After getting good news on a clean-jobs bill, the staff brainstorm for a photo-op idea, but the trip to a local frozen-yoghurt shop is delayed by a stop in the White House Situation Room and a gastrointestinal illness that's going around.
Veep's second episode sustains 70 jokes in 36 minutes despite minimal standout moments.
Directed by Armando Iannucci · Written by Simon Blackwell, Simon Blackwell
WAR
158.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Frozen Yoghurt” ranks #23 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 94.0 — Elite. The episode packs 104 scored jokes at 2.9 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Secret Service Agent: It's been an honor to serve such an accomplished understudy, ma'am.
Selina: Oh, Jesus Christ. Let us pray.
Selina Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Selina · Amy: I didn't say 'yes'. / You didn't say yes? / No. I didn't say 'yes'. I said 'yeah'.
Selina Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Selina · Anthony: Do you have any Jamaican rum flavor? / I'm sorry, I don't. / And I've also thrown out all of the Strawberry-Selina. / Oh. / It had a bad taste.
Selina Anthony Callback Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Amy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 104 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Selina: Swear to God, they put your office on top of hell.
Selina Observational Character Comedy Selina: God, this gastric bug, it's got my head all jammed up and my ass is like the thunderdome.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Selina: Sorry, not you. This. Excuse me.
Selina Reaction Beat Character Comedy Selina · Amy: That is so great for me. / And the country. / Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I meant.
Amy: That's why I get paid the medium bucks.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Selina: Polluting corporations held accountable by me. / Dependence on foreign oil ended by me.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: You know what I'm gonna do? Brush past. Give him a smile to take back to his boss.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Eric · Gary: Well, that's sort of a stupid thing to say, isn't it? 'Cause you can't drink a solid, can you? / Soup? / Well, soup is solids suspended in liquid, so it qualifies as a liquid.
Eric Gary Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Selina: See that? Gary was a major at U.V.A. in science. So occasionally that's of use.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Gary Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Dan · Mike: Hey, Mike, your perspiration... / I know. / I'm just saying. / Can't help it. Sign of a healthy body. / There are products available, Mike. / I tried them all. Sweat right through 'em. I got very large pores.
Dan Mike Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Dan: His Facebook status is 'may God have mercy on my boxers.'
Dan Dark/Subversive Observational Gary: Yeah, I saw that. I liked it.
Gary Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Selina · Dan: This thing is completely useless, by the way. Can move more air by farting. / I'm sure you can, ma'am.
Selina Dan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dan: Those are anti-suicide windows. They only put those in after you started working here, right, Gary?
Dan Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Selina: I'm not gonna say I'm not enjoying the President being in South Africa. God, wearing some kind of shawl at a lion sanctuary.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Selina: 'Two point me.' That's exactly right. I love that.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: I want to meet some regular normals. Where we gonna find them? / Photo op with the normals and the normalistas.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Amy · Selina: There's a book fair... / Oh, my God. / ...in Adams Morgan. / Too dull, no. / You're not gonna get a good photo holding a book.
Dan · Amy: It's like kids read or something. / Kids are unpredictable. They wet their pants.
Dan Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dan: It's owned by three generations of African-Americans. I mean there's a narrative built right in.
Dan Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm Selina: We can totally normalize with those guys.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan: Look, Amy, I am genuinely sorry that my arrival here has caused you to become so self-conscious and gain a little weight.
Dan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Amy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: I want to get there early. I want the people who are on time to think that they're late.
Selina Character Comedy Observational Gary · Dan: I didn't appreciate the reference to my potential suicide earlier. I'm not a joke. / No, you're the guy with the big bag of lip balm, Gary. You're fucking Kissinger.
Gary Dan Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Gary · Dan: Every single thing you say to me is emasculating. Do you realize that? / Yes.
Gary Dan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Selina · Amy: Well, I've got to warm him up, 'cause we need his support on 'junk the jams' or whatever they're calling it now. / 'Unclog the backlog.' / 'Unclog the backlog'?
Gary · Dan: I do a serious job. I'm next to the veep more than any other human being. / You are distantly orbiting her. / I'm her moon.
Gary Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan · Gary: So would you take a bullet for the veep, Gary? / Oh, my God. / No, no, no. / Because, you know, you're gonna be right in the line of fire. / It's not my job. I would help her if she was down. / Right, with the lip balm if she got shot in the lips.
Dan Gary Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Selina: Doyle is essential. He's like the Russian doll of the Senate. Comes with little senators inside of him.
Selina Observational Character Comedy Selina · Gary: Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Please don't shoot. / Shoot him. You can shoot him.
Gary · Selina: You know what I heard? Senator Doyle wears pantyhose. Oh, really? No. But now that you have that image, he's not that scary.
Selina · Amy: We just saw him this morning. Yeah, you spoke about soup.
