Jo Bennett

Jo:Jo introduces herself: 'That's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the Mrs. just to piss off the new wife.'

Jo · Michael:Jo's dogs go for Michael's crotch. Michael says 'They love a good crotch,' and Jo deadpans 'You should take that as a compliment.'

Dwight · Jo:Dwight stays seated when Jo enters the room. When challenged, he says: 'I am treating you the same as a man for whom I would also not stand, unless it was the president or Judge Judy.'

Jo:Jo calls Jim a 'tall drink of sun tea' upon meeting him.

Jo:Jo looks at Michael and Jim standing together and says 'Two guys doing one job? We gotta do something about that.'

Jo · Michael · Jim:Jo tells Michael and Jim they look good standing next to each other: 'You're tall and thin, and you're solid and dark.'

Jo · Jim · Michael:Jo: 'You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly 'cause gravy ain't sweet. Is it, Jim?' Jim: 'I don't think so.' Jo: 'Michael?' Michael: 'Forget the question.'

Jo:Jo's self-introduction monologue: breast cancer survivor, friends with Nancy Pelosi, 'Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys,' Miss Mott's Applesauce of 1966, Miss Peach Cobbler of 1967, Miss Mott's Applesauce in 1968.

Jo:Jo to the sales team: 'Just choosin' seats, not gettin' married. Chop-chop, little onion.'

Jo:Jo tells the story of walking into a Kodak boardroom wearing 'nothing but a pair of spike heels, a lace push-up bra, and matching lace panties' and saying 'Gentlemen, if this is all you see, then take a good look.'

Michael · Jo:Jo: 'That's setting the bar a little low, isn't it?' Michael: 'The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.'

Jo · Kevin:Jo tells the staff: 'I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin, right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? Some company we never heard of from down in Tallahassee? I mean, where is that? Near Mars?' Kevin responds: 'No, we know. Texas.'

Jo:Jo explaining why Gabe is there: 'I barely know my own Cadillac. And you know, sometimes I go in reverse when I wanna go forwards. I nearly killed a bunch of preschoolers. That's why Gabe is here.'

Jo:Jo overhears Michael and Jim and says: 'You two are grown-ass men. What do I have to do, fire you and get two people in here who don't need so much management?'

Jo:Jo: 'You two are grown-ass men. What do I have to do, fire you and get two people in here who don't need so much management?'

Jo:Jo hands dog leashes to Jim and Michael: 'Finish walking my dogs for me. And don't ride 'em. A lot of people try to ride 'em.'

Michael · Jo · Jim:Michael puts on bossa nova music in his office and does a little celebratory dance. Jo watches through the glass window, then says to Jim: 'He looks happy.' Jim: 'Yep.'

Jo:My dogs love peein' in that snow. Makes me think they're on to somethin'.

Michael · Jo:A lump of coal as a going-away gift — 'Buildings here in Scranton are literally powered by coal.'

Erin · Jo:I just have a little indigestion. In your nose. Yes.

Jo:Jo inviting audience input, then addressing Oscar as 'Oscar, homosexual accountant.'

Jo:I am so proud of Sabre's 'Print in All Colors' initiative. Any Sabre employee of color is welcome to apply.

Jo:Darryl. Mellow, soulful, smart for warehouse.

Jo · Darryl:We are going to tape that up on the refrigerator in the kitchen. / Maybe you should be doing your sketchin' upstairs.

Michael · Jo:Michael revealing he has already bought a plane ticket to visit Jo in Florida without telling her

Jo · Michael:Knock once for yes, twice for no. How many knocks does it take to get you to do some work?

Jo · Michael:Jo tries to take Michael to lunch; he resists; she insists 'No is not an option'; he says 'Yes, it is.'

Jo · Erin:Erin delivering a fax while visibly sick; Jo noticing and sending her home — 'These dogs have gotta be in a commercial with Dwight Howard next week.'

Jo · Michael:Jo sending Erin home, then Michael barges in with 'new leads' while also visibly sick. 'You'd probably feel better once you get some pants on.'

