Michael is surprisingly cheerful after learning some bad news about Donna. The new parents, Pam and Jim, have trouble staying awake in the office. Meanwhile, Angela takes matters into her own hands when Dwight refuses to honor their contract.
WAR
86.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Whistleblower” ranks #150 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 84.4 — Elite. The episode packs 94 scored jokes at 4.0 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Michael landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Angela: Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. Old Mister Bernard / Who have you silenced today?
Angela Absurdist Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jo: Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
Jo Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: It has not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Jo · Michael: Good boy. You turning that money into more money? / Are you referring to alchemy?
Darryl · Nick · Michael: Hey, listen, man, you can't take it personally. / You call me 'man'? I just said my name, just now. Did you forget it already? / No, sport.
Standout Moments
Angela: Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. Old Mister Bernard / Who have you silenced today?
Angela Absurdist Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: It has not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.
Michael Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Jo: Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
Jo Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 94 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Michael: There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong, with any Sabre printers. Case closed.
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Packer: I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener.
Packer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Michael: Oh! Pac-Man, I thought you were a girl.
Michael Character Comedy Reaction Beat Michael: And then I call Froggy 98.7, their request line. I talked to the host about it on the air.
Michael · Oscar: I am officially the second most watched clip of the day on the WBRE news site. / What's number one? / Oh? That teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. / Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again.
Michael Oscar Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Jim · Michael: So, instead of working, you want... Yes. Okay. Yes.
Kelly · Erin: Oh! Did you see this report that the zoo got a baby otter? / Aw! It's kissing its mommy.
Michael: Really? A baby otter? Okay, count me in as 'Who cares?'
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Dwight: It can't even stand up. It's trying to stand up. / There he goes.
Michael · Office Staff: There he goes. [Long silence until 02:17]
Jo · Michael: Jo arrives unannounced at the Scranton branch.
Dwight · Angela: Put your hand up, Norma Rae. / If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.
Angela: Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money.
Angela Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Michael · Jo: There is no reason for anyone here to sign this because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like. / All that's just birthday information, Michael.
Jo: When Mama was working as a prison guard, and something went missing, she'd ask one question: 'What do we do when we find the guilty party?' And if they said, 'Come down on them with that swift hammer of justice,' innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy.
Jo Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jo: But if they said, 'Officer Bessie, well, they may have had a reason.' Blah, blah, blah, blah... Well, nine times out of 10, that's the anus they checked.
Jo Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Callback Michael · Jo: We should give them a one-way ticket to Montego Bay. Where they keep all the al-Qaeda. / Uh, that's Guantanamo Bay.
Michael: I want these people to really pay. I want them to suffer. / I'd prefer it if they died.
Dwight · IT Guy: Dwight, what the hell? Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell.
Dwight · Nick (IT guy): Dwight applies the 'Apache persuasion hold' on the IT guy to get access to his computer.
Kevin: No, that's cool. Sometimes I run. / I'm a runner.
Kevin Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Callback Angela: Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. / Everybody knows it was Andy, and it is not fair for us all to take the fall for his big, stupid mouth.
Angela Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: And like I'm going to believe one of his spurned lovers.
Dwight Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jo · Michael: Good boy. You turning that money into more money? / Are you referring to alchemy?
Michael · Jo: I'm not dumb, I'm smart. / Well, buy property. That's my advice.
Michael Jo Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Andy: I swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet.
Andy Character Comedy Absurdist Jo · Darryl: Did you tell anyone outside of this office that the printers were catching on fire? / Yeah, I did. / I was talking to this girl at a bar. I think she could sense my sadness. And I found out too late that she was a copyeditor at the Trib.
Michael · Jo: Was she cute? / No. Oh, God, Darryl.
Michael: And now he's probably going to get fired for it. And if that is not poetic justice, I don't know what is.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jo · Michael: Except this. / Wow. This is just a mystery novel that I've been working on. / I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter.
Jo · Michael: I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid? / I don't know... / The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself. Or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.
Michael: Write your own damn novel.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Pam: I'm talking to this woman at day care, she's telling me all about her amazing trip to Vietnam. I have nothing. I tell her our printers catch on fire spontaneously.
Pam Observational Character Comedy Jim: This is a very good idea. This is good. Let's get all the bad ideas out now. Flush them out.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Pam · Jim: My mind is going a mile an hour. / That fast?
Pam Jim Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Michael: I always thought Darryl and Pam might get me fired for something I said.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael · Jim: I weirdly know exactly what you're saying to me. So, I'll see you in Meredith's van in five minutes. / Okay, you didn't need to actually say that.
Jim · Darryl · Michael: I have never seen so many parking tickets. / All right, this is just messed up. / No, you know what's messed up? This situation all up in here is what's messed up.
Ryan · Michael: Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. / We're not going for yogurt.
Ryan · Michael: Guys, I couldn't help it. It is so boring where we work. I mean, it's as interesting as a morgue. / It might be less interesting than a morgue. / Hey, hey, it's as interesting as a morgue.
Ryan: I can't control what I say to people. I spend the whole day talking. I mean, I video chat, I skype, I text, I tweet, I phone, I woof. / Woof is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking.
Ryan Character Comedy Absurdist Ryan · Erin: For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals, so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. But look, why tell you, when I can show you? I just sent myself a woof. / Ryan, you have a woof on line one. / Thank you, Erin. / Woof!
Ryan Erin Absurdist Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Ryan · Pam · Ryan: Okay, here's what we do. I say we just smash all the computers. We destroy the evidence. No evidence, no case. / Wouldn't we get fired for smashing all the computers? / No, okay, not all the computers. Just our computers.
