Running

Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm not sure why I just said that.

I mean, I lied and everything, but it sounded true, at least.

I can run that thing in a suit of armor.

I'll go kiss some hateful billionaire ass on my own.

Give them all donor boners.

I was only, like, suicidal for a week. Huh?

He's got a cave full of bats in his skull.

One of Gaddafi's sons. They're polling better.

Blow the opening day pitch out of your ass?

We are at DEFCON fuck.

Sidney Purcell, talking to him, it's like being stuck in a sewer pipe filled with dead rats.

This is a political prick tease today.

And we're about to meet a bunch of pricks.

My campaign launchpad is going to be made of solid fucking gold.

Ovaries in the Oval Office!

The West Womb!

Gary's awkward explanation of what a womb is

Oh, pathetic.

The Young Chungers.

It's like you think in hashtags.

The Granny Chungs.

You're young, you're hip, you're hop.

Look, I have no idea who that is, so, no.

No, no, and no.

I think it's in a cloud.

Chung will reenlist and hopefully get himself killed.

Duchess is down.

It's not a terrorist.

Don't move. We're gonna have to cut your clothes off you.

I was fine because I was drunk.

She's stuck on a call with the Australian ambassador.

Oh, that's good. I've never heard that one before.

No, it's not, actually, but you get marks for trying.

That aspiration is to one day hope to dream together.

Like catching your sister's eye at an orgy.

Well, my sister would never be at an orgy. Too uptight. She would want health records from everyone and just kill the momentum...

Don't they both die?

That woman has become a living metaphor of her own career.

I feel like one of those old used footballs that they fixed up for the kids at an orphanage.

Unless you want to go down there and sing them a chorus of Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee, you can't go downstairs.

I guess we just follow the trail of her blood and Gary's tears.

I think I got that off a Catholic schoolgirl once.

I'll be back.

That would solve all of my validation issues with my dad.

God, I hope Iran drops a nuke on DC.

He's like an undead cockroach with his... it's true. He's got that blank look. I bet he doesn't even have a come face.

Can you imagine fucking that guy?

In the southern hemisphere, the bullshit actually flows the other way.

I guess it's funny because we've all done it at one point.

I pushed someone through a plate glass door once. That was fucking hilarious.

That's your liaison d'être?

I was born to liaise, sir.

You know that they call me Jonad?

That is tantamount to calling the President Jonad.

He's the President, you're Jonad.

Now go earn your name change.

I got lost in the double negative, sir. What?

She's out of her fucking mind.

Everyone's gonna find out she walked through a glass door, Dan, because she looks like she walked through a fucking glass door.

So are mushrooms, dipshit.

I'll give you all of it.

Look, she is fuckin' high right now.

Turning her into Julie Andrews.

You just broke his brain, Amy.

Jesus, look at his stupid gaping mouth. Let's put stuff in it.

You called me Andrew.

I can even say your name the other way... Haney.

Gotta say, I think I handled that pretty well.

There's something so sexy about being in a hotel in the middle of the day, right?

Yep, four people to one toilet. You can hear everything that hits the water.

No berets, no Stetsons, no beanies...

Why are you just listing hats?

Yeah, in 700 days of working with us, you've been right once.

And, um, the only thing that's really hurt is my pride.

Oh, no, that's a fucking wire brush to my hemorrhoids.

Fix it, or I'll liaise your balls to your desk.

I love cartoons.

That doesn't even look like the Leviathan.

Seriously, I am totally overqualified for this job.

I changed the 'hallelujah' to 'jalapeño.'

You're the world's biggest single-cell organism.

Like Sophie's Choice choices, except more important because it's gonna be about me.

He couldn't tell the difference between real glass and air either.

Did we warn her one of the Get Moving ambassadors was a one-legged veteran?

A win-win by losing. That's good.

Oh, come on. Don't be so hard on yourself, Gary.

Burn all the White House pets and then yourselves. Burn yourselves first.

Those are contradictory orders.

What's up, you fuckin' Lorax?

Oh, God, this zipper is like a cheese grater on my dick.

I'm surprised he gets to work without being hit by a car or punched in the mouth.

We can't have you in a photo finish with a banana.

It's a caption contest waiting to happen.

I smell like a hobo's craphole.

Hey, Mike, I have some sort of hazy memory of me promising to buy your boat.

That's like trying to have sex with somebody who's passed out.

What? I thought your parents were dead.

I can't be running off to shindigs put on by the parents of people on my staff.

I've just always assumed that they were dead.

I thought you were adopted.