Pete Miller

Tom · Pete · Pam:Tom immediately tops Pam's prank idea with a crueler, pre-existing one about mocking her for being an artist

Tom · Pete:'Yeah, we should totally dog her about being an artist, never making any money... she basically has a hobby for a job.'

Pete:'Maybe Pam should pay the check by drawing a picture on this napkin.'

Tom · Pete · Pam · Jim:Tom and Pete reveal the prank: 'We pranked you. It was Pam's idea. Pam was the mastermind.'

Kevin · Pete:New employee asks where to throw something out. Kevin's response: 'Oh my God. It's called a garbage can. Helpless.'

Meredith · Pete:Meredith: 'Hey, New Jim. Come sit on my face.' Pete: 'No, thank you. My name's Pete.'

Andy · Pete · Clark:Andy nicknames the new guys: Clark is fine, but Pete gets 'Plop' because he's 'always taking dumps.' Pete protests: 'No, I'm not.' Andy: 'Come on, everybody defecates. Relax, Plop.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight attempts to bond with Pete over sports. Pete likes NASCAR and The Amazing Race. Dwight: 'Phillies fan though, right?' Pete: 'You mean horses? No. Like baseball. I like the Red Sox. I'm from Vermont, so...' Dwight: 'Okay. Good talk.'

Pete · Pam:Pete opens a letter addressed to 'Customer Service' with excitement, only to be told it's not his personal mail.

Pete:Clark's talking head: 'No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glen and Rob, but you don't know them.'

Pete:Pete arrives as makeup guy: 'Sorry, man. Andy thought Erin needed a co-anchor. I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied.'

Pete · Erin · Dwight:Pete studying French while Erin watches and Dwight interrupts to pitch Dothraki as 'a lot easier than French.'

Dwight · Pete:'Athdavrazar! It means excellent. And we have begun.'

Pete · Clark:Pete and Clark's talking head about Andy's enthusiasm: 'We noticed early on Andy really appreciates enthusiasm, so we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders... It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome.'

Pete · Clark:Talking head with Pete and Clark: 'We noticed early on Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight's Dothraki conjugation lesson: 'I throat-rip. Foth aggendak. You throat-rip. Foth aggendi. He-she-it throat-rips. Foth aggenda. More of a barbaric growl. Louder. You're shouting it from the back of a horse.'

Pete:Dothraki lesson: 'Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk?'

Pete · Dwight:Pete confronts Dwight about teaching him a 'fake language.' Dwight: 'People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it.'

Erin · Pete:Erin and Pete bickering about PowerPoint: 'You're the tutorial.' 'No, dude, I'm not. I'm not the tutorial.' 'You could be.' 'Mmm-mmm.'

Pete:But the information's already on the computer. So, why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy and he told me to chillax. And then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are.

Pete:Don't give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house. Fight the power.

Darryl · Pete:Make it go taller. That's the idea. No, not taller this way, taller this way.

Pete:This next card comes to us thanks to Meredith Palmer, who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary a, quote, 'sausage factory.'

Pete · Darryl:This next one goes to Darryl for pocket-dialing a customer while having sex.

Kevin · Jim · Pete:Kevin knocks over the card tower. Panic. Jim says 'It's just a mistake. That's what this tower is all about. Mistakes... If you're afraid of screwing up, this tower's not for you.'

Pete · Kevin · Darryl:All right! Check it out. Yes! Like a phoenix from the ashes! Nice. Pretty soon, we're going to be at the ceiling.

Pete · Pam · Kevin:It's empty. What? What? Come on, we could use a blank card. No! No! That's cheating! I could get us a complaint. You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly.

Kevin · Pete · Darryl:Pam! Pam! Pam! Pam! Pam! Pam! Go, Pam! Pam! Pam! Pam! [Kevin chanting, others joining]

Pete:Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you. Remember, you're a scum bag, so you think scummy thoughts, like this.

Pam · Pete:Did they say anything? What did they say? I couldn't tell. I don't... Were they angry? I felt like they were confused at least.

Pam · Kevin · Pete:Did they say anything? / What did they say? / I couldn't tell. I don't... Were they angry? / I felt like they were confused at least.

Pete · Kevin · Pam:Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client! Yes! All right! Come on! You did good. You did good. See you later, Heymont!

