In the run-up to the first debate, Selina makes a novel campaign proposal. Comments by Jonah create blowback. Dan and Amy take a road trip.
Political desperation hits peak absurdity as 71 rapid-fire jokes sustain Veep's endgame chaos.
Directed by Morgan Sackett · Written by Rachel Axler
WAR
76
Wins Above Replacement
“Pledge” ranks #24 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.6 — Elite. The episode packs 71 scored jokes at 1.7 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 7.2 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
God bless America for hating woman almost as much as I do.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Asbestos was the name of their pit bull. It was a rescue that killed its first owner.
Richard Misdirection Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Her records were sealed. She was 16. She accidentally hit him with her Volkswagen Cabriolet. She is an actual murderer?! Yes! Who drives an import!
Well, I did think about this. I considered it, and I cried, and yeah, suck my cock, I even prayed a little, and here I am.
Amy Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch is that she would like me to tell you that Senator Talbot here accidentally murdered her boyfriend in a reckless car accident when she was 16 years old. But you know what? I'm not gonna stoop to your level and say that, Selina.
Tom Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 71 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ I love you, too, Tom. Go fuck yourself.
Selina Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Because of my court-ordered chemical castration.
Richard Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Is chocolate bad for dogs? Oh no, not bad. Deadly.
Unknown Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive It sounds like Dr. Seuss fucked Maya Angelou in the yuzz-ma-tuzz and then filled her all up with snoozily-scuzz.
Unknown Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Not even really showing. You look beautiful.
Gary Amy Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Without the 'four years ago.' OK. Iowa! What do we want?
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Escalation ★ Rewatch When I say 'shit,' you say 'show.'
Ben Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Yeah, well, somebody sneezed on our campaign, now we're bleeding out our assholes.
Unknown Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Last thing I need is my picture being taken eating dick-shaped food. I'd rather eat a food-shaped dick.
Selina Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Maybe somebody should be interviewing the 'Times' about why they write so much about modern dance.
How are we going to RU486 Kemi's campaign?
Selina Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch No offense, Amy.
unknown Callback Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback My God, pick a lane. Jesus.
Selina Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch A good union or, like, teachers?
Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Asbestos was the name of their pit bull. It was a rescue that killed its first owner.
Richard Misdirection Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch That's why you have to go to breeders.
Unknown Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist ★ Rewatch Fantastic. Her Achilles cock.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I'm drinking Odwalla like some country lesbian who just got to the big city.
Felicia Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Happy Abortion Eve.
Richard Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch OK, I don't know if I should be sad or turned on.
Ben Cringe/Discomfort Reaction Beat It's my mother's side of the family. Speltt.
Richard Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Then why am I not in prison for punching the president?
Jonah Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I'm Jonah Ryan, and I wanna suck this message's hot clam.
Jonah Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch He did a really funny Chinese voice. Yeah, I expressed how horny I was.
Well, I don't see vagina color.
Jonah Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I thought we both understood I was lying.
Andrew Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Can you fuck off? Can do, skipper.
Don't worry, Lee. You won't get pregnant. I'll pull out and cum on your back. Again, I thought we both understood I was lying.
He was lucky not to get dumped out of a pickup truck into a quarry.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch More of a sort of a Princess Diana thing. But classy.
Selina Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch It is literally the definition of retarded.
Jonah Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Why, is he retarded? No, but you might be.
Jonah Teddy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch No. My pediatrician ran the tests. Besides, if I was, you'd know. I'd have retard face or whatever.
Jonah Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy It's 'Fat Guy.' Hey, Mike, have you given any thought to that thing that we talked about?
Wendy Reaction Beat Character Comedy ★ Rewatch That's a busy beaver. Yes. Yes, indeed.
The current version only asks for donations and, for some reason, deletes your address book. Technically, it's more of a virus.
Kent Escalation Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch How the fuck did that happen? It's like 'Flowers for Algernon.' I understand that reference now. It's a book.
Selina Mike Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Um... mentally retarded? No, that-- that's wrong. I see where your head is at, though, and you are technically correct.
That's so gay. Oh, guys, come on. I didn't mean like gay gay or like 'This guy and his husband are gay.' I meant gay like, uh, mentally retarded.
Jonah Cringe/Discomfort Escalation She doesn't call that rape, by the way, that's just regular sex to her.
Sophie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Where is that Fatty McFatty hiding today? She aborted her unborn fetus.
I was an agricultural advisor. Nothing more.
Dan Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Well, I did think about this. I considered it, and I cried, and yeah, suck my cock, I even prayed a little, and here I am.
Amy Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch So you can back the fuck off, you hypocritical cunts, before I show up to the piss puddle that is your house and protest your husband whacking it to your daughter's seventh grade yearbook.
Amy Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Her records were sealed. She was 16. She accidentally hit him with her Volkswagen Cabriolet. She is an actual murderer?! Yes! Who drives an import!
Actually, he was decapitated.
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Escalation ★ Rewatch Guess your age? Guess your weight?
You got any of those darts they use on rampaging circus animals?
Amy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Is that the Berkeley VC-10? That's like the Shelby Cobra GT of vag-vacs.
Dan Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch What is up with the Clubfoot Cunt-tessa?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Yeah. Trying to screw me out of the presidency, then trying to actually screw me, then screwing me, then writing a book about screwing me. Also discussed it on television.
Selina Escalation Character Comedy Are you deaf? Did you not hear what he was saying? What is wrong with you? Are you fuckin' retarded?!
Jonah Escalation Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Mike McLintock has had enough!
Mike Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch you have to be more PC than a clit ring made out of wheatgrass.
Teddy Setup/Punchline Absurdist ★ Rewatch What the fuck? I gotta debate Dumbledong?
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy I'm sorry, you can't say that. I mean, only he can say that.
Jonah Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Say what, 'Niger'? It doesn't matter how you pronounce it, we now know that it is wrong.
Jonah Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch I think that the United States should send troops into countries like N-word, and I think it would be best if those troops were black.
So we're talking about, what, $6?
Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Get that Benedict Ronald McDonald on the phone right now.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dude, your mom's on the phone. She sounds pissed.
Ellen Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch is that she would like me to tell you that Senator Talbot here accidentally murdered her boyfriend in a reckless car accident when she was 16 years old. But you know what? I'm not gonna stoop to your level and say that, Selina.
Tom Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch My God! I have had it with this whimpering and whining from you and your generation! It's time for you to grow a pair and man the fuck up!
Selina Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch How about for once in your life you stop whining, you stop complaining, and just man up?
Selina Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback God bless America for hating woman almost as much as I do.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Feels like... someone shoved a red-hot pair of barbecue tongs up my joy trail.
Amy Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I'm gonna need that back when you're done, 'cause Leon will pay big bucks for it.
Sophie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch How would you like the chance to help lead a divisive, physically repugnant underdog to historic victory?
Teddy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I just found out from my stupid stepfather-- Father-in-law! From my stupid stepfather-in-law, that math was created by Muslims.
Jonah Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch You gonna make me say it? We got race in the race.
Unknown Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy