Search Committee

Creed:Creed's opening monologue: 'Or as I like to call it, Great Bratton. Keep it running.'

Creed:Creed renames Dunder Mifflin 'Great Bratton' and says 'Keep it running' as if he's been secretly running a shadow company

Creed:Creed's confessional list: 'Do I love being manager? I love my kids. I love real estate. I love ceramics. I love my job. I love wrestling. Find out what language this is.'

Creed:Creed assigns Phyllis to both teams simultaneously in his 'team building' exercise.

Creed · Kevin:'Boboddy. Boboddy. What does the first B stand for?' — Creed has invented a person named Boboddy and is making an acronym from it.

Interview Candidate (unnamed) · Jim · Toby:Job candidate claims to have a three-step plan that could double profits, then refuses to reveal it: 'Nice try.'

Interview Candidate (unnamed) · Jim · Toby:Candidate agrees to share 'part three of part two' of his plan, then reveals: 'Color-code said documents. T.M.'

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'I'm really excited to spend a lot of time with Toby and Gabe.'

Jim:'Did you know that Gabe's last name was Lewis? I had no idea.'

Darryl:Darryl's talking head about his advantages for the manager job, listing credentials, then ending with a beat: '...And it doesn't hurt that I'm [pause] black!'

Andy:Andy's talking head: 'In my family, you don't really go out and get things. If you want something, you write it on a list and then the housekeeper goes out and gets it on Wednesdays and Fridays.'

Andy:'So, I don't know. I guess you could say this job is on my list and we'll see what Rosa comes back with.'

Creed · Phyllis:Creed and Phyllis discuss whether Phyllis might be Erin's biological mother, connecting it to the release of Porky's.

Ryan:'Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.'

Interview Candidate (unnamed) · Jim · Toby:Interview candidate haggles over mileage reimbursement (25 cents vs. 27 cents), then pivots to asking if long-distance calls will be monitored.

Angela:Angela's talking-head about the Senator's lunch invitation: 'The Botanical Gardens, Scranton's hidden gem. Don't eat any berries you don't recognize.'

Interview Candidate (D.D. / Robert California type):D.D. (Robert California-type candidate) delivers his sales philosophy: 'I sit across from a man, I see his face, I see his eyes... There is no such thing as a product... There is only sex. Everything is sex.'

Interview Candidate (D.D.) · Jim:The 'steamroller' monologue: candidate asks if Jim feels heard, then declares 'That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is that it is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object whether it will be flattened or not.'

Jim:Jim's camera look/talking head after the D.D. interview: 'He creeps me out. But I think he might be a genius.'

Candidate (milk guy):'Think about it. What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal? I mean, you don't see a bear drinking raccoon milk.'

Darryl · Jim · Toby:Darryl's interview awkwardness: candidate is already talking casually ('I think we make a good fit') before the interview has started, then claims it was 'a little joke' when corrected.

Darryl · Jim · Toby:Darryl uses a warehouse fight as a teaching moment about 'actions and consequences of actions' — an extremely long, uncomfortable pause follows.

Kelly · Jim · Toby:'So I think all we need is a resume and we'll be good, right?' / 'I just thought you knew me.' — Kelly doesn't have a resume.

Jim · Candidate (unidentified):Candidate shows up without a resume: 'I just thought you knew me.' Jim has to walk him through what a resume looks like.

Interview Candidate (exterior):Candidate (exterior interview) trashes Dunder Mifflin immediately after exiting: 'Those people seem like they're in prison waiting out life sentences in a dying industry.'

Jim:Jim's talking head: 'I don't know if I want this job... 25 years are gonna go by and I'm gonna die here.'

Interview Candidate (D.D.) · Jim:The D.D. candidate turns Jim's question about confidence into a power struggle: 'Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you? Do you feel heard right now, Jim?'

Robert California · Candidate (Finger Lakes guy):Robert California and the Finger Lakes candidate's philosophical standoff: 'Stop trying to figure me out.' / 'I just did.' / 'You can't.' / 'It's done.'

Jim · Interview Candidate:'Do you even know anything about paper? How it's made?' / 'I saw an episode on how they make paper on Sesame Street.' / 'Get out.'

