Baseball

It's food-nomenal. Really. It really is.

My bladder was like a fuckin' blimp.

If you ever want me to confess, don't rip out my fingernails, just make me eat like a vegan for a fuckin' week.

The VP look like she's about ready to open up a vein.

Yeah, I know, feel my soul slide out of my ass.

This smells like the inside of a taxi cab.

Those yellow things look... so...

Orgasmic's more like it, right?

I'll have some of what you're having.

I meant for him.

Nobody needs to know which of my eyebrow hairs needs to be plucked.

Turn that frown... upside-down.

It's his feely, little, touchy, hot hands.

Someone needs to tell him that he's working with the White House and not 'Penthouse.'

You stole a car?

I could probably have unprotected sex with 30 men, one right after the other, and it would be totally fine.

I mean, no, it wouldn't be totally fine. I mean, that would be a horrible thing.

How do you think that plays?

Gary's bag demonstration - 60 separate pockets within the area

Scented, unscented? Scented. Bam!

Unless we go on some sort of special vacation to Mexico and... kill the doctor in the desert.

You take hundreds of pictures of herons catching fish? Because otherwise you don't need a 1D.

Photos with the nutritionists, hang with the players, over to the school, then we pregnancy test you to fuck.

How's the weather up there in your asshole?

One day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna find your lungs have turned to pastry.

The best thing for her legacy is if she's assassinated before she starts showing.

Business card bukkake.

Razor blades, a large amount of pain killers.

Amy, come on, career-wise, that's like joining scientology or getting a fucking neck tattoo.

My first thought was, 'there goes your figure,' but I didn't say that because I thought it would be upsetting.

Thanks. You know, if it's a boy, maybe I'll name him after you. Call him fuck weasel.

Amy's practically having a baby about it.

Are you networking with an eight-year-old?

'Lion King' DVD and two shots of ritalin.

That's how I was raised.

I'd like to free that boy from the prison of obesity.

I believe he was reassigned because of his cologne. It was Paco Rabanne.

That's like carbon offsetting.

I spent a night in jail when I was 19 once. That was more fun than this.

I'm gonna kill you and eat you, because I will not eat another fuckin' falafel.

Hey, Jimmy fuckin' Olsen, get lost before I shove that thing up your ass and give you another kind of red eye to worry about.

Did you put it in your mouth?

Holy f... uck.

I can carry the baby around in a little sling or something like that.

Is Jonah the dad? Is that why you look like you wanna drink a bottle of drano?

They're gonna be pulling that kid out of you in shifts.

You don't have any idea what you're talking about. Fuckin' idiot.

I'm with the team... my playas. Boom shaka laka. That's how they talk.

I do know, however, that the past few weeks she has been pretty busy.

You proposed by giving me some sort of a ring in a heart-shaped, fuckin' oyster thing or something.

I don't know how fucking big my finger is, Ted!

Read my lips... Don't read my lips.

Read my lips... Don't read my lips.

You having fun? No. Hear that? No fun. You are no fun.

Or a suicide. I haven't decided which.

You think that as a woman I might sense some disturbance in the fuckin' 'lady matrix'?

The guy's like gay porn... He's everywhere.

You think that as a woman I might sense some disturbance in the fuckin' 'lady matrix'?

I said she's repugnant. I said Selina's repugnant.

You're very, very pregnant.

Waited all day for that.