Girlfriends and Boyfriends

Nick:Nick deflects the group's teasing about Lindsay with 'I don't kiss and tell' — delivered with practiced cool while clearly delighted

Freak (unnamed):One of the freaks yells 'Grab me a piece!' at Nick and Lindsay, who are clearly just hanging out

Millie:Millie's declaration: 'Freaks only date freak girls. And you're not a freak girl.' / 'How do you know?' / ''Cause freaks go all the way.'

Millie:Millie: 'What about Patty Filker? She's a freak girl. And she has a baby! But I guess that's no big deal either.'

Neal:Neal says he doesn't want to be late for bio because 'Yesterday I was late, and everyone looked at me.'

Sam · unnamed bully:Sam gets a locker slam right after saying hi to Cindy, and someone mocks him: 'Ho ho, hey, Merv Griffin! Nice interview.'

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso: 'I got it on in a van at Woodstock, I'm not judging anybody.'

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso describes meeting a woman at 'the discotheque at the bowling alley on 15 Mile' as the prelude to his herpes story

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso, after a long pause: 'I have herpes.'

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso following up: 'You don't want it!' — after Lindsay is visibly horrified

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso: 'I just blew your mind, didn't I?'

Sam · Neal:Sam: 'Maybe he takes baths instead. My mom says that they don't really get you clean.' / Neal: 'Yeah, you just sit in your own filth.'

Teacher:Teacher: 'We're going to be dissecting kittens.' [students gasp] 'Just trying to get your attention.'

Sam · Bill:Bill is assigned as Cindy's lab partner — Sam's crushed reaction as Bill smugly notes 'Me and Cindy, you and Gordon'

Sam:Sam mutters: 'Well, there goes Cindy's grade point average.'

Teacher (unnamed) · Gordon:Teacher's line 'Science waits...' and Gordon completes it with 'for no man' — suggesting Gordon is an unlikely science nerd

Daniel:Daniel keeps telling Lindsay how great Nick is — three separate times — with escalating desperation: 'He's a really great guy... He's the man... Nick's a stud, you know? I mean, he may not seem like it, but he is.'

Daniel:Daniel whispering conspiratorially: 'Nick's a stud... you know? I mean, he may not seem like it, but he is.'

Daniel · Teacher (Miss Yeats):Teacher to Daniel: 'Mr. Dizario, don't you have something to do?' / Daniel: 'Right, but I thought we were going to do that after class, Miss Yeats.' / Teacher: 'Ha ha. Be still, my beating heart.'

Sam:Sam can't eat his tuna salad because 'It smells like Gordon.'

Neal:Neal: 'Yeah, Cindy smells, too. Like flowers.' [laughs to himself]

Neal:Neal: 'I don't know. Her tongue was in my ear the whole time.' [re: Cindy's thoughts about Sam]

Cindy · Neal:Cindy says 'Hi, Sam. Hey, Nate.' / Neal: 'It's Neal—' [cut off immediately by Cindy moving on]

Bill:Bill, after Cindy invites him to her house at 4:30: 'I think—I think I could squeeze you in.'

Sam:Sam asks his friends: 'Should I wear Hai Karate or Old Spice?'

Kim · Lindsay:Kim defends donkey basketball's ethics: 'Oh, yeah, like the donkeys really give a care.' / Lindsay: 'Well, how would you like some big fat teacher sitting on your back while you had to run around a gym?'

Teacher:Teacher (hall monitor): 'Lord and Lady Skips-A-Lot, come on, let's go!' and 'Last one in class, first one on welfare. It's your choice.'

Nick:Nick responds to the teacher's command with 'Yes, ma'am—I mean, sir.' [hall erupts]

Bill:Bill performs an Obi-Wan impression from Star Wars sheets in Sam's room: '[imitates Obi-Wan] May the Force be with you.'

Bill · Cindy:Bill does the Horshack laugh from Welcome Back Kotter at Cindy, completely unprompted, and then has to explain it.

Bill · Cindy:Cindy: 'I don't really watch TV. Except for the Muppet Show.' / Bill: '[reacts in shock]' / '[long pause]'

Cindy · Bill:Cindy stands up from a chair and it makes a fart-like noise. She immediately says: 'This stupid chair always does that.'