Dwight:Dwight's speech: 'I'm gonna prevent inferior men from sullying my place of work with their weak, passionless leadership. Do you see my hat? No? That's because I just threw it in the ring.'

Interview Candidate:Candidate wants relocation money even though he already lives in Scranton — 'I'd wanna move further away. Just don't want any chance of running into my coworkers outside the office.'

Interview Candidate:'I'm leaving my other job because they were all jerks... You had your jerk-wads and your jerk-offs, so just between the wads and the offs, I just thought I gotta get out of here.'

Interview Candidate:The same candidate immediately reverses his opinion of Dunder Mifflin: 'Why did I believe that weirdo in the lobby? These are the nicest people I ever met.'

Angela · Pam · Oscar:Angela shows off her engagement ring: 'It's a little flashy. I mean, what am I, Naomi Judd?'

Meredith · Pam · Office Women:'Tell us the freaking story!' — group reaction to Angela's engagement.

Angela:Angela describes the proposal: 'Then he put this flower behind my ear, which normally I would hate, 'cause it's so civil rights-y.'

Angela · Pam:Angela: 'Will you be a senator's wife?' — The Senator proposed in the third person.

Angela · Pam:Angela defends the Senator's formality by mocking Jim and Pam's proposal: 'Hey, Pam, dude, whatever. Wanna marry me?'

Pam:Pam's reaction: 'That's not accurate.'

Andy · Kevin · Jim:Andy's pre-interview pep talk: he asks his friends what they need to tell him. Kevin says 'I think Andy should be the boss. He's just so great.' Jim says 'If I'm being objective, then Darryl, of course.'

Andy · Toby · Jim:Andy's interview: 'I really think we can streamline communication around here.' / Toby: 'Whoa. That's a very heavy accusation to level against Toby.'

Andy · Jim · Toby:Andy says he'd 'streamline communication,' and Jim and Toby immediately interpret this as an accusation against Toby's HR department.

Toby:Toby's talking head about Andy: 'Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat and I think he's responsible for the demise of my relationship with Erin.' / 'Professionally...' [long pause, nothing follows]

Jim · Toby · Andy:Andy is asked how many windows are in New York City, pivoting to 'How far away is the sun?' Andy answers both seriously.

Gabe:Gabe's talking head: 'I am unhappy with the confusing and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. I wanted it to go better. I wanted it to go better!'

Interview Candidate:Candidate references Microsoft's Clippy: 'Yes, there used to be a paper clip that would pop up... I believe his name was Clippy.'

Jo:Jo's phone call: someone has called to tell her they're 'going out of business.' Jo handles it matter-of-factly: 'Saving face. Yep, yep. I understand that. Basically everything's falling apart here.'

Jo · Jim:The 'spot the differences' photo task: 'They're the same picture.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's self-interview: 'Your department's just you, right?' / 'Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.'

Jim · Dwight:Dwight demands an interview and is turned down. Jo tells him: 'The whole point of this search committee process is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's daughter name joke: 'How's the family? Good? Are they good? What's your daughter's name again? Pee Pee?' / Jim: 'Peepa.' / Dwight: 'Peepa. How is she? Great. Great! Oh, that's great.'

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's bribe offer: 'You roll in at 10:00 a.m. to your own private reserved parking spot, pick up your daily free coffee from Dwight's Caffeine Corner, unlimited sex breaks for you and Pam. Erin will eat garbage for your entertainment.'

Dwight:Dwight's closing argument: 'The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.'

Oscar · Pam:Oscar discussing whether the Senator is gay: 'The windowless building by the Baskin Robbins. What? Forget it. I'm never gonna know what goes on there.'

Pam · Oscar:'You're in the gay mafia.' Oscar: 'You're thinking of another group, much wealthier, much older.'

Pam:Pam: 'How do I know that Robert is gay? He liked my Facebook photos at 3:00 in the morning.'

David Brent:David Brent's video CV: 'Name: David Brent. Occupation: Inspirer. Status: None of your business. Young, free and single, though. Thanks for asking.'

David Brent:David Brent: 'Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, under-encouraged drones what to do every day. Is that it? Oh. Our out-of-touch powers that be. Want me to fire them? They don't see things your way? Then I ain't that dude.'

