Shutdown

Gary · Selina:Gary shrieks at a rat on the garbage, then insists 'that was a shout' and 'yeah, 'cause I'm a man. I have a man's voice.'

Gary:Gary: 'Yeah, that's right. Walk away. Walk away.' (to the rat) followed by a chuckle

Gary · Staff:Gary: 'It was like a pony.' Staff respond with 'Squeak, squeak' to mock him.

Selina · Colleague:Selina announces skeleton staff; a colleague says 'So Keith stays, right?' and when asked why, responds 'He's skinny like a skeleton.'

Selina · Dan · Gary:Dan is furloughed over Gary because 'you two do similar jobs'; Dan asks 'Does that mean he makes more money than I do?'

Selina · Gary:The Secret Service is calling Gary 'Girly Shirley Temple'

Sue · Selina · Gary · Amy:Sue is furloughed; she immediately bursts into dignified crying while the staff awkwardly console her

Selina · Amy · Gary:Dan takes his furlough like 'Spock — he doesn't show his emotions.' 'Ever?' 'Ever?' 'No, not even then.' 'You're kidding me.'

Gary · Amy · Selina:Dan laughed once — when the security guard fell off his Segway. 'Is laughter an emotion?'

Sue:Sue, immediately after being furloughed and crying, is on her phone: 'Full day spa package... Sue Wilson. Valued and, if need be, aggressive client.'

Amy · Sue:Sue's impression: 'Okay, look, if the VP did have a window, it'd be a high one and she'd push you out of it.'

Amy:Amy accidentally implies someone on the phone is pregnant: 'You're pregnant? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I did not mean that.'

Jonah:Jonah's cockney London monologue: 'Pickle me eels and tickle me belly 'cause I am off to merry London Town for a right fuckabout, eh? Innit, though?'

Jonah:Jonah on London: 'It is a city where women are literally drunk all day. And I am going to mind their gaps, my friend.'

Jonah · Gary:Jonah calls Gary 'cum-for-brains' while explaining why he needs a passport renewal

Gary · Jonah:Gary has taken over as 'New Sue'; Jonah asks for an appointment in his entitled way; Gary says 'Suck it' and hangs up the phone

Selina:Selina watching Chung on TV: 'See, this is the problem with high-definition. You don't want to see a dick in hi-def.'

Chung:Chung on TV talking about ordinary people suffering during the shutdown — then admits 'I'm not overpaid. I'm independently wealthy. All right? Sorry.'

Chung · Gary · Selina:Chung says 'vanquish the stench' about the shutdown; cut immediately to Gary announcing he removed Selina's actual garbage

Selina · Amy · Gary:Selina panics that a private garbage contractor could 'go through all of my trash and put it up on the Internet'

Selina:Selina delivers 'uppity princess in her perfumed palace' in a fake British accent, then immediately adds 'Is what other people would say. I'm not saying that. Not me.'

Gary · Selina:Gary: 'How am I gonna know which bags are yours? Do you want to let me know some of the things that are in the bags?'

Selina · Gary:Extended awkward silence after Selina takes Gary aside privately; just two voices saying 'What the...' and 'Fuck.' then silence

Amy · Selina:Amy tells Selina she's been seeing Andrew. Selina: 'Seeing him? Like you would see someone for lunch or a game of cards?' Amy confirms they have lunch, then sex, and 'not really cards so much.'

Amy · Selina:Amy's advice to Selina about Andrew oscillates wildly: 'You dump him overboard'... 'Okay, then you see where it goes'... 'No, I have to end it'... 'Yeah'... 'But I can't.'... 'I'm glad we talked. On the same page.'

Garbage Man · Gary · Jonah:The garbage man tells Gary and Jonah 'It's mine now' regarding the trash they've come to reclaim; when Gary says it's a 'government matter,' the man says 'Are you threatening me, Pez head?'

Jonah · Gary:Jonah: 'Why don't you offer to blow him over by the recycled glass? It would throw up some interesting light effects. That would be romantic, wouldn't it?'

Jonah:Jonah calls the White House 'the Wet Wing' — 'Civilians love that shit. They get so hot for it, I call it the Wet Wing.'

Gary · Jonah:Gary: 'It's disrespectful.' Jonah: 'It's a building, Gary. It doesn't have feelings.' Gary: 'It has a spirit.'

Garbage Man · Gary · Jonah:The garbage man's counter-demand: 'I would like a visit from the vice president.' Gary and Jonah's dawning horror as he adds: '"Vice president applauds shit compaction."'

Selina · Speaker Jim:Speaker Jim and Selina debate whether old furniture being 'uncomfortable as hell' is a meaningful historical lesson; Jim: 'They were laced into their clothing. Freezing cold or hot as hell.' Selina: 'Yeah, and I'm just talking about the 1970s.' Jim: 'I'm not. I was thinking of the 18th century.'

