Michael gets kicked out of the bar when he pulls out all the stops to impress a friend of Jim and Pam's. Meanwhile, Andy and Erin do their best to keep their relationship under wraps. Dwight rethinks his pre-natal contract with Angela.
WAR
63
Wins Above Replacement
“Secretary S Day” ranks #66 of 183 The Office episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 80.4 — Elite. The episode packs 70 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Erin landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Erin: In the foster home, my hair was my room.
Erin Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Michael: I don't think she's ever pooped in her life.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Gabe: I should probably get involved in this, but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue.
Gabe Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Meredith: I just like the way it feels.
Meredith Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Andy: If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom.
Andy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 70 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Kevin: Wait, I'm sitting on them. This is awesome.
Kevin Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Kevin: What's the difference between a chimichanga, a chalupa and a tostada? Call me back ASAP. It's urgent.
Kevin Character Comedy Absurdist Kevin: Wait, this isn't funny. I don't talk like that.
Kevin Reaction Beat Meta/Self-Referential Unknown · Kevin: Say, 'Me eat cookie.' No. I won't say it.
Michael: Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?
Michael Character Comedy Observational Meredith: Mmm-hmm. I love that show.
Angela: Angela, this is inappropriate. This is my favorite day.
Angela Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Andy: people better step up and appreciate the crap out of Erin.
Andy Character Comedy Escalation Andy: If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom.
Andy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Pam: It rocked. It rocked my ass off.
Pam Character Comedy Escalation Jim · Pam: I literally did not know that existed until this moment. Well, I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die.
Jim Pam Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Michael: She's kind of a rube.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Andy: That's my girlfriend you're talking about.
Andy Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Erin: Well, happy boss's day. There wouldn't be a secretary if there was no boss.
Erin Character Comedy Absurdist Erin: I got a picture of you asking me to lunch.
Erin Character Comedy Absurdist Michael: Hayworth's is more business-casual, and they always screw up your order
Michael Character Comedy Observational Kevin: Yeah, ha, ha, tray of cookies. I'm not falling for that.
Darryl: That's some stone-cold narcissism right there.
Darryl Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Kevin: But in a strange way, it feels like they're making fun of me.
Kevin Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Kevin: And it really makes me self-conscious about my voice. That's awful. I'm not crying.
Kevin Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Gabe: Either they don't respect me, or they respect me too much.
Gabe Character Comedy Absurdist Gabe: And some of them still think that I'm the IT guy.
Gabe Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Gabe: Not to be scary, but, yeah, I would listen to me.
Gabe Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Erin: This is a novelization of the movie Precious, Based on the Book Push by Sapphire.
Erin Character Comedy Absurdist Erin: I would have chosen the 1490s. 'Cause America was discovered.
Erin Character Comedy Absurdist Erin: Then it became a full Taco Bell and, I don't know, I couldn't keep up.
Erin Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Erin: At my foster home I never had a desk, so it's like... I don't mean that I didn't like my foster home. I did like it. I just didn't have a desk there.
Erin Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Erin: Like, I liked April when I was seven.
Erin Character Comedy Absurdist Michael · Erin: Erin is just weird. How many pillows do you sleep on at night?
Michael: I don't think he is a snappy dresser. Reminds me of Easter.
Michael Character Comedy Observational Michael · Erin: Probably didn't want you to have a mental image of him having sex with somebody else. They had sex?
Michael: Yeah, I asked for pickles on my burger, and there are only, like, five or six. Can I get some more pickles?
Erin: In the foster home, my hair was my room.
Erin Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Michael: I'll have what she's having.
Michael Callback Meta/Self-Referential Dwight: Her milk is coming in. She's getting uncomfortable.
Dwight Character Comedy Observational Dwight: Same thing happens with my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy.
Dwight Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Dwight: Three squeezes and I would drain you.
Dwight Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Meredith: I just like the way it feels.
Meredith Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Meredith: This is like the Cadillac of pumps.
Meredith: We're both girls. Who cares?
Meredith Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Erin: God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? It's easy.
Erin Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Jim: Michael, can I have an advance on my paycheck, because a Mrs. Fields Cookies just opened up at the mall!
Jim Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback Jim: Sorry, Gabe, but that show hasn't been on in many cookies.
Jim Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback Erin: I think we can all agree that Angela's not so great, so...
Erin Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Andy: that 115-pound moonbeam over there named Erin Hannon.
Andy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Andy: in addition to being the person who brings me my fax confirmations.
Erin: I know about Angela. I know that you were engaged to her and that you were sleeping with her. Michael told me.
Erin Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Erin: Did you sleep with Phyllis or Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together?
Erin Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Erin: Who are you? I don't know you. Get away!
Erin Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Gabe: I should probably get involved in this, but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue.
Gabe Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Pam: Hey, Erin, you look delicious! I mean, beautiful.
Pam Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback Gabe: I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days.
Gabe Character Comedy Escalation Dwight: Wait, what? I was just slow-clapping your no-nonsense decision-making.
Dwight Reaction Beat Irony/Sarcasm Jim Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback Michael: Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret.
Michael Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Angela: It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled.
Angela Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Pam: Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants.
Pam Character Comedy Observational Jim: And I gotta go home and I got to adjust it.
Jim Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dwight: I kneel before you.
Dwight Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Andy: Yeah, my chest is not naturally hairless, and my parents pay my credit card bill.
Erin: Like that girl Precious in Precious, Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Okay?
Erin Callback Character Comedy Callback Kevin Callback Character Comedy Callback Jim: Guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in, because corporate told me to.
Jim Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jim: I just want you to know, I laugh like a crazy person.
Jim Character Comedy Observational Jim: I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit.
Jim Character Comedy Visual Gag Jim: I say ciao 'cause I'm fancy from Tallahassee.
Jim Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Michael: I don't think she's ever pooped in her life.
Michael Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Michael · Erin: Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis. Oh, I like his butt.
Kevin: But Oscar is an accountant, and the Count counts numbers. You're an accountant, too, so it doesn't...
Kevin: Why didn't you do Oscar the Grouch? That would have been funny.
Kevin Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Top Episodes — The Office
