Happy Hour

Michael · Unknown Employee:Not counting the last one, 25. Count the last one. Okay, 25 and one girl pushup. Oh, new record!

Michael:Anyone who does more than 25 pushups... And one girl pushup. ...gets to go home.

Michael:I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?'

Jim · Pam:I had a really hard workout this morning. Oh, wow! That is adorable!

Jim:Essentially what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby.

Dwight:Well, it's not exactly fair. He's got all this weight that's helping him go down.

Jim:All right, Papa Bear.

Oscar · Matt:Hey, are you doing anything later tonight? I don't know. I'm free. If you hear of anything going on, let me know.

Oscar · Matt:No. I always come in at 7:00. No you don't. Well...

Oscar:Yeah, we talked this morning, and we talked at Christmas, so a little momentum there.

Oscar · Darryl:Has that ever happened? Ever? Didn't we? I think we did.

Darryl:You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me.

Phyllis:I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats them up.

Jim:I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything. And I love her. I also love her very much.

Pam:It's been so long since I've been with adults. I'm so excited to see everybody. Creed, Ryan. Oh, my God, Stanley!

Angela:Talk to me that way again and I'll cut your face off.

Andy · Erin:But we're kind of keeping it quiet for now, 'cause it's still kind of a new thing, it's a little delicate, and we just don't want all the drama.

Kevin:Well, when a new mom hears a baby cry, her you-know-whats fill up with you know what, and then her shirt gets, you know... That would be funny.

Stanley:It's not a birthday, it's not a goodbye party.

Dwight:That would be sublime.

Darryl:I'll call this a deck if it'll make you happy, but this is just a porch without a roof.

Michael:Oh, no, no. Pam and Jim work for me, and if they win, they are fired. Not really. Not really. But they better not win.

Michael · Isabel:See, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now? Are you thinking that I said ESP? Yes. I feel like an idiot.

Isabel:I was a little nervous when Pam told me he was her boss, but he doesn't act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that, we'd never get anything done.

Dwight:Well, apparently Michael Scott is on a date, and that... That, my friend, changes everything.

Michael:Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Isabel · Pam:Do you want to just make a run for it? Maybe.

Andy · Erin:Wow! Can you imagine what people would say if they saw us dancing together? Oh, I know. They'd be like, 'What's up with those two?' 'Hey, guys, get a bedroom already.' 'Did we miss the wedding?'

Dwight:Angela versus Isabel. Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining childbearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.

Michael:I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk. And I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.

Dwight:No, no, no, no, no. I want a big family. Tall, thick. A big, physically big family.

Bar Manager · Michael:You want to pay 400 bucks to re-felt this table? Yeah! Why don't you send the bill to 23 I Don't Care Lane, Scranton, Pennsylvania?

Jim:Maybe it should come from a note. With flowers. Tomorrow.

Bar Manager · Michael:We got a problem? Yes. Homelessness.

Michael:Well, it just so happens that I'm a manager, too, and the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts and souls with humor, with love and maybe a dash of razzle-dazzle, and I don't see that from you.

Michael:I've written all of it. In my head.

Michael:Read it? I own it. But no, I have not read it.

Andy · Erin:I don't normally do this, but... Do what? Go, go. Just sit down next to a beautiful woman and start talking to myself to confuse other people.

Erin · Andy:Hey, big boy. Do you like it when I do that? What are you doing? What we said to do. We didn't say we were gonna, like, start groping strangers.

Andy:What movie? Black Snake Moan?

Bar Manager · Michael:Stanley Hudson? No. No. Whoa! A lot of Stanley Hudsons in here. No, it's Michael Scott.

Michael · bartender:Stanley Hudson? No. No. Whoa! A lot of Stanley Hudsons in here. No, it's Michael Scott.

Pam · Julie:He's more just... Like... You can go. Yeah.

Darryl · Oscar:I saw you talking to Hide. Did you hear that dude's life story? It's amazing, right? I couldn't understand a word he said.

Darryl:Matt's an okay dude, but he's a dummy. You guys got nothing in common.

Andy:My name is Andrew Bernard and I've been on two dates with Erin Hannon and they went well, and there will probably be more. Thank you.

Angela:Dwight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me. Did he not tell you that?

Michael:Nice to meet me.