Ryan · Darryl: Mike, you know you don't have to turn us all in. All you need is one scapegoat. / Uh, if you turn me in, I'm turning in Darryl. / That's just what we need, another black man in prison, you know?
Ryan: If you turn me in, I'm turning in Darryl. That's just what we need, another black man in prison, you know?
Ryan Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Michael · Jo: Let me give you a hand. Ready? On three. / Oh, shoot.
Dwight · Jo: The property you're looking at is in great shape. By the way, it has a very spacious basement office. / Basement office? You mean like a lair?
Michael: I was up all lunch thinking about what we should do to this individual. You know what I think we should do? We make them come to work. And we work them, and we make them sit next to all the people they screwed over. And we pay them, but we make them feel like they did something really wrong.
Michael Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Michael: The one question I have is, 'Do we give them a Christmas bonus?' I say yes, it's Christmas, but right after, they're back into the thick of it.
Michael Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jo · Michael: Michael Scott. / What? / It doesn't matter what I know. / If it doesn't matter, then tell me.
Jo Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Michael: Are you gonna kill me?
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Michael: Are you gonna kill me?
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jo · Michael · Dwight: I just need you to come by later and sign a few forms. / Okay. What time works for you? / Mr. Schrute? What time works?
Jo: Cancel it. I want you to make an offer at 1725 Slough Avenue. Make them an offer they can't refuse. No, on second thought, lowball them.
Jo Misdirection Character Comedy Michael: With the chief of police.
Michael Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jo: I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you.
Jo Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Jo: What a rich timbre your voice has.
Jo Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight · Andy: Okay, I am prepared to conclude the investigation. / And? / You did it. / What? Based on what? / Just all the evidence. And it really seems like it was you.
Dwight: Can we all agree to say that it was Andy for now and sit with it, see how it feels?
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist Oscar · Jim: Yeah, you know? I mean, for all we know, it could have been Jim. / Really?
Jo: I bought a video camera last year and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only, like, 12 minutes that I felt was worth taping. The whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex.
Jo Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Michael: And I miss Holly.
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Michael · Jo: And I miss Holly. Who's Holly? Holly Flax. From the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen.
Michael Jo Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Michael: I may have heard from an old client and I may have immediately started spreading the news to other clients and potential clients, yeah. But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about Suck It.
Michael Character Comedy Misdirection Gabe · Michael: Gabe, I told you all about the printers. / I mean, it could be you, Gabe. / Yes, it's totally obvious. I mean, that's the point. / I think we all can agree it's either Gabe or Angela. / It's Angela. Get her, boys.
Michael: It's Angela. Get her, boys.
Nick (IT guy): Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. Through Teach For America, I'm going to go down to Detroit and teach inner-city kids about computers.
Michael · Phyllis · Nick: Phyllis, what's this guy's name again? / I don't know. Is it Shadow or Garth? It's something weird, I... / My name is Nick.
Michael · Nick: Okay, well, 'Nick,' we're in a meeting. / Okay, look, I get it, people. I'm the lame IT guy and everybody hates me.
Darryl · Nick · Michael: Hey, listen, man, you can't take it personally. / You call me 'man'? I just said my name, just now. Did you forget it already? / No, sport.
Nick · Michael: You guys have 15 parties a week. You can't learn my name? / Hey, hey, hey, IT guy. Here's the story, champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? We liked the last guy, Sadiq, because he kept to himself. And we also thought he might have been a terrorist.
Nick Michael Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Michael: Here's the story, champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? We liked the last guy, Sadiq, because he kept to himself. And we also thought he might have been a terrorist.
Michael Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Nick: You know what? I'm going to leave you with one other thought. Inner-city kids use computers for two things, games and porn. So, good luck wasting your life, Lurch.
Nick Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Michael: Thank you so much for that.
Michael Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Callback Nick: I saw all of your hard drives. And guess what? You're not a photographer. And you definitely can't fit into a size two.
Nick Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Nick: Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. Why have you been telling people you're not on Facebook? People want to be your friend, man.
Nick Character Comedy Observational Nick · Andy: And you... This guy. You're the one who told the press. You wrote an e-mail to the editor. I saw it and I also saw a Quicktime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch.
Jo: When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there. And they'd make a Barbie out of me.
Jo Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Jo: When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there. And they'd make a Barbie out of me.
Jo Character Comedy Observational Michael · Jo: Well, you know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you. / Oh, honey, surely you don't want that. / I surely do, and don't call me honey.
Michael Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Jo: I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston. / Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you.
Dwight Jo Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight · Jo: I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston. / Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you.
Dwight Jo Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Dwight · Jo: Enjoy that chair for now. 'Cause pretty soon you will be on your feet. / Like Buckingham Palace.
Andy · Phyllis: Hey, Phyllis, have you seen my bag? / You deserve it.
Andy · Darryl: Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down and children to die. / Does that make me a hero? / No, it does not. / Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either. / It does!
Andy Darryl Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Escalation Michael: Andy? Hey. I wanted to say that I think it was very brave of you to go to the press.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Pam · Andy: Andy? Hey. I wanted to say that I think it was very brave of you to go to the press. / Thanks. Yeah, you know. Just seemed like the right thing to do.
Pam Andy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Michael: 'We at Sabre have betrayed the trust that we have built with our customers... There will be no questions.' Are there any questions?
Michael Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Michael Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Michael · Jo: Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua. / Let me see what I can do.
Michael Jo Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Office