Jo:Jo tells the story of her courtship with Bob: 'I waited in his office every morning wearing nothing but kitty cat ears. I did that every day for two weeks. And on the tenth day, he walked in, he was naked too, except a dog nose.'

Jim · Darryl:Darryl is told that the other candidate is 'an amazing man. He's a Rhodes Scholar. He invented an app that invents apps. Fantastic kisser.'

Interview Candidate (utopian):Anonymous candidate interview: 'First I'll take down the cubicle walls... Symbol of transparency. There'd be no titles. Everyone has the same job. Same goes for me. I'll take your job, but I'd reject the title.'

Interview Candidate (utopian):Same candidate completely reverses: 'Scratch everything from before. I'll tell you what I'd do. Go the other way. More cubicles. More division. Everyone is somebody's boss... and once a month, the lowest-performing person... Bye-bye.'

Interview Candidate (utopian):Same candidate pivots again to 'Zen office': no desks, everyone sits on the floor, a Thai woman named Saki administers massages. 'You are cracking to go.'

Stanley:Stanley's ultimatum: 'According to my doctor, I don't have another 15 years if I wanna keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle, which I intend to.'

Stanley:Stanley: 'You pick a crappy boss, you're responsible for my crappy life.'

Stanley:'Take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels, James.'

Gabe · Jo:Gabe ambushes Jim and tries to submit his resume via text, one line at a time. Jo: 'He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me 10 cents apiece, you jackass. I'm roaming!'

Jo · Darryl:Jo reviews Darryl's resume: 'Is this the same Darryl Philbin who's had two jobs in 10 years at one company?' / Darryl: 'Yes, thanks to you who promoted me after we, uh, interfaced.'

Jo · Darryl · Dwight:'Coordinated and implemented receipt, storage, and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory.' / '2.5 billion, Darryl?' / 'Paper material, ma'am.' / 'Pieces of paper.' / 'Jo, may I speak to you for a second?' / 'Or what? You gonna shoot me?'

Creed:Creed uses the 'client call' to poach his own coworkers for his competing paper company: 'FYI, I'm starting my own paper company. Looking to poach some chumps. You in?' / 'Yes.' / 'Cool! Let's keep this on the Q.T., okay? I don't want you to be a dead mamma jamma.'

Unknown Staffer · Jo:Jo is told there's one more candidate: 'He's a burn victim. He's all messed up. I can tell him to get lost if you want.'

Dwight (as Jacques) · Jo · Jim:Dwight enters in disguise as 'Jacques Souvenier,' and an argument unfolds about whether his title was 'Assistant Regional Manager' or 'Assistant to the Regional Manager.'

Dwight · Jo · Jim:Dwight is unmasked: 'It's me. I'm Dwight.' — followed by Jo calling him 'Very unprofessional, Jacques.'

Jo · Jim:Jo discusses a candidate who kept asking about the Finger Lakes: 'Every five minutes he was like, Hey, just making sure the Finger Lakes thing is clear.'

Jim:Jim's assessment of Ryan for the manager role: 'Sales ability, none. Integrity? See sales ability.'

Jo · Dwight · Gabe:Jo catches Dwight's bias about the Cornell candidate: 'So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you.' / Dwight: 'Oh, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. Some people let personal things into the work...' / Jo: 'Is she with him?'

Jo · Gabe:Jo tells Gabe he's being sent back to Florida: 'Let's get you back to Florida. We'll figure out something for you.' Gabe: 'That sounds like a promotion.' Jo: 'It's not.'

Jo · Jim:Jo: 'Let's get Kelly in here to take his place. Why Kelly? 'Cause Gabe's tall and weak. She's short and strong. I'm doing an opposites thing.'

Erin · Andy:Erin has been turned into a puppet: 'I've been turned into a puppet. Okay. Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet. Who are you? I went to drop off the FedEx forms, and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet!'

Kevin:Kevin's commentary on the alphabet puppet show: 'It's good. It's just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. Not for me, but if any kids are watching. A, B... And so forth. M, N, L, O, P. F.'

Erin · Kevin:The puppet's request: 'I need the most special thing in the office. Silence?' / Puppet: 'A date with the best salesman, Andy Bernard!'