Bill:Long silent beat (15:12–15:32) after Cindy leaves to get lemonade — Bill alone with the chair, clearly processing what just happened

Neal:Neal's advice to Sam: 'Find out her schedule and memorize it. That way, you can bump into her and say hi.'

Neal:Neal's advice escalates to: 'Join all her after-school clubs... And C — very important — you can make sure she's not falling in love with anyone else, like your friend Bill.'

Kim:Kim jokes: 'I heard Kim got an A on her World Civ test. That's great. Oh no, that's right — that was my girlfriend.' / then: 'Lindsay got detention for flipping off her gym teacher. Oh no, that's right — that was your girlfriend.'

Kim · Daniel:Kim: 'I heard Kim punched you in the chest really hard. Oh, whoops. That was me!' — and then punches Daniel

Daniel:Daniel: 'I'm telling you, she's abnormal. She eats carrot sticks and she likes Miss Piggy.'

Sam · Neal:Sam: 'Well, some chairs make weird noises!' / Neal: 'What kind of a chair was it?' / Sam: 'I don't know. Vinyl?' / Neal: 'Well, vinyl chairs always squeak.' / Sam: 'It wasn't a squeak. It was the sound of cheese being cut.'

Sam:Sam accuses Bill: 'I think you're making all of this up because you want me to stop liking her because you like her now.'

Sam:Sam's hair compliment to Cindy: 'You changed your hair. It just looks really flat today.'

Bill · Sam:Sam realizes Bill has won Cindy over through Welcome Back Kotter. Bill: 'Yeah, I'm telling ya, that guy is totally underrated.'

Teacher:Teacher to Lindsay: 'Lindsay, it's a test, not a race. And if it were a race, Millie already beat you.'

Lindsay · Millie:Lindsay and Millie's shared memory: They used to kiss pictures of Leif Garrett from Dynamite magazine, then went to see him at the State Fair and it turned out to be Jack Albertson from Chico and the Man.

Millie:Millie: 'Once you do [have sex], you'll never be the same again. Plus no one would want to marry you. Why should they buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?'

Teacher Mainzer:Teacher Mainzer after a student's dark diary entry: 'OK. Thank you, Sylvia Plath. It's a little dark. We want to sell yearbooks, not tell the truth.'

Mrs. Weir · Lindsay:Mrs. Weir excitedly shows Lindsay the card with the rose, interrogates her about her 'boyfriend'

Mr. Weir:Sam's dad reacts to seeing Cindy Sanders: 'Quite a cute little number.'

Mr. Weir:Mr. Weir: '1/8 for $25?! Sam, that's highway robbery! I can get a full page in a Sunday paper for a hundred.'

Mr. Weir:Mr. Weir, having urged Sam and Cindy to split up for efficiency, immediately reverses: 'But then again, some of the greatest salesmen worked in teams.' Then reverses AGAIN: 'Yeah, but we'll both finish sooner if we split up, don't you think?'

Mr. Weir:Mr. Weir's final word to the employee: 'Sir, don't open that bait.'

Mr. Weir · Mrs. Weir · Lindsay:Lindsay and Mrs. Weir respond to Mr. Weir saying 'Sam's not afraid to show off his girlfriend' / 'Mom!' / 'What's eating you?'

Mr. Weir:Mr. Weir: 'Was he the one that ate all my fruit roll-ups?'

Mr. Weir:Mr. Weir's parental ultimatum: 'You'd better know right now that your mother and I are not taking care of some wedlock baby while you're off gallivanting at college.'

Mrs. Weir:Mrs. Weir's perfectly timed reaction: 'Well, at least she didn't yell.'

Mr. Weir · Mrs. Weir:Mr. Weir: 'I know what they're like. I was one of them.' / Mrs. Weir: 'Ugh! He was.' / Mr. Weir: 'I know. You find it hard to believe.'

Mr. Weir · Mrs. Weir:Mr. Weir's Korea story: 'I followed a couple of my buddies to the... red-light district.' / Mrs. Weir: 'Your father's first time wasn't special, and he's always regretted it.' / Mr. Weir: 'It was the worst $5.00 I've ever spent. And I wish I could get that $5.00 back.'

