Amy, Dan, Jonah and Richard try to win the Presidency for the President. Back in D.C., Selina brings in respected Washington fixture Bob Bradley, aka "The Eagle," and, after nudging out Tom James on the newly created Banking Task Force, meets billionaire banker Charlie Baird. Meanwhile, Mike tries to get healthy before his baby arrives; Kent investigates Sue's age; and Amy and Dan share a charged moment.
Nevada campaign leg plants 81 jokes in 37 minutes, surviving political chaos on character comedy alone.
Directed by Chris Addison · Written by Lew Morton
WAR
141.4
Wins Above Replacement
“Nev-AD-a” ranks #51 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 91.8 — Elite. The episode packs 101 scored jokes at 2.7 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Dan: See that? Yeah, that's a comma. After fuck, that is a comma. So it doesn't say 'Fuck Selina Meyer.' It says, you know, 'Fuck, Selina Meyer!' That's a testament to this voter's earthy but unambiguous enthusiasm for President Meyer.
Dan Character Comedy Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Kent: Little known fact about the Nazis... their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof. Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic. The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good.
Kent Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: Were you thinking about his cabinet while you were fucking me? Seriously. Were you fantasizing I had some sort of a goatee and was on the wait list for a liver?
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Selina · Charlie Baird: Fuck, today. / Now, was that a vote in favor of today? / Oh, that was a fuck, comma, today, yes!
Furlong: (WHIMPERING) / Oh, I'm not... Tracy. Look, it's... you're wearing purple. All right? It's got nothing to do with your body shape or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly.
Furlong Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 101 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Selina: I'm having reservations about the reservations.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Selina: I'm at Walter Reed. I'm meeting troops and shaking God only knows what.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Ben: She's changed her mind more times than a frickin' child molester at Disneyland.
Ben Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Ben: Yeah, and if you miss the deadline, find a rattlesnake and shove that up your dick hole 'cause it's a lot more fun than what I'll do to you. And drive safe.
Ben Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Selina: Oh, God, Maddox is probably going to study the effects of legalized prostitution on his dick.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: Well, maybe we can get some six-year-old Asian kid to fix it.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Mike · Selina: Mike reveals baby will be named Ellen after 'Wendy's mom. Actually, her stepmom. She has a difficult relation...' — then cuts off mid-sentence.
Amy: Seriously, I'm more Hispanic than she is. You know? Where's she from, Santo Connecticut?
Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ben · Selina: She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha. / She's from El New Hampshire.
Ben Selina Wordplay/Pun Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Ben · Selina: He makes a lot of sense. [beat] All right, so they've got a Secretary of State and what do I have? Harpo, Chico, and Shito.
Ben Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Selina: Also an accomplished ballroom dancer.
Selina Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Selina: He's our Whitman hit man.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Selina: Maybe they can find out what some of these people are doing.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Selina: To thank them for what? This Olympic-size swimming pool of shit that I'm doing the backstroke in right now?
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Selina: He loves all that fake smiley shit.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Mike · Selina: It's a veritable who's who of Wall Street. / Well, that sounds a lot sexier than my thing. Tell Tom that I get dibs on that.
Gary: The president will be there shaking hands and thanking some of the volunteers for their hard work at some point in the near future. I'll get back.
Gary Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Selina: What in the lunatic fuck is the master cleanse? Sounds like Nazi domestic policy.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Kent: Little known fact about the Nazis... their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof. Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic. The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good.
Kent Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Selina · Mike: Do you still take shits? / Not exactly take.
Selina Mike Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Richard: Or you could email me at splett2@splettnet.net. Splett1 is my father. It'll be sad to see him go, but it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know?
Richard Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Dan: What is wrong with you, you Paddington Bear-looking fuck? You just gave them a Time Life instruction manual on how to fuck us.
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan: You guys have Michael Jordan sitting on the bench here, but you're starting Hakeem Olajutwat.
Dan Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Richard: You are not Michael Jordan. You are a seven-foot-seven goony-looking Lithuanian who's gonna drop dead of Marfan syndrome.
Richard Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Bob Bradley: I would never miss the opportunity to dry fuck Jim Whitman up the ass.
Bob Bradley: All right, let's hear it, Affirmative Action Jackson.
Bob Bradley: Why aren't you moving on this, blondie? Right, Amy. Come on, get it together. My God in heaven.
Bob Bradley: Well, Madam President, I've got big balls, but neither one of them are crystal.
Bob Bradley: He would say, 'Henry, you son of a bitch. I can lead a horse to water, but I can't milk it.'