Andy:Andy's confessional about not having 'the feeling' for Erin: 'Aren't there some things that you really want to like but you just can't seem to like it? Like Mad Men or football.'

Angela:Angela invites the office to her wedding: 'We wanna keep it to 350.' / 'I mean, we just have to see how many senators and members of Congress want to attend before we can open it up to regular people.'

Angela · Pam:Angela dismisses Pam's Niagara Falls wedding as 'ironic': 'Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding? Do you still have the plans for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford?' / 'That was our dream wedding.' / 'Niagara Falls? Pregnant? That was your dream?'

Dwight:Dwight's self-interview: 'What will be your first priority? I will have seven first priorities.' He then lists seven things.

Dwight · Jim:Dwight's gun policy promise: 'I am going to institute a strict No Firearms policy for this office that extends to myself as well.' Jim: 'Wow. All of my concerns are disappearing.'

Jim · Dwight:Jim tells Dwight he'll be hearing from them shortly and 'I think you're going to like the call you're going to receive.' Dwight: 'Oh, come on. I'm just happy that I got this meeting.'

Toby:Toby, advocating for Dwight, echoes the grave-hand metaphor: 'Sometimes the hand that jumps out of the grave and grabs you around the throat, that is the hand that you want on the wheel.'

Jim:Jim: 'What is happening right now?'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'What is happening right now?'

Kelly:Kelly erupts with a long, manic speech about what she wants in a manager: 'I just want, for once, a smart, professional, decisive, well-hung man in his 40s.'

Creed:Creed advocates for 'an outsider... someone on the margins of society who doesn't see things the way we do, like a homeless person.'

Kevin:Kevin's criteria for manager: 'Whoever it is, I think they should be lame. Kind of a non-threatening, moderate personality.'

Jim · Meredith · Others:Jim's response: 'Okay, fine. Uh, the guy with the tiny penis. Are you happy? Let's hire that guy! She may have a point there. Would a small penis work? Small to moderate.'

Jim · Kelly · Unnamed Employee:Jim's sarcastic resolution: 'The guy with the tiny penis. Are you happy? Let's hire that guy!' — response to Kelly's criteria. Then: 'Would a small penis work?' / 'Small to moderate.'

Gabe · Phyllis:Gabe's goodbye hug with Phyllis produces a sound of disgust. Gabe: 'You don't need to make that sound. I'm sorry. You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be.' / 'There are plenty of people who love touching me. I'm a terrific hugger.'

Andy:Andy announces he wants the job: 'I want the job. There. I said it. I'm educated, I'm capable, I like all of you, and I won't make any changes.'

Andy:Andy sees himself as manager: 'I see it. I see it like I see a mountain that I'm standing in front of and facing and I'm liking.'

Creed:Creed: 'I got the call. But I'll tell her some other day.' — about possibly being Erin's father.

Kelly · Ryan:Kelly advocates for Darryl. Ryan says 'Minorities sticking together.' Kelly responds: 'I am so much more than that. I am a dancer. I'm a singer. I'm a fashion designer.'

Candidate (Blueberry Muffin):Various candidates' talking head confessionals: 'Every day, I have a blueberry muffin. Today I did not have a blueberry muffin. Should have had the blueberry muffin. Especially considering how incredibly superstitious I am.'

Candidate:Another candidate confessional: 'I will be the new boss of... Vance Refrigeration.' — i.e., they've already accepted a different job.

Robert California:Robert California's confessional about waiting for a call: 'The slight hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause while they wait to hear my response. And then my response.'

Finger Lakes Candidate:Finger Lakes candidate confessional: 'I told them I was on a hike, snuck away to do this interview. I gotta get back pretty soon. They'll worry. People disappear in the Finger Lakes.'

Interview Candidate:Another candidate confessional: 'I will run this branch or I will destroy this branch. Or, I don't know. Something always works out.'

Creed:Creed sets up a client call at the end, patches together his 'ninth and fourth biggest clients,' and they have an awkward introductory conversation about paper. Creed plays matchmaker: 'Hey, are you single? This seems like a love connection to me! It's kismet.'