Looks and Books

unnamed boy · unnamed girl · unnamed friend:Opening cold open: a boy approaches a girl and asks if she'll have sex with him in exchange for a joint, then his friend says 'I can't believe you did it.'

Nick:Nick describes their upcoming gig as being played in a 'most rock-tagious way.'

Lindsay · Daniel:Lindsay explains she can't lend the station wagon because her dad is so attached he named it 'Betty.'

Daniel:Daniel: 'Just run over the stupid squirrel, Linze.'

Kim · Daniel · Nick:Kim and Daniel argue over directions — 'It's on Hancock.' 'It's on Warren.' 'I was just there.' — while simultaneously Nick defends Joe Jackson's bass player and Kim spots Valerie's house.

Ken:Ken announces 'I got a big one a-brewing' and threatens a fart in the enclosed car.

Lindsay · Kim · Daniel · Ken · Nick:The car crash — Lindsay, distracted by the fart chaos and Ken pointing out the house, hits a parked car.

Sam · Bill:Sam: 'I hate being in school after it's out. Makes me feel like a janitor.' Bill: 'Janitors are cool. I'd like to be a janitor.'

Bill:Bill defends janitor pay: 'Janitors make way more than teachers. It makes up for all that gross stuff they have to do.'

Sam · Neal · Bill:The geeks debate why Cindy likes a guy with feathered hair. Neal: 'That's women. They get turned on by weird stuff.'

Bill:Bill: 'All the men my mom dates have feathered hair. I heard her talking to her girlfriends. She said any guy with feathered hair is foxy.'

Kim:Kim to the angry car owner: 'Hey, lady. There's something you might not have heard of. It's called insurance.'

Kim:Kim, after being told to stay away: 'Yeah. Who wants to be near you anyways. You're too sexy.'

Millie:Millie, trying to comfort a distressed Lindsay after the car crash: 'If you want, I can go get my Uno deck.'

Millie:Millie tells an elaborate story about a mathlete getting a bloody nose, sneezing blood everywhere, and fainting — then walks it back: 'Well, no, but she was gonna. It was pretty funny.'

Sam:Sam tries to put on a backpack while worrying: 'How am I gonna get this on without messing up my hair?' — followed by an audible RIP.

Sam · Daniel:After Sam appears in new clothes, a neighbor says 'Don't the Weirs look nice today?' and both Weir kids say 'Thank you' — then Sam's being mocked at school: 'What, did you just come from church?'

Lindsay:Lindsay uses sarcasm on Daniel: 'No. Not at all. He was really happy that I stole his car and smashed it.'

Daniel:After Lindsay explodes at the freaks, Daniel says: 'Maybe you're just on your period.'

Lindsay · Daniel:Lindsay: 'Yeah, Daniel, that's exactly it. I'm on my period. You figured it out.' / Daniel: 'It was a joke.' / Lindsay: 'Oh, sorry. It's hard to pick up on the subtlety of your wit.'

Daniel · Ken:After Lindsay storms off, Daniel: 'What was that all about?' Ken: 'I don't know, but it was pretty funny.'

Kim:Kim: 'It's like hanging out with my grandma.' (about Lindsay)

Ken:Ken's plan: 'I'm gonna be, like, a lawyer or something. I'm gonna put the pole on trial. I'm gonna get guys out of jail and stuff.'

Kim · Daniel:Kim: 'Yeah. Maybe you can break Daniel out of there.' / Daniel: 'Screw you, man. I'm not going to jail.'

Nick:Nick, earnestly: 'You guys, I'm telling you, this is not about the accident. Lindsay's really depressed that I broke up with her. She's got to get over it though, you know?'

Nick:Nick reveals his life plans: 'I'm gonna be a deejay, man.' [Beat] 'And maybe, um, a lumberjack.'

unnamed mathlete:The Texas Instruments joke: 'The name of the company is Texas Instruments, but I heard it's made in Taiwan.' [All laugh]

Lindsay:Lindsay's dad won't buy her a calculator: 'He says Einstein did fine without one and so should I.'

Millie · Erin · Lindsay:Millie: 'I think he had a crush on you.' [about the 40-year-old judge at intra-districts] / Everyone: 'EW, he was like 40 years old. That's so gross.'

