Girlfriends and Boyfriends

Nick:I don't kiss and tell.

Unknown freak · Nick:Grab me a piece! / Shut up, man. Get outta here.

Nick:I heard he dropped his stick soloing on Black Dog. You know, like that first gig.

Nick:I'm not jealous. I'm really not. I'm glad I bombed the audition, because, you know, if I hadn't... then we wouldn't have kissed, hmm?

Millie:Yeah, but Tommy goes to church! Nick is a freak!

Millie · Lindsay:Freaks only date freak girls. And you're not a freak girl. / How do you know? / 'Cause freaks go all the way.

Millie:What about Patty Filker? She's a freak girl. And she has a baby! But I guess that's no big deal either.

Neal:HO HO, HEY, MERV GRIFFIN! Nice interview.

Mr. Rosso:I've gotta say it rocks pretty heavily, and that's comin' from a guy who's seen Hendrix live.

Mr. Rosso:I got it on in a van at Woodstock, I'm not judgin' anybody.

Mr. Rosso:Until one night, I was checkin' out this discotheque. The one at the bowling alley on 15 Mile.

Mr. Rosso:One thing led to another and... Now I get sores on my lip once a month. I have herpes.

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso's devastating confession: 'I have herpes.'

Mr. Rosso:IT DEVE YOU DON'T WANT IT!

Mr. Rosso:I just blew your mind, didn't I?

Sam · Neal:Maybe he takes baths instead. / My mom says that they don't really get you clean. / Yeah, you just sit in your own filth.

Biology Teacher:We're going to be dissecting kittens. [STUDENTS GASP] Just trying to get your attention.

Biology Teacher:Your lab partner will be Gordon Crisp. / Bill, your partner will be Cindy Sanders.

Bill:OH, HOW INTERESTING. Me and Cindy, you and Gordon.

Sam:Well, there goes Cindy's grade point average.

Gordon:Excuse me, madam. May I take this seat?

Biology Teacher:Science waits... FOR NO MAN.

Daniel · Lindsay:He's a really great guy. / Yeah. I know.

Daniel:Nick's a stud... you know? I mean, he may not seem like it, but he is.

Mr. DiZario · Miss Yeats:RIGHT, BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO DO THAT AFTER CLASS, MISS YEATS. / HA HA. Be still, my beating heart.

Bill:Yeah, Cindy smells, too. Like flowers. [LAUGHS]

Neal · Sam · Bill:Her tongue was in my ear the whole time. [LAUGHS] / Shut up! / Now I'm gonna have to get Cindy to come and kiss it and make it all better.

Neal · Cindy:IT'S NEAL-- / OK, so, Bill, I was thinking...

Bill · Cindy:To your house? / MM-HMM. / I think--I think I could squeeze you in.

Bill · Neal:Cindy's house. 4:30. Should I wear Hai Karate or Old Spice? / Definitely Old Spice.

Daniel · Lindsay:Oh, yeah, like the donkeys really give a care. / Well, how would you like some big fat teacher sitting on your back while you had to run around a gym?

Nick · Lindsay:But have you seen the Elephant Man? / HMM? / The movie. / OH, OHH! The... guy with-- the deformed guy.

Student:YES, MA'AM-- I MEAN, SIR. [LAUGHTER]

Teacher:ROMEO AND JULIET. Come on. Last one in class, first one on welfare. It's your choice.

Cindy:OH, WHOA! COOL SHEETS! [IMITATES OBI WAN] 'May the Force be with you.' [FORCED LAUGH]

Sam · Gordon:It is? / Hey, do you think she likes me? / I don't know. Cheerleaders are hard to read that way.

Sam:No, I'm sorry. My parents don't let us eat junk food.

Sam · Cindy:WHAT?! / Well, I don't really watch TV. Except for the Muppet Show.

Chair/Cindy:[FART-LIKE SOUND] / This stupid chair always does that.

Neal:Neal's dating advice: 'Find out her schedule and memorize it. That way, you can bump into her and say hi.'

Neal:Being lab partners is like getting stranded on a desert island. You never know what might happen.

Daniel · Nick:Hey, man, I heard Kim got an 'A' on her world civ test. / That's great. Huh? / Oh, no, that's right. That was my girlfriend.

Daniel · Nick:I heard Kim punched you in the chest really hard. / Oh, whoops. That was me! OHH! AAH!

Bill · Sam · Neal:She eats carrot sticks, and she likes Miss Piggy. / So what? The Muppets are cool. / Yeah, Swedish Chef is kinda cool, but Miss Piggy's lame.

