Search Committee

Unknown:All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline and emergency radio in case he wakes up post-apocalypse.

Unknown:Nope. Baskets have it.

Jim:So as it turns out, unless you're a young child, or a prison inmate, you don't need anyone supervising you.

Jim:Must be because the stakes are so high.

Jo · Dwight:Dwight Schrute. Yes, I would. DWIGHT: Thank you. Jordan, gather my things from my desk.

Jim:Wait.

Jim:What have you done?

Dwight:You'd slow me down.

Jim:No, a week. Just feels like three months.

Jim:Let's see. We all have to punch into a time clock, which is very old, very strong, and has the slot about the size of a finger.

Jim:We were all given new business cards, big enough to set us apart from the competition. Which is how I learned that our titles are all now junior employee.

Jim:Mine's at 10:30 and I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours.

Everyone:ALL: I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Dwight:Your copier code is a distinct 21-digit number that is unique to you and you only, okay? Don't share it.

Jim:Question. If we've already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in?

Jim · Dwight:Define 'foment.' You define 'foment.'

Dwight · Jim:Ah-ha! Oh, my God! What is wrong with you? Got you!

Unknown:It's none of your business, actually. It's very medical and personal.

Dwight:You stop me when I reach the diseased area.

Andy · Erin:In fairness, Darryl did tell me that joke, so... Oh! Darryl's funny.

Gabe · Andy:Andy, do you like being alone with me right now? No, this is horrifying.

Gabe:No, I don't like being alone with me, either. Okay?

Gabe:No, just give me a second. I don't want anyone to know I've been crying.

Kevin:Like the French Revolution or The Black Panthers or communism.

Kevin:God, I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion.

Kevin:Unfortunately, it's a bad day, what with Operation Overthrow and everything.

Kevin:You're gonna love it. It's Beyonce falling with a fart mixed in.

Creed:I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life.

Unknown:Acting manager.

Multiple:You mean the frozen mice for the piranha? No, the blueberry slurpy pouch. Hmm. He means the ice pack.

Gabe:I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. I sure as hell don't believe in God.

Gabe:Or it could be. It's possible that that is exactly what God is.

Erin · Unknown:Do we not have voicemail? Dwight doesn't trust robots to give us our messages.

Erin:but it was a challenge being touched by him.

Jim:Wow, you've really embraced the whole Bond villain aesthetic.

Dwight:The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein's desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek.

Jim:I promised other people that I'd be on my worst behavior. And I gave them my word, so...

Dwight · Jim:Don't make me pre-fire you. You wouldn't dare. Watch this. You're pre-fired. And when I'm promoted, you'll be full-fired.

Dwight:And if you haven't fallen in love with me by then.

Jim:But I always say, 'It's better to be pre-pre-pre-prepared.'

Dwight:As your pale skin and severe bone structure imply, you'll age swiftly and poorly.

Dwight:What a day. What a day.

Dwight:I don't know. I guess he's saying that he's proud of me.

Dwight:Why do you need to keep wearing those booby shirts all the time?

Dwight · Unknown:Why would I put a banana in my holster? In case you weren't hungry now, but you got hungry later.

Unknown:There is a hardwood floor underneath this carpeting. Why would they do that?

Oscar:No, that's not true. Actually, we heard a loud noise, later a hole was seen. No one saw the bullet leave the gun.

Unknown:Everybody, Oscar found a reason to look on WebMD.

Gabe:No! We really shouldn't be without a receptionist. Now more than ever.

Dwight:Yee-haw! Woo-hoo! Howdy, partners. It's me, Gun Safety Dwight.

Dwight:I can't do this.

Dwight · Unknown:What hand was I holding the gun in? What did Andy's tie look like? Navy blue, little red anchors. I have no way of knowing if that's true.

Dwight:Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life. And if you ruin this, I will burn this office to the ground.

Dwight:I love you guys, but don't cross me, but you're the best.

Darryl:I don't feel good about it, but he just kept calling himself a gunshot victim, and it got to me.

Andy:? Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree? ?

Multiple:Put everything back in the vending machine, except the fruit.

Jim · Dwight:And when I cough, can you do jazz hands? What's jazz hands? Fine.

Jo:Just like a man, wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on.

Gabe:Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin about our conversation earlier when you said you would never want to date her again?

Andy:You were in hysterics and my maternal instincts kicked in.

Andy:That is between me and my diary.

Kevin · Dwight:KEVIN: I don't feel anything. DWIGHT: It's wet. Push harder, Dwight. I can't. I can't push harder.

Kevin:But don't eat it.

Jo:You've got to admit it, it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel?

Jo:Beaumont Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.

Jo:Stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.

Jim:But I will say, in your one week, every single one of the orders went out on time and I think that is shagadelic, baby.

Unknown · Creed:Could you turn the volume down on the beeping? Shut up, Oscar.

Unknown:I hit three, I hit three instead. God!