Moving On

Andy · David Wallace:Andy's increasingly tortured logic defending himself: 'And all was good in Scranton, P.A., that day.' / 'Oscar says hi all the time. He says all kinds of greetings — hi, hello, hola.'

Andy:Andy in confessional listing his problems including: 'I really miss my beard. It was like a security blanket.'

Andy · David Wallace:Andy reciting Bon Jovi lyrics as a poem: 'These five words I swear to you / When you breathe, I want to be the air for you / I'll be there for you. That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. I want you to have it. We are even now.'

David Wallace:David Wallace, after Andy leaves: 'Vanilla Ice. He was a band.'

Andy · Erin:Andy cheerfully greets Erin 'Good morning. And how are you on this fine d—' then immediately breaks down weeping mid-sentence.

Andy:Andy in confessional, composing himself after crying, then: 'Don't use that part.'

Andy:Cut to Andy at his desk moaning and wailing like a wounded animal, audible throughout the office.

Dwight:Dwight: 'He sounds like a wounded animal. Should have put him out of his misery and just fired him.'

Meredith:Meredith: 'I can't be around sad people. It makes me sad. I'm the same way with horny people.'

Erin:Erin confessional: 'And hot for us. I mean, I saw Pete's butt. It's sick.'

Pam:Pam's confessional: 'It's with a real estate company, which is a great fit for me, because I live in a house and I know what a bathroom is.'

Pam:Pam: 'my resume can fit on a post-it note.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight startles Angela at the vending machine and reveals he's been waiting 45 minutes for her in the bathroom.

Dwight · Angela:Dwight describing Aunt Shirley: 'Her hair, her clothes, it's all falling off in great, big clumps.' / 'We had a nurse, but she quit because she was poisoned by aunt Shirley.' / 'Probably nothing. Or strychnine. Or lemonade and strychnine, which is actually what it was.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight describing Aunt Shirley's body: 'There's this one hanging part in particular that's some sort of flap. It's like a prehensile wing or something. I don't know.' / 'There's a divot where it was, and it needs—it needs...'

Erin · Andy:Erin to Andy when he questions her leaving early: 'Not on a three-month boat trip.'

Andy · Erin:Andy to Erin: 'Are they from you?' (about messages) / 'Well, then I don't want them.' / 'You can keep 'em. In fact, you can keep that big blue Nautica sweater.'

Andy · Erin:Erin tells Andy she gave the blue sweater to the Salvation Army. Andy's reaction: 'She got rid of it. My blue sweater. What is that about?'

Andy · Pete · Clark:Andy's bro-council: 'We are in the brozone layer. Okay, Nard Dog, Plop, and Clarker Posey, A.K.A. Clarkwork Orange.'

Andy · Clark:Andy asks for advice: Clark says 'Being a bachelor isn't all bad — last night I ordered a pizza by myself and I ate it over the sink like a rat.' Andy: 'There you go. Good for you.' / 'No.'

Andy:Andy, after everyone leaves: offering $100 to whoever will wear the blue sweater to work tomorrow.

Aunt Shirley · Angela · Dwight:Aunt Shirley to Angela: 'Who's this little kitchen witch? She's so tiny, like a little kitchen witch.'

Dwight · Aunt Shirley · Angela:Dwight to Aunt Shirley: 'Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit. Yes. How would you like a nice, warm bath?' / Aunt Shirley: 'How would you like a mean, cold slap?' [Slap sound]

Dwight · Angela · Aunt Shirley:Dwight: 'Can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps?' Angela objects. Dwight: 'Trust me. It keeps her docile. Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find. Step on it.'

Pam · Mark the interviewer:Pam at the Philly job interview — her interviewer is clearly a Michael Scott-type, doing voices, saying 'chillax,' whistling. Pam's internal realization: 'Oh my God. He's Michael Scott.'

Dwight:Dwight re Aunt Shirley: 'In her prime, Shirls could put away homemade schnapps morning, noon, and night. Now all it takes is 1/2 liter. She's dreaming.'

Andy · Pete:Andy reveals to Pete (unknowingly) that he thinks he has chlamydia from Erin. 'I just got off the phone with my doctor, and turns out I contracted ch-lamydia from Erin. And it's incurable.'

Andy:Andy fires Pete by singing a parody of 'Bad Day' by Daniel Powter: '♪ So you had a bad day / The camera don't lie / You're a big idiot, get out of my office / Turns out you're fired because you suck / And you're fired'

Andy · Toby/HR:Andy: 'Nellie was a professional grudge. This is a purely personal grudge.'

