Carded and Discarded

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso does a whiny impression of himself not wanting to go to work, then earnestly declares he says 'Hot dog, let me at 'em!'

Student:Student flatly asks: 'Do you actually say the words Hot Dog?'

Mr. Rosso:Rosso references Alice Cooper as someone even cool kids respect, then begins performing 'I'm 18' on guitar for a room of students

Mr. Rosso · Nick:Rosso asks the students mid-song 'Come on Nick, fill in those drums there, will ya?' expecting participation

Kim Kelly:'Oh my God. That was brutal. I've never hated Alice Cooper as much as I do right now.'

Lindsay:Lindsay defends Rosso: 'Guys, Mr. Rosso's really good at the guitar. Some of those chords are hard.'

Mr. Rosso:Weir counselor uses Einstein and Thomas Edison as examples of people who didn't go to college — then adds 'Frank. The dude who pumps my gas.'

Harold Weir:Harold's wife mentions the birthday card came with $300 through the mail. Harold immediately worries: 'She's lucky that wasn't intercepted by some junkie working for the post office.'

Harold Weir · Lindsay Weir:Harold excitedly describes the family game Pit: 'We all yell across the table at each other trying to get the other players to trade stocks with us.' Lindsay responds: 'So we all sit around the table, and you yell at us? You do that to us every night.'

Harold Weir:Harold's passionate parental speech escalates to: 'When you two were kids, you used to run around naked and lay in bed with us all night. We bathed you, and we cleaned your butts when you pooped. And we loved it.'

Harold Weir:Harold concludes his emotional family speech with: 'We are going to spend quality time together, and we're going to enjoy it, damn it!'

Biology Teacher:Biology teacher reacts to knock on door during his lecture on natural selection: 'Well, that might be Mr. Darwin now.'

Biology Teacher:Biology teacher tells the new transfer student: 'Always room for another head on the chopping block.'

Neal · Maureen:Neal opens the conversation with the new girl: 'I saw Ronald Reagan kissing a monkey on TV last night.' New girl asks 'On the news?' Neal: 'No, no, no. It was in a movie. He's a pretty good actor.' Beat. 'So was the monkey.'

Sam:Sam tells Maureen 'My dad drives a Coup de Ville, so we're practically related' after she says her dad works for General Motors

Neal · Sam · Bill · Maureen:The geeks bond with Maureen through increasingly grim teacher-injury stories: teacher ran over old lady and blamed his accelerator, another teacher shot a burglar, shop teacher got scalp torn off by a lathe, shop teacher's pinky cut off by radial arm saw and 'now everyone calls him Pinky Tuskadero'

Maureen · Neal · Sam · Bill:'But if I start bugging you, please be sure and let me know.' / 'Oh, don't worry. We'd never let you bug us.' — The geeks' inner monologue reaction to this is clearly visible (they would never say that).

Nick:Nick declares 'Everything fun in this world happens in bars.'

Kim · Daniel · Nick:Kim shows her fake I.D. — her cousin's license. The geeks react: 'Oh my God, this looks exactly like you.' Kim: 'I know.' / 'Except it says you're 24.' Kim: 'So? I look mature. Nobody ever stops me.'

Daniel:When asked if Daniel has a fake I.D., everyone laughs, then Daniel explains: 'Some stupid bouncer asked what my star sign was. I didn't know, so he snagged it.'

Nick · Daniel:Nick tries to help Daniel with star signs: 'Capricorn! Cancer! Capricorn! Oh!' Daniel: 'Dude, I hate astrology. What, everybody born in the same month is gonna have the same life?'

Daniel · Ken · Lindsay:After Lindsay offers to lend money for fake I.D.s, Daniel says: 'Well, well, well. I don't know why, but I'm liking her more and more every day.' Ken: 'Join the club.' Lindsay: 'Ew.'

Harris · Sam · Neal:Harris pitches the new girl on the A.V. room's Beta machine. The geeks quickly shut him down: 'Thank you, Harris. We're very late, though.'

