Three days before the New Hampshire primary, Selina and her staff juggle her multiple official obligations and campaign appearances.
Season finale deploys 66 jokes in 38 minutes—Veep's densest stretch yet.
Directed by Chris Addison · Written by Simon Blackwell, Tony Roche
WAR
73.6
Wins Above Replacement
“New Hampshire” ranks #17 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.8 — Elite. The episode packs 66 scored jokes at 1.7 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Kent: You might as well drive a suicide clown car into the fucking Lincoln Memorial.
Kent Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch The squeaking shoes during the speech
Selina Visual Gag Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: I came in third, Amy. Okay? Even the Nazis came in second.
Selina Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Mike: Our Lord Jesus started with 12. He didn't win New Hampshire, either.
Mike Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ben: I was bulimic the whole first year and I didn't even lose any weight from it.
Ben Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 66 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Ben: Am I dreaming? Do I have my pants on?
Ben Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ben: Ma'am, I don't wanna piss on your bliss, but...
Ben Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Mike: (yells) President of the United States!
Mike Escalation Character Comedy Selina: Hey, you know what, go? We have to be careful, though, not to look too happy, you know? 'Cause of FLOTUS.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Amy: I'm not sure that Beyoncé fully understands that. / Selina: (gasps) She's calling me a 'Single Lady.'
Selina: Holy shit. It's like Lolla-fucking-palooza.
Dan: It's like I'm a Beatle. / Staff: Well, you got the haircut for it.
Selina: Thank you so much, 'Senator Suck-up.'
Staff: Ma'am? You're now only a point away from Chung. Presidential bounce. / Selina: Yeah, bounce that, ya dumb dick.
Dan: From Ashton Kutcher's assistant, 'Ashton says congrats.' / Selina: Assistant?
Ben: Goodbye, China.
Ben Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Selina: God, can't we just take 'em out? Is Jack Ruby still alive?
Selina: I wanna get rid of Leslie Carr. She has no fucking energy, ironically.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Irony/Sarcasm Ben: Listen, let 'em sulk. I mean, who's gonna notice?
Selina: Oh, my God. We left him in New Hampshire.
Selina Absurdist Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Selina: God, there's so many people in here. It's like a Mormon orgy.
Selina Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Ben: Here, boy. Come to me.
Ben Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Ben: I was bulimic the whole first year and I didn't even lose any weight from it.
Ben Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Selina: No, you weren't. None of that is true. What are you talking about?
Selina Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Selina: So, guess what? I am 10 centimeters dilated. I'm fully effaced. I mean, this presidency is crowning. I need you.
Selina: Ben, I swear to sweet Jesus Christ, if you don't do this, I'm gonna bring back Prohibition.
Selina Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Male reporter: he's so Washington, his blood type is DC.
Amy: Clue... it's me.
Amy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Amy: Thank you for interrupting your studies, your start-ups, your retirements, your federal sentences.
Amy Escalation Observational ★ Rewatch Staff: It's like a Google Maps of ass-kissing.
Mike: I'm not talking about this first female president thing. I'm talking about the first redhead press secretary.
Mike Misdirection Character Comedy Mike: Uh, 'Mike McLintock, why are you so darn handsome?' / (press corps laughing) / Uh, why are you laughing at that one?
Mike Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Richard: 'Dynamic Duo' came in. That's Batman, Boy Wonder... young... Lady Wonder.
Richard: Yeah, I'll hit the phones until I have a sore throat and a hot ear.
Egan: I bring bad news to the closet.
Egan Observational Deadpan/Understatement Egan: Give you 24 hours? Like in a movie? / Superior: No, I mean, yes. Please. / You have six hours. We can't afford 24.
Superior: Or for six hours, depending on how you do. / I'll see you then. / Alternatively, goodbye forever.
Superior Escalation Deadpan/Understatement Mike: My bit about gun control killed. My bit about voter ID laws identified itself as hilarious.
Mike Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Ben: You know, I told you when I was telling you I wasn't telling you what I told you. The fuck stops here, Dan.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jonah: So I'm gonna go to Africa and help install sewage systems in poor communities or whatever. Or go to Wall Street, I don't know. One of the two.
Jonah Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jonah: I've never told a lie in my life. / Dan: That was a lie. Try to keep up, Egan.
Jonah: I can't denounce it. That's like Peter denouncing Christ or worse.
Dan: Just to warn you, though... I do like to lick the rim.
Jonah: 'Three-pack-of-Kleenex' Rachel?
Jonah: I couldn't be any closer to the Oval Office if I had... by some triumph of common sense... a desk actually in it.
Selina: Oh, you... a million things. Are you kidding me? You know, just being there, and... and being you... (stammering) there... and all...
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch (Jingling during presidential oath)
Gary Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Jonah: There's one of me fuckin' a chicken while dressed as bin Laden. / Dan: The chicken is dressed as bin Laden or you're dressed as bin Laden? / Jonah: No, I'm dressed as bin Laden, Dan!
Jonah: I'm like a boom op on a porn shoot right now.
Dan: I can't have a terrorist chicken-fucker next to the president. Security risk.
Dan Callback Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Mike: This is like Kathy Bates in 'Misery.'
Selina: Yeah, except there's no bridesmaids to fuck.
The squeaking shoes during the speech
Selina Visual Gag Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Dan: It's like she's walking on a carpet of mice. / Jesus Christ, Gary. Are those real shoes or are those fucking dog toys?
Dan Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Mike: Sounds like the theme from 'Psycho.'
Mike Observational Callback Staff: 'President squeaks to the nation.'
Staff Wordplay/Pun Callback Selina: Any fuckup from now on is not just a fuckup. It's my legacy.
Selina Observational Character Comedy Kent: You might as well drive a suicide clown car into the fucking Lincoln Memorial.
Kent Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Mike: Leslie Nielsen. Leslie Frazier, the coach for the Vikings... / Selina: Huh? / Mike: Doesn't matter. You're... good speech.
Mike: I mean, we all make mistakes... just ask your mom and dad. (laughs)
Mike: Otherwise I'd have to have you killed. (laughs)
TV Ad: Imagine Selina Meyer is the only person keeping your children safe at night. 'Cause she is. Let's vote her out and make the Commander-in-Chief a Commander-in-Brief.
TV Ad Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive Jonah: Well, then you better 'possible-ize' it, Dan.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Jonah: And henceforth they will no longer be known as 'Jonahs.' They'll be known as... Jimmys or Pepes or Sarahs or whatever the fuck that person's name turns out to be.
Jonah Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Ben: Yeah, can we fly it into Danny Chung?
Ben Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Dan: He's got old people coming out of his ass.
Selina: Yeah, everybody wants to fuck 'em, too. God, I would love to fuck a firefighter. Hey, I'm the president. I can fuck anybody I want now, right?
Jonah: And that I will serve you faithfully as long as you happen to be president.
Mike: She looks like she's in 'Flashdance.' / Kent: 'Thai lady-boy made head of sweatshop.'
Mike: Our Lord Jesus started with 12. He didn't win New Hampshire, either.
Mike Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Selina: I came in third, Amy. Okay? Even the Nazis came in second.
Selina Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch 