Pam accidentally brings lice into the office and lets Meredith take the fall, while Dwight vows to destroy the parasites. Meanwhile, Jim has a fantastic day in Philly wooing a potential business associate. Meanwhile, Phyllis, Nellie and Kevin meddle in Darryl's love life.
Cringe escalation carries 89-point episode on character comedy alone, no standout zingers.
Directed by Rodman Flender · Written by Niki Schwartz-Wright
WAR
63.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Lice” ranks #8 of 186 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 89.4 — Elite. The episode packs 45 scored jokes at 2.0 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Meredith landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Meredith: I didn't do anything wrong. I showed up to work, didn't I?
Meredith: Sure, I had a flask in my desk, but that's just for emergencies.
Meredith: And yes, I may have been sleeping under my desk some nights, but I was still ON the premises.
Meredith: The parking lot incident was a misunderstanding—I was just testing the forklift.
Meredith: And that thing with the warehouse? Nobody died, so technically it's fine.
Meredith Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Angela: When you're single, you're like a bird without a nest.
Angela: A bird that's also lost its wings.
Angela: In a storm.
Angela: A storm made of loneliness and poor life choices.
Angela: And the bird is also on fire.
Angela Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Pam: Cut to Pam's mayonnaise exploding everywhere at the exact moment
Jim Pam Visual Gag Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Angela: Val, you need to take Darryl back. Single life is not what you think it is.
Angela: You'll start eating cottage cheese directly from the container at 2 AM.
Angela: You'll convince yourself that a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store is a complete meal.
Angela: And don't even get me started on what happens to your cat hair situation.
Angela Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Dwight: If I don't make it back, tell my family... I love them. And if I do make it back, tell them I said... hello.
Dwight: Just call me... Lice Killer.
Dwight Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 45 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jim: I think what happened was, he came down on his lip pretty hard, split it open. But you know, if you look at the fundamentals of his game, what really sets him apart is his court vision.
Jim Observational Misdirection ★ Rewatch Pam: Hey Meredith! How was your weekend?
Meredith: Pam, I wasn't even here this weekend. I was at home.
Pam: Oh my God, I'm sorry. I thought you were... I don't even know who I thought you were.
Meredith: Are you okay?
Pam: I haven't slept in like three days. I don't even remember driving to work today.
Jim: I know what it's like to be in your position. One time, John Stamos and I were go-karting, and he bumped me on purpose. I was furious. So I get it.
Jim Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jim: My taxi is here.
Pam: I think you mean your limo has arrived.
Jim Pam Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Darryl: Yeah, I got a strategy. See, I'm gonna gain like 50 pounds, get real fat, then she won't want me anymore and she'll break up with me.
Darryl Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Pam: Meredith, can you just fill out these forms for me?
Meredith: Do I look like I have time for your forms? I'm barely keeping it together. You think I care about paperwork when I'm trying to figure out where my next drink is coming from?
Meredith Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Pam: She's not scratching like a normal person. She's scratching like an ape. You know, like a chimpanzee or a gorilla. Just really intense, primal scratching.
Pam Observational Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Meredith: I've had lice. Twice. Once from a hairbrush I found, and once from a toilet seat. So I'm kind of an expert.
Meredith Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Meredith: Wow, that's a big one.
Dwight: When I was a boy, I had lice. My father shaved my head and made me walk through town.
Jim: That's horrible.
Dwight: It made me who I am today. A man. A Schrute.
Pam: Did you ever have lice again?
Dwight: No. I have impeccable hygiene. Unlike some people in this office who are stupid and smell bad and have no friends.
Dwight Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: I use a preventative lice shampoo every single day. It's not just about hygiene, it's about preparedness. You never know when you might encounter lice in your daily life.
Dwight Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Angela: Meredith, your behavior in this office is completely unacceptable. The way you conduct yourself, the things you do... it's like you think this is some kind of bean-bag orgy.
Angela Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Meredith: Well, if I were an opera singer married to a king, I'd bathe every day too.
Dwight: Hazmat stands for 'Has-a-mat.' I have a mat. In my car. For my feet. So I don't track dirt into my vehicle. It's very effective.
Dwight Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: I own several hazmat suits. It's not paranoia, it's preparedness. I got them on bulk discount from a medical supply website.
Dwight: Most people wait until there's a chemical spill or biological outbreak to think about protective equipment. By then, it's too late and prices have tripled.
Dwight: I bought mine at $47 per suit. Now they're going for $189. That's a 302% markup. I'm essentially sitting on a hazmat suit portfolio.
Dwight Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: If I don't make it back, tell my family... I love them. And if I do make it back, tell them I said... hello.
Dwight: Just call me... Lice Killer.
Dwight Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Kevin: When you go through a breakup, you need comfort food and alcohol. And Brandy.
Other character: Brandy?
Kevin: Yeah, Brandy. She's got some good songs.
Kevin Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Stanley: You know what? I'm not even upset about the restraint. But these pencils... they're in the wrong drawer. The mechanical ones go on the left. Always have. Now they're on the right and my whole day is ruined.
Stanley Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Meredith: I got lice. I'm heating up this wax to get rid of them. Works better than the shampoo.
Meredith: Yeah, pubic lice too.
Dwight: These aren't just lice. These are tiny warriors. I call the big ones 'Hannibal.' The medium ones are 'Napoleon.' And the small ones are 'Mussolini.'
Dwight Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Meredith: What? I shaved my head. I think it looks good.
Meredith Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Meredith: What? I solved the problem. No more hair, no more bad hair days. You're all just jealous.
Pam: You know what, Meredith? I think you should own the bald look. It's very... sleek.
Meredith: Thanks.
Pam: Yeah, like an elegant seal. A beautiful, graceful seal gliding through the ocean.
Meredith: Okay...
Pam: Or actually, like a newly hatched baby bird. All pink and vulnerable and kind of... wet-looking.
Meredith: I'm gonna go.
Pam: No, wait! It's like a raw chicken breast. Just... glistening under the fluorescent lights of a grocery store meat department.
Pam Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Pam: Meredith, can I buy you something nice from the store?
Meredith: Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, get me some cigarettes.
Pam: You know what, I'm not going to do that. Smoking is bad for you.
Meredith: Then get me a carton.
Meredith Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: Alright everyone, we need to address the lice situation head-on. I've prepared a comprehensive decontamination protocol.
Dwight: Now, we should also discuss pubic lice, which is a completely different beast.
Dwight Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Phyllis: Val is nice, but she's not really Darryl's type. He needs someone who laughs at his jokes and doesn't correct his grammar. Val does both.
Kevin: I'm gonna make Darryl a chocolate cake. You know, to cheer him up.
Jim: That's nice, Kevin.
Kevin: Yeah, I'm gonna bake it myself. It's gonna be chocolate cake.
Pam: That sounds good.
Kevin: Not a muffin. A cake. Because a muffin is just a cake that doesn't believe in itself.
Kevin Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Pam: Cut to Pam's mayonnaise exploding everywhere at the exact moment
Jim Pam Visual Gag Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Pam: It's fine. It's fine. I've got this.
Pam: No, no, no, it's under control.
Pam: This is fine. Everything is fine.
Pam: It's just a little mayo. No big deal.
Pam: Okay, it's getting worse, but I can still—
Pam: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
Pam Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Creed: You know, I've had lice before. Multiple times. You just gotta shave your head, douse it in kerosene, and let it sit for a few hours.
Jim: That sounds... dangerous.
Creed: Well, you're the weirdo for not knowing that.
Creed Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Angela: Meredith, are you sure this is sanitary? I've read that lice can migrate to other parts of the body.
Meredith: Angela, lice don't migrate. They stay where they are.
Angela: Well, what if they travel down to my neck? Or my arms? I need to know the lice migration patterns.
Meredith: They're lice, not refugees.
Angela: This is exactly why I have a strict no-sharing policy. And now look at me. I'm infested. INFESTED.
Angela Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Erin: Your hair looks so soft and shiny!
Pete: Thanks, the mayonnaise really works. Here, let me do yours.
Erin: Oh my gosh, this feels amazing. We should do this every week.
Pete: Yeah, look at how it's just... sticking together.
Angela: Val, you need to take Darryl back. Single life is not what you think it is.
Angela: You'll start eating cottage cheese directly from the container at 2 AM.
Angela: You'll convince yourself that a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store is a complete meal.
Angela: And don't even get me started on what happens to your cat hair situation.
Angela Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Angela: When you're single, you're like a bird without a nest.
Angela: A bird that's also lost its wings.
Angela: In a storm.
Angela: A storm made of loneliness and poor life choices.
Angela: And the bird is also on fire.
Angela Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Kevin: Val, I know Darryl didn't work out, but I'm here for you. I'm always available. Seriously, I have nothing going on. Ever. I'm free every night. And every day. I'm free right now.
Kevin Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Val: I'm not worried. I've seen worse. I watched Kevin fall in love like five times.
Val: Every single time, it didn't work out. And he got back up and did it again.
Val: If Kevin can survive that, I can survive anything.
Val Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Pam: Dwight, Cece still has lice.
Dwight: Shave her head.
Pam: What?
Dwight: Shave her head. Problem solved. I once shaved my cousin Mose's head when he got lice. Took care of it in minutes.
Pam: She's seven years old, Dwight.
Dwight: Exactly. Her hair will grow back faster.
Dwight Escalation Character Comedy Meredith: You lice-ridden skank! I hope you get lice again, you little disease-filled trollop!
Meredith: And me? I'm a lice-infested streetwalker!
Meredith Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Meredith: I didn't do anything wrong. I showed up to work, didn't I?
Meredith: Sure, I had a flask in my desk, but that's just for emergencies.
Meredith: And yes, I may have been sleeping under my desk some nights, but I was still ON the premises.
Meredith: The parking lot incident was a misunderstanding—I was just testing the forklift.
Meredith: And that thing with the warehouse? Nobody died, so technically it's fine.
Meredith Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dwight: Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one... beet... bears... Battlestar Galactica...
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Escalation ★ Rewatch Jim: He's not going to make it.
Jim Deadpan/Understatement Observational ★ Rewatch Callback Dwight: This is worse than waterboarding. This is mayonnaise-boarding.
Dwight Escalation Character Comedy Pam: Your hair looks nice today. Very Elvis.
Meredith: Thanks. I used mayo.
Pam: Well, it kills the lice.
Creed Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Meredith: You know what? I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna shave my head and I'm gonna look hot. Guys love that.
Pam: Do they though?
Meredith: Oh yeah. I'm gonna be like a sexy Mr. Clean. I'll get all the guys.
Meredith Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 18:00-19:00 as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
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