Sam:Sam's outburst at Bill: 'You know what, Bill? Why don't you just go out with her? Why don't you marry her? I don't care anymore, OK? I don't care. God!'

Neal:Neal: 'Bill's been in love with Melissa Karpinski ever since he stood behind her at the Dairy Queen. She was wearing this halter top.'

Bill:Bill, dreamily: 'She is one foxy lady. She doesn't cut the cheese.'

Sam · Neal:The boys' Airplane reference: Sam: 'Surely you will.' / Neal: 'OK.' / Sam: 'Don't call me Shirley.' / Neal: 'BILLY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A GROWN MAN NAKED?'

Sam · Neal:Sam: 'But... he smells.' [re: inviting Gordon] then: 'Maybe he doesn't even know he smells.' [pause] Neal: 'Are you gonna tell him?'

Sam · Gordon:Sam: 'What kind of deodorant do you use?' / Gordon: 'I know I smell, Sam.'

Gordon · Sam:Gordon explains his condition: 'It's a medical condition. It's called tryptophanuria. It's genetic.' / Sam: 'Wow! Is there a cure?' / Gordon: 'Not yet, but research is progressing.'

Sam · Gordon:Gordon: 'So you're going to be...smelly the rest of your life?' / Gordon: 'Mm-hmm.' [pause] 'Nice people don't care, and it weeds out the jerks. My mom says it's a gift.'

Gordon:Gordon: 'I'll try not to stink up the joint.' [beat] 'Just kidding.'

Bill:Bill mockingly imitates Cindy's voice: '[imitates Cindy] See you after school.' — right after she leaves

Sam · Cindy:Sam says he expected Cindy to like healthy food / Cindy: 'If I never saw another carrot again, it'd be too soon. I mean, my parents never take us to Sackie's. That's why I have to sneak here after school.'

Cindy · Sam:Cindy confesses her crush on Todd Schellinger and then says to Sam: 'It's not like with you. You're so easy to talk to. You're just like my sister.'

Cindy:Cindy immediately after: 'My God, did he just look at me? Don't look.' — about Todd Schellinger in the same restaurant

Sam · Mr. Weir · Mrs. Weir:Sam comes to sit with his parents; opens with 'Why? What did I do?' and his mom laughs 'What did I do?' back at his dad

Nick:Nick, about the Moody Blues: 'They're kind of wimpy, but I think this song's OK.'

Nick:Lindsay asks why Nick quit basketball. Nick: 'They found a dime bag in my locker, and then they kicked me off the team. And then I just... lost interest.'

Nick:Nick showing Lindsay his basketball trophies: 'They found a dime bag in my locker, and then they kicked me off the team. And then I just lost interest.'

Nick:Nick has set up candles, a record player, and a carefully selected song. He says: 'Lindsay... this song says all the things that I haven't been able to say to you. It's a little corny. But I mean it.' Then sings along with the record.

Nick:Nick, mid-song, breaks from lyrics to say: 'See, Lindsay, we were made for each other. You want to make out or something?'

Nick:Nick, after Lindsay says no to making out: 'All guys want to make out. But I just want to hold you.'

Nick · Lindsay:Nick: 'What's better than this?' / Lindsay reaches over and takes his Ding Dong without asking. Nick: 'Hey. Can I have the Ding Dong?' / Lindsay: 'Sure.'

Sam · Lindsay:Sam comes home and Lindsay immediately asks: 'How was your date?' / Sam: 'It was OK. Mom and Dad made me watch TV with them all night.' / Lindsay: 'They were weird.' / Sam: 'Yeah, what else is new?'

Sam:Sam: 'I don't need another friend. I already have 2. I mean, how many more friends does a guy need?'

Lindsay · Cindy:Lindsay's phone call from Cindy — Lindsay answering excitedly, clearly being asked to be a conduit to Sam, saying 'Todd called?'... 'Yeah, it's great'... 'He said that?'... until she commits to listening to Cindy's Todd drama indefinitely