Selina Amy Callback Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: What do you need? You need some non-earmark earmarks? You need support during your reelection campaign? I just won't be photographed eating a hot dog or any other phallic food. Oops. That was a mistake.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Eric · Selina: He was gonna sneeze on you and I blocked it. / That is nice work, Eric.
Selina · Andrew: I mean, you want to take another shot? / I don't think we're drenched at this end of the table.
Selina: He can be a gold-plated fucking shit gibbon.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Selina: I think it's treason. Let me get you a cup of coffee.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dan: I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but can I just say? You kinda look like an asshole.
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Gary · Mike: I took a bullet for the veep. / How'd you take a bullet, Gary? / It was a sneeze bullet. Right in the face. Saved Selina from the bug. Pure instinct. It was like a dirty bomb and I... bam... Dived on it.
Gary Mike Character Comedy Escalation Misdirection Callback Jonah: Hey, hey, it's the flunkies. And people say you're bad at your jobs.
Jonah Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jonah · Mike · Gary · Amy: I work at the White House, so I can just walk in and say, 'I'm from the White House. What the fuck are you doing?' / What? You work at the White House? / Oh, my God. Can I blow you? / Uh, yes, you can. I will meet you out in the hallway in a few seconds. / Sure, I'll get a stepladder.
Jonah · Amy: Mint. It implies freshness, trust, traditional values. / Fascinating. / This is one of my areas. / Yeah, food choices. Seriously, put it up.
Jonah · Amy: Oh, swirl. Racial harmony and crossing the aisle. / So is cookies and cream.
Jonah Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Absurdist Jonah: Oh, fuck you. No, not you, sir.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Doyle: If you can get a Senate reform bill through the place it's designed to reform, that would be amazing. I mean, that would be like persuading a guy to fist himself.
Doyle Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Selina Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Selina · Gary: Gary, senator Doyle's guy looks like he's dying. If I were you, I would go straight to the pharmacy and take one of everything. / I'm gonna have a blowout if I walk to the pharmacy. / That's what I'm worried about. / If you're gonna shit your pants, I don't want you here.
Selina Gary Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Escalation Selina · Amy: I said something to someone. / What exactly did you say, ma'am, and to who? / To whom.
Selina · Amy: I didn't say 'yes'. / You didn't say yes? / No. I didn't say 'yes'. I said 'yeah'.
Selina Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Selina: He just niced me. I got niced.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Selina · Amy: And where were you, Amy, by the way? / No, you said you had it covered. / No, I didn't have it covered. And it's your job to know that if I say I have it covered, I don't have it covered and you cover me.
Selina Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Escalation ★ Rewatch Selina: I need you all to make me have not said that. / I need you to have... make me unsaid it.
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist Dan · Amy · Selina: What if we put an ex-oil guy on the task force? Someone who's cozy with oil, but not active oil. / Former oil. / That's lying. / Creative semantics. / Well, that's a creatively semantic way of saying we're lying. / Still creative.
Dan Amy Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Escalation ★ Rewatch Dan · Selina: Jamaican rum flavor. That's a really strong flavor choice. I mean, it's unexpected, it's funky, it's kind of sexual. Yeah, I don't want to make too quick of a decision. Let's consider other flavors. / Like vanilla. / Oh, c'mon. Vanilla is a girl's flavor.
Dan Selina Character Comedy Absurdist Irony/Sarcasm Selina: Perhaps if you had done your job better, then, oh, I could choose vanilla or chocolate or fucking blueberry with fucking sprinkles on it. But that's not an option for me, okay? That flavor's not an option for me.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation Irony/Sarcasm Jonah: I'm confused. Are we still talking about yoghurt here?
Jonah Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Selina · Amy: Jamaican rum, mon. / Maybe we don't need the accent.
Selina Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Selina: Because you are gonna get rid of him. You're gonna kill him and you're gonna do life for murder and I never have to see your face again.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Gary: You know, if I wash my hands anymore, the bones are gonna come through.
Gary Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Mike: We now go over live to the Vice President for her pissed-off reaction.
Mike Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Mike: It's like Charlie Brown and the football.
Mike Observational Character Comedy Selina · Amy: You didn't just roll your eyes, did you? / No, ma'am. / 'Cause it sure looked like it to me. / I can't stand that passive-aggressive stuff.
Dan: Things are about to get very veep-tastic.
Dan Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Anthony: My son has named a yoghurt after her. Strawberry-Selina. It's very tasty.
Anthony Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Maria (Anthony's mother): Oh, we don't get the 'Post.' This is an old, established family store. And we spell yoghurt with an H right there in the middle.
Maria · Mike · Anthony · Mike: You have on a very sweaty shirt. / By golly, I do. / She speaks her mind. She's 84. / No. I had you pegged for 39, ma'am. / Mike is so good with facts.
Anthony · Maria: Although it's not always easy. A lot of taxes you guys impose. / A ton of taxes. / Those taxes are eating us alive. / Gobble, gobble.