Speaker Jim:Jim reads POTUS's quote from his phone, starting with 'Slide to unlock.'

Jim · Selina:Subtext decoded: POTUS's 'feisty operator and fine VP / tried her best / tough call' — Jim explains 'Subtext, ma'am... you failed.'

Selina · Speaker Jim:Selina insists 'fine and successful are synonyms'; Jim says she's 'grasping at straws'; she corrects 'grasping FOR straws'

Speaker Jim:Jim: 'Now you see why we have the hard chairs. Hardly worth you sitting down.'

Selina:Selina to Jim: 'You're a lot older than me. If you die within the next six years, I will be attending your funeral and giving a eulogy... and it is gonna be full of subtext. Chock-full of subtext.'

Speaker Jim:Jim: 'Well, I look forward to that. Oh, wait, I'll be dead.'

Sidney · Dan:The oil lobbyist Sidney describes Dan's career: 'So what you're saying is your career has stalled. So now you and your slack pussy want to make big bucks as an oil lobbyist, right?'

Sidney · Dan:Sidney orders the most expensive everything; Dan says he'll 'keep it light — chicken salad and a Diet Coke'; Sidney overrides him: 'Give him exactly what I'm having. It's our first date.'

Mike · Amy · Selina:The team discusses a man killed by a bear near a ranger station closed by the shutdown; Mike speculates 'he must have goaded him... forcing the bear to dance'

Amy:'Or he tried to fuck the bear. Like Grizzly Adams.'

Kent:Kent walks in, having been furloughed: 'I forgot my noise-cancelling headphones. Guess what I just heard. I'm not here. Ergo, my ears aren't here either.'

Selina:Selina: 'Implicit like a "kick me" sticker on my keister would be implicit?'

Kent:Kent: 'Madam Vice President, greatest respect, but it has been the job of the VP over the ages to take it in the ass to save the president.'

Selina:Selina: 'Yeah, let me tell you something. This ass is closed for business. This ass is in clench-down. I don't want to be a decoy. Let the president take it in the ass. He might like it.'

Selina:Selina: 'Now I'm to blame because some goober got all eaten up by a bear?'

Mike · Selina · Amy:Mike announces three tasks. Selina says 'And that's two things.' Amy says 'Yeah, as well as getting in touch with the press guys?' Selina confirms, 'Two things.' Mike: 'Call the Guinness Book of World Records.' 'Oh, no, no — that would be three things.'

Sidney · Dan:Sidney asks Dan about swindling 'sister fuckers out of their land in Nebraska'; Dan: 'Consider me your well-groomed dust bowl, my friend.'

Sidney · Dan:Sidney creates a code: 'The VP will be the lobster. Amy, greens. Mike, carrots. Dan, you can be shrimp. Do you see what I did there, Dan? I made you shrimp.'

Sidney:Sidney: 'Boy, I just wish I ordered a plate of useless assholes. But you go to war with the army you have, right?'

Dan · Sidney:Dan reveals VP staff intel using food code: 'The lobster is getting back together with her ex-husband. The greens are barely keeping it together. The carrots are drowning in debt.'

Sidney:Sidney tells Dan there's no job; he's being evaluated: 'Well, tap your ruby slippers together and wake the fuck up. There is no job, Dorothy.'

Sidney:Sidney immediately pivots from crushing Dan to: 'So why don't you take your little vanilla Thriller dance over to Danny Chung? He's the shiny turd rising to the top of the bowl right now.'

Mike:Mike is on the phone with the bear widow, apparently suggesting it was the bear's fault due to natural hunger; we hear him say 'That's really not what I meant. You misunderstood, honestly. When I said fault, I meant that it wasn't your husband's fault because bears are naturally hungry.'

Amy:'Oh, was that Mrs. Doolittle?' — Amy's casual nickname for the bear widow

Selina:Selina: 'Yeah, I know he's fucking furloughed because I'm the fucker who furloughed him.'

Selina · Amy:Selina: 'We're gonna have to unenfurlough Sue.' Amy: 'Unenfur—' Selina: 'We'll have to get Sue back.'

Jonah:Gary and Jonah in the compactor area; Jonah: 'I'm not getting in there.' Then: 'Oh, please. You think this is bad? Wait till you get to London. Everything smells like urine. Even the food.'

Roger Furlong · Selina:Roger Furlong on pizza: 'The Chinese invented pizza.' Selina: 'No, they didn't.' Roger: 'Yeah, they did.'

Roger Furlong · Will:Roger on Will's impotence: 'That's as much a fact as Will's impotence.' Will: 'I don't think that's appropriate.' Roger: 'He doesn't mind. Do you, Will?' Will: 'Whatever works, sir.'

