Lindsay offers to help Daniel study for an algebra test, but ends up accused by the teacher of cheating. Daniel lends sexually naive Sam a porn film.
WAR
71
Wins Above Replacement
“Kim Kelly Is My Friend” ranks #15 of 18 Freaks and Geeks episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.0 — Elite. The episode packs 84 scored jokes at 2.2 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Sam landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Kim · Lindsay: Kim: 'Oh, my life sucks!' Lindsay: 'No, it doesn't.' Kim: 'My parents hate me! I don't have any friends! You're, like, my only friend, Lindsay, and you're — you're a total loser.' Beat. 'No offense.'
Kim Lindsay Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lindsay · Kim's mother: Lindsay is trapped by Kim's mother's questions about the vacation house. 'What street is it on?' Lindsay: 'Benton Harbor... Street.'
Kim · Sam: Kim, after Kim helped remove the locker graffiti for Sam: 'No problem, geek.'
Kim Sam Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Bill: Bill, after Karen leaves: 'I, uh, I hope she meant your geek blood.'
Bill Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Kim: Kim pre-briefs Lindsay on her parents: 'My aunt Kathy was so rad. She lived in L.A. She was on Kojak. She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.' Beat. 'Yeah. Well, she's dead. She O.D.'d on coke.'
Kim Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 84 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Unknown students: Donut chaos: cookies/donuts dropped on the floor, and the response is 'Now they're dirty, so just eat them.'
Daniel: Daniel, on Karen's post-breakup fury: 'Well, if she's looking for new customers, I'm up for a test drive.'
Daniel Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Perry · Sam: Perry flexes and accidentally punches Sam in the solar plexus while showing off his workout gains.
Perry Sam Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Neal: Neal proposes: 'I propose after school we make some acid, pour it on the sidewalk, and watch it kill bugs.'
Neal Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Sam · Karen: Sam accidentally bangs Karen's locker, then nervously explains he got hit in the solar plexus as his excuse.
Sam Karen Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Callback Sam · Karen: Sam, post-solar-plexus hit, accidentally bangs on Karen Scarfoli's locker and is immediately threatened
Sam Karen Cringe/Discomfort Physical/Slapstick Callback Karen · Karen's friend: Karen's friends mock Sam for being 14: 'You can't be 14, midget. You haven't even hit puberty.' Then one checks his armpits.
Karen · Sam: Karen marks Sam's locker with graffiti 'so you'll always know which one's yours and which one's mine.'
Karen Sam Deadpan/Understatement Cringe/Discomfort Bill · Sam: Bill, after Sam returns from the locker incident, asks with genuine innocent curiosity: 'You don't have hair in your pits?'
Bill Sam Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Daniel · Nick · Kim: Daniel asks about Karen's breakup: 'Is she, like, a prude? Did she not, you know... go the distance?' Everyone laughs at 'distance.'
Kim · Daniel/Nick: Kim describes the Karen/Ricky situation: 'She's not a prude. She's a slut, obviously.' Beat. 'She's a friend of yours.' Kim: 'Obviously.'
Kim: After the group gossips extensively, Kim says: 'God, people are so gossipy at this school. It's, like, get a life, you know?'
Kim Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Lindsay · Unknown student: Lindsay tries to sit in a different spot; someone says 'That's Gary Ross's seat.' Lindsay: 'Oh. But he's sick.' 'He has impetigo.'
Nick: Nick defends Lindsay hanging out, then undercuts himself: 'She shouldn't ruin everything for everybody just because she's always on her period.'
Nick Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Neal: Neal's Twilight Zone riff: 'A defaced locker... a humiliated freshman... and a busty succubus from hell — perhaps we've left McKinley High and entered the chilling corridors of the Twilight Zone.'
Neal Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bill: Bill: 'I can't believe she inspected your pits. You know, I thought she was gonna make sweet love to ya.'
Bill Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Sam · Neal: Harold's rule vs. Harold's other rule: 'My dad has a rule: you don't fight girls.' / 'My dad has a rule: you don't piss your pants at school.'
Sam Neal Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Karen: Karen: 'I'm just gonna have to mark that locker again. This time... in geek blood.'
Karen Dark/Subversive Escalation Callback Bill: Bill, after Karen leaves: 'I, uh, I hope she meant your geek blood.'
Bill Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Kim: Kim on phone with her mother, screaming: 'Would you quit yelling at me, you psychopath?!' then hangs up and says, 'Well, as usual, my mother is being a total shrew.'
Kim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Nick: Nick, watching Kim's phone meltdown: 'You know, sometimes relationships can be a drag. Especially if you're goin' out with her.'
Nick Deadpan/Understatement Observational Millie · Unknown student: Student about Kim: 'I heard about what she does in the yearbook darkroom.' Then, when asked to clarify: 'She... fornicates it.'
Lindsay · Millie: Millie responds to Kim's alleged darkroom activities: 'I just think it's sad.' Lindsay: 'We can't all be Girl Scouts, Millie.'
Bill · Sam · Neal: Geeks discover 'Pygmy' has been written on Sam's locker. Bill explains: 'It's a dwarf from Australia.'
Bill Sam Neal Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Vice Principal · Sam: Vice principal catches Sam by his graffitied locker and demands an essay: '500 words — Why Vandalism — Why the Property of School Should Be Respected and Why We Should Respect It.'
Sam · Jean (Mom): Sam is eating aggressively before dinner: 'I'm loading up on carbs.' Mom: 'But we're having carbs for dinner.' Sam: 'You want me to stay a midget? Is that what you want?'
Sam: Sam on Kim Kelly: 'Kim Kelly's a psycho. She and Karen Scarfoli? They're violent. They run around the school being evil.'
Sam Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Lindsay · Sam: Sam, explaining why Lindsay shouldn't befriend Kim: 'Because she and her friends are mean to me. They wrote Geek on my locker.' Lindsay: 'Well, maybe you are a geek.'
Lindsay Sam Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Kim: Kim pre-briefs Lindsay on her parents: 'My aunt Kathy was so rad. She lived in L.A. She was on Kojak. She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.' Beat. 'Yeah. Well, she's dead. She O.D.'d on coke.'
Kim Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kim: Kim, immediately after the aunt death story: 'Roll up my window. I don't want my car to get stolen.'
Kim Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Kim: Kim, as a side note while briefing Lindsay on the cover story: 'Oh, and by the way, I spend the night at your house every Friday night, and last weekend, we went up to your vacation house in Benton Harbor and went water-skiing.'
Kim Escalation Character Comedy Kim's mother · Kim: Kim forgot to bring soda. Her mom: 'Yeah? Well, I forgot to make you dinner. How do you like that?'
Kim's mother · Kim: Kim's mom: 'She's hanging on for dear life.' Kim: 'B.S. I get good grades.' Mom: 'I hate to blow your mind, sister, but Ds are not good. Ds are bad.'
Kim: Kim explains her D: 'I told you my history teacher was a pervert. I wasn't about to go to his house after school to get tutored.'
Kim Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kim's stepfather · Chip (snoring): Chip is asleep/snoring during the dinner conversation. 'Can it, Kim. You're gonna wake up Chip.' [Snoring continues.]
Lindsay · Kim's stepfather: Stepfather asking about the Weir family's wealth: 'You got a vacation house up there in Benton Harbor... your family must be very wealthy.' Lindsay: 'My dad always says a farmer never reveals how many cows he's got.'
Kim's stepfather: Stepfather, upon hearing Lindsay's dad owns A-1 Sporting Goods: 'Really? Can he get us a discount?'
Kim's stepfather · Lindsay: Lindsay tries to explain why the Weirs' house isn't as fancy as advertised: 'We're remodeling.' Kim's stepfather: 'Oh, and take your time with that. I love relievin' myself behind a shower curtain.'
Kim's Stepfather · Kim's Mother: Kim's stepfather on the bathroom: 'We're remodeling.' / 'Oh, and take your time with that. I love relievin' myself behind a shower curtain.'
Kim's sibling: Kim's younger sibling immediately follows the bathroom revelation with: 'Smells like fart.'
Neal · Bill · Sam: Back in the Weir kitchen: Neal refuses to hold the test tube for chemistry experiments, citing a magazine story about a kid who got acid on him and 'now he's goin' to Disneyland for his last hoorah.'
Neal · Bill: Neal's chemistry set logic: 'I'm not gonna get my fingers melted off just so you can get a kick.' / Bill's response: 'Why? So you can pick your rumpus?'
Bill · Sam: Bill asks how many words Sam has. Sam says 33. Bill: 'It's so unfair! I mean, if I have to write an essay, then Karen Scarfoli should have to write a big, fat book.'
