Full Disclosure

Radio Hosts · Amy:Radio hosts discussing the VP fired a secret service man for smiling; correction that he was 'reassigned' as if that changes anything

Mike:'I have a black belt in Mike Kwan Do.'

Amy:Amy's flat 'All right, sir, no.' in response to Mike Kwan Do

Mike:'Hey, hey, easy, dough boy. Hands off the suit.'

Dan · Jonah:Dan on phone: 'Oh, I take no pleasure in my colleague's very public, brutal...' — then interrupted by Jonah telling him to move away from the TV

Jonah:'You must have a huge schadenboner over this Amy flack.'

Dan · Jonah:'God, she is gonna go ape-shit menstrual over this.' / 'Hey, I'm on the phone with AT&T. Can you stop shouting "menstrual"?'

Dan:Dan's extended metaphor: 'broken fucking condom' pregnancy rumor / 'dead Dan walk' — punctuated by the sound of something breaking in the apartment

Jonah:'This is going in with the dirty dishes, man. For fuck's sake. If this is broken, I'm adding it to your fucking rent.'

Bill · Selina:'I was gonna say that brings a smile to my face, but that would be safe, wouldn't it, ma'am?' — police official making a smiling joke to Selina

Selina:'That's very funny, Bill. You're fired. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.'

Gary:'Hey, ma'am, it's leave o'clock.'

Selina:'Secret' as in shut the fuck up. And 'service' as in you work for me, okay? So why don't you shut the fuck up?

Selina:'We have an enemy and I want a name and a severed head that answers to that name, or would if it could still talk.'

Unnamed Staffer:'Ooh, Gary, did the veep just bitch-slap you with a door?'

Gary:Gary: 'She didn't mean that. She's got a lot on her mind today.' / Staffer: 'Oh, yeah, you mean like firing Amy? Or someone who's undermining the president...'

Unnamed Staffer:'Oh, what, is she out of hand sanitizer again?'

Amy:'Gary, why are you talking in cliffhangers?'

Gary · Dan:Gary reveals: 'Selina's had a miscarriage.' — followed immediately by Dan: 'Well, this is good for us.'

Amy · Dan:'How is she?' / 'Free from a major fucking political headache, I'd say.'

Unnamed Staffer (Ted?):'That's deep space cold, Dan. Explains why you piss liquid nitrogen.'

Gary:Gary, having just revealed the VP's miscarriage to the room, pivots to pretend he was telling them about his riding mower

Amy:'Wow, Gary. That was quick. Look at that.'

Jonah:'White House is in the house. * Everybody say way-o! *' — presumably Jonah singing/announcing his own entrance

Amy:'The skyscraper of shit has arrived.'

Selina:The viral video tagged 'Selina Sell-Outta' — a compilation of her contradictions including firing someone for smiling

Selina (from viral video):'I am Selina Meyer. And I don't have any idea what's going on in my office.'

Jonah:'I love this part.' — Jonah's reaction while watching the video

Selina · Amy · Jonah:'All right, pack up your limbs and get the fuck out, Jonah.' / 'Is punching allowed?' / 'Oh, you wouldn't stand a chance. I have a much longer reach.'

Selina · Mike:'You are the closest to normal we've got going in this office right now.' / 'Thanks, I think.'

Selina:The Full Disclosure scheme: 'by showing that we have nothing to hide, then we can actually hide some stuff.'

Selina:Selina: 'Oh, it's fine. I mean, it was like a heavy period. Don't worry about it.'

Selina:The 'partial disclosure light' scene — Selina immediately explains they will NOT be doing full disclosure

Selina:'There can be no... Are you writing that down? Why would you be writing that down?'

Selina:'We have to check Sue's calendar, make sure there are no meetings there that I did-didn't have.'

Selina:'The accidentally racist brochure that we had to shred.'

Selina:'So it doesn't look as if we've just airbrushed the nipples out of this fucking thing.'

Selina:Selina's convoluted non-denial about Macauley: 'I don't know what you did or didn't do, but I do know that I can't know what you know or you don't know. You know?'

Dan:'I mean, I don't know what you did or didn't do, but I do know that I can't know what you know or you don't know.' — Dan's reply: 'I know.'

Amy:'I'm sorry to hear that you lost... that you're no longer pregnant.'

Amy · Selina:Amy's 'buffering' nod — 'The nod of my head is like I'm buffering.'

Selina:'Okay, I think you'd better get out of my office.' — Selina's response to Amy's unfinished sentence

Selina:'I know, who'd have thought transparent government would take up so much of your field of vision?'