Selina · Roger Furlong:Selina and Roger's card game negotiation: 'I would have guessed Old Maid.' 'Want to play Go Fish?' 'Sure.' 'Yeah, you can start calling me the Hurty Dirty Man.' 'Yeah, I'm not gonna call you that.'

Roger Furlong · Will:Roger: 'Wow, that came out of nowhere, didn't it, Will?' Will: 'It's like a sudden monsoon in Goa, sir.' Roger: 'Sudden monsoon. They predict those things weeks in advance, you idiot.'

Roger Furlong · Selina:Roger uses 'Silence of the Lambs' as a metaphor for cooperation: 'I know, it's hard to believe that they have female FBI agents. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.' Selina: 'I love that kind of misogyny.'

Selina · Roger Furlong · Will:Selina and Roger agree to a deal without explicitly agreeing: 'Just to be clear, Roger, you're not asking for anything and I'm not agreeing to anything.' Roger to Will: 'Did you hear what we said, Will?' Will: 'No, ma'am.'

Jonah · Gary:Jonah climbing into the garbage-filled back seat: 'It's bigger than your mother's womb and you were in there till you were 15.' Gary: 'Oh, my God.'

Jonah · Sue · Gary:The garbage transport scene: 'We're gonna be the shitty Sopranos.' Sue: 'Just don't get any mess on my dress.' Jonah: 'My mess on your dress. I like this... sorry.'

Chung:Chung visits the bear widow and muses philosophically: 'But heroes don't get to choose, they get chosen.'

Chung · Dan:Chung's vision of the future: 'In six years' time, you and me, Oval Office ordering a pizza and an air strike. Thin crust, extra warheads. Get the Rolling Stones to perform in my fucking living room.'

Selina:Selina calls Dan back from furlough: 'Dan, your 15 minutes of furlough are over. I need you back. To the Bastardmobile.'

Amy:Amy: 'I didn't realize how good I was at this job until someone else did it so badly.' Other voice: 'Different isn't bad.' Amy: 'No, bad is bad.'

Selina · Amy:NASA visit was rescheduled. Selina: 'Aw, crap. I wanted to meet the NASA guys.' Amy: 'Gary, they don't even walk on the moon anymore. They're basically a bunch of nerds who work in a hangar.'

Selina:Selina is told the alternative is a visit to a waste management plant: 'Okay, I don't know what is the most depressing word in that sentence.'

Selina · Gary:Selina: 'Gary wouldn't do something that idiotic, would you, Gary?' Gary: 'Well, under certain circumstances, a garbage service...' Selina: 'Ah!' Gary: 'Yeah, no, no. I get it. I understand now.'

Selina · Gary · Amy:Gary is furloughed mid-scene. 'Hey, Gary.' 'Yeah?' 'You're furloughed.' 'No!' / 'I got Sue.' (sigh)

Selina · Gary:Gary is furloughed for the second time in the episode. He has a brief moment of resignation then realizes Sue is now in.

Jonah · Selina · Sue:Jonah: 'Ma'am, I helped with the garbage.' Selina: 'Oh, you helped with the... with the garbage?' (pause) 'Sue. Could you get in touch with what's-his-fuck at the State Department.'

Selina · Jonah:Jonah asks Selina to fast-track his passport. Selina: 'Okay, Gary, get out. Go fuck yourself, Jonah.' Jonah cites being G8 advance team. 'Go, period, fuck, period, yourself, exclamation point.'

Amy · Dan:Amy tells Dan about Selina's situation: 'Land deal shit, fake relationship shit, shutdown shit. You left out that she just did a deal with Roger Furlong and is becoming semidependent on antidepressants.' Dan: 'Oh, well, what could possibly go wrong?'

Amy · Selina:Amy: 'Did you just furlough Gary and Mike when I was in the bathroom?' Selina: 'I did. So Sue's the new Gary and you are still the Amy.'

Selina:Sue: 'Amy, why is everybody else in charge of my image except me?' — attributed to Selina but filtered through Sue's monitoring

Selina · Dan:Selina's pep talk to herself about Janet Ryland: 'She's staid, she's stately. She's old and cold and I'm warm and... Young?' '...Young, exactly. And I'm a mother. So we should round up Catherine, at gunpoint, if we have to.'

Selina · Dan:Dan suggests Janet Ryland. Selina reacts with obvious horror at 'First Response.' Then: 'Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea. That's precisely what I want to do, Dan. Good.'

Selina · Garbage Worker Joe:Selina asks the garbage facility worker how much is spent per ton on recycling vs collection, citing specific figures ($71 vs $86); the worker says: 'Ma'am, I just shovel it. I don't account for it.'

Selina:Selina to the worker after asking if he's married: '...Ah, that's lovely.' [Episode ends]