Bob Bradley Character Comedy Absurdist Misdirection ★ Rewatch Bob Bradley · Ben: We called him Fatty Dicksuckle and B-B-Benny and the Jizz. Buttfucker. / Buttfucker, that's me. I can't believe you remembered my nickname.
Kent · Ben: He hasn't worked in the White House since the late '80s. [beat] How old is Sue?
Kent Ben Character Comedy Reaction Beat Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Dan: See that? Yeah, that's a comma. After fuck, that is a comma. So it doesn't say 'Fuck Selina Meyer.' It says, you know, 'Fuck, Selina Meyer!' That's a testament to this voter's earthy but unambiguous enthusiasm for President Meyer.
Dan Character Comedy Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Tom James · Selina: Great idea of yours. / Yeah, it is, isn't it? I'm looking forward to hearing what my next great idea is gonna be.
Tom James: I'm sure the Dow is rocketing skywards as we speak.
Jonah: Yeah, I'm gonna be pulling down Clint Eastwood cowboy movie style pussy in these things. Except I'm not the man with no name. I'm the man with mo' game.
Jonah Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Jonah: Can Paul McCartney teach Kid Rock how to be a good songwriter? I mean, that's a bad example. Kid Rock rules, but...
Jonah Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Charlie Baird · Selina: I thought this was going to be two hours of Tom James lecturing us about being paid too much. / Well, Tom can be, dare I say... a bit of an asshat? / Actually, I was gonna say a champion for the middle class, but I kind of like your thing better.
Selina · Charlie Baird: Two grand? Where'd you find that? In your sofa seat cushion? / I think it was in my other pants, Madam President.
Selina · Eli Park: Not in jail for what she did to you. / Honestly, it is an outrage. But I'm happy you're here.
Charlie Baird · Selina: Brooks Brothers sews prenups into all our suits. / Oh, are you divorced? / Oh, yeah, proudly. Yeah, best thing me and my husband ever did. Including our daughter.
Selina: Yeah, best thing me and my husband ever did. Including our daughter.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Charlie Baird: Some of your economic policies are what my friend Katie Gross likes to call fakakta.
Selina · Charlie Baird: Katie Gross? You know Katie Gross? I went to Smith with Katie Gross. I dated Katie Gross. / Yeah, so did I. / 'Cause I was at Smith. No, it's a Smith joke.
Richard: You should read C.S. Lewis's book on grief. It's not as fun as 'The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe' series, but it's still pretty good.
Richard Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jonah: Jonah Ryan, Senior Deputy Recount Strategist for the Meyer campaign. Would it be all right if we waited for your husband inside? I think I have a small blister.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Jonah · Richard: Alav hashalom. Hebrew. / Maybe you should put on your regular shoes for a little bit.
Congressman Furlong: Well, I just came out West to play a little Cowboys and Injuns with Big Chief Suckum Choad here.
Furlong · Will: Say it. / (CLEARS THROAT) How. / Me suck pee pee in teepee. / (LAUGHS) Atta girl.
Furlong Will Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Furlong: Step aside, roadkill. Big rig coming through.
Furlong Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Furlong: Hey, Grimace. What are you... no, no, no, not you. The other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace.
Furlong: That is not an overvote. You need to trust me on this because I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly first.
Furlong Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Furlong: You want me to get you some glasses? Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese? He can come in here and explain election procedures to you.
Furlong Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Furlong: (WHIMPERING) / Oh, I'm not... Tracy. Look, it's... you're wearing purple. All right? It's got nothing to do with your body shape or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly.
Furlong Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Selina · Gary: Special or normal? / Well, they seemed normal, but I'll confirm.
Bob Bradley · Sue: So you catch 'The Godfather' on TV last night? / No. / There was nothing like seeing it in the theater when it first came out back in '72. / I don't care for movies.
Selina · Olympic Athlete: So congratulations on your gold medal. / It's bronze.
Selina · Gary: Fuck am I supposed to do with this? / It'd be nice for your library.
Mike: They opened wide and slurped it down, ma'am.
Mike Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina · Gary: The extended 'banking task force' exchange as a thinly veiled desire for another meeting with Charlie Baird.
Selina Gary Running Gag Irony/Sarcasm Misdirection ★ Rewatch Gary · Selina: Ma'am, if you want, I can arrange a more discreet banking task force. / I don't want that kind of banking task force. I want the banking task force that I want.
Gary Selina Running Gag Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: Oh, just hang up on her. Wait, where is Catherine? She should be getting this for her little movie.
Selina Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Kent: I'm feeling light-headed. That bottle's my only source of blood sugar.
Kent Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Ben · Selina: Chung will do it. / Chung would volunteer for a beheading video to get national airtime.
Selina: Can you go tell him to fuck a bag of glass or something?
