We've Got Spirit

Lindsay · Nick:ARE YOU STONED? [LAUGHING] A LITTLE BIT.

Nick:WHERE IS JOHN BONHAM RIGHT NOW? Like, is he in the ground rotting away somewhere, or maybe he's up in heaven... partying with Jimi and Janis.

Kim:THESE JOCKS THINK THEY'RE SUCH BADASSES, WALKING AROUND LIKE THEY CURED CANCER. THEY'RE JUST MONKEYS. [IMITATING MONKEY CHATTER]

Daniel:I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE JOINED AT THE TONGUE OR SOMETHING.

Kim:ARE YOU PREGNANT?

Daniel:[CAVEMAN GRUNT] HELLO.

Cindy:HE DIDN'T SEEM VERY PUMPED.

Cindy:IT'S NOT, LIKE, A CRUSH. IT'S, LIKE, AN OBSESSION.

Neil:THE MASCOT IS DEPRESSING ME. LOOK AT HIM. HE'S RUNNING IN PLACE. WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?

Bill:IT'S ALWAYS TODD SCHELLINGER.

Bill:CHEERLEADERS HAVE TO DATE ATHLETES. IT'S THE LAW.

Neil:SEE? HE CAN'T EVEN FALL FUNNY.

Bill:MY COUSIN SLIPPED INTO A COMA ONCE. AND THEN WHEN HE WOKE UP, HE SPOKE FLUENT SPANISH.

Bill:I REALLY NEED A NEW MASCOT. I REALLY NEED SAM TO BE THE NEW MASCOT.

Bill:SHE WAS PRACTICALLY FEELING YOU UP.

Neil:BUT SAM'S NOT FUNNY.

Neil:BEING THE SCHOOL MASCOT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM.

Sam:YEAH, SINCE LUNCH.

Sam:HELP ME, OBI-WAN KENOBI. YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE.

Neil:YOU HAD TO GO AND QUOTE THE STAR WARS, DIDN'T YOU?

Harold:I'M A MEMBER OF THE ROTARY, YOU KNOW. AND THE MASONS. AND COUNCILMAN APPLEBEE, JUST LAST WEEK, ASKED ME TO RUN FOR THE SCHOOL BOARD.

Harold:BOY, I COULD BE THE MAYOR, I WOULDN'T GET ANY RESPECT AROUND THIS HOUSE.

Nick:SLEEP TIGHT. DON'T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE.

Bill:HEY, SAM, I HEARD THE MASCOT HAS TO CHANGE WITH THE CHEERLEADERS IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM.

Sam:REALLY? THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT.

Cindy:SHE'S KINDA BOSSY.

Bill:FOR YOUR SAKE, I HOPE NOT.

Heidi:YOU BETTER DITCH HIM. HE'S CRAZY.

Kim:WELL, YOU KNOW, JUST BE CAREFUL WITH HER BECAUSE SHE'S A LIAR. SHE LIKES TO SCREW PEOPLE OVER.

Neil:THAT GUY WAS AS FUNNY AS A CAR WRECK.

Neil:IF YOU FEEL YOURSELF START TO FALL ASLEEP, PULL OUT A NOSE HAIR. IT'LL WAKE YOU RIGHT UP.

Vicki:YOU COULD BE A DANCING YESHIVA STUDENT.

Neil:IT'S ALL POLITICS!

Daniel:I KINDA THINK IT'S FUNNY WHEN THE JOCKS CRY, YOU KNOW? 'OOOOH, THEY CHEATED!' HA HA HA!

Kim:[SOTTO] DON'T DO IT. PLEASE.

Daniel:I'D HATE TO BE THAT GUY'S DRUM SET TONIGHT.

Sam:I WANTED TO BE FUNNY. VICKI DIDN'T WANT COMEDY.

Herbert:BE CAREFUL NOT TO PULL THEIR BRA STRAPS... 'CAUSE THEY'LL WIGGLE, AND YOU'LL FALL.

Kim:THAT BETTER HAVE BEEN WATER. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.

Jean:I THINK HE'D BE CUTE WITH THAT MASK ON AND EVERYTHING. IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY.

Lindsay:[WHISPERS] I'm not here.

Jean:SHE'S, UM... UH, OUT WITH HER FATHER. YEAH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING, BUT THEY'RE OUT THERE DOING IT.

Jean:LINDSAY, I DON'T LIKE TO LIE.

Nick:ARE YOU GONNA ANSWER ME, KEENNN?

Nick:FINE. IF THIS ISN'T KEN, YOU BETTER NOT CALL BACK HERE... OR I'LL FIND YOU.

Jean:I FEEL LIKE... A MOTHER, YOU KNOW?

Harold:YOU'RE ON MY LEG.

Harold:WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM HE'S A GREASEBUCKET, AND YOU DESERVE BETTER?

Sam:I GOT TO FORM A HUMAN PYRAMID ON TOP OF HER.

Harold:WELL, THAT'LL DO IT.

Daniel:MAYBE HE JUST GETS SO HORNY, HIS BRAIN FRIES, YOU KNOW?

Kim:OH, IS THAT WHY YOU'RE SUCH A BASTARD TO ME?

Daniel:YEAH. WELL, YOU'RE STILL HERE, AREN'T YA?

Neil:A MILLION THINGS. YOU FALL ON IT. YOU STAB YOURSELF. YOU STAB THE OTHER MASCOT.

Neil:A NORSEMAN IN HAWAII. THAT'S FUNNY!

Bill:I CAN'T BE SEEN WITH YOU.

Daniel:TELL MY MOTHER THAT I LOVE HER.

Vicki:WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Sam:TODD'S A JERK. HE'S NOT EVEN NICE TO YOU. HE'S ALL COCKY. IT'S JUST STUPID THAT YOU LIKE HIM.

Neil:YOU THINK STEVE MARTIN ALWAYS FEELS LIKE BEING FUNNY? NO, BUT HE GOES OUT ON THAT STAGE EVERY NIGHT WITH HIS ARROW AND HIS BANJO, AND HE KILLS.

Harold:TEENAGERS. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

Lindsay:MOM, DID YOU BREAK UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND?

Neil:MAN WITH A BIG HEAD COMING THROUGH.

Neil:OH, I STABBED MYSELF! OH, MY GOD. HE'S GONNA DIE. HELP ME. I'M DYING.