Gordon:Gordon tells Maureen: 'Tomorrow's pizza day in the cafeteria. It's made out of real tomato sauce and everything.'

Bill · Gordon:Bill tells Maureen he doesn't have to be home until dinner. Gordon says: 'I don't have to be home ever.'

Lindsay · Howie:At the clothing store, Lindsay announces 'We need some fake I.D.s' loudly. Howie frantically shushes her then corrects: 'I mean, we need some slacks.'

Howie:Howie shows off 'genuine Canadian drivers' licenses' as though Canadian provenance is a mark of quality

Howie:Howie slowly memorizes each person's face while repeating 'Brown eyes, brown hair' for each one identically

Howie · Store Manager:Howie's boss interrupts: 'There's a box of Parisian Nightsuits in the back, and they're not gonna unpack themselves.' Howie covers: 'I'm just helping these customers.' Then to the group: 'These look great, sir. These look great.'

Ken · Bill:Ken says 'Had to bring the big rocket, didn't you?' then Bill responds: 'What? So I got a big rocket. What am I supposed to do, cut it in half?'

Neal · Sam:Neal fantasizes aloud: 'What if I'm asleep right now and this is just a dream, and any moment Maureen and I are gonna make love?' Sam: 'Ew.' Neal: 'Then what are we doing here? Maybe this is my nightmare.'

Maureen · Bill:Maureen sees Bill's rocket: 'God, Bill, your rocket's huge.' Bill: 'Oh, it is? I hadn't noticed.'

Bill · Sam · Neal:Discussion of whether you could be with someone you couldn't fart in front of. Bill: 'She's the kind of woman you could cut the cheese in front of.'

Bill:Bill extends the flatulence-in-love philosophy: 'You have to sleep with your wife every night of your life. If you couldn't blast one in bed, you'd get physically ill.'

Neal · Bill:Neal: 'Oh, come on, guys. You can't fart in front of a woman.' Bill: 'What do you think you do, get up and run outside every time you have to let one rip? You'd never get any sleep.'

Sam · Neal:Sam: 'I think I might like Maureen, too.' Neal: 'Wait. I thought you liked Cindy Sanders.' Sam: 'Well, I mean, I do. But Maureen talks to us. She's not as scary.'

Neal · Sam:Neal: 'She clearly likes me best.' Sam: 'How do you know?' Neal: 'You see the way she looks at me? She can barely contain herself.' Sam: 'You just happen to be looking at her every time she's thinking about me.'

Sam · Neal · Bill:They decide who gets to ask Maureen out by the same method they used to decide who stood in line for Empire Strikes Back tickets — drawing from a hat.

Jean Weir · Harold Weir:Jean tells Harold: 'You cannot force these kids to spend time with us.' Harold: 'Did you know that in some cultures, if your children shame you, you're allowed to have them executed?'

Harold Weir · Jean Weir:Jean offers the 'if you love something, set it free' wisdom. Harold grudgingly agrees: 'All right. There you go. They're free. Let 'em free. Let 'em go.' Immediately turns: 'Get back here.'

Bill · Neal · Sam:Bill wins the Maureen lottery. Neal and Sam's visible disappointment vs. Bill's 'I'm the happiest man in the world.'

Sam · Bill:Sam accuses Bill of cheating: 'He wet his paper with spit. That's how he wins every time. He just feels for the wet one.'

Bill:Bill announces: 'Mrs. Maureen Haverchuck. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?'

Neal:Neal: 'Great, Bill. Now you can go and fart in front of her. You'll make quite the impression.'

Mr. Rosso · Lindsay:Mr. Rosso offers Lindsay Ivy League brochures: 'Several are in color.' Lindsay: 'Mr. Rosso, why can't you just leave me alone?' Rosso: 'I heard the words, but your eyes said something else. They said, I'm lost. I need your help. Don't listen to me. Guide me.'

Mr. Rosso:Rosso's threatened alternative: 'Tell you what, why don't I just come and visit you in the prison where you'll be living, and give you some really good advice, like should you get shanked in the yard or the dining hall? When you have your baby, which prison guard should take care of it?'

Bill:Bill announces he's ready to talk to Maureen: 'Never been readier.' Then: 'I'm just gonna let the love...flow.'

Bill · Sam · Neal:As soon as it's time for Bill to talk to Maureen, he panics: 'I gotta get something out of my locker.' The other two: 'What are you doing? Go on.'

Sam · Neal · Bill:Maureen starts talking to Vicki the cheerleader. Sam's group panics: 'The minute she starts getting with that crowd, we'll never see her again.' 'Because they're pod people. It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They'll make her one of them.' 'We'll see her in a week, and she'll be all...' [SCREECHING]

Sam · Neal · Eli:The geeks' emergency plan to extract Maureen from the cheerleaders: deploying Eli by telling him Vicki said Three's Company isn't funny. Eli immediately storms over.

Eli · Vicki:Eli launches into a Three's Company defense to Vicki: 'The Ropers don't want Jack living with two girls because he doesn't want any dirty stuff going on in his apartment building. There was this scene where Jack had lost his voice...'

Nick · Howie:Howie hands out the fake Canadian I.D.s: 'Who the hell is Jesus H. Garcia?' / 'It's Hey-Soos. It's your new identity.'

Daniel · Kim · Howie:The geeks' fake I.D. photos 'look kinda Chinese.' Howie's explanation: 'There's a big Vietnamese community up there in Alberta.'

Daniel · Howie:Daniel: 'This says I'm 29.' Howie: 'That doesn't matter. Mine says I'm 34. I have no problems. It's fine.'

Howie:Howie defends the I.D. quality when asked for a refund: 'It's hard to find matches for you guys. No one in Canada looks like you.'

Howie:Howie's parting gift/consolation: 'Oh, by the way, tomorrow at Silverman's we're having a big sale — half off on all dress shirts. Maybe you guys come by, I'll hook you up.'

Bill:Bill sidles up to Maureen and immediately talks about pudding skin: 'I like pudding, too. Yeah, I like it when it's been sitting around for a while and it gets that skin on the top.'

Bill · Maureen:Maureen mentions she's been invited to Vicki's party. Bill's visible reaction — a smile collapsing, a brave attempt to seem happy for her — inferred from context of others' awkward silence and 'Wasn't that nice of her?'

Millie · Lindsay:Lindsay asks Millie about her cousin Toby. Millie: 'No way. Not since he went to jail. He got caught stealing hood ornaments off of cars. They weren't gonna lock him up, but he called the policeman a bad word.'

Millie:Millie: 'He was dropped on the head when he was a baby. That's why we think he's a bad seed.'

Millie:Millie's verdict on Lindsay's fake I.D. quest: 'That's why there's records.'

Lindsay · Millie:Lindsay mentions she heard the drinking age is 'something like 10 in Idaho.' Millie: 'Well, I don't think that's right.'

Toby:The group arrives at Toby's apartment. He answers: 'Look, the pharmacy's closed, all right? I don't got nothin'. I got no stuff. Nothin'.' — He thinks they're there to buy drugs.

Toby · Nick:'Only one person is allowed in at a time. One person. You, McMurphy, you come in. You two stay.' [To Nick:] 'Hey, babies. Hey. Hey there. Don't play with that rooster! That's not a nice, petty-pet rooster.'

Toby:'Don't play with that rooster! Don't play with that rooster. That's not a nice, petty-pet rooster. I'm sorry. No, you're the one who'll be sorry.'

Daniel · Toby:Daniel notices the suspicious number of stereos in Toby's apartment and asks about them. Toby: 'Hey, don't bother with that. Get away from there. Don't even look at that stuff.'

Nick · Toby:'Hey, man, you got a lot of stereos. Where'd you get all this?' / Toby: 'Hey, don't bother with that. Get away from there.'

Daniel · Toby:Daniel finds what are clearly drugs growing. Toby: 'I got a green thumb. Don't worry about it.'