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Gary: Actually, I told him something similar to that, but he's most insistent.
Gary Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Tom James: So, economy czar, kids' birthday parties, reflecting pool boy.
Tom James Character Comedy Escalation Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Tom James: Just don't ask me to be the United Nations ambassador 'cause I still have some pride.
Tom James Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Tom James: Oh, by the way, I just polished the floor in the Eisenhower Room. Be careful in there, all right?
Tom James Character Comedy Running Gag Irony/Sarcasm Callback Selina: Why did Tom James just wrap up his balls in butcher paper and put them in my purse?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Ben · Selina: Because he thinks you're gonna win Nevada. / Tom thinks I'm gonna win Nevada? / 'Nev-add-a.' He's the smartest guy in DC.
Selina · Gary: Hey, I'm gonna be president, so I can go take a shit in the Rose Garden if I want to. / We used to call that a Jimmy Carter.
Selina Gary Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Charlie Baird · Selina: I warn you, I had a pretty comprehensive White House tour on my fifth grade class trip. I actually know a lot about West Wing history if you'd like... no.
Charlie · Selina: I feel like that guy doesn't like me very much. / Who, Gary? / Yeah. / Come on, that's like saying that the cat doesn't like you or that table doesn't like you.
Selina: Now there's this Rockwell down here that is so stunning and I swear to God if I lose this fucking election, I'm gonna stick it in my suitcase and I'm taking it with me.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Charlie Baird: Some beach house. / Not sure which beach.
Selina · Charlie Baird: This is the actual closet where Warren Harding fathered a child with his teenage mistress. / They left that off our fifth grade tour.
Selina · Charlie Baird: Fuck, today. / Now, was that a vote in favor of today? / Oh, that was a fuck, comma, today, yes!
Dan: Sophie, haven't seen you in years. How are your illegitimate children?
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Sophie · Amy · Sophie: I thought that Carson City was, like, part of Las Vegas. / Vegas is 432 miles away. / Sorry I'm not a 'where everything is' nerd.
Sophie: Were you two just about to bone?
Sophie Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Sophie · Amy: What happens in Vegas, it stays in Vegas. / We're not in Vegas.
Sophie Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Selina: You know, I hardly ever did that with President Hughes. And even when we did, I was just kind of going through the motions.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Selina: Yeah, I'm not that kind of a president.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Gary · Charlie Baird: You come from a big family, do you? / I do come from a big family. I do, I do, I do. / (LAUGHS) It's actually just me. I'm an only child.
Gary Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Bob Bradley: Well, what you have here is a classic two fires, one glove situation. And you need to know which hand to put the glove on.
Selina · Bob Bradley: No, oh, wait a minute. You mean Nevada. / What did I say? / You said Nebraska. / Well, I'll get that one for you, too.
Ben · Bob Bradley: Buttfucker. / Bye, Bob.
Selina: You know, I was over in the East Wing and I saw a painting of Sue holding George Washington's horse.
Selina Character Comedy Running Gag Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Charlie Baird on TV: Charlie Baird is a friend of mine. Charlie Baird is one of the great financial minds of our time and would be an asset to any administration.
Selina: You're kidding. / No. / He fucked me and then he fucked me? / What, is he trying to fuck me?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Escalation ★ Rewatch Selina: You went straight from here to O'Brien's hotel? / Are you kidding me? Did you take a shower at least in between?
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Selina: Were you thinking about his cabinet while you were fucking me? Seriously. Were you fantasizing I had some sort of a goatee and was on the wait list for a liver?
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Selina · Charlie Baird: You didn't think it was a conflict... first of all, he doesn't even have a cabinet. Look, if you win the election, it doesn't mean anything anyway. / If O'Brien wins the election... / Okay, let's hear what this is. / ...you've slept with the Secretary of the Treasury.
Selina · Charlie Baird: SELINA: Oh, that's classy. This is over. / Over? I didn't even know it was a thing. / Absolutely not a thing. And if it was a thing, it's over.
Mike: Uh, he... he's a Charlie Baird.
Mike Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Reporter: Looks like Charlie Baird is fucking the president.
Reporter Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline Callback Dan: You know, I got my sister her own room. So it's just little old you in that big old room.
Dan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Sophie · Dan: Everybody here is so boring. / The shit you do is such bullshit. / Remind me again what it is that you do that's so interesting. / I work at CVS.
Dan · Sophie: Really? CBS? I would love to work at CBS. / Oh, God, don't be a dick. / No, I'm serious. There's always openings. Do you seriously think that you could get me something? / Maybe late night. / Late night's perfect!
Dan Sophie Character Comedy Misdirection Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Ben: 23 messages? / A nightcap?
Ben Character Comedy Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback