Chung

Because it's better than watching Gary drip that fucking noodle juice down his chin.

God, I'm gonna snort a line of tzatziki and go.

'Cause if you ever wanna step several rungs down the ladder, I could always use help from a fellow Daniel.

Yes, but sometimes you have to go down to go up.

But everyone will be watching her, so I guess I can just wing it.

I'd better be going around myself, make sure everyone gets to touch the hem of my garment.

I'm gonna steal that, because he who speaks in maxims... can sound wise.

This is good. This is like cornbread.

You looking for some fresh backs to stab?

Why don't you try working an iPad with your dick?

No, he's already got carpal tunnel in that area.

Oh, is that what they call it still with two oil guys on it?

Wow, you're gonna have to buy a lot of spray cans to paint that turd gold.

Who uses withdraw as a fuckin' verb besides catholics and butlers?

Maybe the Israeli military every once in a while.

You gotta network to get work, baby. All right? Chung for change.

You could talk about how you always get a sweaty upper lip underneath studio lights. That shows you're normal.

Well, the redskins have a great running game this year and, honestly, that receiving corps over there, Anquan Boldin, not looking good for you.

Beer makes me so gassy... about how it always bloats you, beer.

You can talk about that... about how it always bloats you, beer.

Did he do this thing where you don't know if you're supposed to hug him or crucify him? Which, by the way, makes me wanna crucify him.

Should I fire up the shit eater?

To vice president Salina Meyer... with an 'a'... from an admiring wannabe.

What an e-hole.

Plus, he doesn't wanna look like he made a massive error picking you... Well, that was lovely.

If anything, Chung was too late.

Do I look like a kindergarten teacher to you, Mike? Actually, yes.

You're not even your mom's favorite Jonah, Jonah.

Does he want to operate me by remote control? No. That's not technologically possible.

Well, with respect, ma'am, do you think anybody's gonna remember your primary campaign?

You know, I meant that more as a slight against the power of recollection of the electorate and not as an attack on the potency of your campaign.

Oh, because you have the social skills of someone who was raised by wolves.

God, I love saying that.

My zipper on my Leviathan broke, so I had to drive around trying to find a replacement.

You know what I did? I went to bed at 7:00 P.M. 7:00 P.M. on a Saturday night. Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that.

Hearing you say that gives me a massive hard-on. Oh, baby, I'm ready to launch.

Why are you so tired? You don't do anything.

He was born back in China before his dad got his citizenship, so he can't be president or vice president.

Oh, God, I'm gonna eat him up.

A team can't play itself, can it? You can in video games.

That's sweat. That's lip sweat. / That's shimmer.

Well, I'll say this... in order to reform, you have to perform.

Hello, penis enlargement clinic.

Well, he, uh... Ray Rice, he play nice.

Uh, you know, I would, but I've got a game of solitaire going on, so I think I'll give that a skip.

Well, I'd be surprised because technically he's not an American. I mean, because he wasn't, um, born here, you know, not because he's half Chine...

It totally might have just been me, but kind of... didn't it sound a little glitchy in the end or anything like that?

All I heard was the sound of a fuckup, okay?

That's why I'm in here in here, Dan.

You don't wanna give a loaded gun to that walking silo.

Well, I'm Sue. It's my job to know everything, Amy.

No, they don't.

Oh, well, the White House is very much under the moon about that

You can't just make up acronyms, Jonah. Somebody has to, Mike.

What do you call that? Bi-casual? Thanks, Mike, but it's Sunday. I work hard, I work fast, and I get hot legs. I say let the whale hang loose.

I work hard, I work fast, and I get hot legs. I say let the whale hang loose.

Do you have something that can fit the McClintock shape that's not a Santa suit?

Converse generally? What about? The weather? / Not about the weather. / It is unseasonably warm, though, okay?

Well, it's unseasonably warm.

if, for some reason, we find out that there was negligence that caused this accident, those who are responsible are gonna have the White House to answer to.

'Cause technically he's not an American. They're taking over our ports. It's like they've invaded us. Come on, this is the White House, not the Yellow House.

Gary, that was my fucking flesh that you just... trapped in there.

Jennifer, quite frankly, I had more windows in my first apartment than the V.P. currently has in her schedule.

Oh, sure! You know what? I blame George Washington. If he hadn't started this whole form of government, then we wouldn't...

I'm the vice president of the United States, you stupid little fuckers! These people should be begging me! That door should be half its height so that people can only approach me in my office on their goddamn, motherfucking knees.

You want to break out the white, pointy hoods, too, ma'am?

Once you go down that dark country road, the lights go out and the scarecrows come to life.

Look, Mike, that's what you always hear because mentally you're in a fuckin' hammock on a back porch.

Is McCaulay the one with the nose hair problem like he's got two raccoons in his nostrils?

What? He's Captain fuckin' America?

What did Scott use as a research tool, the fuckin' drudge report? That and bathroom walls.

I've got a purple heart on my chest, but the one that beats inside of me is red, white, and blue.

I am gonna throw up a leg. And then I'm gonna take that leg and I'm gonna beat Scott to death with it.

I've got a purple heart on my chest, but the one that beats inside of me is red, white, and blue.

Chief? Shouldn't that be chiefess?

I'd like to know if you're going to offend us with some chickenshit deal that means we have to leave before the food comes.

Now, if you had bad neighbors who came into your yard every night to crap a buttful of drugs and beans on your flowers, you might think about building a fence.

Yeah, but ironically, the only affordable option would be immigrant labor.

Now you keep talking like that, sweetheart, and we'll be having cigars at the end of this dinner. Just not Cuban ones.

You know what... I'm coming over there, like, right away. Uh, you know, when you come over, can you try and sneak in incognito? I got Korean neighbors and I don't think they'd like the idea of me dating you.

It's about seven inches, hangs between my legs... The thing. I like to call him sergeant Ted.

Is that some kind of a joke or something? It's not funny at all. Fuck off, Ted.

What happened to your hot pants? Oh, the hot pants picked up some negative traction. I realize now they're unbecoming of my office.

I will appear to love filibuster reform as much as I appear to love my idiot son. And for my wife's sake, I appear to love that wretched shitnia lot.

Sometimes you've gotta go down to go up.

Something about 'getting fucked every which way.' Direct quote.

How many times can she be underneath that? She's got such a little body and he seemed like a big man.

Dan, you have about 10 seconds to stop distracting me, or the next thing that they'll find at the back of that couch are your remains.