New Guys

Dwight:How was my summer? It was pretty mixed. I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff.

Dwight:Mr. Schrute, the results are in. You're not the father. I told you. God.

Dwight:On! Oh, my God! Oh! What a summer! An emotional roller coaster.

Dwight:I ran over a turtle in the parking lot.

Jim · Pam:Jim's talking head: 'Nothing new, really' then Pam immediately gushes about her mural, Jim calls her a genius, and Jim buries the lede — his college friend is building a company from Jim's idea.

Jim:He said if it takes off, he's going to buy us a new car. An Altima or better.

Kelly · Narrator/Documentary:Kelly announcing she's going to Miami to 'hang with LeBron James and Gloria Estefan' — cut to: Miami University is in Ohio.

Kelly:On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused. 'Enjoy the snow, losers!'

Documentary Narrator · Ryan:Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio, for what he claimed were unrelated reasons.

Ryan:Ryan's talking head: 'Southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie.'

Ryan:This is not garbage. It's my clothes.

Jim · Documentary Crew:Documentary crew explains they're following the Scranton office 'to see how you turn out' — Jim reacts: 'Oh yeah, I guess we were kind of dramatic in the beginning.'

Jim · Pam:Jim: 'I don't think anything's going to change in our lives now. With work and two kids, I guess nothing interesting is going to happen to us for a long, long time.'

Kevin · Pete:New employee asks where to throw something out. Kevin's response: 'Oh my God. It's called a garbage can. Helpless.'

Kevin:Kevin's talking head: 'They're like the new Jim and Dwight.'

Jim:Jim's reaction to Kevin's observation — the implied deadpan camera look of resigned acknowledgment.

Meredith · Pete:Meredith: 'Hey, New Jim. Come sit on my face.' Pete: 'No, thank you. My name's Pete.'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'The only thing we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith's face. And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim.'

Andy:Andy returns waxing philosophical about Outward Bound: 'The things we think we need. Clocks! Yeah, right.'

Toby · Andy:Toby to Andy: 'You know, I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.'

Andy · Pete · Clark:Andy nicknames the new guys: Clark is fine, but Pete gets 'Plop' because he's 'always taking dumps.' Pete protests: 'No, I'm not.' Andy: 'Come on, everybody defecates. Relax, Plop.'

Andy · Clark:Andy nicknames Clark 'Fart because you fart all the time.' Clark: 'I love it!'

Andy · Dwight · Clark · Office:The Dwight Jr. physical resemblance reveal: Andy makes Dwight stand next to Clark, everyone's minds are blown despite Dwight's denial.

Dwight:Dwight's confessional about Dwight Jr.: 'In a way, it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson.'

Kevin · Angela:Angela needs to give away a cat. Kevin: 'The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one that you let go around naked?'

Andy · Dwight:Andy asks Dwight: 'Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr.?' — long pause — Dwight: 'Yes. Yes, I am.'

Angela:Angela describing Comstock's love of denim pants: 'He loves those pants.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's response to taking the cat: 'Please. After the turtle?' — said with complete contempt.

Angela · Oscar:Angela to Oscar: 'If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.' Oscar: 'Those guys always turn back, Angela.'

Andy:Andy to David Wallace: 'I was the best at slacklining. I ate a worm.'

Andy · Toby:Andy wants to fire Nellie; Toby says he can only do it 'for cause.' Andy: 'Then I will make up a cause.' Toby: 'Except you just told me you were going to make it up. Now if she sues, I'll have to testify against you.' Andy: 'Then forget I just told you that.' Toby: 'Can't.'

Toby:Toby explains he took a memory course: 'I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brooke, she had a Greek salad for lunch. See what I mean?'

Andy:Andy: 'Now I know why Michael hated you so much.'

Dwight · Clark:Dwight approaches Clark in the break room: 'Body by Cheez-It.' Clark: 'Ah! Humor. I have it, too.'

Dwight · Clark:Dwight invites Clark to a Slayer concert '10 months from now.' Clark: 'I think I'm busy that night, or I would.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'Okay, well, we're both just kind of learning as we go, aren't we?' about his new 'father-son' dynamic with Clark

Dwight:Dwight tells Clark he has 'a beautiful round head' in what seems like a genuine attempt at connection.

Dwight · Clark:Dwight: 'So what kind of farming are you into, huh? More of a fruit man or a root man?' Clark: 'Hey, is this code for, like, gay stuff? 'Cause, if so, that's totally fine.'

Dwight:Dwight's response: 'Spoken like a true root man.'

Clark · Jim:Clark asks Jim for his client list under the guise of helping with sales calls. Jim's dawning realization: 'You want a list of my clients? You want my leads?'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional: 'Paranoid? I'm not familiar with the word. And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, okay? A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job.'

Jim:Jim's confessional: 'Jim, get ready for the battle of your life. Done. Explain.' Then: 'There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub.'

Jim · Dwight · Pam:Jim didn't know there was a sales meeting: 'The new guys called a sales meeting?' 'Clark ended the whole thing with a karate demonstration. Did you know there was a belt above black?' 'There is no belt above black.' 'Is there a belt above black? You should ask him.' 'It's a color you would never expect.'

Unknown:Too easy.