Jo · Jim:Jo guilt-tripping Jim into staying late: 'If you can put your name on this day and be proud of the amount of work you've done, then by all means, you should toodle on home.'

Jo:You don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slackin' off. You do it by workin' hard. Or marryin' rich. And I did both.

Jim · Jo:Jim calling Jo to get permission for a fake 7:30 PM meeting. 'It's so weird, 'cause we never have meetings after 5:00 PM. But I was hoping maybe just this once it would be okay.'

Michael · Jo:Michael calling Jo 'puddin'' and framing dismissing employees as his personal initiative: 'I have decided I am going to dismiss my employees. I'm thrilled with the work they've done today.'

Jo · Michael:Jo arrives unannounced at the Scranton branch.

Michael · Jo:There is no reason for anyone here to sign this because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like. / All that's just birthday information, Michael.

Jo:When Mama was working as a prison guard, and something went missing, she'd ask one question: 'What do we do when we find the guilty party?' And if they said, 'Come down on them with that swift hammer of justice,' innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy.

Jo:But if they said, 'Officer Bessie, well, they may have had a reason.' Blah, blah, blah, blah... Well, nine times out of 10, that's the anus they checked.

Michael · Jo:We should give them a one-way ticket to Montego Bay. Where they keep all the al-Qaeda. / Uh, that's Guantanamo Bay.

Jo · Michael:Good boy. You turning that money into more money? / Are you referring to alchemy?

Michael · Jo:I'm not dumb, I'm smart. / Well, buy property. That's my advice.

Jo · Darryl:Did you tell anyone outside of this office that the printers were catching on fire? / Yeah, I did. / I was talking to this girl at a bar. I think she could sense my sadness. And I found out too late that she was a copyeditor at the Trib.

Michael · Jo:Was she cute? / No. Oh, God, Darryl.

Jo · Michael:Except this. / Wow. This is just a mystery novel that I've been working on. / I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter.

Jo · Michael:I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid? / I don't know... / The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself. Or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.

Michael · Jo:Let me give you a hand. Ready? On three. / Oh, shoot.

Dwight · Jo:The property you're looking at is in great shape. By the way, it has a very spacious basement office. / Basement office? You mean like a lair?

Jo · Michael:Michael Scott. / What? / It doesn't matter what I know. / If it doesn't matter, then tell me.

Jo · Michael · Dwight:I just need you to come by later and sign a few forms. / Okay. What time works for you? / Mr. Schrute? What time works?

Jo:Cancel it. I want you to make an offer at 1725 Slough Avenue. Make them an offer they can't refuse. No, on second thought, lowball them.

Jo:I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you.

Jo:What a rich timbre your voice has.

Jo:I bought a video camera last year and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only, like, 12 minutes that I felt was worth taping. The whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex.

Michael · Jo:And I miss Holly. Who's Holly? Holly Flax. From the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen.

Jo:When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there. And they'd make a Barbie out of me.

Jo:When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there. And they'd make a Barbie out of me.

Jo:Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.

Michael · Jo:Well, you know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you. / Oh, honey, surely you don't want that. / I surely do, and don't call me honey.

Dwight · Jo:I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston. / Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you.

Dwight · Jo:I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston. / Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you.

Dwight · Jo:Enjoy that chair for now. 'Cause pretty soon you will be on your feet. / Like Buckingham Palace.

Michael · Jo:Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua. / Let me see what I can do.

Jo · Deangelo:Jo's call: 'We're in serious horse manure here. The Dundies are tonight, and we ain't got no host.' / 'Billy Crystal? Better. Neil Patrick Harris? He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway.'

Jo · Deangelo:Jo's phone call sets up a fake dramatic scenario where Deangelo must 'find Michael Scott' — played as an action-movie mission — even though Michael is presumably right there at the Dundies

Jo · Dwight:What the fuck is that? / Oh, my...

Jo:Cornelius, Bobo, have at it. Nobody let my dogs hump each other. They don't seem to know they're brothers.

