense. And a seventh for when I need it.

Sue:Sure, Amy, I'll just tell the Israelis to move on, 'cause they love that.

Sue:Gary, your inner child needs to grow an outer man.

aide · Sue:Sue, would you like to tell the president? / No, I would not, but thank you for thinking of me.

Selina · Sue:Is it a good apple? It's a baking apple. Fuck 'em.

Sue:If you see a fire, do you look at the fire and put it out or do you just say, 'I'm aware of it'?

Catherine · Kent · Jonah · Sue · Jonah:Don't tell my mom. I want to surprise her. — Jonah, is there anything else you want to tell us? — I don't know. Is there anybody else in the room? — Just myself and Bill again. — And I'm here taking notes. — Sue's there?! Fuck! — Okay, well, no. There's nothing else that I have to say.

Selina · Sue · Amy:Sue, if anybody asks for me, I've gone outside to scream into the night. — Okay. — Have one for me, too.

Sue · Mike · Selina:Death row inmate update: 'He died.' / 'Oh, finally, right?' / 'Death row... the clue is in the name.'

Sue · Selina:There's been a shooting in Pittsburgh. Four dead including the gunman. Well, that's fucking not good.

Sue · Selina · Gary · Staffer:Ma'am, intruder in the grounds. God, another one? You've got to be shitting me. No, Gary, it's the same one. He's doing a victory lap.

Selina · Sue:In your fucking face, Sue. / (ALARM BLARING) Fuck! — Sue's dramatic entrance triggers an armed lockdown.

Secret Service · Sue:Freeze! Put your hands up! / Whoa, whoa! I work here.

Bob Bradley · Sue:So you catch 'The Godfather' on TV last night? / No. / There was nothing like seeing it in the theater when it first came out back in '72. / I don't care for movies.

Sue:But I made sure he had nowhere to sit.

Mike · Sue · Unknown Staffer:Guys, you want to go out later for some Hansong Korean Barbecue? / Korean barbecue is a travesty and a far cry from authentic. / I'm his plus one.

Sue · Selina:That's Korean for 'I hate you.' / Marjorie? / That is her name, right?

Ben · Kent · Sue:Sue, we need to see the president. / Gentlemen, you'll have to towel off and wait. / She's in with someone. / Who? / Whom.

Sue:Gentlemen, you'll have to towel off and wait.

Jonah · Jonah · Sue:Hi, Sue. / Sue, the Vice President would like a minute with the President. / The President told me to pencil you in to half past go-fuck-yourself.

Jonah · Sue · Jonah · Sue · Jonah · Sue · Jonah · Jonah:Sue, when I am President... / You won't be. / If you want to work for me... / I don't. / Then I would start treating me with the respect that I deserve. / I am. / Sue, as Vice President of the United States, I order you to let me into the Oval Office! / God damn it!

Jonah · Sue · Jonah · Sue · Jonah · Sue · Jonah · Jonah:Sue, when I am President... / You won't be. / If you want to work for me... / I don't. / Then I would start treating me with the respect that I deserve. / I am. / Sue, as Vice President of the United States, I order you to let me into the Oval Office! / God damn it!