Mike · Martin Collins (reassigned Secret Service agent):Mike claims going to Iraq with the VP to 'present a Thanksgiving turkey' counts as being 'in the line of fire'

Mike:'No, but the line was there.' — Mike's comeback about the turkey-presenting 'line of fire'

Mike:'So how's the place been over at Arlington Cemetery going? I hear it's pretty nice there.' — Mike asks Collins about Arlington Cemetery

Mike:'Does he ever say anything funny?' — Mike asks Collins about his uncle with dementia

Mike:'No, you were transferred for being jocular and overfamiliar. Security guys are supposed to be like wallpaper. They're not supposed to be grinning like some ape.'

Jonah:The press is calling the disclosure strategy an 'e-nami'

Selina:'Is anybody picking up on the back facials? The press was supposed to pick on those damn back facials.'

Amy · Jonah:The 'Washington Post' disclosure: emails suggesting a birthday gift of 'a cake in the shape of a dick' and 'a smart new hat in the shape of a dick'

Jonah:Jonah: 'Oh, that made it in there!' — realizing the dick hat email was released

Jonah:'Everybody knows this is me, guys.' — Jonah

Amy:'There are 3,000 people on the White House payroll, Jonah.'

Amy · Jonah:'West Wing, Jonah.' / 'No, who is DC?' / '...Uh, Dick Cake.'

Amy:'Every time Ted stayed overnight at the residence has been fully disclosed.' — the accidental outing of Selina's relationship

Selina:'Mike, can't you make me not have been pregnant?'

Gary:'This is what happens when you tell the truth. Nothing good comes of it.'

Gary:'Okay, I'm gonna get you a cup of rose hip tea.' — Gary's solution to all crises

Jonah:'This is gonna cause a total potal meltdown.'

Dan:'Yeah, why don't you run along and see if you can suck your own cake?'

Amy:'Ace play, Shakespeare. Really. When in doubt, call a vet an ape.'

Selina:'Exactly. We are gonna fire someone.' — the group's answer to 'what are we gonna do?'

Selina · Team:Selina about who to fire: 'Sue.' Others: 'Oh, Sue.' Selina: 'That's funny, you guys. But seriously, Sue's not important enough.'

Selina:'Suck-up isn't gonna fix a fuck-up, Dan.'

Selina · Gary:'Shut?' / 'Of course shut!' — the door interaction

Gary · Selina:The rose hip tea with honey and Fig Newton ceremony

Ted:Ted's reaction to press attention on his overnights: 'I thought I was fucking you in private.'

Selina:Selina: 'I love to fuck you in private.' — her attempt to calm Ted

Ted:'Hey, you know what? Thanks for returning my call. The message was, "please don't fucking call me again."'

Selina · Ted:'Was that a journalist?' / 'Yes.' / 'Oh, God!' / 'What are you doing, Ted? You can't tell him to fuck his mother.' / 'Her mother, actually.'

Selina · Gary:Selina asking Gary to break up with Ted for her — 'I want you to let him go'

Selina:'Because I think that he is about to dump me. So I'm not gonna be the dumpee. I'm gonna be the dumper. Okay? He's gonna be the dumpee.'

Gary · Ted:Gary telling Ted it's over: 'She can go off, can't she?' / 'Yeah, sorry about that.' / 'That's okay. So maybe it's a good thing.' / 'What? What's a good thing?' / 'That she doesn't want to see you anymore.'

Ted · Gary:Ted's long stunned silence after being told Selina doesn't want to see him — 16 seconds of dead air before Gary speaks

Selina:'Oh, ma'am. You've been off radar for over an hour. Oh, did I miss anything? Did the president ride through on a lion or something?'

Selina:'All right. I don't want to end up with a horse's head in my bed. Though there's room for one now.'

Dan · Amy · Gary:Gary using a farm animal fable to tell Dan and Amy who's getting fired: horse, sheep, pig — 'Who does she get rid of?'

Gary · Dan/Amy:Gary: 'What? What? Did you just call me buddy? You don't listen to me. You never listen to me. What's going on? You want something from me.'

Gary:'I'd rather be a pig than an ass-monkey up on his high horse. There, that's three animals for you.'

Dan · Amy:The suicide pact proposal: Dan proposes they all threaten to resign together so Selina can't fire any of them

Amy:'One condition... I watch you die first and I get to stab you repeatedly to make sure.'

Dan · Mike · Amy:'Why would we let you in on our suicide pact?' / 'Because three is better than two.' / 'Not with testicles.'

Mike · Dan:Mike reveals he was part of a suicide pact in the '90s with Congressman Hartigan. Dan: 'What happened?' Mike: 'Oh, we got fired.'

Jonah · Dan:Jonah reveals an email from Dan to Macauley's chief of staff: 'the senator says, "thanks, buddy"'

Mike · Dan:Mike about unredacting: 'I'm getting really good at dacting.' Dan: 'Do you mean un-redacting?' Mike: 'Taking the black off.'