Pete · Pam:Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert. For insulting a client's recently deceased mother. A woman who struggled with obesity all her life. I am so sorry. Yeah, that is terrible.

Pete · Clark:Pete: 'I'm just hoping German terrorists don't take over this Christmas party, make me go all John McClane on their asses.' Then he calls John McCain 'John McCain.'

Jim · Pete:Jim corrects Pete's quote placement — 'He doesn't say that there. He says it earlier, when he's on the radio with Hans' — and Pete immediately validates him, then someone calls him a nerd

Clark · Pete:Clark: 'Yes. You are right. Forgive me.' Pete: 'That's okay, bud.' Clark: 'Nope.' Pete: 'Common mistake.' Clark: 'No, it's not.' Clark: 'Nerd!'

Jim · Pete:Jim says his brother dared him to memorize Die Hard and 'I did it, and I loved doing it.' Someone immediately says 'Okay, let's hear it. Every line. Go.'

Jim · Pete · Clark:Jim starts reciting Die Hard: 'You don't like flying, do you?' — others say don't change the subject — Jim reveals 'No, that's the movie starting.'

Pete · Toby:New employee: 'Oh! What happened? I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. Because if you can't, I understand.' Toby: 'I could. I could talk about it. See you next Christmas.'

Jim · Pete:Jim recites the wrong Die Hard line ('Let Heinrich plant the detonators...'); Pete corrects him: 'That was transcribed by some fan. They make mistakes.'

Clark · Pete:Someone mentions Karl was 'actually a ballet dancer in real life. Isn't that crazy?' during Die Hard — reaction shot of indifference

Pete · Dwight:Dwight confessional after Jim leaves: 'For what it's worth, I liked your party better. Everyone thought the food was gross and that Belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight: 'I don't think anyone thought that.' Immediately followed by someone confirming they definitely thought that (implied by Pete's confident delivery).

Pete · Erin:Pete: 'Are you going to kiss me?' Erin: 'Yes.' — the punchline being the directness and certainty of the answer

Erin · Pete:Erin to Pete: 'Are you going to kiss me?' Pete: 'Yes.'

Erin · Pete:Pete and Erin have a fake pre-existing lice-buddy pact to avoid pairing with Creed: 'I'm already partners with Pete. Right, Pete?' / 'Uh... Yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up.'

Pete · Clark · Andy:The Derek McBlack social media scheme — 'It's just Pete in sunglasses.'

Pete · Clark:The full social media scheme explained: fake profiles, fake friends who like Derek's likes — 'So far we're only popular with imaginary people'

Pete · Clark · Andy:Alan Olifson from North Dakota — 'He also likes Hammermill and Georgia Pacific. Wow, that guy's really into paper.'

Pete · Erin:The Youth Task Force handshake that Pete and Erin can't get right — 'You always mess that part up. Oh, no, no, no.'

Nellie · Pete · Erin:Nellie reassembles Youth Task Force — Pete and Erin clearly want it dissolved; Nellie insists; they capitulate awkwardly: 'Well, okay then.' / 'I guess we don't have a choice.' / 'Nope.' / 'Yeah.' / 'Yeah.'

Pete:Pete's line to Andy: 'Hey, burning man, if it's not selling out too much, you might wanna throw on a tie. David Wallace is gonna be here in an hour.'

Erin · Pete:Erin comes to Pete after failing to break up with Andy. Pete: 'Oh.' Erin: 'I'm sorry.' Pete: 'Oh, you don't have to apologize. I just — I just want you to be happy, okay?'

Andy · Pete · Clark:Andy's bro-council: 'We are in the brozone layer. Okay, Nard Dog, Plop, and Clarker Posey, A.K.A. Clarkwork Orange.'

Pete:Pete's talking-head: 'It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long he forgot my real name. Which is Pete.'

Andy · Pete:Andy reveals to Pete (unknowingly) that he thinks he has chlamydia from Erin. 'I just got off the phone with my doctor, and turns out I contracted ch-lamydia from Erin. And it's incurable.'

Andy · Pete:Andy to Pete: 'Kind of painful to chat with you, Pete, ever since the ol' one-two punch to my scrotum pole, translation — penis, translation — my manhood.'