Bill Sam Character Comedy Escalation Callback Bill: Bill: 'I think she's a sex fiend. You should move your locker. What if she comes to school really horny one day?'
Bill Character Comedy Absurdist Neal · Bill: Neal: 'Girls don't get horny.' Bill: 'They don't?' Neal: 'Only guys get horny.' Bill: 'Maybe Karen Scarfoli's a guy.'
Neal Bill Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Sam · Neal: Neal calls Sam 'Bilbo Baggins' again; Sam retorts: 'Yeah? Well, at least I'm not a pygmy.'
Lindsay · Kim's mother: Lindsay is trapped by Kim's mother's questions about the vacation house. 'What street is it on?' Lindsay: 'Benton Harbor... Street.'
Kim · Kim's mother: The Kelly dinner explodes: Kim's mom: 'You are a lying brat! I knew it!' Kim: 'I'm not lying! You guys just can't believe that I can make a friend who's rich and smart!' Mom: 'She's not smart!' Kim: 'No, she is! She's really smart! I swear to God!'
Kim · Kim's Stepfather · Kim's Mother: The Kelly family dinner erupts: Kim's mom explodes about the car, Kim yells 'You're not my father, fat ass!' / stepfather: 'Damn right, I'm not!'
Kim's stepfather: Kim's stepfather: 'Your aunt Kathy spent $1,000 of my money snorting it up her nose, so as far as I'm concerned, that car is mine!'
Neal · Sam · Bill: Neal confronts Sam: 'I'm sorry to break it to you, but you're the geek.' Sam: 'I may be some things, but I'm not a geek.' Neal: 'Hey, you guys, let's go make some acid and pour it on the sidewalk. Won't that be fun?' [Beat.] 'You're 14 years old and you still play with chemistry sets?'
Neal Sam Bill Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Neal · Sam · Bill: Sam denies playing with Tonka trucks. Neal: 'You want to go on the record with that statement?' Sam: 'I gave them away, like, years ago.' Neal: [dramatically] 'May I direct the jury's attention to Exhibit A?'
Bill · Sam · Neal: The geeks ask Bill to adjudicate who's the bigger geek: Bill's response: 'I don't know. I mean, what's geek mean anyway? It's just a word.' Pushed to choose: 'I guess... Sam.'
Bill Sam Neal Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Neal: Neal consoling Sam about being the designated geek: 'Hey, you shouldn't feel so ashamed. There are a lot of famous geeks in history — Einstein, Gilligan, Gomer Pyle.'
Neal Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bill: The chemistry set spills during the fight; Bill shouts 'Cover your flesh! Cover your flesh!'
Bill Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Kim: Kim finds Daniel at the basketball court with another girl and screams: 'You are dead! You are so dead! Do you hear me? You are dead! Both of you are dead!'
Kim Escalation Character Comedy Nick: Nick's understated reaction to Kim nearly running them over and then screaming 'You are dead': 'She's pissed.'
Nick Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Kim: Kim, crying about Daniel: 'Daniel is a normal guy, you know? He'll screw anything that moves. And that's why I've got to stay alert. I have to be a bitch, you know?'
Kim Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Kim · Lindsay: Kim: 'Oh, my life sucks!' Lindsay: 'No, it doesn't.' Kim: 'My parents hate me! I don't have any friends! You're, like, my only friend, Lindsay, and you're — you're a total loser.' Beat. 'No offense.'
Kim Lindsay Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jean (Mom) · Harold (Dad) · Sam: Sam is eating aggressively at dinner; Mom: 'Oh, he usually never eats, and just look at him.' Dad: 'He could use a little meat on his bones.' Mom: 'I'm just worried he might have worms.' Dad: 'Sam, do you think you might have worms?'
Sam · Kim · Harold (Dad) · Jean (Mom): Kim, crying at the Weir dinner table; Sam burps loudly. Kim keeps crying. Sam burps even louder. Kim's father: 'Damn.' Mom: 'What is it, Sam? Is he going to blow up?' Dad: 'That's a perfectly good piece of veal wasted. I think he has a parasite.'
Kim · Harold (Dad): Kim, watching TV with Harold: 'I hate cop shows. Cops are such pigs. My brother got ambushed by cops once. They beat him on the head with their billy clubs.' Harold: 'What was your brother doing?' Kim: 'Nothing. He was just drunk, minding his own business.'