Selina: Potus Interruptus, that's what I call it. And I'm gonna tell him.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Selina · Secret Service Agent: You tell that shit-for-brains President... / The President is experiencing severe chest pains. We just got word from South Africa. You need to get to the west wing immediately.
Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Mike · Dan: So you, my friend, have your cock out at a funeral. / Sprinkles. / Oh, come on.
Mike Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Mike · Leon West: Do you ever write about yoghurt in your newspaper? / No, I don't. I'm not a food writer. / What do you write? / I write about politics. I'm interested in lobbying, advocacy groups. / Do you know how yoghurt is made? / No, but I'm sure it's fascinating. / Don't patronize me.
Mike Leon West Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Amy · Selina: Have you noticed how he's... / Yeah, he thinks I'm about to be his boss. / Yeah, he's gonna be the first to go, by the way. / Hmm, okay. / Dead man walking.
Amy Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm Dan · Leon West: The truth is I had a huge story to give you. It's just been back-burnered. / Oh, sorry. / No, no, listen. Mike is on his way out, all right? Either he or his arteries are gonna quit any second. I'm the new face of the veep's office, okay? / I can bring you major scoops. / You can bring me major scoops? / Hey, come on, I major in major.
Dan · Leon: I can bring you major scoops. / You can bring me major scoops? / Hey, come on, I major in major. / Stop doing that.
Dan Leon Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Selina: We come here today in togetherness and in hope... certainly hope... for the swift recovery of this great, great president who has been a... faultless G.P.S. in guiding our nation.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: Oh, Jesus Christ. Let us pray.
Selina Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Selina: Holy mother of God and sweet Jesus Christ.
Selina Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Mike · Anthony: We'll have some information soon for you, okay, Anthony? And you know what? You guys can just act naturally like you'd normally act. / I'm normal.
Mike: My balls are comprehensively busted here. I'm down to my reserve pair.
Mike Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Sue: Selina is currently the most powerful woman in the world. And obviously you cannot tell anyone this or she will have you destroyed.
Sue Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dan · Mike: Oh, fuck it, it's gonna break anyway. Yeah, as a matter of fact, Selina Meyers... / Is gonna come here in a second and order Jamaican rum with sprinkles.
Dan Mike Character Comedy Misdirection Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Mike: From now on, you bleached, plucked asshole, I am your fucking Siamese stalker.
Mike Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Maria: And you, you gay, Irish fireman... you, you're okay. But you, you I do not like.
Maria Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Secret Service Agent: Crossed wires. Potus just suffered heartburn after a traditional barbecue at the state function.
Selina: back in charge of the G.P.S.
Selina Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Secret Service Agent: It's been an honor to serve such an accomplished understudy, ma'am.
Selina · Secret Service Agent: Are you gonna take those with you? / Oh, I'm sorry. Should I give that to you? / Thank you. Here's a pen. I'll put it back. Do you want me to put it here? / That's fine. Great. / Thank you. / Thank you. / Bye-bye.
Mike · Selina: Ma'am, we spent a nice afternoon bonding with these owners. They're lovely people. / Online? Are you serious? / Yeah. It's much more relevant. I've been telling Dan this for years.
Selina · Amy: Yeah, but aren't dairy products bad for your stomach? / You've got to eat the yoghurt now. / I mean, there will be cameras on you. / This is life dairy defcon 1.
Selina · Anthony: Do you have any Jamaican rum flavor? / I'm sorry, I don't. / And I've also thrown out all of the Strawberry-Selina. / Oh. / It had a bad taste.
Selina Anthony Callback Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Anthony: All I have left is vanilla.
Anthony Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Amy: Yeah, well, it would have been better about two hours ago.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Amy · Selina: Bite and smile. / [Selina eats the vanilla yoghurt and visibly struggles to maintain composure]
Amy · Selina · Anthony: You know, let's get one re. / Really quick. / I think you... probably just one... / Are you okay? / Can I get you something? / I think we got it, guys. Take a step back. / I have to use the bathroom right away. / Can we use your bathroom? / No, I'm sorry, my mother is in there. She's 84. She takes a while.
Anthony · Selina: Madam Vice President, are you gonna do anything about taxes? / Yeah, moving... I'm moving them down.
Selina · Amy: Oh! Ooh-ooh! Oooh-ooh! / I can't... / Do you need to squeeze my hand or something? / I can't uncross my legs.
Selina Amy Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Amy: Guys, we need a wall around the Vice President. No photos. No clean photos.
Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Amy · Gary: Dump her in there. / Be careful. Careful. / No one's judging. / Don't come in. Don't come in here.
Amy Gary Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Gary · Amy: I-I got to go with you ma'am, I'm sorry. / Just dive into it.
Gary Amy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Dan: You know what? I could use a walk. I'll meet you guys there.
Dan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Selina · Gary: Where does Gary put those wipes? / Oh, my God. / Whew. / Damn.
Selina Gary Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback