I'm with the Band

Nick:Nick singing Rush loudly and badly out of key while playing along with the tape, fully committed and oblivious

Sam · Mr. Fredricks:Sam tells the gym teacher 'You look a little bit like my grandpa.' Teacher replies: 'Oh, is your grandpa super cool?'

Student · Mr. Fredricks:Student: 'Jimmy Carter's a wimp.' Fredricks: 'Hey, can it, White.'

Coach Fredricks:Coach announces mandatory showers with wet-hair inspections starting today

Alan:'Is Weir allowed to shower with us? 'Cause he's a woman.'

Mr. Fredricks · Bill:Fredricks: 'Kiss the beam, you're on my team.' Then Bill's dangling helplessly on the rope: 'What do I look like, a freakin' Tarzan?'

Sam · Bill:Sam: 'Don't you think it's kinda weird that they want us to, you know... get naked?' Bill: 'It's not a burlesque show, Sam. They just want us to shower.'

Neal · Sam · Bill:Neal dangling on the rope says 'Stop lookin' up my shorts.' The others: 'Why would we? There's nothing to see.' Neal: 'There IS something to see.'

Alan · Neal:Bully to Neal: 'Hey Schweiber, you gonna show us your circumcision in the showers today?' Neal: 'Yeah. Take a number.'

Bill:Bill: 'I can't go up any farther, guys. How do I get back down?'

Drama Student · Sam · Others:Student doing an announcement for Oklahoma! complete with 'Yee-haw!' — other students visibly horrified and groaning: 'Oh, no!' 'No way.'

Nick · Drama Student:Nick to the drama student: 'Wow. You'd look good in that dress.' She responds: 'Thanks.'

Nick · Daniel:Nick: 'Yeah. Creation.' Daniel: 'No, we don't have a name.' Nick: 'Come on. I like that name.'

Daniel · Nick:Daniel: 'How about 3:15? I gotta fit in your mother.' Nick: 'You wanna sleep with my mom?' Daniel: 'Mm-hmm.'

Bill · Sam:Bill, suddenly self-aware: 'You know, to be honest, I don't smell so good. I could probably use a shower.' Sam: 'NO! We have to stick together!'

Bill:Bill: 'Hey, if we don't shower, then we ARE gonna stick together. You get it?'

Sam · Mr. Fredricks:Sam to Fredricks: 'Well... we didn't even sweat. Smell us.' Fredricks: 'You know, Weir, I'll put that on my To Do list.'

Sam · Mr. Fredricks:Sam successfully escapes the shower by claiming illness. Fredricks: 'Pick up the Academy Award on the way there, Weir. Sheesh.'

Mr. Fredricks · Neal:Fredricks then turns to Neal: 'Schweiber, put on some clothes. You look like a 50-year-old man.'

Sam · Bill:Sam: 'That guy's really into making guys shower.' Bill: 'Tell me about it.'

Mr. Andopolis:Nick's dad enters the basement to the chaos and says 'I take it the symphony's over.'

Ken:Ken mocking Mr. Andopolis's greeting as he leaves: '[Mocking voice] Ladies, gentlemen...' as soon as the door closes

Nick · Lindsay:Lindsay hesitates about joining the others; Nick says 'Can't you just wait for me?' Others leave. Lindsay: 'Yeah, I'll wait.' Nick: 'Yeah?' That small exchange, then: 'This is Mission Control requesting permission to rock out.'

Mr. Andopolis:Nick's dad: 'I really thought that I could walk on the moon, but you just don't see any moon rocks around here, do ya?'

Mr. Andopolis:Nick's dad: 'Nick, I really thought I could walk on the moon, but you just don't see any moon rocks around here, do ya?'

Lindsay · Nick:Lindsay: 'Your mom cans her own vegetables?' — followed by a muffled scream from Nick in the next room

Nick · Lindsay:Nick: 'I should probably change out of these shorts first.' Lindsay: 'I think they look good.' Nick: 'It's just a lot easier for me to drum without fabric on my thighs.'

Sam:Sam gets hit in the face by an earth ball. 'That's it. I'm gonna die in gym class.'

Bill:Bill capitulates to showering: 'Yeah, and I can't say no to a long, luxurious shower.'

Sam · Bill:Sam: 'No! You can't!' [Bill defects] Sam: 'Oh, come on. Just one more day.' Bill: 'Would you quit being such a baby? Just close your eyes, and it'll be over before you know it.'

Sam · Nude Classmate:A fully nude classmate approaches Sam in the locker room to ask casually about French class next year. Sam asks him to put on a towel. The guy: 'Why? Our bodies are merely a shell which conceal our heavenly souls. Try not to get too uptight. Auf Wiedersehen.'

Sam · Neal:Neal suddenly discovers he has chest hair: 'When did you get chest hair?' Neal: 'What? I have chest ha— Oh! Would you look at that?'

Bill:Bill, as if it's a practical swimming observation: 'It'll slow you down in the pool.'

Neal:Neal: 'Oh shoot! I was gonna bring some cologne. I completely forgot.' — right before the towel-snapping bullies arrive

Sam · Neal:The bullies attack the geeks with towels in the shower. Sam: 'OWW! I hope I can still have kids.' Neal: 'Come on. You got hit in the groin. You didn't have a hysterectomy.'

Mr. Fredricks:Fredricks to Sam, who has avoided showering again: 'Look at that head of hair, huh? You just get that cut? That is very stylish and very, very dry.'

Kim:Kim has a Gremlin. [As a car.]

Lindsay:Nick: 'Yeah. When I was in the Mathletes, we did logarithms until we couldn't see straight.'

Ken:After Nick tries to make the band practice more seriously, Ken says: 'Gee, this is really fun, guys. I'm glad we have a band.'

Daniel:After Nick forces another run-through of 'Sunshine of Your Love': 'Well, that sucked. Royally.'

Daniel:Daniel exploding at Nick and Lindsay: 'You and Yoko here have turned music into school.'

Nick · Daniel:Nick: 'At least the marching band can play something right twice in a row!' Daniel: 'Rock 'n' roll don't come from your brain. It comes from your crotch. And if you ever got any, Mr. Cute Shorts, you'd know that.'

Nick · Daniel:Nick: 'Fine! I guess that means I quit.' Daniel: 'Fine! Quit!' Nick: 'Fine!' — then throws down drumsticks: 'You're not even good enough to be in Creation!'

Neal · Bill · Sam:The geeks watch a couple making out. Neal: 'What do they have that we don't?' Bill: 'Good bodies. So he can throw her over his shoulder.'

Bill:Bill watching the couple: 'He should use his legs more. He's gonna throw out his back.'

Neal · Sam:Neal: 'I don't know. My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.' Sam: 'But you're not very funny.' Neal: 'Screw you! I'm hilarious.'

Sam:Sam: 'Ooh, how witty. Get this guy on Hollywood Squares.'

Sam · Neal · Bill:Sam: 'I overheard Todd Shellinger takes off his shirt when he makes out.' Neal: 'Why would he do that?' Bill: 'Why would anybody do that?' Sam: 'Probably to show off his chest hair. I know that's what I'm gonna do.'

Neal · Bill:Neal lists his chest hair role models: 'Selleck, Reynolds, Rockford.' Bill: 'Hey, what about Mork? He's got more hair on his hand than Sam has in his pits.'

Neal:Neal: 'Hey, what about Mork? He's got more hair on his hand than Sam has in his pits.'

Sam · Bill:Sam: 'Will girls ever like us?' Bill: 'I think our best play is to go for the smart, sexy librarian type. You know, she's sweet and shy, but then she takes off her glasses and RROWF!'

Neal · Bill · Sam:Neal: 'Like Bailey on WKRP in Cincinnati.' Bill: 'Yup.' Sam: 'But Cindy Sanders is like a librarian type.' Neal: 'Yeah. Librarian for the Playboy Mansion.'

Sam:Sam, attempting a push-up: 'This push-up's too hard to push up.'

Lindsay:Lindsay sarcastically: 'God, how could I be so awful to suggest you actually play an entire song correctly all the way through? God knows Zeppelin only plays half of Stairway to Heaven, and the Who never even practice Teenage Wasteland.'

Lindsay · Kim:Lindsay: '...and the Who never even practice Teenage Wasteland.' Kim: 'Baba O'Riley.' Lindsay: 'What?' Kim: 'The name of the song is Baba O'Riley. It's on Who's Next?'

Lindsay · Daniel:Lindsay: 'You sound just like his dad.' Daniel: 'Maybe his dad is right.'

Mark · Other Student · Coach:Two students having a Red-rum conversation right next to the coach: 'Yeah man, and this kid, he was like, Red-rum! Red-rum!' Other: 'Forget it man, Red-rum's murder backwards.' Coach: 'HEY! Come on. This ain't tea with the Queen.'

Sam · Unknown Man:Sam hiding in the bathroom stall. Mysterious voice: 'Hey, you know, it's a little easier if you sit down and drop your pants.'

Jean · Harold:Jean (Sam's mom) at dinner: 'Sam, you have a beautiful body.' Then turns to Harold: 'Doesn't he, Harold?' Harold: 'Yes. I just said he had a beautiful body.'

Coach Fredricks:Coach Fredricks to Sam's mom: 'You know how many men have seen me naked in my lifetime? A lot. Do you think I'm comfortable with it? No, but I live with it.'

Jean · Lindsay · Sam · Harold:Jean: 'Lindsay, tell your brother what a beautiful body he has.' Lindsay: 'That is so stupid.' Jean, Harold insist. Lindsay finally: 'Sam... you have a beautiful body. You're an Adonis, a slab of beef... if I wasn't your sister, oh my God—' Jean: 'LINDSAY! Can it.'

Paul (auditioning drummer):Previous auditioner to Nick at the Dimension audition: 'I never played on a drum kit this small before. I'm sure I'll be fine.'

Nick · Scott · Band Members:Nick, referring to his drum kit: 'The one I normally play on is a lot bigger.' Band member: 'Oh wow, really? How many pieces?' Nick: '29.' Others: 'Whoa! 29-piece kit.' First band member: 'What are you doing here? You should be auditioning us.'

Nick · Scott:Nick to the band: 'I saw you guys open for Jethro Tull at Cobo Hall last year. You guys blew them away.' Band member: 'Well, you must've been there Friday night, 'cause Saturday night we got booed off the stage.'

Scott · Nick:After Nick's disastrous audition, band member: 'Good. All right. Great job, man.' Nick: 'Cool. Thanks a lot.' Nick: 'What do you mean? That's it?' Band member: 'Yeah. Thanks a lot.' Nick: 'Hey, good luck with that 29-piecer, man. Maybe someday you'll knock it up to an even 30.'

Scott:Scott's parting shot to Nick: 'Hey, good luck with that 29-piecer, man. Maybe someday you'll knock it up to an even 30.'

Nick:Nick describes his fantasy: playing a 10-minute solo, on a hydraulic riser that goes 'way up high.' 'I'm Peter Criss or something.'

Nick:Nick: 'I'll be lucky if I get to be the guy who pushes the button that makes the riser go up. But I'm not even gonna be that guy. I'm not even gonna be that guy because I can't even keep a C+ average.'

Neal · Bill:Neal: 'What is wrong with them? Why do they think that hitting people with towels is so funny?' Bill (after a beat): 'If it wasn't us... [laughs] ...it would be kinda funny.'

Random Student · Neal:A random passing older student greets them: 'Afternoon, gentlemen.' Then: 'Hey, have you lost weight?' The geeks, still recovering: 'Shut up!'

Mr. Fredricks · Sam:Fredricks, seeing Sam finally showering: 'Nice pecs, Weir. You look like a flat-chested girl.'

Sam · Bullies:Sam: 'Well, I'm proud of my body.' Bullies (mockingly): 'Oh, he's proud of his body. Oh, he should be proud. Look at this.' [They throw him outside naked]

Mr. Fredricks · New Teacher:Fredricks, seemingly guilty/complicit in the Sam situation, suddenly turns to the new teacher beside him: 'So, uh, how long have you been teaching?' '2 months.' 'Do you like it?' 'I love it.' 'I love it too.'

Sam · Students:Sam is thrown out naked and runs across the school grounds. 'Streaker! Go, Sam! Go!'

Sam:Sam runs naked through the school hallway — the full streaking payoff

Daniel:Band member: 'Hey, is Dimension gonna charge you for the pee stain you left on the drum seat?'

Nick · Kim · Lindsay:[Mouthing through window] Nick: 'Hey, Lindsay, we have to talk.' Kim mouthing back: 'You are such a slut.'

Neal · Sam:Neal: 'I'm pretty sure Cindy didn't see you [streaking]. And if she did, it was just with her peripheral vision.' Sam: 'You know, it wouldn't be bad if people saw my back. But my front's a whole other story.'

Alan:Alan's parting shot: 'I heard they're bringing in the psychiatrist for all the kids who had to see you naked.'

Sam · Girls · Alan:Girls cheering Sam as he walks by: 'There he is! Hey Sam, I heard you streaked! Way to go!' Alan, watching: 'You guys are losers and you always will be.' Sam's response: 'How come you're the one riding home with no friends?'

Neal:Neal to Sam: 'You're like a god. People are gonna worship you.'

Nick:Nick alone in the basement playing along with the recording again — cheers on the tape — saying 'I play so much better when you're around.' Then: 'Hey, I want to play it again. Put more dry ice in the bucket.'