Andy · Pete · Darryl:Andy: 'Great advice. Thank you. You can leave now.' / Pete tries to be earnest. Andy: 'Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in.'

Andy · Pete · Erin · Alice:Andy trying to maximize Erin and Pete's discomfort: 'I mean, you got to admit it, this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with.' / 'Awkward!'

Alice · Pete:Pete's ex Alice to Pete: 'You must be pretty horny.' (after describing his post-breakup weight loss/gain)

Andy · Gabe · Pete · Erin · Alice:Andy calls a conference room meeting, pretending to care about everyone's day, then reveals: 'Interesting, because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe?'

Gabe · Pete:Gabe: 'What kind of music are you into, Peter?' Pete: 'Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe.' Gabe: 'Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan?'

Pete · Stanley:Pete being asked for iced tea: 'Three sugars, five creams.' / Pete responding cheerfully: 'Coming right up.'

Pete:Coworker: 'Man, he's really in Twinkle Town now.'

Pete · Dwight:Pete and Dwight casually discussing weekend plans while dragging unconscious Stanley down the hall

Dwight · Pete:Pete, on the wheelbarrow plan: 'Well, if I may, you're a natural.' Dwight: 'Thank you. I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head, like, 1,000 times.' Pete: 'That's a little weird.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight's plan: 'I'm gonna launch him. I need you to go to the bottom and catch him.' Pete: 'Catch? I can't catch him, he's like 250 pounds.' Dwight: 'You use your hands and just blunt his descent.'

Dwight · Pete:Pete's reaction: 'That's actually really smart.' / Dwight: 'Thank you. God, if only there was any other use or situation for that kind of knowledge.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight/Pete logistics exchange: 'I'll grab the forelegs, you push his hindquarters.' Pete: 'Just say arms and legs, okay? That's the vernacular I'm comfortable with.' Dwight: 'Hoist his shank on three.' Pete: 'What's a shank?' Dwight: 'It's by the tenderloin.'

Dwight · Pete:Dwight telling Pete to 'get in the back' of the car. Pete reluctantly complies.

Stanley · Dwight · Pete:Driving to client: Stanley semi-conscious says 'Pigeons.' Dwight: 'Oh God, this is bad.'

Pete:Pete: 'Isn't the client, like, best friends with his sister?'

Dwight · Stanley · Pete:Dwight to the client (Mrs. Davis): 'He gets carsick really easily' / Stanley saying 'Driving' while semi-conscious

Pete · Erin:We still got to work together, so we should keep it civil. / I can't hear what you said. / You get your slop?

Erin · Pete:Damn it! God... Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Okay. I got mad. Yeah. 'Cause I don't like losing, Pete. I'm just gonna... Sorry, I'm mad, Pete. I'm mad. I'm really mad. I wanted to win. We were gonna win a lot of money. I was gonna buy you a sweater.

Pete · Jim:Pete greets Jim: 'So, Big Tuna, what's up? Back in the small pond?' Jim: 'For now, yeah.' Pete: 'Thin-sliced Tuna. Carpaccio. Go on.'

Jim · Clark · Pete:Jim returns to his old desk; Clark is sitting there and doesn't want to give it up: 'I've actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So I kind of feel like I've earned this.' Jim: 'You totally have. You have earned it. But maybe I could be with my wife.' Clark: 'Right. Well, I'm here to sell paper.' Jim: 'Burn.'

Jim · Pete:Pete to Jim: 'Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark.' Jim: 'Yeah, a little bit.' Pete: 'Wow.' Jim: 'No, no. I get it.' Pete: 'It's cool, man. I'm sure you and I will have our own thing.' Jim: 'Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right?' Pete: 'You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.'

Jim · Dwight · Pete:Jim and Dwight banter about a double date with Pete and his girlfriend. When Thursday is suggested, both Jim and Dwight immediately cite scheduling conflicts. 'Just forget it. Forget I said anything.' Jim stares at camera. [Awkward silence]

Dwight · Pete · Jim:Pete (Plop) answers 'a horse' — Dwight: 'Ew, the exact opposite, actually.' / 'What's the opposite of a horse?' / 'Come on. It's sea horse.' / 'A sea horse.' / Dwight: 'Whoa, how did you know that I was gonna... Say that? Uncanny.'

Pete:Uh, no one recognizes me, but now all my friends call me Plop. So, thanks, PBS.