Tricks and Treats

Bill · Sam · Neal:Elaborate bet rules with increasingly specific restrictions ending with 'cut up bits of sponge'

Bill:I DON'T WANT TO MESS UP MY HAIR

Sam · Bill:THEN HUM SO YOU CAN'T HEAR US / [HUMMING]

Neal:Cousin toilet story during recipe preparation

Sam · Neal:OH, IT'S BUBBLING!

Bill:LET ME SEE THE MONEY FIRST

Bill:IT'S NOT BAD

Bill:'It's not bad.' followed by immediate retching sounds

Sam · Harold · Jean:Movie title confusion - The Nude Bomb vs dirty movie

Harold:Dad's harsh assessment of trick-or-treating as 'begging like a tramp'

Daniel · Lindsay · Ken:Devil's Day hair removal foam urban legend

Daniel · Ken:I was just goofin' on 'em / No, you weren't! / Yes, I was

Millie:Eating Lick-a-Maid at 7:30 AM because 'it makes my spit taste like fruit juice'

Lindsay · Daniel:Dad threw a rock at Daniel's car

Lindsay:But I guess you didn't hear it

Daniel · Millie:Daniel thinks Millie is eating laundry soap

Kim · Lindsay:Thanks for the candy, Skinny / Dad's right, needs muffler

Mr. Rosso · Lindsay:Amelia Earhart of McKinley High comparison

Mr. Rosso · Lindsay:Don't turn me into the man / See? It's working already

Students:Class groans at Crime and Punishment assignment

Kim:Make out with my butt and call it love

Daniel · Ken · Lindsay:Fake narc story about Brian Stoker

Kim · Daniel:Everybody hates their mother / No everybody hates HER mother

Daniel:If that's what you need to call it in your diary, princess

Neal · Sam:When I hit 13, I became a man / That's only in your temple, not real world

Neal:Hotdog on a Stick girls working haunted house

Sam · Neal:Groucho impression: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever hoird! / Groucho sucks

Millie:Tommy, my secret love from church camp

Millie:French kissing before 6 months sends you to hell

Millie:Didn't want to make you feel bad since you don't have a boyfriend

Ken:Maybe we should name our band Zarios

Jean · Lindsay:Monster Mash sing-along with mom

Jean · Harold:[SINGING MONSTER MASH] / HA. / RIGHT? / [GIGGLES]

Harold:Scott Byron story - trick-or-treating into his 20s

Sam · Bill · Neal:Don't bring plastic pumpkin / Not if I eat candy as we go / You puked at bus stop

Harris:Hippies inject candy with heroin conspiracy

Harris:Poo in fun-sized candy bars dipped in chocolate

Jean:I wrote 'My son's the cutest boy in the whole world' on your costume

Lindsay:Looking for Chaplin, only seeing Hitler

Lindsay:This is ridiculous. I look like Tom Selleck!

Bill:Bionic Woman phone conversation with sound effects

Harold:You look like Richard Benjamin in Westworld

Harold · Harris:What the hell are you supposed to be? / Mission accomplished

Harris:How do you know it isn't real?

Harold:If I held you any closer, I'd be in back of ya

Harold · Jean:For crying out loud / Don't fall out

Kim:I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on

Harris:They probably didn't know she was so hot in real life

Harris:Her boobs weren't that big at the auto show

Neal:Rich people give cheapest candy - it's how they stay rich

Bill:I'm allergic to more things than anyone my doctor's ever seen

Harold · Kids:Harold vampire scaring kids accidentally

Harold · Angry Parent:I own a sporting goods store / Homemade cookies with razor blades

Harold:Let's head out to the barn for a roll in the hay

Ken · Kim:How are things at ass school? Getting all As

Homeowner · Sam:Aren't you guys a little old? / We're young at heart

Homeowner · Bill:You look like the fricking Tin Man / I could die from peanuts in circus peanuts

Bill:UM, MA'AM... I HOPE THERE AREN'T ANY PEANUTS IN THESE PEANUTS. 'CAUSE IF THERE ARE, I COULD D-DIE.

Neighbor:Cookies covered with ants on lawn

Harold:Dressed like this? / Stupid kids' holiday

Jean · Harold:HAROLD, RUN UP TO FARMER JACK AND BUY SOME CANDY. / WHAT? DRESSED LIKE THIS?

Ken:I'm so happy I'm not at Ted Nugent concert

Harris:Oh look, it's fun-sized

Neal · Harris:That's months of groundwork down the drain / Like they'd ever go out with you

Neal:They always give me free lemonade refills

Alan · Sam:Just give us your candy / We went through a lot for this

Bill · Alan:I'm not a little girl, I'm a bionic woman / Yeah? Prove it

Kim · Ken:You're such a little baby / Going to haunted house is better? / Takes one to know one / You are one

Lindsay:We just egged my little brother

Kim:I told you she'd be a drag

Jean · Harold:Like circus freaks? / I don't think bearded ladies run around throwing eggs

Harold:Last time I had this much fun I was pinned down by North Koreans

Lindsay:NOTHING LIKE GETTING YELLED AT BY DAD WHEN HE'S DRESSED LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH?

Sam · Lindsay:Nobody thinks you're cool, you know / Trust me, I know

Jean · Lindsay:You were supposed to be my little princess / I'll have to be your little prince

Jean · Lindsay:THAT'S THE WRONG COSTUME. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY LITTLE PRINCESS. / WELL, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO BE YOUR LITTLE PRINCE INSTEAD.

Sam:Everyone's name is really weird and long