Toby:Toby explains why he can't just buy a laminating machine: 'You can't just go into a store and buy one like it's a toaster. Only corporations have that stuff. It's very expensive.'

Toby:Toby directing Daniel for the photo: 'Look like you've been waiting on line for two hours. Look like you don't want to have your picture taken.'

Harris:Harris reveals the plan to compete with Vicki's party: 'There's only one thing that could compete with the Vicki Appleby party. All-U-Can-Eat night at the Iron Horse Restaurant.'

Toby · Lindsay:Toby to Lindsay (who he's meeting for the first time): 'My God, you — you are a beautiful girl. A woman. Thanks. When we were kids, you were really cute, but I never thought you would turn out this hot.'

Toby:Toby to Lindsay/Kim: 'My God, you— you are a beautiful girl. A woman... When we were kids, you were really cute, but, I mean, I never thought you would turn out this hot.'

Toby:Toby casually mentions about McKinley: 'It's a pretty good school. I went there. I almost graduated from there a few years ago.'

Toby · Lindsay · Nick:Toby invites Lindsay to see Yes at Cobo with 'Richie Blackmore's Rainbow opening up' while actively producing her fake I.D. — and Nick has to announce she's his girlfriend to stop it.

Toby · Nick · Lindsay:Nick claims Lindsay is his girlfriend to stop Toby's flirtation. Lindsay backs him up. Toby: 'Hey, man, that's not cool. You know, now you make me feel like a fool for asking for your number.' Lindsay: 'No, you can have my phone number. It's just that I have a boyfriend.'

Toby · Nick:The price negotiation: 'It's 75 each.' 'Hey, I thought you said it was 40 each.' 'Did I?' 'I think so.' '100 each.'

Toby · Nick · Lindsay:Toby looks at Lindsay's real license photo: 'Look at how much hotter you look in this one than in your real driver's license.' Nick: 'Whoa, is this one fake, too?' Lindsay: 'No, why?' Nick: 'Because it says you're 18.'

Lindsay · Nick:Lindsay: 'So. Was left back one year.' Nick: 'Well, I know. But still, it wouldn't make you 18.' Lindsay: 'All right, I was left back twice. OK? Are you happy now? There's no secrets between us. All right. 18, that makes me jail bait.'

Toby · Lindsay:Toby immediately panics: 'Hey! You better watch out. I'm gonna call the cops on you. Officer, I didn't know. Look at her, she looks like she's 30.' Lindsay: 'Ahhh! No I don't!'

Harold Weir · Jean Weir:Harold and Jean play Pit with just two people. Harold wins a corner on barley. Jean: 'What happened to the corn?' Harold: 'I'm looking for corn, here.'

Jean Weir · Harold Weir:After the kids leave, Harold admits: 'This is a terrible game with just two people.' Jean's response: 'Nobody's home... You wanna have a little sex?'

Neal · Sam · Bill · Maureen:The geeks explain all-you-can-eat strategy to Maureen: 'We order a lot of food, and then keep asking for more until they go out of business.' 'My mom says it takes a while for your stomach to tell your brain it's full, so you should eat really fast.' 'They take forever on purpose so you'll get full while you wait.'

Sam · Waiter:Sam directly tells the waiter: 'So, I hear the service here is really bad 'cause you don't want us to eat much.' Waiter: 'I don't own the place. I don't care how much you eat.' Sam: 'Are you sure?' Waiter: 'No, actually, I'm a millionaire and I just do this for fun.'

Waiter · Neal · Bill:After Sam's confrontation, the waiter offers a deal: '20% tip, and I'll bring 'em faster than you can eat 'em.' Neal: '20? I thought 10 was the norm.' Waiter: '15 is standard. 20 is classy. Why are we still talking? I want some ribs.'

Waiter · Sam · Neal · Bill:The waiter brings the bread and forgets it: 'Oh, I forgot your bread.' The geeks all react to Sam's prediction coming true.