Happy Anniversary

What would you like us to say? / Well, you could start by saying, 'Happy anniversary.'

Isn't that something that you two are supposed to say to each other?

If we're truth telling, the Bloomfields were always a little too friendly with one another.

I just don't understand what kind of family skinny dips together.

Congratulations on your ongoing love for one another. You did it!

You sound like the incestuous Bloomfields.

You wanna guess what your present is? / No, I do not. / Dinner!

That sounds too good to... what's the catch?

Yeah, we have a coupon. Four entrees for the price of three.

Boy, that was a close call.

Stevie Budd was voted: 'Most likely to get the guy.' With that hair cut?!

And girls, it seems.

What series? / Dateline. / I played a boy who got abducted from a grocery store.

People thought I actually was the 'Value-mart victim.'

Hmm, bet that got you laid. / It did. It really did.

Are you telepathic or something, because I have been thinking about asking you that question every day this week.

I was just kidding. / Oh... no yeah, me too.

Mutt's having a soiree? / Well, I'm sure you're invited. / Yeah, no. Yeah, no, why wouldn't I be?

I really would have to basically throw all my self-respect just right out the window. / Aww, that's so sweet.

Something more grand? / Ah, knowing your penchant for surprises, I'm guessing you have something else up your sleeve.

Sort of a 'Lady and the Tramp' meets '9 1/2 Weeks' kind of dinner date?

You always could swing a good table at the last minute, John.

Oh my God, the Roses! You're alive!

I wouldn't do that if I were you... Mutt made those ice cubes from well water, so... they smell a little fishy.

Oh, I wouldn't either, but I couldn't find a cocktail shaker, and someone brought room temperature vodka.

It's nice to meet you, handsome.

No, I've just never seen you this dressed up before. / I do what I want.

Having swam in both ponds, I can say that I might be able to navigate those waters a little bit better than you.

She's moved it to the front hall! / What?! / Grier wanted to hang her coat on the horns!

Don and Borden are on their hands and knees, crawling through the doggie door in the kitchen!

Because before you were saying that you didn't wanna go out tonight, so... / No, no, we-we uh... / You can certainly join us, if you don't have your own table.

The way he describes you, it's like you're this... Beautiful little poem.

Well, love 'little!'

Like, a really pretty poem, or like, a mermaid, or something.

It was so nice to finally meet you, Tallahassee, so... / It's ah, Tennessee. / Yes, Tennessee. I love that name, it's so unique. Um, thank God you look the way you do, because that name on the wrong girl would just... Ooh!

Oh, we're in a rustic, ranch style... Bungalow... that... It's very nice.

Very nice, it's got plenty of parking, and a TV in every room. / Oh, how many bedrooms? / Ten. Ten bedrooms!

That must be a nightmare to clean! / Um, Stevie does an adequate job. / Stevie's one of your staff? / Stevie's the only staff.

On our way here, we drove through a town... Not a word of a lie, called... 'Schittstown!' / Oh! No, it was called, 'Schittsville!' / And from the looks of it, the town was living up to its name!

What do you even call someone from Schittsville? A Schitter? A Schitthead?

And from the looks of it, the town was living up to its name!

Cool? Alexis... I couldn't stop crying. I was scaring all the animals at work.

When I had to go on our honeymoon without you, the zip line instructor at the Los Passions Couples Resort told me that I just gotta get through it.

Mmm! Hmm, I thought I was shame eating in private.

What is shame eating? / I don't think we have enough time for that tonight.

Who do you have to kill around here to get another bottle of this undrinkable wine? / I think it's good. / I ordered the one with the highest alcohol content.

Who do you have to kill around here to get another bottle of this undrinkable wine? I think it's good. I ordered the one with the highest alcohol content.

The joke is I'm sitting here in a half decent restaurant with my wife... and our friends... And all you two have done is complain about the food, and pretend that you didn't leave us high and dry after we lost everything.

Roland and Jocelyn here, could not have been more generous with what little they have. They found us a place to live, they've offered us their truck whenever we've needed it. They've invited us to their parties, they even offered to take us out to dinner tonight.

Well, just to be clear, Johnny, we were always gonna split the bill, it's just with the coupon...

And that town you passed through, it's not called Schittsville. It's called Schitt's Creek. And it's where we live.

Christie McFadden accidentally nailed her hand to her paper towel holder, so that's-the lesson is just not to nail stuff...

I'm a pretty open-minded guy. So... why don't you stop by the shop sometime?

Some townies were trying to get us high, and we didn't want to offend them, because they're doing so well in life.

Because we just necked out behind the barn. / Seriously, what makes you think that? / Because we put our mouths together, out behind the barn.

Just so you know, I kissed him too. / Well, that didn't happen. / Who's to say?

Did he invite you to his wood shop? / Sorry, that came out wrong.

Okay, this is not okay! What are you guys doing here?! / Shhh, Alexis! For once in your life Shhhh!

I don't care what snarky remarks you kids are gonna make under your breath, tonight we are dancing as a family.

Do you know your father and I hold great affection for the two of you? It may not always be obvious, but... Just say it, Moira! We love you both very much.