Gordon · Sam · Neal · Bill:Gordie defends his weight: 'My whole family's big-boned. It's genetic. Besides, the world loves jolly fat guys. Burl Ives, Jackie Gleason... Santa Claus, uh, Curly, Raymond Burr.' Sam/Neal: 'No. Raymond Burr's not jolly.' Gordon: 'Well, he was extremely nice to me at last year's auto show.'

Cindy · Sam:Cindy: 'Today in chemistry, I sat on a piece of chocolate and had to go home and change my pants.' Sam laughs too eagerly: 'OH. YEAH.'

Cindy · Sam:Cindy asks if Sam wore a hat 'because your hair looks kind of flat' — referring to his failed feathering attempt.

Sam · Bill · Neal:Sam: 'I dress OK.' / Bill: 'Sam, you look like your mother dresses you.' / Sam: 'Hey, well, at least I don't dress like a ventriloquist's dummy.'

Neal:Neal: 'Change your clothes, change your life.'

Harold:Harold Weir complains about the body shop: 'We live right outside Detroit, and they can't find a fender? Now I get two weeks of driving around town looking like some kind of hillbilly.'

Jean · Sam:Jean Weir offers to take Sam to the mall with credit cards and suggests Magic Pan and crepes. Sam: 'Oh, no. Mom! You always get me something stupid, like Garanimals or something like that.'

Harold:Harold: 'A man has to learn to dress himself. You know, you got to cut those apron strings sometime.' [Said directly to Jean, who is the one with the apron strings he's referencing]

Lindsay:Lindsay: 'Then drink a cup of coffee and get it together, Daniel.'

unnamed mathlete:The Carl Sagan mathlete joke: '...And Carl Sagan says, That's not a cosine. You don't know your asymptote from a hole in the ground.' [Mathletes laugh uproariously]

Shelly:Shelly: 'Oh. Was that Kim girl with you? She's pregnant, you know. My neighbor works at the free clinic, and he said that he saw her over there the other day.'

Lindsay · Shelly:Lindsay defends Kim: 'Just because a girl chooses to live her life differently than you do doesn't mean she's automatically barefoot and pregnant.' / Shelly: 'I didn't say she was barefoot.'

Mr. Kowchevski:Kowchevski: 'OK. You're right, Lindsay, the team needs you desperately. I mean, if it wasn't for Shelly, we'd be in the toilet.'

Sam · Neal · Bill · clothing store attendant:The clothing store scene: Sam walks in eating a hot dog. Store attendant: 'Hey, guy, you can't eat in here.' / Sam: 'I'm not done.' / Attendant: 'I can't throw it away.' / Attendant: 'Well, I can't have you getting mustard all over our garments.'

store attendant · Neal · Sam:Clothing store attendant: 'You wanna be a stud, or do you wanna be a super stud?' / Neal: 'Super stud, Sam. Go for super stud.'

store attendant:The salesman unveils 'a Parisian Nightsuit' and predicts 'every trendsetting guy in this city's gonna own one.'

store attendant:The salesman's testimonial: 'You know, I'm not a handsome man, but I learned how to style my hair, started wearing some of these clothes. It's been pretty cool.'

Mr. Kowchevski:Kowchevski, during the Millie-Shelly conflict over lineup: 'This isn't the last chopper out of Saigon, so can we please just crank down the drama a notch, OK?'

Sam:Sam enters school in the Parisian Nightsuit to Joe Jackson's 'Look Sharp' — and students immediately start laughing and pointing.

unnamed jock:Jock: 'It's the new disco Ken Doll! Hey, pull the string and make him talk!'

Neal · Bill:Neal and Bill apparently debating whether farts are flammable: 'I'm telling you, you can light them. It's methane.' / 'Yeah, but what if the flame goes back inside you? Do you — do you explode?'

unnamed student:A student: 'I guess Elvis hasn't left the building.'

unnamed student:A student: 'No, no. It's a jumpsuit. My grandpa in Fort Lauderdale wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants.'

Neal · Sam:Neal: 'Why did you buy that?' / Sam: 'Hey, you were the one that said I should dress better.' / Neal: 'Yeah, I didn't say you should dress like Evel Knievel.'