Bill · Sam · Neal:She cut the cheese. / OOH, MY GOD! / That's not funny. / I heard it, man. I swear.

Bill:It wasn't a squeak. It was the sound of cheese being cut. [GIGGLES]

Sam · Bill:I think you're making all of this up because you want me to stop liking her because you like her now. / WHAT?!

Sam · Cindy:You changed your hair. / IT JUST LOOKS REALLY FLAT TODAY.

Sam · Cindy:Sam's hair compliment backfire: 'You changed your hair.' Cindy: 'It just looks really flat today.'

Cindy · Bill:I finally got to see Welcome Back, Kotter. You were right. Mr. Woodman is so funny. / Yeah, I'm tellin' ya, that guy is totally underrated.

Lindsay:Remember when we used to love Leif Garrett and we used to take my Dynamite magazines out and kiss his picture?

Lindsay:And we went to see him at the State Fair and cut all the way to the front row. It turned out to be Jack Albertson from Chico and the Man.

Millie:Once you do, you'll never be the same again. Plus no one would want to marry you. Why should they buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?

Mr. Mainzer:Thank you, Sylvia Plath. Uh...it's... it's a little dark. We want to sell yearbooks, not tell the truth.

Lindsay:'W-A-T-E.' [LAUGHS]

Cindy:I just got my period. So what? Deal with it.

Mr. Weir:1/8 for $25?! Sam, that's highway robbery! I can get a full page in a Sunday paper for a hundred.

Mr. Weir · Cindy:Some of the greatest salesmen worked in teams. / Yeah, but we'll both finish sooner if we split up, don't you think?

Mr. Weir:Nobody who's 'just a friend' sends a single rose. I know all about single roses. I sent one to your mother, and I know when and why I sent it.

Mrs. Weir · Lindsay · Mr. Weir:Nick? Was he the one that ate all my fruit roll-ups? / Well, you said he could have them. / No, I--I know. I...

Mr. Weir:Your mother and I are not taking care of some 'wedlock' baby, while you're off gallivanting at college.

Mr. Weir:It was the worst $5.00 I've ever spent. And I wish I could get that $5.00 back.

Mrs. Weir:What your father is trying to say is... that your virginity is... a gift.

Bill · Sam:I was gonna say she said she thought you were the nicest guy in the school. / Cindy said that? / Yeah.

Neal · Bill:Sam, Bill's been in love with Melissa Karpinski ever since he stood behind her at the Dairy Queen. She was wearing this halter top. [GROANS] She is one foxy lady.

Bill · Sam:She doesn't cut the cheese. [BOTH LAUGH] / Come on! Everybody cuts the cheese.

Bill · Neal · Sam:You really think I'll fill out? / Yeah, not like me, though. In 3 years, I'm going to be enormous. / Oh, yeah. Me, too. My dad is 6'3".

Sam · Neal · Bill:SURELY YOU WILL. / OK. / DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY. [LAUGHS] / BILLY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A GROWN MAN NAKED?

Gordon · Sam:I know I smell, Sam. / W-W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? / I may be smelly, but I'm not stupid.

Gordon · Sam:It's a medical condition. It's called tryptophanuria. It's genetic. / WOW! Is there a cure? / Not yet, but research is progressing.

Gordon:Nice people don't care, and it weeds out the jerks. My mom says it's a gift.

Gordon · Sam:I'll try not to stink up the joint. [SAM LAUGHS] Just kidding. Yeah, I know.

Sam:Sam imitating Cindy: '[Imitates Cindy] See you after school.'

Cindy · Sam:MMM, I love bacon cheeseburgers. / REALLY? / I kinda expected you to like, you know, healthy food like carrots. / YUCK! If I ever saw another carrot again, it'd be too soon.

Cindy:I have, like, the hugest crush on him. / At last week's game, he asked my friend Joe for my phone number. Do you think that means he likes me?

Cindy:It's not like with you. You're so easy to talk to. You're just like my sister.

Nick:Nothing about you and me should never be rushed. I made that mistake before. But I'm not going to make it with you.

Nick · Lindsay:You want to make out or something? / NO. / All guys want to make out. But I just want to hold you.

Nick:Nick's romantic contradiction: 'All guys want to make out. But I just want to hold you.'

Sam:I don't need another friend. I already have 2. I mean, how many more friends does a guy need? [BOTH LAUGH]

Sam:OH...NO! NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT BUSY. Tell me what else happened.