Angela:Angela announcing Comstock adoption interviews: 'My ideal situation would be an independently wealthy cute couple with a strong commitment to education. Black or white, I'm fine with either, but not both.'

Nellie · Andy:Nellie to Andy about their working relationship: 'It's going to be terrible.' Andy: 'Not necessarily.' Nellie: 'No, I'm going to make sure that it is, and if it isn't, I will take immediate action to rectify that.'

Nellie:Nellie: 'Now, I don't like to throw around the "B" word.' [beat] 'But I'm going to be a huge bitch to you.'

Andy:Andy introduces slacklining: 'if you Toby out, then you'll feel like a real Nellie.'

Andy:Andy introduces his Outward Bound counselors Rafe and Feather. 'The powder is for your protection. Feather has permanent athlete's foot.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight attempts to bond with Pete over sports. Pete likes NASCAR and The Amazing Race. Dwight: 'Phillies fan though, right?' Pete: 'You mean horses? No. Like baseball. I like the Red Sox. I'm from Vermont, so...' Dwight: 'Okay. Good talk.'

Nellie · Andy:Nellie attempts slacklining in heels. Andy: 'You going to wear your heels?' Nellie: 'I'm very self-conscious about my feet.' Then immediately falls spectacularly.

Andy:Andy after Nellie falls: 'Hey, all right. Whoa, you suck.'

Darryl:Darryl declining the slackline: 'This seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do.'

Clark:Clark walks the slackline easily on his first try. 'I've always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.'

Dwight · Clark:Clark (Dwight Jr.) crushes the slackline — Dwight, furious: 'Boo! Unimpressed! It's a tightrope for babies! Boo!'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight attempts the slackline after Clark succeeds, falls repeatedly and spectacularly. Andy: 'Who ordered the hot apple fail?' and 'Got ourselves a yard sale!'

Andy:'Balls and face! It's not a race, Dwight.'

Dwight · Andy:Dwight's extended slackline failure — multiple falls, Andy: 'Got ourselves a yard sale!' 'Balls and face! It's not a race, Dwight.'

Office/Unknown:'It's official. Old Dwight is lame and New Dwight is cool.'

Dwight:Dwight: 'That's not true. Just give me another chance.' Andy shuts it down. Dwight: 'This is a stupid activity. This is not okay. I would be embarrassed to be good at it.'

Dwight:Dwight's confessional: 'Slacklining. Big deal. Untie that rope, give it to a couple of pigtailed schoolgirls, let them start jumping with it while chanting a rhyme and giggling about boys. Doesn't seem so macho now, does it? It's a jump rope!'

Dwight · Pam:Dwight calls Pam up to the roof via ladder for a secret meeting. 'Pam? Hey, I'm up here. Up the ladder, come on.'

Pam:Pam's reaction to Pete's interview: 'Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim.' (direct to camera)

Dwight · Pam:Dwight proposes riding a bicycle across the parking lot on a wire suspended between the building and a telephone pole, with Pam as his counterweight. 'So it is literally impossible for anyone to fall off.'

Dwight · Pam:Dwight's high-wire bicycle apparatus — the trapeze 'completely surrounds the wire' making it 'literally impossible for anyone to fall off.' He needs Pam as a counterweight.

Pam · Dwight:Pam: 'Dwight, you may find this hard to believe, but I love my boring life.' Dwight: 'Come on!' Pam: 'Exactly the way it is.'

Dwight:Dwight on Phyllis as counterweight: 'I can't use Phyllis. Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar, I'll be launched into space.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela on why she's giving away the cat: 'Allergies.' 'Your husband?' 'No, the baby.' Then: 'It's the only time I've seen him cry, other than our wedding night.'

Angela · Oscar:Angela: 'He has this business dinner tonight. C'est la vie.' Oscar: 'Please don't teach the cat French.'

Oscar · Angela:Oscar calls Angela's husband 'Robert' and says he'll see him 'tonight when you come over for dinner.' Angela freezes.

Jim · Pam:Jim sneaks away to make a secret phone call while Pam waits: 'You know what? I'll meet you down there. I just got to make a quick call.'

Dwight:Dwight announces over the intercom: 'Attention, employees of Dunder Mifflin! Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool 'cause they can slackline. Ooh! Hey, Clark! This is what a real salesman looks like! They say that you only live once, and I'm about to prove it!'

Jim:Jim on the phone accepting the Philly job: 'Yeah. Yep, I'm all in.' — intercut with Dwight's disastrous high-wire bicycle attempt in the parking lot.

Jim:Intercut: Jim calls his contact about the Philly job — 'Hey, man, it's Halpert. Did you go to the other guy yet? Great. Don't. I'm in... Yeah. Yep, I'm all in.'

Andy · Nellie:Andy throws trash toward a bin instead of walking it over. Nellie is mid-sentence about recycling. 'Oh! Swish.' Nellie: 'It was nothing to do with me. I just happen to be sitting near to where the bins are.'

Nellie:Random office member tosses trash perfectly into the bin while Nellie is mid-speech about not tossing. Nellie: 'Swish.' Then: 'It was nothing to do with me. I just happen to be sitting near to where the bins are.'

Nellie · Andy:Nellie: 'There are two things that I am passionate about: recycling and revenge.' Andy successfully makes another trash shot. 'Fluke.'