Bill:Bill, while escorting the fleeing Sam: 'I feel like I'm in the Secret Service.'

teacher/administrator · Sam:Sam tries to escape through the front door. Teacher stops him: 'Yeah? Unless you're going out to drive a bus, you'd better turn around and get your butt to class.'

teacher:Teacher, as Sam leaves in defeat: 'Nice dud, Junior.'

unnamed jocks · Sam:In English class, as Sam goes to the board in his jumpsuit: a jock coughs 'HOMO,' then another coughs 'HOMO,' then scattered coughing insults fill the room.

English teacher:The English teacher's response to the coughing insults: 'Now if Sam wearing something different to express his individuality makes him a homo, well then, I guess we should all be proud to be homos.'

Harris · Daniel:Harris the D&D kid, evaluating Daniel: 'No. You're not a loser, 'cause you have sex. But if you weren't having sex, then we could definitely debate the issue.'

Daniel · Harris:Daniel, reading 'The Monster Manual' (D&D handbook) alone in school, is approached by Harris the geek who tells him: 'You'd make a good Dungeon Master. I can tell.'

Daniel · Harris:Daniel: 'I don't even like thinking about school 'cause I think about how bad I'm really doing. I was even left back once.' / Harris: 'Ouch. Well... Today is the first day of the rest of your life.' / Daniel: 'Someone sent my dad a card with that on it for his 65th birthday.'

Harris · Daniel:Harris: 'Your dad's 65?' / Daniel: '70 now.' / Harris: 'When I'm 45, he'll be 100.' [laughs]

Harris:Harris, after Daniel compliments him as comfortable in his own skin: 'Yeah, I guess I do. [beat] I don't have sex, though.'

Mr. Kowchevski · mathletes:The Mathletes' pre-competition pep talk ends with a barely-audible collective 'yeah!' instead of a roar.

unnamed students:Two students mock Sam's jumpsuit outside school: 'Excuse me, aren't you Danny Terrio from Dance Fever?' / 'No, I told you, it's Chrissy from Three's Company.'

Alan:Alan's bullying of Sam: 'Just when I think he's as queer as he can be, you go and do something even queerer.' — delivered with theatrical bafflement.

Mr. Rosso · Sam · Alan:Mr. Rosso gives Sam a ride home — apparently in character, having become involved in Sam's nightsuit crisis. Sam explains he 'needs a ride home.' This is followed by Rosso's apparent pickup of Sam in his car.

Mr. Rosso · Sam:Mr. Rosso's story about rednecks making him dance and bark like a dog: 'Did you do it?' / 'Yeah. Pretty much had to. There were 10 of them.'

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso, on confidence: 'If I say I'm the coolest guy in the world, and I believe I'm the coolest guy in the world, then suddenly I become the coolest guy in the world.'

Mr. Rosso · Sam:Rosso shows Sam a mirror and says 'Take a look at this kid' / 'Because that's a cool kid.' The mirror is apparently very small or the moment is played straight.

Sam · Neal · Bill:The geeks working out the confidence theory: 'If I think I'm cool, then people will think I'm cool, too.' / 'Yeah, that's what Mr. Rosso said.' / 'Yeah, and he's cool.' / [Beat] 'Yeah, but I already think I'm cool.' / 'Maybe that's — so am I. But nobody — because you're not — I'm really cool.'

Bill:Bill: 'You know what, Sam? You actually do seem cooler all of a sudden. I think it's working. Mr. Rosso's some kind of genius.'

Millie:Millie, as Lindsay is leaving the mathlete party: 'Are you gonna go use your own bathroom?'

Millie:Millie's final request: 'But can we still play Uno sometimes? I mean, when you've got nothing else to do?'

Daniel · Kim:Kim suggests a foreign film. Daniel: 'A foreign film? Is that the kind you have to read?' / Kim: 'The point is trying not to be a dumb ass for once in your life, that's what.'

Nick:Nick: 'It just better not be about a guy who talks a lot.'

Daniel · freaks:Lindsay rejoins the freaks asking to come to the movie. Daniel: 'Can we borrow your dad's car?' / Everyone: 'Awww.'

Nick:Nick finds Lindsay after she rejoins the group: 'Hey, Lindsay? I just wanted to tell you that I'm really glad that you're feeling better about our break-up. I think you're handling it really well.'

Ken:Ken: 'Hey, I didn't get all gussied up to sit here alone, man.'