Andy:Andy reading the relationship disclosure contract: 'Every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch.'

Andy · HR:Andy tears up the relationship disclosure form. HR: 'Andy, that's not the original. And destroying it will not stop them from dating.'

HR/Toby:'It's the original.' (beat after Andy destroys it)

Mark:Mark the interviewer: 'I'm the horrible boss around here, but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kill me.' / 'Django' / 'I don't agree with the use of the n-word in that movie. It's too soon.'

Mark:Mark: 'They call me Marky Mark around here, because here at Simon Realty we are one funky bunch. Come on, you guys. Raise the roof when I say that. What are you, all temps again today?'

Dwight · Angela · Aunt Shirley:Dwight's farm: the 'private shower area, very tasteful and very rustic' turns out to involve a hose, chains, and a box cutter. Angela refuses to hose Aunt Shirley 'like some animal.' Aunt Shirley: 'Stop your bellyaching and hose me.'

Mark:Mark the interviewer's self-description of his office: 'This is not so much an office as it is a rec room with a bunch of computers in it. And, frankly, if I had my way, I'd toss the computers in the garbage, but unfortunately we use them for practically everything we do, so... that ain't gonna happen.'

Nellie · Toby:Nellie to Toby about the Scranton Strangler obsession: 'Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? Another six months before you decide to lick it?'

Mark · Roger:Mark: 'When I say chillax, people chillax. Watch this. Hey, Roger, chillax.' [Beat] Roger: 'No. I heard you.'

Mark (interviewer) · Pam:Mark: 'Step this way for the Spanish inquisition. Kids in the Hall. Just — it's not high pressure. It's just a little [Brooklyn accent] cawfee talk. Okay? Like buttah. Come on in here.' [Pam mouths 'Oh my God']

Mark · Pam:Mark does Bob Dylan impression singing Pam's resume back to her, including '♪ Well, I'm kinda cute / and I'm... But I'm married, so... ♪ Leave that be'

Andy:Andy's group confessional: 'You guys were supposed to have my back. Instead, you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.'

Darryl:Darryl defending himself to Andy: 'Hey, boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks. I emailed him shots of my junk.'

Andy:Andy: 'I feel like the guy Juliet dated before Romeo. Probably her boss. And guess what? Juliet's boss also had feelings.'

Kevin · Andy:Kevin, during Andy's self-pitying monologue: 'You got a booger bubble going on there.' Andy: 'Sorry.' Kevin: 'That's okay. My whole life is a booger bubble.'

Mark · Pam:Pam's interview: Mark holds her tiny resume up, calls it 'Papa Smurf, come back to the mushroom.'

Mark · Pam:Mark reads Pam's resume upside-down, speaking gibberish, then: 'Oh, wait a second. Now I can read it.' / 'Oh, 'cause it was upside-down.'

Mark · Pam:Mark: 'But I like this resume, and here's why. It shows that you stick around. You don't jump ship easily like a lot of these people. I mean, they -- they worship me, you know, but do they like me?'

Andy · Pete:Andy to Pete: 'Kind of painful to chat with you, Pete, ever since the ol' one-two punch to my scrotum pole, translation — penis, translation — my manhood.'

Andy · Pete · Darryl:Andy: 'Great advice. Thank you. You can leave now.' / Pete tries to be earnest. Andy: 'Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in.'

Mark · Pam:Mark showing Pam to her desk: 'This will be your desk, right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster. You must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? I'm not allowed to ask, so...'

Mark · Pam:Pam realizes the 'office manager' position is a receptionist. Mark: 'Yeah. Like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager, because it's less demeaning.'

Mark:Mark, noticing the documentary cameras: 'By the way, how long are these cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool.' [Whistles] 'Pretty, pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm.'

Pam:Pam's confessional: 'I spent ten years as a receptionist to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just — I can't.'

Angela · Aunt Shirley:Angela braiding Aunt Shirley's hair. Shirley: 'Ow. The braid is too tight.' Angela: 'Hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character.'

Aunt Shirley · Angela:Aunt Shirley to Angela: 'I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way.' Then: 'Thank you, Angela.'

Toby:Toby to Nellie before going to the prison: 'I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. I would understand if a friendship began. How did Bogart put it? [as Bogart] I think this is the start of my first friendship.'