Jo · Jim:Jim Halpert — the only man that ever turned me down. / Well, I don't know about that. Just wasn't for me.

Kevin · Dwight · Jo:Gimme a back massage. No, Kevin, come on. / My back is sore, Dwight. Massage it. / Kevin, not now. / Hey, Jo... [Kevin escalates to rope in Jo during a meeting]

Kevin · Dwight · Jo:No. Under the jacket. / You're kidding me. / Oh... God, what am I touching? It's moist. / I don't feel anything. / Oh, it's so wet. / Push harder, Dwight. / I can't push harder! / Go a little higher. / There. / There you go. Nope. Higher. / Higher. / Oh, my God! / There we go. / Knead it like a pizza. / I'm kneading it! / But don't eat it.

Dwight · Jo:But if you think that extortion is worse — / Shooting is worse! / Are you kiddin' me? It's not even in the same — / You shot a gun? What is wrong with you?

Dwight · Jo:It was a Beaumont-Adams, if that helps. / Beaumont-Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.

Dwight · Jo:I take full responsibility. / Who else would be responsible? / Pam made me put a banana in my holster.

Dwight · Jo:Do I regret the decision that I made? Yes. / Stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.

Jo:I love you, Dwight. But you don't fit this job.

Jo:Now I gotta find a replacement for my replacement.

Jim · Jo · Creed:Uh, well, we probably don't wanna go just on seniority. Who is it? [Jo reveals it's Creed]

Jo:Jo's phone call: someone has called to tell her they're 'going out of business.' Jo handles it matter-of-factly: 'Saving face. Yep, yep. I understand that. Basically everything's falling apart here.'

Jo · Jim:The 'spot the differences' photo task: 'They're the same picture.'

Jo:Jo tells the story of her courtship with Bob: 'I waited in his office every morning wearing nothing but kitty cat ears. I did that every day for two weeks. And on the tenth day, he walked in, he was naked too, except a dog nose.'

Gabe · Jo:Gabe ambushes Jim and tries to submit his resume via text, one line at a time. Jo: 'He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me 10 cents apiece, you jackass. I'm roaming!'

Jo · Darryl:Jo reviews Darryl's resume: 'Is this the same Darryl Philbin who's had two jobs in 10 years at one company?' / Darryl: 'Yes, thanks to you who promoted me after we, uh, interfaced.'

Jo · Darryl · Dwight:'Coordinated and implemented receipt, storage, and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory.' / '2.5 billion, Darryl?' / 'Paper material, ma'am.' / 'Pieces of paper.' / 'Jo, may I speak to you for a second?' / 'Or what? You gonna shoot me?'

Unknown Staffer · Jo:Jo is told there's one more candidate: 'He's a burn victim. He's all messed up. I can tell him to get lost if you want.'

Dwight (as Jacques) · Jo · Jim:Dwight enters in disguise as 'Jacques Souvenier,' and an argument unfolds about whether his title was 'Assistant Regional Manager' or 'Assistant to the Regional Manager.'

Dwight · Jo · Jim:Dwight is unmasked: 'It's me. I'm Dwight.' — followed by Jo calling him 'Very unprofessional, Jacques.'

Jo · Jim:Jo discusses a candidate who kept asking about the Finger Lakes: 'Every five minutes he was like, Hey, just making sure the Finger Lakes thing is clear.'

Jo · Dwight · Gabe:Jo catches Dwight's bias about the Cornell candidate: 'So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you.' / Dwight: 'Oh, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. Some people let personal things into the work...' / Jo: 'Is she with him?'

Jo · Gabe:Jo tells Gabe he's being sent back to Florida: 'Let's get you back to Florida. We'll figure out something for you.' Gabe: 'That sounds like a promotion.' Jo: 'It's not.'

Jo · Jim:Jo: 'Let's get Kelly in here to take his place. Why Kelly? 'Cause Gabe's tall and weak. She's short and strong. I'm doing an opposites thing.'