Kim's mother (via phone) · Jean (Mom): Kim's mother calls the Weirs: she tells Jean that Lindsay and Kim 'stay out all night and sleep with boys' and that she 'shouldn't believe a word' Lindsay says.
Harold (Dad): Harold, clearly uncomfortable with Nick making moves on Lindsay: 'Hey, what do you say we guys go down to the beach and shoot some clams?'
Kim: Kim continues: 'Now he sleeps all day on the couch, and he never parties. I think he's got brain damage.'
Kim Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Kim · Nick: Nick shows up at the Weir door as Kim's messenger: 'Daniel's waiting out at the car, and he wants to talk to Kim.' Kim: 'What are you, his chore boy? Why don't you go tell your master that I don't ever want to talk to him again?'
Kim Nick Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Harold (Dad): Harold, after 'so you can all just bite me' from Kim: 'If she's planning on sleeping over, she can just forget about it.'
Kim · Sam: Kim promises Sam revenge on Karen: 'I'm just going to break her arms. And after I break her arms, I'm going to take a wrench and pull out her teeth one by one. And then I'm going to take a match and set her hair on fire.' Sam: 'Well, don't hurt her too bad.'
Kim Sam Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Daniel · Jean (Mom): Daniel sneaks in through a window/door and scares Jean: 'AAH! HAROLD!' / Daniel: 'Lady, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just looking for my girlfriend.'
Harold (Dad) · Daniel: Harold, on Daniel: 'Jeez, kid, you ever hear of a doorbell? People do have heart attacks, you know.' / Daniel: 'Oh, yeah. Sorry, pops.'
Nick · Harold (Dad) · Jean (Mom): Nick meets Lindsay's parents for the first time: 'I just want you to know it's, like, such a pleasure to meet you guys finally. Uh, Lindsay turned out great! She's... so great. Congratulations.'
Nick: Nick, after complimenting the Weirs: 'Hey, so, um, listen, do you guys mind if I have this Fruit Roll-Up?'
Nick Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Jean (Mom) · Lindsay · Harold (Dad): Jean: 'I think they've made up. Let's go check on them.' / Lindsay: 'Mom, no.' / Jean: 'I think we deserve to see a happy ending, don't you, Harold?'
Daniel · Harold (Dad): Daniel is doing post-reconciliation small talk with Harold: 'I think you got a great store. There's a lot of great stuff in there. I bought a basketball in there a couple of years ago. It still works and everything.'
Daniel · Harold (Dad) · Jean (Mom): Daniel asks if he can take the remaining Fruit Roll-Ups. Harold: 'Please. Take them.' Daniel takes them. 'Thanks so much for dinner and ice cream and everything. It was really good to meet you guys. Super nice.'
Nick: Nick: 'Thanks so much for dinner and ice cream and everything. It was really good to meet you guys. Super nice.' / Then asks to leave his car at their house overnight.
Nick Character Comedy Escalation Sam: Sam, desperately: 'Well, I got a ton of homework to do, so I guess I better go hit the books. Huh, Dad?' / Then just: 'Good night.'
Sam Character Comedy Awkward Silence Harold (Dad) · Jean (Mom): Harold and Jean's final exchange: 'This isn't good.' 'No.'
Karen · Sam: Karen Scarfoli appears and demands Sam's essay: 'Hey, Sam Weir. Where's my essay?' — treating the principal's punishment as if it were a personal assignment she commissioned.
Karen Sam Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Vice Principal · Sam: Vice principal posts Sam's essay on his locker so 'everyone at McKinley can learn from your little mistake.'
Vice Principal · Sam: Vice principal posts Sam's essay on his locker: 'We're going to post this on your locker so that everyone in McKinley can learn from your little mistake.'
Vice Principal: Vice principal, surveying the kids: 'All right, I give up. If you kids want to live in trash, that's fine by me.'
Karen: Karen confronts whoever wrote on her locker: 'I did it. Because you are a slut, slut.' Other person: 'Hey, he hit on me.' Karen: 'Oh, yeah? Well, after school, I'm going to hit on you. See you then.'
Karen Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kim · Sam: Kim, after Kim helped remove the locker graffiti for Sam: 'No problem, geek.'
Kim Sam Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — Freaks and Geeks