Erin · Alice · Kevin:Erin to the management consultant (Alice, Pete's ex): 'Cute sweater.' Alice: 'Oh, thanks.' Erin: 'Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk.' Kevin: 'I'm Kevin.'

Gabe · Kevin · Andy · Erin:Gabe, upon seeing Erin's new boyfriend: 'Hey Erin, look who's back. The birdman.' / 'Hello, beautiful.' / Kevin to Erin about Andy: 'Didn't you two used to do it?' / Andy: 'We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.'

Aunt Shirley:Aunt Shirley to Dwight and Angela about being 'just friends': 'That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow, and look what he did to that poor thing.'

Andy · Pete · Erin · Alice:Andy trying to maximize Erin and Pete's discomfort: 'I mean, you got to admit it, this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with.' / 'Awkward!'

Andy:Andy to Pete, after Pete has advised him to 'move on': 'Yeah, so life gives you lemons, you just gotta eat 'em, rinds and all. And, if you don't want to eat 'em, your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun.'

Alice · Pete:Pete's ex Alice to Pete: 'You must be pretty horny.' (after describing his post-breakup weight loss/gain)

Toby · Nellie:Toby, hoarse-voiced, on the brave act of offering his neck to discover the truth: 'You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice — isn't that the expression?'

Aunt Shirley · Angela · Dwight:Aunt Shirley after Angela braids her hair: 'I feel like a show pony.' Angela: 'And you look like one too. Thank you.' / Shirley: 'Would you like some stew?' / Dwight: 'And I will carve the roast skunk.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight offers Angela 'the stink sack' from the skunk: 'You don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wishbone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack.'

Dwight · Angela:Dwight's romantic plea to Angela: 'I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The 80 or 90 years that I have left of this life... I want to spend with you.'

Andy · Gabe · Pete · Erin · Alice:Andy calls a conference room meeting, pretending to care about everyone's day, then reveals: 'Interesting, because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe?'

Gabe:Gabe: 'I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes, so it feels to me like we're still in a relationship... a lot of the time.'

Gabe:Gabe about Erin: 'She wouldn't even let me say I love you. It was adorable. She'd plug her ears and scream her heart out.'

Andy · Gabe:Andy to Gabe: 'Because every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.'

Gabe · Andy · Erin:Gabe: 'I got a tattoo for you.' / Andy: 'I didn't ask you to get that Nike swoosh. Nobody did. You did that for you.' / Gabe: 'Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing.'

Gabe · Pete:Gabe: 'What kind of music are you into, Peter?' Pete: 'Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe.' Gabe: 'Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan?'

Gabe:Gabe: 'He's not a very sophisticated man. I mean, he can't use chopsticks, so do I need to say anything else?'

Gabe · Erin:Gabe: 'Come back. One night. Give me one night with you.' / 'I have shaved everything.' / 'I am as smooth as a porpoise for you.'

Pam · Jim:Pam describing the Michael Scott interviewer to Jim over dinner: 'He did half the interview as Ace Ventura.'

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam guessing the poster in the interviewer's office — Austin Powers, Ferris Bueller, Night at the Roxbury — it's The Odd Life of Timothy Green. 'I'm sorry. How did you think I was expected to guess that?'

Pam · Jim:Pam/Jim play 'guess the poster on his wall': Austin Powers? Ferris Bueller? 'You're getting colder.' 'Not Night at the Roxbury.' 'The Odd Life of Timothy Green.' 'I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that?'

Jim · Pam:Jim and Pam's dinner: Pam admits she doesn't know if she wants to move to Philly. Jim: 'Huh.' Long silence. Then: 'This is a little out of left field. Is it?' Another pause. 'I just liked our life in Scranton.' / 'And I have started a business in Philadelphia.'

TV announcer:Cold open of a TV show within the show: 'Little did my grandfather know, mahjong would be here to stay. Hobbies of the East continues in a moment.'

Andy:Andy with gravity boots: 'I watch way too many ads online, and I don't do enough sit-ups. So I bought these. Now every time an ad pops up online, I get 30 seconds of ab-blasting. I call it Ads for Abs. Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online.'

Andy · Kevin:Kevin asks why Andy doesn't just do regular sit-ups. Andy: 'I'll tell you why. Because... The floor... is... disgusting.'

Kevin:Kevin refusing to help Andy get down from the gravity boots: 'Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now?'

Andy:Andy escalating his helplessness while upside-down: head rush, offering $20 then 'a pizza' to Kevin, 'I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here.' while clearly stuck.