Little Sister

Moira frantically screaming about something crawling up her leg that turns out to be invisible

John's deadpan response: 'Oh, we don't have bed bugs' with complete certainty about their terrible accommodations

Moira's dramatic concern: 'I can't afford to burn all my clothes' - treating lice like a house fire

Dee Dee's surprise entrance after John's logical 'If we had lice, I'd have lice'

Dee Dee's immediate concern: 'Do you really have lice? I'd hate to contract lice'

Dee Dee's backhanded explanation: 'I really wanted to come visit when I heard about your life collapsing, but I got a really big job promotion that week'

Dee Dee's dig: 'Thank goodness for the Internet. Seemed to be the only thing letting me know you two were still alive'

Moira's sarcastic response: 'Telephone is also amazing. You just push the buttons and say, Hi, it's me, your deadbeat sister'

John's passive-aggressive introduction: 'Come say hi to your Aunt Dee Dee. Better hurry before she disappears for another decade'

Alexis's confused question: 'Why did I think that you were dead?'

David's memory: 'I think you crashed one of my pool parties with some guy you were calling Uncle Julio'

All right, you guys treat yourself, okay? Buy yourself something nice. - $100? - Oh, my God.

Dee Dee's accommodation explanation: 'I booked myself into a junior suite at the Comfort Inn in Elmdale... It doesn't have a gym and I'm kind of in the best shape of my life right now'

Okay, so you're saying that I would be as in shape as you are if I just fixed lights all day?

David calling Grant 'a big, fat liar' about his physique coming from handyman work

Grant's awkward exit: 'My head is all over the place. She keeps distracting me'

Stevie's observation: 'Wow. He is wearing a tight shirt'

David's sexually suggestive questions: 'So, is he gonna do some repairs on your... undies?'

David's awkward rambling: 'Do you. Do him. Do both. Do things. Yeah.'

David's bitter comment about 'infrequent benefits that our friendship has'

David's petty timing: 'Can we do that after you screw Mr Fix-it, or would you like to do it now?'

Twyla's casual mention: 'Your mom did the same thing to me this morning'

Twyla's father's backstory: 'My dad always said, When in doubt, say it with a song. He was a roadie with Fleetwood Mac and that was the last thing Mick Fleetwood said to him before the band hit him with a restraining order'

He was a roadie with Fleetwood Mac and that was the last thing Mick Fleetwood said to him before the band hit him with a restraining order.

David's oversharing: 'I tried it once and the guy ripped the guitar out of my hands and he just started smashing it on the ground. Granted, I am tone deaf and he was a super angry Marine'

Jocelyn's backhanded assessment: 'You strike me as the sort of person that had a hard time in high school'

Jocelyn's fashion critique: 'Your floral top, for instance'

David's self-aware response: 'The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you. A lot.'

I knew there was a good person in there somewhere, David.

Jocelyn's parting advice: 'Get the quilted, that other stuff will chafe you right up'

Alexis's story about Saudi prince relationship: 'three-month affair... but for the last two months I was trapped in his palace trying to get to an embassy'

Alexis's relationship wisdom: 'if my boyfriend ever described our relationship as fine, I think I would literally...'

Oh, give me a break. How did you find me?

Well, where else is there to go? And Johnny may have told me.

- Thank you? - Ugh. Too late.

Dee Dee's justification: 'considering you had over $500 million in the bank, I'm personally offended that I didn't get more'

Didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I forgot. - You don't have feelings.

Moira, the woman dates dive-bar owners, okay? Let her insult us.

John's pragmatic plea: 'That cheque could pay for fumigation. Better yet, we could move to a place that doesn't have bed bugs'

John's comparison: 'you spent more than that on wigs that year'

John's champagne fantasy: 'And then we can buy a case of champagne to wash it down with'

David's observation about Grant: 'Like one of those guys that has like a candy bowl of condoms on his bedside table'

Stevie's response: 'I hope so. Wonder what colour I'll get'

Three point five. I'm gonna leave you be because it's not every day you get to go on a date with a guy who owns a windowless van, so that...

Grant's awkward question: 'What're you doing? You checking out porn again?'

David's overly formal exit: 'Warmest regards to you both. Best wishes.'

Grant and Stevie's shared assessment: 'Such a weird dude. Yes. Yes, he is.'

Connor's brutal assessment of David: 'Look at you. Look at your pants.'

Connor's self-aware declaration: 'I'm a 16-year-old gay kid living in a town that makes me wanna throw up. The issue isn't me not fitting in. It's me not wanting to fit in.'

Dee Dee's pork obsession at dinner: 'The ribs, the chops, the roast... but I'm definitely ordering pork'

Dee Dee's manipulation: 'I'm just really uncomfortable right now with my older sister acting like a stubborn child'

Dee Dee's false modesty: 'I came here in the spirit of giving and forgiving. The gloating thing was a bonus.'

I came here in the spirit of giving and forgiving. The gloating thing was a bonus.

Dee Dee's power play: 'I'm gonna do this for you, but mostly, I'm doing it for me. Why? Because you can't and I can.'

Connor's relationship advice: 'Have you not seen the 42 films they've made about it? It never works.'

David's defensive response: 'movies aren't always right... I happen to be a little bit older than you are'

I have a party later. Can you buy me some beer? Uh, no. Can you buy me some beer?

Connor's party request: 'Can you buy me some beer?' and David's counter: 'Can you buy me some beer?'

David's confession: 'I actually hate music'

Grant's bathroom disappearance story

Stevie's alternative theory: 'or Grant has some serious digestive issues'

So this is it? After all that? And we paid for the dinner.

The check amount reveal - Dee Dee 'missed a zero' or two

She missed a zero. Moira, she missed a zero or two.

John's final assessment: 'Your sister is a cheap-ass'

Your sister is a cheap-ass.